Tuesday, July 20, 2010
I would do well to remember that.
Cheers to all!
Sunday, July 18, 2010
I must keep myself occupied. I've been a little manic lately. I'm slowly getting my place together. The new painting I did looks great over the fireplace and really enlivens the living room. Socially I have been busier than I have been in years. Still no dates. But I have a feeling that will not be so for long.
I have never really dated. Now having said that, I just ended a relationship that was on and off for several years. Of course, we dated but we got serious pretty quickly. With the exception of him, I have never really been asked on a date. How does that work? How in the world do people get together? It would be nice to feel sexy and smart and have someone who is NOT weird or unstable or lecherous, etc. interested in me. It would be great to have dating fun. Must stay focused on continuing to do things I enjoy and keep making friends. But dating ... Please. Nobody say they met the love of their life when they weren't looking for them. It's like saying "Your so fat but you have a pretty face." True or not we've heard it before and it does not need to be repeated.
So where does the boredom come in? Not so much boredom but anxiety. The anxiety is not just or so much the dating stuff. Just general work and all stuff. I have been eating more than usual. I think it is probably a combination of anxiety and dehydration. I'm still keeping kosher so today I had eight fish sticks, peas, pickled beets, a Skinny Cow chocolate ice cream bar, a grape juice bar, a chocolate pudding cup with whipped cream, some cherry white cheddar cheese, three crackers and 10 cherries. This in addition to lemonade, apple juice and a cup of hot tea. Seeing it all listed it looks like an odd combination of foods. Yesterday I had seven slices of pizza with mushrooms and black olives along with three! Mountain Dews. That was what ate all day. And played Age of Empires III and watched The Space Giants. Yesterday I hibernated in my geek cave. :')
Tonight I did some push ups, a couple of Yoga poses and then lay on my back staring up at the ceiling while stretching (sort of). I seem like I'm trying to slide into something funky and that is NOT okay.
I think I might like a steak. Eating meat is kind of chore because I avoid dairy on days I eat meat. So I mostly don't eat meat.
Maybe a boiled egg will do.
Maybe its late and I should go to bed. Because lack of proper sleep can lead to depression and overeating; two things I don't want.
Just have to stay focused on loosing 20 pounds by September and getting to the 250s by Fall. Ah, Fall. Your cool weather and stylish outfits I adore.
Wish me luck on the dating, dieting, work, family, friend-making, having fun fronts. I wish you all the same. ;')
Sunday, June 20, 2010
Every spring, for the past five years, my boyfriend and I would break up. Typically, by Fall we were friends or dating again. Five of the last eight years. Eight years. Eight. This time, the annual spring breakup event was initiated by me. And this year, though I have my bad moments (what if the next guy is crazy or worse? Better the devil you know than the the devil you don't. What if the next isn't wonderful in the ways that ____ actually was? What if I've made a mistake? What if ....? And if ...? And if ...?), I believe this time will stick. For one thing, I don't have that little feeling about the next time I see him. I do not believe there will be a next time. I've altered my prayer from "I hope I never see him again." to "Heavenly Father and Lord Jesus Christ, I pray that I only see ____ if we are meant to be." Then there was tonight. I logged in and took a spin on the spark points wheel. I said to myself "If I spin the wheel and get 5 points or higher, _____ and I are not meant to be." I spun a seven. When have I ever spun a seven? If I have, I don't remember. And if I don't remember it doesn't matter because the point I am taking this as a small sign, as if eight years of an emotional spin cycle is not enough, the he and me will never be. So I said "Thank you." for the seven. Seven. Seven. And that's all I have to say about that.
Now ...my goal is to loose 20 pounds by the end of June. I am halfway there. I have to step up my efforts because I really would like to reach this mile post. It would be a wonderful morale booster. My weight inhibits me. Yes, I know that I ultimately inhibit me because I should be comfortable with who I am, etcetera. But I have never been comfortable being this heavy. Plus the swelling ankles, plus the potential for future health concerns, plus the not feeling at ease in my own body. So, it's not about what the world dictates is attractive. It's about how I feel about myself.
Woohoo for me!
Sunday, January 03, 2010
I logged 24 minutes on the Wii Fit yesterday. I have been feeling like I'm catching a cold for a few days now and last night after I exercised it showed up in full force.
I wisely skipped today.
I've borrowed a Wii and Wii Fit from my boyfriend as sort of a try before I buy. I'm not sure if it was because I wasn't feeling 100% or not but I feel as though I could get bored with it pretty easily.
And ... honesty time. My right knee has been bothering me on and off for a few months. I wonder if strength training like leg raises would strengthen the muscles around my knee and give me better stability for a proper gait. I've actually started to lumber. Bleh!
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