Tuesday, May 18, 2010
I didn't want to start writing about my weight loss journey until I felt like I had really committed to it, and, here in week two, that's how I feel.
I've tried to lose weight before. I've never been obese, but I've been steadily becoming more and more overweight now for five years, and seeing my BMI hit .1 below obesity in January was a real wake-up call. However, all the times in all these years that I've tried to lose weight, including this past winter, I always felt like it was insurmountable. Like I had to give up too much. I didn't want to spend my life figuring out the Weight Watchers points system, especially since my parents lost a significant amount of weight on it ten years ago but have since gained most or all of it back once they stopped using it. I didn't want a gimmick. I didn't want to be told what to eat and what I could never eat again. I didn't want to be hungry, and I have no will power when I'm battling a growling stomach.
Then I found this.
I can't vouch for SparkPeople as a success story, but in my first week using the tools here, I lost two pounds and I feel incredibly relieved. It's a great start, and unlike any other tools I've ever tried to use before. I can eat food I want to eat. I can eat out at restaurants. I can still have whatever I want, as long as I keep track and I know how much I'm eating. Portion control and unregulated snacking have always been my weaknesses, and now that I measure my servings (which I don't even find inconvenient!), I can eat without guilt. In fact, to get enough calories and enough nutrients, I find I actually feel fuller and eat more through the day than I did before. It's such a relief that I don't have to deprive myself or be hungry all the time in order to lose weight (in fact, my nutrition report keeps telling me I need to buy full-fat food because I don't get enough fat!). I ate out at restaurants THREE TIMES last week and I exercised about 45 minutes a day on average (mostly strength training), and I lost two pounds! I can only imagine what I can do during a normal week when I eat at home all the time and my endurance lets me do more and more cardio.
I feel different this time. My boyfriend (who has a crazy metabolism and, while I gained five pounds this winter, he LOST five pounds living the same lifestyle and eating the same meals) says that my attitude is different. He tells me he loves me every day whether I lose the weight or not, and I believe him, but I want to do this for me. Not because I feel bad about myself, or because I'm feeling guilty because I've put on almost 50 pounds since my boyfriend and I started dating, or because my mother has told me (again) that I'm getting fat "because I'm your mother and if I don't tell you, who will?" I want to do it because I feel good. And, for once, I'm really optimistic about my chances of success.
It's the best feeling in the world.