Monday, December 02, 2013
On November 6th, I had my routine mammogram. At the time, I had forgotten that I'd had one the year before, and had tried to have the imaging center I went to in Washington several years ago send what I thought was my most recent mammogram from a few years ago. On the 6th it hadn't arrived yet, so they told me my results might take a few weeks while they waited to get those old records.
It's lucky, it turns out, that I forgot, because it means I got a mammogram this year instead of accepting my doctor's offer of waiting another couple of years. (I'm young enough at 42 that annual mammograms aren't required.)
Today I got a call that the radiologist wants me to come back for a repeat mammogram and ultrasound of my right breast. Obviously something showed up on the first mammogram, though the nurse who called didn't tell me much. She did say that they never received the old records from Washington. By now I had discovered (as I was cleaning out my file cabinet over Thanksgiving weekend) that I did indeed get a mammogram last year (about 18 months ago) and so I have now faxed a request to that doctor's office to have them send the results (not just the fact that it was normal, but the detailed images and report) to this new-to-me radiologist.
One thing the nurse did say is, "Because we don't have the old records, we can't tell if this is something new." So clearly there's a "this" that they saw, not just an area they couldn't see well on the mammogram. And I suspect that if there'd been anything like that last year, then I'd have been asked to get a follow-up then, so my hunch is that whatever it is, it's new.
Friday I will go in for a mammogram at 8:45 a.m. and an ultrasound at 10:15. I am hoping one of my local friends will go with me to help make the wait between the two go faster, and to be there to support me. I also hope I'll get results right away that day instead of having to wait.
I have fibrocystic breasts (which means they are often "lumpy" and I can't trust self-exams) and so this could easily be a benign lump related to that. But my mom is a breast cancer survivor, and I have lost two friends to breast cancer and seen others go through treatment, so my imagination is presenting me with all kinds of ugly scenarios. I'm trying not to let myself go down that path but it's hard.
I am not telling my son what the doctor appointment is for, and hopefully the results will be good and that will be the end of that. But I'm scared.
I'm trying not to let this lead to emotional eating, though I did a little bit today, indulging in some leftover goodies from Thanksgiving. But I stopped at a reasonable amount, reminding myself that gaining weight isn't going to make me any less scared.
Luckily I will be at a conference this week, flying out tomorrow morning and back Thursday night, so I will be too busy to spend all my time thinking about this. And I have already reached out to friends to talk about this and the message has been loud and clear, "You are not alone. We love you. You are strong."
All the same, I would appreciate any prayers or positive thoughts any of you want to send my way, all this week but especially on Friday morning!
Friday, November 22, 2013
I joined SP in December of 2009 (very late in the month, almost New Year's). I had fairly immediate success, losing about 20 pounds in the first six months of 2010. I did it by tracking all my food and exercise, walking my son to and from school every day, and exercising after I got home on all of his school days (using Biggest Loser for Wii) as well as using the step bench whenever I watched TV or a movie.
The downside was that I developed severe heel pain from plantar fasciitis from the pounding my feet were taking.
In the summer of 2010 my husband moved out and we started divorce proceedings. Between the trauma of that, the preparations to move to Colorado in spring 2011, and the heel pain, things fell apart in terms of physical self-care. I regained the weight over the course of about a year, I think.
After arriving in Colorado I was working full-time, and not getting in much exercise although I tried things including walking on my lunch breaks and taking a water aerobics class. I basically sat on a weight plateau for all of 2012 and 2013, occasionally gaining a little more and then fighting to get it back off.
Well, I'm tired of that. I'm a full-time student now, which means that although I'm quite busy, I have a more flexible schedule. I can't afford a gym membership (so no water aerobics anymore) but I do have plenty of chances to exercise at home or to use the very small gym at our apartment complex.
I am going to treat this winter break (I'm off from now until January) as a new version of Dec. 2009/January 2010, where I just went all out on weight loss efforts. But this time I'm going to pay more attention to my body and do it in ways that don't cause me pain!
This morning I logged my breakfast (oatmeal with frozen blueberries) and I intend to log every food from here on out. When I am away from home and can't get precise nutrition information, I'll do my best to find comparable items in the tracker database so at least I'll have a clue where I'm at for the day.
I will also track my exercise, in addition to the fact that I already sync my FitBit with SP to track my steps/"active" minutes. With snow on the ground I am now driving Aidan to and from school rather than walking with him, so I need to replace that exercise. My choices are yoga videos, Wii Fit Plus exercise "games", or the gym (which has a treadmill, an elliptical, and exercise bikes). I am committing to a workout each weekday. On weekends and when he is on breaks from school, Aidan and I will do something active together, probably Wii Fit but in nicer weather, a walk or bike ride. For fun once in a while I will scrape together money for us to go roller skating, ice skating, etc.
I thought about posting this re-dedication blog on my 4-year Sparkversary, but then I thought, no, I want to be able to report real progress by then. No procrastination...do it TODAY.
I remember how good I felt in early 2010, watching the pounds drop away, even though I only got partway to my goal. I'm not going to beat myself up for the gain and plateau--life was rough for a while and then I didn't recover from that as soon as I'd like, but what's past is past and being negative about myself won't help matters. I'm just going to move forward, with the enthusiasm and commitment I had four years ago, and believe that this time nothing will stop me.
Monday, November 04, 2013
I usually do this on Facebook but decided this year, I want to put it all in one place where I can look at it in a list form, so I'm doing it as a blog entry I will edit throughout the month. (I'll aim to edit daily but if I don't have time to get online each day I'll jot myself notes and then enter them when I have time.)
Each day of the month will have something I'm thankful for.
1st: I am thankful for my son Aidan, who is eleven years old today.
2nd: I am thankful for my friend Janecke, whose house we were at for "game night" this evening. (We were in school together our junior year of high school and reconnected after I moved to Colorado a few years ago, and now she's one of my best friends.)
3rd: I am thankful for my church community.
4th: I am thankful for Facetime, which lets me video chat with loved ones who are far away.
5th: I am thankful for my (very) part-time work-study job as a Student Ambassador, which pays me to take prospective students out to lunch and answer their questions. I meet so many great people this way!
6th: I am thankful for getting a better grade than expected on a group presentation.
7th: I am thankful for getting to see Aidan sing in the 5th grade "Bits of Broadway" concert at his school tonight.
8th: I am thankful for online menus that allow me to plan ahead when I eat out so that I make better choices.
9th: I am thankful for the free science program at a local university that I took my son and one of his friends to today.
10th: I am thankful for the chance to listen while 6 of the "elder" women in our church were interviewed about the early days of our congregation, in preparation for next year's "35th birthday" of the church.
11th: I am thankful for our veterans, especially my dad, brother, two sisters-in-law, and uncle.
12th: I am thankful for the beautiful fall weather we are having, which allows me to walk outside without bundling up.
13th: I am thankful for the parishioner who told me today that the pastoral care I offered her was helpful.
14th: I am thankful for the way my body feels after I do a yoga workout.
15th: I am thankful that Fall Quarter is over, my last big paper for the fall is turned in, and I am officially on winter break for seven weeks!
16th: I am thankful for finding some pieces of my Plum colored FiestaWare pattern on sale.
17th: I am thankful for being able to stay home with my son when he is sick.
18th: I am thankful for the little balcony off my bedroom and the sliding glass door that gives me a nice view outside.
19th: I am thankful for my CPE peer group which helps me learn from my internship experiences.
20th: I am thankful for a warm home as winter sets in.
21st: I am thankful for a good weight loss this week.
22nd: I am thankful that as of 2:30 this afternoon my son is on Thanksgiving break for 9 days and we can do lots of fun things (and lots of just "hanging out") together, instead of previous years when he was in day camp for most of the break while I had to work.
23rd: I am thankful that my son's Lego League team won their regional qualifying meet today and will move on to state next month!
24th: I am thankful for the Living Into Covenant group that provides mentorship for seminary students in my district.
25th: I am thankful for my son having a whole week off school for Thanksgiving break.
26th: I am thankful for Wii Fit games that let me play with Aidan while getting exercise.
27th: I am thankful for my scale showing me a number in the 180s instead of 190s!
28th: I am thankful for a relaxed Thanksgiving at home with my son.
29th: I am thankful for my Mom, whose birthday is today.
30th: I am thankful for my friend April who is visiting us today.
Saturday, October 05, 2013
A couple of teammates have posted a blog answering the challenge to list 5 things they like about their bodies, and commented on how hard it was because of negative self-talk. I realized this is something I should do too, and it wasn't easy, but here's my list:
1. My eyes
2. My hair (it has somehow gone from stick-straight to curly in the last few years, which I love)
3. My dainty hands and feet
4. My ankles
5. My complexion, which is usually pretty good
Another way I have "risen to the challenge" in the last week is that I've started doing yoga regularly again. I did the Biggest Loser Weight Loss Yoga DVD (on Level 1, the easiest, which is a 30-minute workout) three times this week. I should be able to fit in three times again this week before leaving on two back-to-back trips Thursday-Sunday and Monday-Wednesday, and then at least three next week (Monday before leaving, and Thursday and Friday after I return). It works well for me to do this right after my son goes to school so it is part of the way I start my day. In non-travel weeks, I plan to do the DVD all five of his schooldays each week.
Last but not least, I actually came back from this trip weighing less than when I left on it, which is not what usually happens when I travel. I made good food choices (a few splurges but not many and not large ones), drank a lot of water, and got up and walked around whenever I could. I didn't get the chance to swim laps in the hotel pool as I had planned, but I still did okay!
Get An Email Alert Each Time PEACEPOET Posts