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The inner struggle

Thursday, October 13, 2011

Its only day 3 and I already slipped and ate some McD's because it was quick (and the train crossing was blocking my way to the grocery store)... I need to find good options for food while I'm at work. We have two refrigerators and it seems like every day they are packed to the brim. Maybe I just need to eat peanut butter sandwiches...

Coming home today I felt tired and emotionally drained from the days news. My great aunt is in the hospital again and who knows the outcome this time around. She's in the ICU and the doctors have put her into an unconscious state to get her vitals stable. In the past year or two we've dealt with the drama that surrounds her health. She'll have a heart attack, or stroke, an OD on morphine thanks to her friends thinking they're doing the right thing... and now this time, she was left on the porch without her oxygen... so she passed out and had another severe heart attack... we don't know if there is any brain damage yet... but the thought of losing her is hard on me. I don't deal with death well anyways and when it could possibly be caused by neglect of the family surrounding her then that just ticks me off. I hope to get updates tomorrow and hopefully its not for the worse.

So with that being said, I just wanted to come home, change out of my work clothes and cry... but I didn't. I walked in the door, got changed into some work out clothes, took the dog for a walk and then went to the gym for an hour. I tried the "weight loss" setting on the treadmill... who knew a 3% incline would kick my butt. I survived though, 35 minutes of a 3.0 speed... I ended the night with a few reps of weights and managed to do 20 sit-ups on my own (well, with the help of whatever device the gym has). I am proud of myself for doing what I didn't want to do. I am proud of myself for fighting through the pain and coming out alive. Hopefully I'll have that same strength tomorrow.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

*AMBER512 10/13/2011 1:07AM

    That is a lot to deal with Heather. I'm really impressed with how you were able to get out there and work out some stress. You can do it! Even more than I think I can sometimes!!

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Day 2

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

What a Monday... I worked an extra hour today but for some reason it felt like an eternity. I hit the snooze button and left a little behind schedule which is something else I'd like to change. I took my new Fiber One cereal to work with me and grabbed a cup of yogurt on the way out. Replacing my Rockstar's with water is a challenge... the headache today was almost unbearable. But, today I feel like I did okay. I had the yogurt and a cup of cereal for breakfast at work, had another cup of cereal for my lunch and finished up the last of the ground turkey and mashed potatoes tonight. I walked on each of my breaks but took a nap for part of my lunch. My energy level was at a low point today. Hopefully my visit to an endocrinologist Friday will get some of this sorted out.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

*AMBER512 10/11/2011 2:00AM

    I hope you're able to get answers from your doctor and ASAP! None of this waiting around like I've had to do.

I have never reacted well to caffeine, so hopefully you can get through the pain.

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Dinner on D-Day

Monday, October 10, 2011

Well, in announcing my plan to my partner, Amanda, she decided to also give the website and mobile app a try. We discussed some exercise options and some meal options. Tonight, we are having ground turkey and homemade mashed potatoes. I know that cooking is one of our weaknesses since we have such awkward schedules. Hopefully we will be able to find some solutions that work.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

*AMBER512 10/10/2011 8:02PM

    Having support is great. I would not have been as successful as I have if Aubrey weren't so awesome!

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The Decision

Monday, October 10, 2011

It all came to a head this week. I looked in the mirror and what I saw absolutely disgusted me. I feel like physically I am at the lowest point in my life. I am at my heaviest and the number on the scale frightens me. At age 24 and at 170lbs I feel like I am at the bottom. So where else is there to go? I am turning here in hopes that it will help my motivation last longer than a few days. I know that there are several challenges that await me. I'm not sure I am ready for all of them. But this is my last chance to make things the way they should be.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

RG_DFW 10/10/2011 9:03AM

This is a great site and I recommend you check it daily for information. Read the member blogs for motivation and encouragement. Use the food tracker and enter absolutely everything you eat, all of it, and stay within the nutritional guidelines. Join the 10 minute per day fitness group and work on your personal streak to see how many days you can get at least 10 minutes of fitness.

Above all, be consistent and you will hit your goals.

Good luck!

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*AMBER512 10/10/2011 2:26AM

    I think it's awesome that you want to improve your health. I think that has been more motivating for me to stick with it. I want to FEEL good.

Changing what you're used to is really hard at first, well at least it was for me. But you are worth every effort. Like they say, sometimes you may fall off the horse, but you always have the option to hop back into the saddle.

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DWROBERGE 10/10/2011 12:10AM

    emoticon Keep focused for success. You can do it. Go for it.

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