Monday, October 18, 2010
I was inspired to write today's blog by one of my spark friends, Tempest272002!
I've been doing a lot of thinking lately as I'm viewing my Spark journey as a lifestyle makeover and not just one for my physical body. Like alot of you, I was never big as a child or as a teenager. In fact, I was fairly active and loved doing things outdoors. I was never one to have an exercise routine but would work off calories by shovelling snow, raking leaves, mowing lawns, walking and riding my bike.
Things started changing in my life during a major depressive episode about 20 years ago. I didn't want to do anything and thus quickly got caught up in the endless circle I've been living ever since. It started with the mindset that "I'm too depressed to exercise" but that quickly changed to "I'm too fat to exercise" . Everybody told me that I would feel better if I moved my body a bit everyday but after a few futile attempts at walking which left me sweating and tired I soon gave up.
Now, with the right medication and the right attitude I'm finally in a place mentally that I can deal with my physical issues. I now longer feel sorry for myself for being fat. I used to think, I know I'm fat but the effort to change that is simply too much for me to bother with at the moment.
The first thing for me to admit was "I'm technically obese" at 222 pounds and standing at 5.6. I could no longer enjoy a simple stroll without breaking out in sweat in places I never knew sweat before.
The second thing to admit was "this is it. There is no second change and this is not a dress rehearsal...this if my life". I always thought I'd get myself in shape one of those days but never did much about it.
The third thing for me to admit was " I am in control". I cannot blame my weight on anybody or anything. Yes, the depression doesn't help but I can't use it as an excuse. I used to say "the anti-depressants were making me fat" when I knew full well that most anti-depressants will only cause minimal weight gain in some people.
Over the summer we adopted our second dog and her energy was contagious! I did my best to persuade my husband to walk both of our dogs and sometimes I would go along and scuff my feet in an attempt to say "I tried".
This September, my husband returned to college which means he is gone from 6:30 a.m. to 5:00 p.m. At first, I tried to get the dogs out in the garden but I soon realized they really enjoyed their walks/runs in the woods. Before I knew it, I was taking them and would walk further and further each time. I didn't see it as exercising but rather spending time with the dogs and getting them out.
Now, about 6 weeks after joining Spark, if I don't get them out in the afternoons for a long walk, I'm the one who really misses it. I feel a sense of contentment I've never felt before and it is true...exercise does help you mentally, but only if you let it!
Although, I'm still in the moth stage of my journey, I can feel my wings developing underneath my cocoon of body fat. I'm changing one day at a time and I feel good!
Again, thanks for reading! I hope you are all having a wonderful day!