Tuesday, September 04, 2012
Yes, I've been missing in action, yet again but to tell the truth I have been mentally exhausted. I'm realizing I married a hoarder (we've been married for 12 years so, yes, I am a very slow learner) and I realized that this is playing a major role in my depression.
John and I are sticking it out, so no worries there although to tell the truth I have been sorely tempted to stick him in the paper shredder more than a few times. Wouldn't do much good, though would it because think of the mess that would create! I mean, the stupid shredder overheats enough now as it is! Please say you are understanding my humour and are not calling 911 to report me.
At my last doctor's appointment I cautiously mentioned that although I deeply love my husband there are times I would cheerfully stick a needle in his eyeball or drill out his belly button. My doctor laughed and said "welcome to married life, my dear". So, I then mentioned this same thing to John and he burst out laughing too and said "at least we are honest about it". We talked about it and both agreed that these moments are very fleeting and have agreed that we will refer to them as "the five minute death curse" where we will tell each other "I have to walk away right now - five minute death curse is upon me".
Yes, I used that expression this weekend when John had the dogs out and let Ginger wander off and she was gone for 2 and 1/2 hours in the woods near our house. I was sick with a really bad headache and was sitting on a overturned bucket in the pouring rain calling "Ginger" every few minutes while he walked the trails. When he came back to check on me he took one look at my expression and said, "you could stick a sharp alder branch through my eye sockets right now, couldn't you?" which made us both laugh. Oh, and little miss Ginger trots out of the woods a few minutes later with an expression that said, "oh, were you calling me".
Well, the good news is, I have six large garbage bags of shredded paper out of my house, I have our taxes sent in for the past three years (oops!) and we have our final bank appointment tomorrow which means our debt will be consolidated. No more phone calls from credit card companies and it means that I am taking a more active role in our household spending and budgeting.
So, how does this apply to my life on Spark? Well, I am walking the dogs everyday for 20-30 minutes and I am drinking my water. Not doing very good with the eating (as usual) but later this week we are setting up a budget for our household and that will really lend itself to meal planning which is turn will lead to eating regularly and more healthy.
I think I will feel better mentally too when the pressure is off and I become more content in my own home. While doing all of this the past couple of weeks, I have realized that I need a schedule in my life to keep my sanity in check. Again, my doctor reassured me that this is normal and, in fact, quite a positive step.
On other notes, I handled my very first dog adoption this weekend with the little one our group had in foster care. I spent Saturday night with this dog and its foster care provider so I expected to be a little sad when the adoption went through but they turned out to be so positive and caring that I was really glad to be of assistance. They had a three hour drive to get here and they brought in their other dog to see how it would go and within minutes the two dogs were running together and playing. Shelley was one of those that touched my heart and if we hadn't just rescued Ginger I would have taken her in. I guess it made me a little more protective over her but I am very happy that the adoption went well and she is in the kind of home she needs.
Well, I must go and stop "talking your ears off". I hope all is well with each and every one of you!
Wednesday, August 22, 2012
Sorry if I had some of you worried when I posted in my feed that I was angry and it wasn't a pretty sight. Well, both parts were true but it isn't even worth blogging about. Just extended family stuff that is still lingering since Nan died and how they announced to me through Facebook when her ashes will be buried. All because I spoke my mind which in my family is a big no-no as everybody keeps things bottled up and grudges go on forever. This is my father's family I am talking about and thankfully he wasn't like that! Perhaps it is years of therapy that have taught me to speak my mind, albeit tactfully, when needed.
So, if you are scanning this quickly to see what my title refers to here it is. I am gutting my house of paperwork. Our finances are in a complete wreck, we haven't filed a tax return in three years (how did I become this person?) so we have a lot of digging to do. Problem is, dear Johnno, who is a hoarder in training. He claims he is one bag of marbles away from being on that Amercian television series so at least he still has his humour. Every grocery receipt for the past five years, every pay stub since the mid-80's, every bank statement, every gas receipt, hmm...you get the picture.
If he fights me one more time over the need to keep things HE is going through the paper shredder! We even had the receipt and care information for the dusty rose carpet that Mom had installed in the living room 20+ years ago and which was torn up seven years ago for the hardwood floor!
He knows he has a problem with paperwork and is actually being a lot more accomodating than I thought he would. Mind you, it took me a few tears to explain that I couldn't continue to live like this but he has been good about it all once he fully realized the toll is is having on both of us. I still have a basement full of stuff to go through in the attempts to find the stuff needed for our taxes but it will get done!
Oh, and the dog poo? Well, suffice it to say we have to deal with quite a bit of that with three dogs but yesterday John had a hearty chuckle at me when I came home after walking Louisa and told him that the poo bags had malfunctioned (my fingers went through!!!) . I realize only pet owners would find this the least bit amusing but to get him back for his laughter at my expense, I have put plastic dog poo in our bedroom closet where little Ginger did her business the first few days as she was adjusting. He hates that plastic dog poo and doesn't quite find it as funny as I do but just you wait...........
Signed the sicko!
Friday, August 17, 2012
For those who know me you know we have found ourselves in debt for the first time ever over the past year or so. To be quite honest (and when am I never...much to my embarassment) I have been like ostrich with my head in the sand for much of my life.
I was neither allowed nor given any financial independence throughout my formative years. Basics were provided and we ate well. I wasn't spoiled by any means but I also wasn't allowed to make any decisions when it came to money and how to spend it. I went to university never knowing how much it cost my parents and I lived with them until I married at age 34. Yes, I did have a credit card and a job but I didn't spend much money and I always paid my credit card off when I did. Okay, so I lived a spoiled life then as all I ever paid for was my gas.
Then I got married and my husband had a pretty good job. I worked too but never knew even how much money I made. I never so much as looked at any bills coming into the house. And, I started spending money. Not, a lot of money, but keeping a house going does require some money.
Long story short - John's company closed up and there went 400 jobs in a small town. For three years we lived on savings (we were lucky) but now it is getting tight. We owe more than I would like to admit and are going to take out a small mortgage on our house to make monthly payments easier to handle.
Problem is I think my husband is getting really depressed over the whole situation. He was always the "take charge" kind of guy and by that, I don't mean controlling. He is now working and I will return to my part-time seasonal job in a few weeks. So, I am taking over to ease some of the pressure on him.
I will be the first one to admit that I don't have a clue about money and so I am getting help with that with our bank. They are going to get us back on track and then I will take over from there. We are also going to set up a budget to live on and I think this will really help us in a lot of ways. For one thing, meal planning will become a requirement and that will help us both towards our healthy lifestyle goals.
Oh, and did I mention John is one stack of paper away from being a hoarder? He keeps everything and keeps it forever! We have every statement, every paycheque, every envelope etc that ever entered into our home. I told him I was going to set up electronic billing and he was actually interested in it.
So, today, my challenges included, walking the dogs (done), drinking my water (done), opening envelopes and sorting through the mess on our dining room table (done), buying a few organizational tools (like a portable file holder thing - done), and starting a filing system...not done. I have all receipts stacked up and will go through them as I watch television later on tonight and I have the kitchen tidied up. Whew.
I am not going to drown in paperwork! I am not...darn it...I'm NOT!
Wednesday, August 15, 2012
Let's see if my computer let's me post this before I lose it as has been the case for the past several weeks. We desperately need to have our computer cleaned up but that has to wait until we have our finances are in order which should be about a month from now!
I do some of my best thinking while walking the dogs and lucky for you, my dogs get walked everyda! Ha! So, while Maddy, Louisa, and Ginger were on squirrel and moose patrol last night I had a long conversation with myself. And to think people get locked away for talking to themselves. I try to keep my lips from moving in case the psychiatric police are lurking nearby and so far I've been undetected!
The past week has been an interesting one to say the least. I wrote a blog, SparkGuy responded, and suddenly I'm famous! Okay, famous in my own mind. I mean, come on now, how did I become a Spark Motivator? Me, who has been on Spark for two years and an now heavier than when I started?
And, then it dawned on me. Spark is a means to self-improvement. It is NOT a diet website. I might not have the diet thing mastered but my life has improved a lot since I was first directed to Spark. For those who don't know the story, it was my dog's vet who told me about Spark for she believes that healthy humans lead to healthy pets.
So, where have I come in two years? I'm still mentally ill but now I talk about my bouts of depression and S.A.D. with ease rather than humiliation. I now drink 8 glasses of water each day without thinking about it. I now feel guilty if I don't walk each day and I look forward to counting up the kms I've walked.
Where would I like to be? Well, to be honest, my weight problem still plagues me but with any journey you can't do it all at once. I also talked myself into believing it can be done. Am I the only one here who has been going through the motions but deep down doesn't believe I can actually lose the weight? AND, I'm a Spark Motivator.
At first I was alarmed that I was selected a motivator (okay, after my three minutes of fame I basically had a panic attack) but like I said above Spark is a tool. We all use it differently. For me, up until this point, Spark has helped me discover myself and to even like myself. Now, I realize it is time to get serious and stop letting the thoughts of being 50+ pounds overweight stop me in my tracks. But, that, my friends is fodder for another days walk!
Thanks to all of you who believe in me!
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