Wednesday, July 18, 2012
I just had a blog full of wit (ha!) and pictures written and somehow lost it all when I clicked on spell check. So here is a very condensed version of what it contained............
This is Ginger! We made the decision yesterday to go from fostering her to adopting her and have agreed that the adoption will be timed for our 12th wedding anniversary this weekend. Louisa was adopted for our 10th! John says we are not celebrating any more anniversaries with dogs BUT....ha!
Seriously, we think three is the limit for us but we are so happy to have her in our lives. Maddy has his nose out of joint a bit BUT has become a bit more cuddly since he sees Ginger climbing into my lap at every available moment!
More about them all later! Here is a cute picture of the three of them looking in through the patio screen door at me......
Bye..I'm off to play with the three fur bundles
Sunday, July 15, 2012
As I sat here today totally discouraged with the latest detour on my Spark journey I randomly flipped through blogs. Somehow and for some reason, I found this one BRAVENEWGRL and I cannot begin to explain how it has impacted me. I am going to print it off and read it and re-read it.
You all know I have been struggling. I've been struggling with my weigh, with finances, with depression, etc. I fell like crap to be completely honest and I know it is me and only me who holds the key to feeling better.
Repeat of my Day One starts tomorrow...look out because I'm back and I'm getting serious!
Saturday, July 07, 2012
I am in a pickle right now in several areas of my life. I have lost my Spark and I don't know how to go about finding it, igniting it, and keeping it carefully nurtured so the winds of change in my life don't blow it out.
While at my latest therapy appointment I was asked how I felt and I blurted out "unmotivated". I don't have the energy to get off the couch nor do I have the self-discipline to do something constructive about it.
Have others felt like this?
I make an attempt to eat well. Well, to be honest my attempts right now are to cut my nightly inhale the bag of Reese's mini peanut butter cups down to three nights a week.
I am drinking my water
I am getting enough sleep
Where have I gone off track? When I was a faithful and dedicated Sparker I was much happier. I knew that the changes I was making were making a real difference to me in ways that I simply can't describe. The problem is I know what to do but I am unmotivated to make the changes. AAARRGGGH. Talk about self-sabotage!
I am going away this upcoming week with a dear friend of mine named Judy. I think I wrote about her last summer and how I felt like her food choices when we were together were playing havoc with the healthy choices I was trying to make. Anyway, around Christmas she was out of the province and was rushed to ICU and was diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes. She has since taken complete control over her eating and she is now influencing me in a more positive way. Maybe it will be the kick in the pants I need!
As for our little foster dog, she is settling into our lives and our hearts. She has been with us for 10 days now and has changed dramatically! She is eating like a horse, no longer guards her kennel, has discovered what grass is and now loves to roll in it, has gone swimming with LouLou and Maddy and is very attached to me. Wherever I am she is there - pressed up against me or sitting on me. She goes back to the vet on July 17th for followup needles and I hope they see some positive progress.
I hope this finds you all well and happy! For those of you with those horribly high temperatures be kind to yourselves and keep hydrated. It reached a high of 31 degrees celcius here last week and we all thought we were dying. Fortunately, we don't have a humidity problem!
Saturday, June 23, 2012
As many of you know (because I go on and off like a broken record) I've had a few struggles with mental illness. It has always been "just" depression and S.A.D. (and I say "just" because really there are so many other mental illnesses much worse out there as we all know - nevertheless depression is scary enough for me!) so when my doctor suggested my waves might really be mild bi-polar with S.A.D. thrown in as an added bonus it was like a light went off. Actually to be completely honest I do think she has tried to bring this up before but I sort of ignored it.
So, I've been a bad place lately. I would get up, drink a cup of coffee and a muffin from McDonalds and probably not eat anything else until supper. Then I would barely eat but at night time I ate a full bag of Reese's mini peanut butter cups. And, heaven help John if he wanted a taste! Jeepers, I was mean.
At my latest appointment with my "shrink" (a term I hate but I always have trouble with spelling psychiatrist) I prepared beforehand with a little chart. She was tickled with my "creativity" and especially more so when she realized that for each concern in my life I had listed solutions.
My question to her was WHY I go in spurts. I am gung ho about eating correctly and exercising and then it all falls by the wayside and I do absolutely nothing. I thought it was lack of willpower to stick through but according to her way of thinking it is actually the ups and downs of bi-polar. Hmmm....
So I asked her what I could/can do about this and she posed an interesting question to me:
What would I do if I was diagnosed with diabetes? I said I would make whatever lifestyle changes I could make and along with the medication I would do my best to keep it under control. She went on with various other ailments and diseases and each time I blurted out (without thinking) that I would take the medication if prescribed but would have to do my part as well.
Then I had my ah -ha moment: she was teaching me a lesson. I know a) because I read a lot, b) I am a member of Spark and c) from experience that depression can be "helped" with lifestyle adjustments. So she sat back and on a prescription pad wrote down:
"For the next two weeks - make a conscious effort to be aware of what you are eating. Eat three meals a day and your desire for night time eating will be cut dramatically. Concentrate on lean protein, whole grains, fruits and veggies, dairy and make sure to drink plenty of water.
Try to establish a routine that includes some fun time with your dogs and your husband. Walk as much as possible. Get adequate sleep but be careful not to use sleep as an avoidance. Read everyday. Treat yourself and be kind to yourself.
Come back in two weeks and see me and we will undoubtedly see an improvement. You must continue this the rest of your life to maintain optimal mental and physical health."
P.S. I am only a phone call away but I know you can do this!
Just thought you might all want to know that I am doing better these past few days just by following her advice. A lot like Spark, isn't it?
Today I made smoothies out of 1 cup of orange juice, 1 cup of vanilla greek yogourt, 1 cup of sliced banana and 1 cup of frozen blueberries. Yummy and healthy. And now as supper is being prepared so is Chef Meg's Slow Cooker Strawberry-Rhubarb Conserve. It smells delicious.
I am writing what I eat in a book I have started for my renewed attempt at keeping my mental state on an even keel. For once in my life I am not worried about what I write or how my writing looks....I am doing this for me.
Weight is going to stop being my focus right now (I'm back to 224 pounds) I have to start consistently eating better and have my doctor's prescription for the days when I feel like I just don't care. In addition to my prescription medication I am taking a multi-vitamin, a vitamin B complex and vitamin D. She suggested fish oil as well so I might as well start that!
Anyway, thank you to the many of you who reached out - I am going to have to re-examine the role Spark plays in my life but I am not quitting. I have to stop worrying about what friends I stay in touch with and those I simply can't keep up with.
Thanks for believing in me when I had lost hope in myself. Will be in touch!
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