Sunday, June 10, 2012
Hi and Happy Sunday (early Monday for some)
I am starting to come around again from yet another cycle with S.A.D. ~ special thanks to all of you who helped pull me through yet again!
The sun has been out all weekend but there is a frost warning for tonight. I doubt it will happen because it seems too warm but one never knows. I am hoping it doesn't dip that cold!
Went for a 5 km walk in the woods last night with Maddy and Louisa which the three of us enjoyed tremendously. Poor Louisa has been under the weather with an urinary tract infection. Earlier this week she woke up one morning and really wasn't herself. Normally she is bounding around the house with those big eyes of hers glossy and that tail wagging a mile a minute. But I noticed she hung out in the spare bedroom and when John came home from work she barely wagged her tail. I wanted to call the vet right away but John and my mom thought I was over-reacting, especially where vet bills are so high and money is tight.
The next morning there was no improvement so I called the vet and got in pretty much right away. An urine test showed another infection and now she is on three weeks of antibiotics. Thankfully she is feeling much better and so what if it cost us $200 we can't afford. She could have won an Academy Award though for "acting well" at the clinic. When the vet asked what the troubles were Louisa was jumping around, wagging her tail, giving paw, rolling over for belly rubs, etc.
The vet tried to examine her and Louisa kept giving her kisses. Then it was time for an actual examine where they felt down her sides and Louisa sat down and kept giving our vet her paw. She figured that wasn't comfortable enough so she lay down and got on her back with her belly up in the air all the while whipping our vet in the legs with her tail. She is quite the little actress, she is! The pH level of her pee was way off and she had been miserable at home but a trip to the vet, hey, it is time to put her best face forward. (WOOF!)
I've been giving her her medication in "pill pockets" followed by some cheese. Maddy sits by and watches every morsel and when spit the pill pocket out Maddy spit out his cheese. You would think we were poisoning them or something. Anyway, when he saw Lou take the pill pocket back in her mouth he took his cheese back and ate it. Funny little things they are!
I have taken some pictures of our walks lately which I will post tomorrow. I doubt we will be walking much tonight as I am tired. I vacuumed our car and truck today and washed them inside before going across the road to a neighbour's house as they are taking the brick off the front of their house. I even got to swing a sledge hammer! John was over there helping all day and now we are going back there for supper. I am sure I burned some calories but I have no idea how many! Felt good just to be out and be active.
Talk to you all later!
Thursday, June 07, 2012
I thought I would take a minute to clear up an apparent misconception about S.A.D. Although it usually affects people in the months from November - March, this is not always the case. Of course, I am not talking about those who just live in the southern Hemisphere, either.
S.A.D. can occur in peak of North American summer. It is a much rarer form but some people suffer dreadfully when the daylight hours are actually longer. Mine has been diagnosed by two doctors who have taken the patterns of my mental health over the span of several years into consideration. I do not do well when we have a lot of dreary, grey weather. With the climate we have here, this can occur at any time from March on.
And, I we have thought about moving across the country to find the "ideal" climate. However, we have so much going for us here that it does seem like heaven on earth.
One of our policitians told a national film crew that you can tell all the Newfoundlanders in Heaven as they are the only ones who want to go back home!
I love it here, I don't like the weather this time of the year, I would move if circumstances allowed it and yes, I am still fighting this sense of depression that washes over me with each dark, gloomy day.
Wednesday, June 06, 2012
AAARRRGGGHH - I am really struggling with S.A.D. which coupled with my "regular" depression is really throwing a wrench into my sunny disposition. I have been reading a lot about S.A.D. and my findings are explaining a lot. Apparently, when coupled with year round depression it is like a double whammy. One sort of begets the other and you have to really watch that the combination of both doesn't put you over the proverbial edge.
Right now I feel like I am standing on that edge (but not to worry as I don't feel like flinging myself over) but I do feel like I have to find another route to continue my journey.
I don't want to see, let alone eat anything remotely healthy. I am craving sugar, salt and junk food. I don't have the energy to walk myself let alone the dogs. I want to stay in bed all day and I don't want to get out of my pjs.
I've noticed that this pattern is a reoccurring one. Which probably goes a long way to explain why I manage to lose a few pounds only to have it come back a month or so later. For me, this is the very worse time of the year. I don't mind summer (at least when we get one), I love fall and early winter because in our climate the sun is usually out but I detest spring.
So, what to do besides sitting here and whining about it. Hmmm? Here is my checklist:
Get up the same time each day
Take my medication daily
Use my light therapy
Shower daily and get dressed in real clothes (needs to be worked on)
Resume drinking my water (needs to be worked on)
Try to make sure what I eat is good for me (REALLY needs to be worked on)
Try to remember that my body and mind both work better when I get some exercise, spend sometime outdoors, eat healthy foods, stay hydrated, and most importantly remember that time spent with my husband and dogs is vital to my well being.
Any other suggestions? Anyone else out there living with S.A.D. and would care to share coping tips?
A lot of what I have read suggests an increase in your regular antidepressant medications just before the expected onset of S.A.D. each year. The problem is I am on the highest dosage of regular medication so it will involve a whole new medication and I have tried many and have found the most success with the current one.
I hope you are all having a better day than I am!
Friday, June 01, 2012
Oh dear, here is a long overdue letter to myself, who I want to refer as dimwit but I fear I will get a tongue bashing from all the other dimwits out there not to insult their intelligence by comparing myself to them!
Okay, so I am going to brave the backlash and hereby refer to myself as DW.....which doesn't stand for dimwit....but ahem......well, it kinda does!
In fine Newfoundland lingo, you are my dear, "stunned as me arse" (I will refrain from using the rest of that sentence, which is "and twice as ugly" because I know the backlash will only get the do-gooders out there to mind my "self-esteem". But anyway, I digress. You, my friend, are neither a true DW or as stunned as me arse but I have to use those terms to knock some sense into that "pretty little head of yours"..... (did I appease those who say I have no self-esteem?)
You are on a path of self-destruction and you must be stopped! Yes, you go through the motions of living and enjoying your life but right now you are here: and this is where you want to be:
Do you notice the image I chose for you is a puzzle piece? That is because your happiness is a part of a huge, intricate puzzle called life. Albert Einstein might have said it best
So my goal is to live a happy life despite things that try to get in the way. Even though you live with depression be thankful for it because you appreciate the good times even more so. Without depression you wouldn't be seeing your psychiatrist who just last week said that you were the most optimistic and positive patient she has ever had the pleasure of dealing with. Wow, why don't you sit back and take that compliment in? Yes, DW she was talking about you!
So darling Susan, (okay, you can cut out that kind of crap right now!) here is what I want you to do - Here is a picture of what I want to drill into that brain of yours
You are going to start by being kinder to yourself but you are not to equate kindness with emotional eating.
The secret? There is no secret! This is not magic! You are going to continue your walking , continue to drink your . You are going to your way of looking at things and you are going to get back to basics of what has worked in the past.
You are not going to give up just because your weight keeps within the same ten pound range and this is your 22 month on Spark! Look at all you have accomplished in those 22 months instead of what you haven't! Look at all of those kilometres you have walked. Walking 5km now is just a normal part of your life, you actually enjoy drinking water, you are more aware of what you fuel your body with and you are much happier than you were back when you joined Spark. Wow, that is a lot of accomplished!
But the point I am not addressing is the elephant in the room isn't it? You HAVE to track your food. Yes, you don't like it, yes, it takes time but guess what - it works! I know you kind of like to make light of it
So my lesson plan for you for the month of June is to continue along the path you have been walking (hey, DW, stop it with the figurative speech, will you?) Continue to do what has been working and stop the things that haven't! Adjust your course of action and remember to be true to yourself. Be the woman you are meant to be and we know who that is, don't we?
You ARE a fun person, a happy person and you are going to continue on with your Spark journey with a renewed sense of anticipation and you are going to let the past, well, stay in the past!
I love you!
P.S. Let's try that again with the DW......from here on in it is going to stand for "DOING WONDERFUL"
Tuesday, May 29, 2012
I cannot believe how long I have gone without blogging as it used to be something I did just about everyday but it has almost been a week now. So, I guess like everything else on Spark I have found out how to use it without becoming enslaved to it.
I've done quite a bit of walking which is good but more importantly (at least for me right now) is that I am really getting our house in order. I am a really lax housekeeper which I sort of "blame" my mother for since she was the complete opposite. She was so obsessed that she made us wear upstairs and downstairs slippers (we changed on the landing), she vacuumed clothes that was in the closet, and you could eat off of her floors. Me and my brother made a pact way back when that when one of us ever felt like that we would call the other! In fact, I just re-read a letter my brother wrote me right after John and I got married and he mentioned it in the letter as that was the first time in my life I had my own place. Funny, isn't it.
So, I have most of the closets gutted out and things are gone to good will that we don't need or use. I have clear storage boxes labelled and stacked and I am starting to feel like I can breathe again. I have a bad habit of letting things build up and build up and then I tackle everything at once. Ugh.
John's job is working out and he has already got a one dollar an hour raise! It is his job permanently if he wants it but I think he would like to get his apprenticeship done for the trade he studied last year. We've been weighing the pros and cons and this job is great and came at a good time but he will probably move on IF something better comes along.
Our finances are still in limbo but we are very lucky that we owe nothing on the house nor our car or truck. Food is our major expense and part of that is just living on an island where stuff has to be trucked in. I bought five bone-in chicken breasts yesterday and they cost $19! Yes, you read that right. We really prefer the skinless, boneless ones but can't really afford them right now.
We had a lovely weekend as we were invited to a friend's cabin. It took us about two hours to get there but it was well worth it. There are only about three cabins on this particular lake but the cabin has all of the conveniences of home. Maddy and Louisa LOVED it and we had a hard time keeping Lou dry between her swims. In the middle of the night a moose walked right by the cabin (we saw the prints the next morning) and it was so nice to be "in the woods". Flies were really bad all the same and I hate using fly repellent!
Our weather has been all over the place. I mentioned on my feed about a week ago that it was either high 20's or early 30's and some of you forgot I was talking about celcius. Saturday it was 24 degrees and today it is zero. This is typical of our springs though and at least the air is clean and there is always a fresh breeze. We rarely have any humidity which I know is a real problem in many areas.
I hope all is well with you all. I will try to get back in touch when my house is spic and span! On second thought that might never happen so I better stay in touch now! Ha!
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