Tuesday, April 10, 2012
Well, after writing yesterday's blog I forced myself to go out for a walk to clear my head. I had walked about 1km when the rain started so I had several choices:
1. I could turn around and walk back home
2. I could dart in somewhere and call John to come get me
3. I could continue my walk
I opted for number 3 and ended up walking 4 kms all of which was in the pouring rain until I was so wet through that I really had no option but to call home for a ride. Even then I was wet right through to my underwear! But, I did it! and it felt so good after a long hot shower to be able to record 4 km in my fitness tracker.
You see, I'm down BUT I'm not out! Although many of you know that I am depressed what you don't realize is that I am also very stubborn . I am NOT letting depression win the overall prize! It might knock me down a day, a week, a month or even a year at a time but when I die I want to look back and say, Take that Depression.....You Never Did Win
So, I am back to picking up the pieces
I am going to take this one day at a time and each day I feel good is a bonus! To that end I know I must keep up with my end of the bargain. I must feed my body and soul healthy foods and ideas, I must be open, and I must be willing to take my medications and use my sun lamp. Sure all days are not going to be rosy but I will get through them!
Some days I might not feel like walking and I will give myself permission not to. Some days I will struggle to stay the course but at least I'm on my way and as they say finished last beats did not finish which in turn beats didn't start!
Some well meaning friend asked if I felt cheated because I live with depression. Are you kidding me? Things could be so much worse that depression, as ugly as it can be! Yes, there are times I have the "why me" moments but then I think "why not me". There are many, many different faces to depression:
Here is mine!
And here is the look of satisfaction after resisting crawling into bed and instead getting out to walk in the rain!
Monday, April 09, 2012
May I please have a "do-over"? Nothing seems to be working for me right now and although that does sound a bit whiny, it is the plain and simple truth. I've stopped logging in, I have allowed some fantastic Spark friendships to lapse, I'm not active on any of my teams. Maybe it is time to take a Spark break? I don't know.
For some reason, deep within, I can't even fathom my life without Spark (which is a good thing, isn't it?) so maybe I will just step back and take a breather. Has anybody else gone through this? Would you share what worked for you to get you back as an active Sparker?
I am fighting hard against this depression and SAD. It ebbs and flows so some days are a lot better than others. Most people with SAD find the winter tough but my worse time is March - May and sometimes even June depending on the weather. I've been sitting in front of my SAD light, I take my vitamin D, and I try to get out and walk regardless of the weather because time with my dogs cheers me up.
I finish work in two weeks which right now seems great. I want to focus on getting more physically active and will do so by resuming water aerobics in the mornings. I need something to get me up and out the door.
Maybe this will pass and I will be back to blogging tomorrow but right now I feel I need some me time..which is probably the last thing I really need!
Hold tight my friends. I am down but not out!
Friday, April 06, 2012
Happy Easter to my Christian friends,
It is so nice to be off work today and I am using that time to do lots of little things that have been piling up around me. First I swept the mounds of dog fur that somehow seems to accumulate in our living room on a daily basis. I'm sure any dog owner can undertand!
Then I pulled out a pile of magazines that have built up over the winter and went through them and pulled out a bunch of easy, tasty, and healthy recipes that didn't seem too intimidating. The magazines themeselves are now ready to bring to the senior's home where mom lives.
Then I put on the dishwasher which is humming away and doing my dishes as we speak. Now if it would only put them away for me. Hmm......calling all inventor's out there!
I've got a turkey thawing in the basement fridge for Sunday, I've got my grocery list written up for tomorrow and I have my exercise planned out for today.
Oh, and I am taking a few minutes to Spark. Which is where, I might add, that I came across the inspriration for today's blog. Today I was inspired by a fellow TeddyBear who goes by the SparkName of YIWEN39.
She wrote a blog about walking in place while watching your favouorite television show. I don't watch a lot of television and to honest when I do I seem to use it as an excuse to eat so this might really help me. The Big Bang Theory might be even more enjoyable to me when I exercise during it. Maybe I could start off slow and vow to exercise during the first and third commercial breaks. Who knows where this could lead? And who says it has to be limited to walking in place. Why not dig out a few hand weights? I could do that with my lower back problem and it wouldn't be too much trouble.
Anyway, have a great weekend all. I'm off to do some more tidying in my life!
Tuesday, April 03, 2012
It was another sunny, yet, cool day here on the Rock and Spring Fever has hit big time. Yesterday we saw a young man out for a stroll wearing shorts and it was "shiver your liver" weather with a high of 4 degrees C. Today, the temperature rose to 5 degrees and people had their motorcycles out! Meanwhile, while walking the hounds, I was decked out in my wool hat and mittens and even then the wind was cool on my face. Might I be getting old or am I being realistic? Hmm?
Had an interesting moment after our walk today. We had stopped into a grocery store on the way home looking for grapes (no, couldn't find any, nor any strawberries, etc) so while John was paying for the few things we had I decided to go back to the truck to keep Maddy and Louisa company. I was in the truck and they were gone wild (despite having just returned from a long walk in the woods) so I opened one of the windows to let them hang their heads out. Out of nowhere Missy Louisa decides to jump out the window (!) and ran across the parking lot and up to the automatic doors. Thankfully John was just coming out and was carrying her leash across his chest and quickly snapped her on. The little bugger! I can only imagine the chaos if the doors had opened and she went sailing through the aisles! Glutton on four legs!
Okay, so I will get to my point of my blog and I have to credit JOANNANOW for bringing this up in her recent blog. Our journeys are just that...OUR journeys. There is no WE in this despite all the encouragement we give to one another. Just because we surround ourselves with successful SparkFriends doesn't mean we are going to be successful.
YOU are in the driver's seat of your journey. YOU decide if you are going to exercise and, if so, how much is good enough for you. YOU decide choice by choice what goes into your mouth.
I am taking this journey extremely slow and yes, I ridden on some of your coat tails at times. I wanted to lie down this afternoon and rest my back but I walked 3 km instead as I know the walking does really help my back pain in the end. Likewise, at the grocery store, I wanted to pick up something quick and easy for supper but I made the choice to simply buy yogurt and milk and go home to healthy leftovers.
Class dismissed. Next lecture will be on canine restraints for your vehicles....written by Louisa! Woof - woof!
Monday, April 02, 2012
Good Morning! And a beautiful one it is here in central Newfoundland. Sunny and cold (I had to scrape the frost off of my car) but this is the kind of weather that I do best in, especially from a mental health point of view.
Several of you made some great suggestions and we all know this is something one has to make a personal commitment to. I can have ideas coming out of my ying yang and unless I put them into action they are just going to be ideas and not practices.
So, yesterday I went back to tracking my food. Therefore I didn't eat a whole bag of Reese's Peanut butter cups as I wouldn't want to track it. Ah, I just shed some light on my own problem!
I tend to track only when I eat healthy and give up when I lapse.
So, what can I do? I have to learn to track everything regardless how awful it looks on my nutrition tracker. That being the case I tracked the muffin I bought this morning and was appalled to see on my tracker that one muffin was 400 calories. Wow.
Easter is coming up and with it brings chocolate....come on, now, you know that is what most of us think of Easter as.....a Chocolate frenzy! Well, this year I have decided to tell the Easter Bunny to stay away from our house. Maddy and Louisa can't eat it and John and I really shouldn't be eating it.
I have to come up with a nice way of telling the Easter Bunny that I would much prefer a bag of mini carrots instead. We could all eat those. Is it only my dogs that love to eat carrots? They aren't too big on broccoli but I do chop up some and "hide" it with their dry nasty crap!
Anyway, I must go for a stroll around campus in a few minutes to see if I can work out the pain in my back. Oh, for those wondering, I injured my back several years ago and during treatment it was discovered that I am missing part of a vertebrae that holds everything together in the lower back area. Usuallly I get it clicked back in place by the chiropractor. then I feel while cleaning the bathroom just before Christmas (further argument that housecleaning is bad for us!) and it just won't go back into place and stay there. AAARRGGH. Walking does seem to help so I am doing that...albeit a bit slowly!
Have a good one folks!
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