Friday, January 13, 2012
Happy Friday 13th to you all. If the rest of the day is anything like the events thus far this morning I am thinking of going home and heading to bed! Nothing serious just dropping things, setting off alarms (in a library, no less!) etc.....ha!
Anyway, the subject of my blog today has to do with my relationship with my mother. IF you are reading this and are even thinking about adding your two cents worth that I should be "glad I still have her" please refrain from commenting as I might just have to "unfriend" you!!!!!
Lori, aka as, Momma_Little can relate to what I am talking about, I'm sure!!!
So here is the situation - my mom is a strange bird. I love her to bits but she drives me crazy. She has had it hard and has several emotional issues that I, personally, think she never dealt with. My brother's partner summed it up best - she is an intelligent woman but seems to be stuck at age six emotionally. As hard as that was to hear I am seeing it more and more.
Whenever mom has a health issue she thinks she is either dying or needs painkillers. When my dad was three days away from dying with cancer she was complaining that her toe hurt. Looking back it seemed like a cry for attention. I don't really know. After Dad passed, Mom became addicted to prescription painkillers which she denies but was a severe enough problem that her doctor admitted her to the hospital. She was basically ordered never to take painkillers again but yesterday I saw her put two extra large bottles of Tylenol in her cart. When I asked about them she said "now Susan, you know I'm in a lot of pain (from what we aren't sure) and I'm going to take them. Be reasonable and stop being so childish". It was just like I was five years old again and that tone of voice brings me to my kness every time!
To go back a little bit (I told you this was going to be long!!!), Mom was diagnosed with diabetes about 20 years ago but refuses to take it seriously. Yesterday she went to the hospital to have a dye test done to see the extent of diabetes in her eyes. Apparently it is getting worse and there is a lot of internal bleeding. Now, I only know this second hand because despite the doctor asking if there was somebody in the waiting room he could tell this to she said she was quite capable herself and stubbornly didn't tell him that I was there!
I asked what the doctor said and she said there was a lot of diabetes damage and it was basically a wait and see thing. At no time did she take any responsibility for letting her diabetes get worse. (Stop, I can hear you all now saying to yourselves "but diabetes is progressive") Yes, I know that but you have to take some responsibility yourself. At the grocery store afterwards she purchased enough fruit to feed a church choir, bags of candy, chocolate bars, bags of chips, etc.... Again, I got the lecture, "Suuuuuussssaaaaaaaaannnnnnn, I'm allowed an occassional treat"
AAAARRRRGGGGHHHHH! When my husband and I went out to supper later (I ate sensibly) I was telling him and then he started in how she needs to start taking it seriously. I had to stop him and tell him I wasn't the one who needed the lecture. I am just weary of it and once I explained that he stopped.
Any suggestions? This hospital experience is just one of many things I could share but I don't want to write a book here. I love my mother and all she has done for me yet I know how being around her makes me feel. I feel frustrated and controlled!
Weary and bleary eyed, Susan
Thursday, January 12, 2012
Happy Thursday to one and all! It is a beautiful winter morning here in central Newfoundland with sunny skies and a temperature hovering around -10 degrees celcius. A great day to get out and enjoy some fresh air and play in the snow with our fur-covered "kiddies". Remember if you are dressed for it any day can be a great day outside!
So, do you read and/or believe in horoscopes? My apologies in advance, but I don't read them nor do I believe in them. I think I am more like Sheldon on The Big Bang theory than I care to admit!
What lead me to click on a yearly horoscope this morrning is beyond me but what I read has got me thinking. Here is what it said about Aries with my emoticons inserted as needed.
Aries (March 21 - April 19)
Naturally passionate and daring at heart, youíre never one to shy away from new experiences or to tackle difficult challenges. This year though, youíre looking to boldly go where youíve never been before! Your usual sandbox feels too confining as you seek to branch out and explore new realms. This could take the form of international travel, but it could also be new mental challenges that you choose to take on. Thinking about going back to school? This is your year! Publishing is highly favoured too (write that book!), as are religious/spiritual studies or taking any kind of legal action.
Your mantra for 2012 is: I choose to expand my world.
Love: Thereís something different about you this spring! Itís not just the new hairstyle either. Youíre literally morphing into an even more authentic version of yourself , and attracting mega attention as you do it! Image-enhancing Venus in Aries brings you loads of opportunities to connect in February, but itís the hot summer months when things really get cooking!
I was thrilled and a little skeptical when I read this "generalized" horoscope and I know it is up to me, and me only, to make sure these changes in my life do occur. It did, however, give me the little kick in the pants I needed to let me know I am on the right path!
So I am declaring 2012 the YEAR OF SUSAN
Oh, and it can be your year too! I am not greedy!
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
Hello and Happy Tuesday!
Bright and sunny with a nice temperature (-10 celcius) for walking both me and the dogs! Yes, I often think of doing my walking in terms of taking "me" for a walk. I wouldn't dare let a day go past without the dogs getting out for a walk so why would I not treat my body in much the same way?
Speaking of my dogs, I have made an observation about their behaviour towards one another which prompted the thinking behind this blog. Warning to non-dog lovers - cuteness talk ahead!
Maddy the 10 pound wonder dog and Louisa the 65 pound "just happy to be alive" dog are our family. We take them everywhere we can and try to do things that they will enjoy. The latter seems kind of silly since they seem to just like being in our company (as we do theirs!!!)
In our house we notice that Maddy tries to "boss" around Louisa. One such example is his (yes, we have a male dog named Maddy - long story!) insistence on sleeping on the largest dog bed and looking very much like a newborn baby on a king-size bed. This leaves a fluffy dog bed for Louisa that is sort of flat on which Maddy insists on wiping his mouth off after each meal! I know you are all thinking "well, just buy another big dog bed" but that backfired and we now have FOUR dog beds and Maddy leaps for whatever one Louisa is headed for! Did I mention Maddy is quite nimble and Louisa not so much?
Outdoors, however, Louisa rules the roost especially if there is a toy involved. She will gladly plow anybody or anything over when she is running wild with her toy and seems to take great pleasure in "charging" Maddy and trying to knock him over.
So it seems size does matter in certain situations (now get your minds out of the gutter ) and I am sharing my thoughts on the matter. The following has nothing to do with dogs by the way so it is safe for you non-dog lovers to read!
If you are a larger person, you have probably felt those stares from nosey parkers everytime you eat something or put something in your cart that screams "I'm fat and I don't care". Yes, there are exceptions to the rule but sometimes those thinner people are not eating any healthier than the bigger people. I know of somebody who went to a nutritionist after losing 50 pounds and couldn't understand why they were sick all the time. It all became abundantly clear after the person revealed that he lived soley on frozen pizza for six months. Yes, he had lost weight but at what cost to his body? Don't any of you dare rush out to stockpile frozen pizza!!!
So as a 200 pounder, I have to ask myself where am I on the big/little debate? Do I want to be slim person who can eat what they want or a big person watching what I eat?
You know what, the answer is "non of the above".
I JUST WANT TO BE HEALTHY!
And I am getting there one little step at the time. Yesterday if felt really good to log in my food and to see that I actually reached all of my nutritional requirements for the day AND went to the gym and went for a walk. Going to bed last night I actually summed up enough nerve to look at myself in the mirror as I brushed my teeth and said " you are doing it Susan". Yes, I looked kind of funny with toothpaste on my chin, mumbling words to myself and trying to explain to my husband why I was in the bathroom talking to myself but the fact remains it is the face in the mirror, whether I'm big or little, that I have to be true to!
Think about it! Can you look yourself in the eye and tell yourself that you are proud of yourself? I did yesterday and I am going to make it a habit! Try it tonight and you might surprise yourself.....just wipe the toothpaste off your face before you do so you don't actually laught at yourself!
Sunday, January 08, 2012
The above is a clip from our provincial news in Labrador which is the non-island part of our province. Thankfully it never reaches that cold here on the island (or should I never say "never") but I thought my SparkFriends would enjoy seeing this clip.
I've had a good weekend and today I have been meal planning (yes, me!) for the upcoming week. I am including two recipes from my new Spark cookbook and will review them here for all to read afterwards. Last night I made the "make ahead oatmeal" and we tried it after being outdoors. My husband had to add honey to sweeten his up and he also thought it was too "cinnamony". As for me, I thought it was a little "bland" but refused to sweeten it or add the salt that I wanted to. With everything you used to eat pre-packaged it will take a few days to get used to something but I would encourage you all to try it if you have the book. It is packed with nutrition and I am sure is far better for me than the packages I used to eat! Overall a keeper recipe!
We had more snow overnight but it is manageable. The furbabies had a wonderful romp in the snow earlier this afternoon as we went on our daily hike. They came home, ate their meal and are now passed out in their dog beds. Ah, they have it rough, don't they.
Oh, before I go I have to tell you about the success of my goal-planning. Last week was week one and I did well overall. I managed to cut my sugar in my coffee from 2 teaspoons to 1, I tracked my food three times, I drank my water, and I walked over 12 km. I even went to the gym once so it got me back in the mood. So I need to do 9 more trips to the gym by months end and keep up with the other goals I made before I declare January goals an overall success.
I hope you all have a great week ahead!
P.S. I just realized the video clip is from last winter but it does give you a good idea of the temperatures in Northern Canada
Wednesday, January 04, 2012
Well, all the local schools were closed today in anticipation of the first storm of 2012 but when I went to work there really wasn't much either on the ground or falling from the sky. However that did change over the morning and when we walked the dogs after lunch even they didn't want to be out in it. Blowing snow, ice pellets striking your face and slippery roads - why am I so disappointed that I only managed to walk 2.4 km before calling it quits? Oh, and I forgot to mention the sixth times I slipped and yelled and the time I actually slipped and tossed the GPS unit into the snowbank with my mitten attached to it! . Even I had to laugh because Louisa thought it was all a game with "mommy" squealing in delight (or so it must have seemed to her) and then she tried to steal my mittens off my hands and race around like she had won the grand prize at the fair. Maddy, in his dashing little red coat, looked slightly like a deranged Muppet character with all of his fluffy hair poking out of the neck of his jacket. Oh, how they make me laugh!
I'm doing well with my goals (I highlighted them in yesterday's blog) and am pleased to say I have my 12 km walked this week and have one trip to the gym under my belt. I have managed two days now with cutting my sugar back in my coffee from 2 teaspoons to 1 and I think by the end of the week I will be used to it. I even tracked my food yesterday - yep, even that Big Mac I had for lunch. I have it without the sauce which I know doesn't make a whole lot of difference to the calories but it is a start. Now if I had only taken off one of the patties and the third bun!
Although I bought the Spark Cookbook I have yet to make anything in it. Several recipes sound quite doable while others have ingredients that I'm not sure I can find here. I will make a conscious effort all the same and will look into substitutions. Living on an island in the north Atlantic does have its disadvantages this time of the year when food is all trucked in. We could never survive on the 100 mile diet unless they opened the fishery up again!
I know I mentioned this one time before but are groceries expensive everywhere? I saw 2 skinless/boneless chicken breasts the other day for $13! I wouldn't buy them as I buy them on sale but still at that price who can afford to eat them? I often wonder if it is because we live on an island but we do have chicken farms here so that shouldn't matter too much. Oh well, I'd rather pay a bit extra to eat healthy if it means few health bills etc in the long run.
I'm about to sit back with a nice cup of tea shortly and to read some blogs. Oh, I hear the snowplow going around now....thank goodness John has gone out and I am supposed to be cooking supper or else I would feel guilty about not being out there with a shovel in hand.
Okay, I've babble on long enough! Take care my SparkFriends and I hope you are all having a great day!
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