Saturday, October 08, 2011
I have to first stop and thank each and every one of you who took the time to not only read my blog from yesterday but for offering such words of wisdom and support. If you haven't read yesterday's blog this one isn't going to make a whole lot of sense - consider yourself warned!
I ended up putting pen to paper and writing down exactly how I felt about the situation and I read this out to both my husband and my doctor during the appointment. Yes, I cried like a baby but it felt good to get it off my chest. For all of those who wondered, yes, John does have situational depression and so I mentioned that in my letter as well. Like most men he likes to be self-reliant and really resists any help at all and I think sometimes thinks that he should be able to get over this by himself.
Interestingly enough, my doctor thinks John might have adult-attention deficit disorder along with mild depression. She reassured him that it doesn't mean anything negative and we all agreed that a diagnosis is the next step. Apparently she has it too and has terrible difficulties concentrating and getting this accomplished without a plan.
True, John has never been one to come up with a plan and often gives up out of pure frustration of not getting anything done. How many times have I heard him say at night that he was anxious because another day passed without accomplishing anything.
So step one is for me to research the ADD, then we will read it together, call the psychologist he used to see (who apparently mentioned this to him several years ago but he didn't want to hear it), see if we can get some testing done and move from there. She also recommended that he should bump up the anti-depressant he is on which we will talk about when we both see our family doctor next week.
Also, we have to make a plan to get his resume in order. I think he focused too much on the overall picture but she said it is important to break it down into small steps. This is what I found interesting because it is how I have learned to cope with my anxiety and depression. I always try to be as prepared in advance as possible. Whether it is for getting my clothes ready the night before, making meal plans, etc. It really helps me and I think by now is just second nature.
There is no question of us separating - we love each other and have been there for each other through thick and thin. We enjoy each others company and we spend a fair amount of time each day just laughing. Besides we often joke that it would be too hard to start over and re-train somebody else....
Oh, and another positive thing I lost 3 pounds this week! I was reading an article the other day and they actually said it takes about six weeks of strength training to start seeing a difference in the scale so it is important to just keep pushing yourself. When I first started I gained 4 pounds but now I'm down below where I started and I'm actually really enjoying the gym!
Happy Thanksgiving to all of fellow Canadians!
Monday, October 03, 2011
Do any of you remember my slightly whiny blog I wrote in early August about the body fat analysis I had done when I joined the YMCA? I can remember being so discouraged by a machine telling me that I was 50% fat and that I had about 70 pounds to lose. I really wanted you all to tell me to quit but being the SparkFriends that you all are, you only let my pity party last that one blog and then you were back to the regular words of encouragement. How dare you? ha!
Can you believe that it has been two months since I started using the gym. Each time I go I feel more confident but as you know the pounds haven't come off. A lot of you said it was the strength training and that in time the weight would come off and my measurements would change. So far I have lost two pounds and that was only this past week but at least it is a step in the right direction! As for the next body analysis and measurements, well, they won't be done until the first three months are up which will be in early November.
So until then, I've been sneaking glances at myself in our full length mirror and I don't see one bit of change. Actually that is a lie, I do "feel" leaner and somehow taller (?!) but when I'm standing in the mirror all I see are the lumps and bumps (and no I'm not talking about my boobs!) that have always been there. But, here is the good news.....yes, I have good news! Other people are noticing and commenting! Last week it was my mom when we were shopping and she said she could really see the changes in my body shape. Earlier today it was a co-worker, then it was my husband and finally it was my hairdresser. The later hadn't seen me (or my roots!!!) in six weeks and she asked me if I was dieting because I somehow looked smaller.....!!! Part of me said I weigh less because she cut a few inches off of my hair but I decided to take the compliment and not try to brush it aside with my warped sense of humour.
Anyway, I'm a bit stoked that just maybe all of this exercise and nutritious eating is really helping me - who knew it could be that simple?!
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