Saturday, October 08, 2011
I have to first stop and thank each and every one of you who took the time to not only read my blog from yesterday but for offering such words of wisdom and support. If you haven't read yesterday's blog this one isn't going to make a whole lot of sense - consider yourself warned!
I ended up putting pen to paper and writing down exactly how I felt about the situation and I read this out to both my husband and my doctor during the appointment. Yes, I cried like a baby but it felt good to get it off my chest. For all of those who wondered, yes, John does have situational depression and so I mentioned that in my letter as well. Like most men he likes to be self-reliant and really resists any help at all and I think sometimes thinks that he should be able to get over this by himself.
Interestingly enough, my doctor thinks John might have adult-attention deficit disorder along with mild depression. She reassured him that it doesn't mean anything negative and we all agreed that a diagnosis is the next step. Apparently she has it too and has terrible difficulties concentrating and getting this accomplished without a plan.
True, John has never been one to come up with a plan and often gives up out of pure frustration of not getting anything done. How many times have I heard him say at night that he was anxious because another day passed without accomplishing anything.
So step one is for me to research the ADD, then we will read it together, call the psychologist he used to see (who apparently mentioned this to him several years ago but he didn't want to hear it), see if we can get some testing done and move from there. She also recommended that he should bump up the anti-depressant he is on which we will talk about when we both see our family doctor next week.
Also, we have to make a plan to get his resume in order. I think he focused too much on the overall picture but she said it is important to break it down into small steps. This is what I found interesting because it is how I have learned to cope with my anxiety and depression. I always try to be as prepared in advance as possible. Whether it is for getting my clothes ready the night before, making meal plans, etc. It really helps me and I think by now is just second nature.
There is no question of us separating - we love each other and have been there for each other through thick and thin. We enjoy each others company and we spend a fair amount of time each day just laughing. Besides we often joke that it would be too hard to start over and re-train somebody else....
Oh, and another positive thing I lost 3 pounds this week! I was reading an article the other day and they actually said it takes about six weeks of strength training to start seeing a difference in the scale so it is important to just keep pushing yourself. When I first started I gained 4 pounds but now I'm down below where I started and I'm actually really enjoying the gym!
Happy Thanksgiving to all of fellow Canadians!