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A crazy lady has taken over my body and mind! (Pictures)

Thursday, October 13, 2011

Hi,

Yes, for somebody who lives with mental illness on a daily basis I think it is ironic that I think I've been taken over by a crazy lady. Maybe it is just my warped sense of humour coming to light but I really do have to wonder who I am turning into.

I know from experience that depression is a nasty, nasty illness and one over which you have little control. But you do have a wee bit of control and you've got to fight back even if your efforts are unnoticeable to others. When I was truly depressed I didn't want to get out of bed much less have the energy to put one foot in front of the other. And people telling me to exercise, well, they just didn't understand. Sure it sounds good - move you body and it will suddenly release all of these feel good hormones - but for somebody truly depressed the solution isn't that easy.

But now that my depression is quite manageable (knock on wood) I have learned to incorporate exercise into my little bag of magic tricks that keeps me on track. It is there along with my daily multi-vitamin, time my dogs, a good night's sleep, a warm bath and my husband's love. By itself I don't think it would have done the trick but now exercise is helping to keep me on an even keel.

I've been feeling low the past few days but I've kept walking. I didn't make it to the gym many days but I have walked at least five kilometres each day which is a far cry from how I reacted to stress even a few months ago. Who knew that a few hundred kilometres under my belt could make such a difference? Wow!

So to those who live with depression cut yourself some slack. Don't expect that exercise will be an overnight cure but consider it something to add to your routine of "feel good tricks". It has certainly been working for me!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LESLIES537 10/14/2011 10:50PM

    Excellent advice! A++++ on this blog! emoticon emoticon

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BOVEY63 10/14/2011 3:37PM

    I am so happy for you!
emoticon emoticon emoticon
Have a wonderful weekend!

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ARLENE_MOVES 10/14/2011 2:14PM

    I have not experienced it first hand, but my dh does. I would like to understand it more. I've read some good books on the topic but I agree that if you don't experience it in you own body, it is very difficult to understand. I try tho...


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NEWMAC2011 10/14/2011 1:57PM

    Keep those endorphins flowing! Good for you!

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ZIPCONTROL 10/14/2011 1:00PM

  emoticon It sure does feel good !

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_LINDA 10/14/2011 10:45AM

    So glad you are finding things to help you Susan. Its nice to hear and see you are not totally alone in your struggle, just look at all these comments! Far too many people are battling this demon :((
Keep on fighting the good fight, you are doing it!!!

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SVELTEWARRIOR 10/14/2011 1:32AM

    Thank you so much for sharing. I am glad you found things that work for you.

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JOANNANOW 10/14/2011 12:08AM

    It's a long time since I experienced an immobilizing episode of depression but that experience sits at the back of my mind like a shadow that could grow any time. I know that exercise helps keep me on an even keel among other things. I'm still amazed at how many km you cover on your walks Susan! You are doing so well! I hope the fall coming on with the fading of the summer light will not affect you too much. I know that is always hard on me. Have you added full spectrum lights to your environment?
Wishing you a happy Friday. emoticon emoticon

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THETURTLEBEAR 10/13/2011 11:16PM

    Great to hear!

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HEALTHYBARB1 10/13/2011 10:37PM

    Love the pictures...your blog makes me smile. I think we all feel like some other woman inhabits our brains and bodies at times! My other woman just jumps in an attacks my immune system...keep kicking her back out though! I needed some humor and a different perspective this week....Thanks for sharing. Hugs Barb emoticon





Comment edited on: 10/13/2011 10:40:14 PM

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PONYFARMER 10/13/2011 10:23PM

    Yep, can so relate and you are correct that no one understands unless they have been there.

But good for you for making strides and doing what helps. You rock!

Oh and you are amazing to me, I am a bit embarrassed that I struggle with depression. I guess I have bought into what those who don't know and have not experienced think of us. I worried my entire life that I would be crazy like my mom. Gratefully I only have depression and she had so much more wrong with her that she tried treating with alcohol.

Thank you for the blog!

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CRAZYDOGLADYBO 10/13/2011 8:26PM

    That is awesome! I am so glad that exercising helps emoticon

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RIVER331 10/13/2011 8:16PM

    Well said! Exercise is so helpful to me too, even (especially?) just walking. Nutrition has also helped me immensely! Glad you're feeling better!! emoticon

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ESILBO 10/13/2011 7:27PM

    THANK YOU FOR SHARING, I HOPE IT WILL HELP MANY PEOPLE... BUT YOU ARE SO RIGHT WHEN YOU SAY THAT WHEN YOU ARE IN THERE, EVEN TRYING TO PUT ONE FOOT IN FRONT OF THE OTHER IS ALMOST IMPOSSIBLE...I AM NOW AT YOUR LEVEL, AND I DON'T WANT TO GO BACK...I REALLY HOPE EXERCISE WILL KEEP ME OUT OF THAT...FOR EVER
TAKE CARE
HUGS
LISE

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YIWEN39 10/13/2011 7:25PM

    Glad you seem to have found what works for you :-) Best of luck on your journey :-)
Eve emoticon

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JENN03275 10/13/2011 7:23PM

    I too have the daily burden of depression. I find that exercise does help but there are days that I can't muster up any extra energy that requires me to do it. Somedays, going to work has taken the last bit I had. I have it under really good control but as you know, there are bad days!!

Keep up the good work!!

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CODEMAULER 10/13/2011 7:18PM

    Exercise is good for so many things and I'm glad that you've found an extra great way that it works for you!

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MRS.PRINCIPAL 10/13/2011 7:08PM

    Glad you have found something that works for you!

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CALGARYNEWF 10/13/2011 6:54PM

    I love reading your blogs Susan! You truly are an inspiration, in more ways than you even know! emoticon

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APIRLRAIN888 10/13/2011 6:34PM

    Reading ur blogs I wish my mom had the understanding u have! She completely lost the second relapse (read suicide)
I was there when we couldnt get her off the couch and take shower...she was a well kept woman! I mean no hair out of place!

Pops mostly importantly! U r awesome and thank u for putting awareness!!!!

Comment edited on: 10/13/2011 6:36:51 PM

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EJOY-EVELYN 10/13/2011 6:33PM

    This is what I call a revelation. Praise God for the insight you have developed. Hug, hug!

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WELLNESSME09 10/13/2011 6:25PM

    emoticon I have been there a few times in my life but has overcome it. emoticon you are absolutely right about exercise, it sure helps.
Thanks for sharing! emoticon emoticon

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Where do you walk?

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Hi,

As many of you know I get most of my exercise walking so I got to thinking about where my SparkFriends walk. I mostly walk in the woods along old abandoned roads used when the pulp and paper industry was in its heyday but sometimes I walk the streets in our town. I really don't like the latter very much as I let my mind wander when I walk and you really can't do that when walking amid traffic.

So, where so you walk? What do you see along your way? Do you vary things up or keep to the same route?

When I walk in the woods, it is on different trails but the scenery is pretty much the same. It isn't boring in the least and if you are real quiet you might see wildlife you don't normally see. The other night while driving to our walking spot (it was 9:00 p.m.) and there are no lights we saw a huge moose walk out in front of us. Luckily we were still in the car because the dogs would have chased it into next week given a chance.

Speaking of walking at night, my friend dropped off safety vests for the dogs to wear when we take them out at night. I wear one all the time so it is nice that the dogs have theirs too the rare times we go out after dark.

I prefer walking mid-afternoon (only because I work in the mornings) and I like to have supper in the oven when I leave the house. That way there is no excuse for not eating right when I get home. Tonight it was chicken and beef plus veggies. My husband had gone berry picking this afternoon and said the house smelled divine when he walked in the front door.

I've been feeling off the past few days but have still managed to get outdoors. I think most of it was because of that time of the month - thankfully none of the full blow depression although I've been mighty tired. Can't figure that one out but I've napped each day for the past three or four days. Hmmm?

Talk to you all later......

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SVELTEWARRIOR 10/15/2011 6:41PM

    I love to walk. It depends on how much time I have. If I have only an hour or so I walk around my neighborhood. If I can spend alot of time I walk along the bike trail. It has such beautiful views of the river. When the weather keeps me indoors I do my Walking Away the Pounds dvds.

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EJOY-EVELYN 10/14/2011 9:14AM

    Great topic, as walking is my favorite fitness activity. As a fairly private person (yes, my hubby says I lied), I walk indoors or with a Sasone DVD. I most enjoy the lakefront trails and parks with a camera in my purse. Thanks for sharing. Great blog topic .. . encouraging great feedback.

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_LINDA 10/13/2011 10:59PM

    Good for you getting your walking in! At my Mom's I get to hit the river trails, I prefer the rough, unpaved ones as they are softer and easier on my joints. Where I live I have no choice -its mostly cement walking as the parks dotted throughout the area are small and take me at most ten minutes to get around and I find going around and around the same place just too boring and their paths are all paved.
Part of that course I took on live well with chronic conditions dealt with recognizing the signs of depression. One of those was feeling tired and wanting to sleep all the time. The lady I was talking to who was diabetic took one look at the list and realized just how much of the criteria she met :(( She is on Sparks but has an awful dial up connection and can't use all of the features here :( I hope to keep in contact with her.
Or you could be low in iron because of TOM, wouldn't hurt during those times to increase your iron..
Keep up the great work!
emoticon emoticon

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RJSAMS 10/13/2011 2:28PM

    I like walking outdoors, but in the winter, I have also gone to the Mall of America to walk. It is open early for walkers (stores are closed--no temptation!) and 6 times around is a full 5K. Since there are 3 floors, we go once each direction on each floor, so you see new things each time around. I'm wondering about running in there this winter--I've seen runners, but the floors are concrete underneath the carpet, and it could be hard on the joints.

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BOVEY63 10/13/2011 12:56PM

    My two daily walks are pretty routine. The first one is 2.5 miles before work and I walk the city streets to the post office, through the city park, on a trail along the lake and back on the streets to my office. The second is on all city streets as I walk home for lunch - 1 mile each way.

Evening and weekend walks do vary from a designated walking trail, hikes near old mines (always do this with a walking partner) through the woods and around several area lakes. On these walks I am usually accompanied by my youngest son and the dog.

Happy walking!
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THETURTLEBEAR 10/13/2011 11:49AM

    My street (with hills); my local state park (with big hills and rocks); woods; other parks and parkway trails...anywhere I can!!
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GLORYANDME 10/13/2011 11:42AM

    I love walking in the nearby woods. Its nice too because I can let my dog off of her leash to run. Have to be careful now because it is hunting season. After work, if it is too late to walk in the woods, I walk my neighborhood. I get a good work out due to the 2 large hills. A nice tool that SP has that I use is the mileage tracker, where you can put in the route you walked and it will tell you how many miles you walked and calories burned! Happy walking! emoticon

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IMIN2GENES 10/13/2011 9:04AM

    I love walking in the woods too! When we have the chance, we go to one of the local hike/bike trails in our area and hike through the woods. When I go at work - I work on a military post - I have a lot of walking/jogging trails to chose from. These vary widely on hills, shade, etc. One goes around a pond, one goes around the perimeter. I pick whichever one suits me that day but I always try to mix it up. When we can't get to the local trials, I'm lucky enough to be in a neighborhood close to a local regional park. We have walking/jogging trails that connect up to the park trails so I'll go to them too. No moose for me (that would be AWESOME!) but I do see a variety of deer, foxes, racoons and other small mammals. It's fun!
Chris

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CODEMAULER 10/13/2011 8:41AM

    I live and work downtown, so the bulk of my walking is either my commute or running (well, walking) errands. As you pointed out, it's not a good idea to let your mind wander.

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My husband and I walk to the Farmer's Market on the nice weekends. Sadly, that will be coming to an end for us before long. Else we walk in the skyways, the Minneapolis answer to downtown in winter.

http://www.minneapol
is.org/page/skyways-minneapolis
.jsp


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NINJA-NED 10/13/2011 7:16AM

    i love to walk in the woods too. we have a lot of parks and great hiking trails, so we are quite lucky. however, i must admit that i do most of my walking on the treadmill because i can easily fit it in during my lunch.

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JLITT62 10/13/2011 5:17AM

    I do a LOT of walking in our neighborhood, but I get bored easily, so there are several parks/trails I visit on a regular basis too.

No moose - very occasional deer, lots of rabbits squirrels & chipmunks, the occasional groundhog.

The best are along bodies of water.

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ZIPCONTROL 10/13/2011 2:18AM

  Sooo jealous ! I live in the city and there are no nice places to walk nearby. I'm forced to walk in a small (read tiny) park in our community. I just seem to keep going round and round. I feel like a character out of The Truman Show. Or I walk on the treadmill at the gym....booorrrriinng !!! But with my iPod for company ...it just makes it doable.

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NEWMAC2011 10/12/2011 11:32PM

    That sounds like a wonderful place for a walk. I live in south FL where it is so hot & humid for much of the year so I don't walk outside often. Sometimes at night but I only walk around my community. Sometimes my DD & I walk together which I really enjoy because she talks to me about everything going on in her life.

Wish I lived some place with nice woods or where I could hike. One day I want to live out West!

Keep on trucking! Good for you for getting in some exercise even during tom!

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APIRLRAIN888 10/12/2011 11:06PM

    Wow sound nice! I run at my park' only recently that I added walking I realized how Beautiful it is! Its a lake and my course loops around it, on road and in park.

Right now it's so beautiful!

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KAMAPERRY 10/12/2011 11:03PM

    I walk on the greenbelt. An area of walk that leads thru a park(with a lake and ducks) thru the golf course and goes on for miles either way from north to south.

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IAFARMERWIFE 10/12/2011 10:04PM

    I have four different routes I take. They are all different bike/walking trails and it just depends on my taste for the day. If I need a long hilly route, I take my favorite one. But if I'm in a hurry, I take the one around the a lake. I have a flat one and try to add some distance by going through a residential section. I love to walk also, thanks for sharing today. emoticon

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SCOOTERGIRLOZ 10/12/2011 7:51PM

    Thanks Susan for the cheerful smiley. When you come visit, I will take you where I walk 70% of the time. I will never tire of it because it's along the Sydney Harbour foreshore, opposite the Opera House, around Luna Park where there is a secret garden (should video-blog the garden one day) and often across the Harbour Bridge itself to go to uni. 10% of the time along the Opera House itself and surrounding Botantical Gardens. 5% in the public gardens that backs onto some original mansions in Mosman. The remaining 15% is walking my partner's dog across boring industrial streets to the fenced dog run and I enjoy watching him run flat out.

Did you know that one of the Spark tools is to create Fitness Maps to graphically display your route. Other sparkers can see and track. I used it before to measure the distance and to figure out how much time I have to allow. Here are mine:

http://www.sparkpeople.com/re
source/fitness_maps_saved.asp?u
ser=scootergirloz

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JOANNANOW 10/12/2011 7:12PM

    Hi Susan, I walk in the woods too. There is a pretty little lake with a wonderful trail around it, the walk it just over 3km. There are a number of camp sites around the lake but there are few campers. On weekdays I rarely see another soul weekends are a bit busier. I see bear sign but have yet to meet a bear. The moose and deer are out there too but we have not met. Mostly I see birds osprey, grouse, ducks,ravens and the occasional owl. Lots of squirrels that entertain my dogs no end.

There is another walk that is just over 2KM and it is a trail that goes around a natural wet land and in the spring there are geese and ducks there.
On the days that I don't get to go on those walks I just walk to the dead end on my road. It is only a KM round trip but it 's better than nothing. I wonder why my neighbours go out so rarely... I almost never see anyone on that walk either. I live in the forest I don't see any neighbours during the months that there are leaves on the trees but in the winter I see a couple of houses across the way. When I get to the dead end I can see Burns Lake in the distance and the lovely rolling hills. My dogs find this little walk interesting every time... it amazes me that they are so easily pleased!
Every once in a while I walk in the village just for a change but the dogs prefer the woods I think the pavement is just harder on the feet and they have to be leashed in town.
I really admire the distances you cover, it makes me feel whimpy when I see how far you go! I think you are younger than I am ...my old feet get pretty tired. I have a part time job that is running errands for the local college among other things and I don't call that going for a walk but up and down the store aisles is hard on my old feet too. Not complaining as long as I can run around I'm happy! Keep on keeping on!
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CALGARYNEWF 10/12/2011 6:31PM

    I'm so envious Susan. Most of my walking these days is done inside the gym. It's usually close to dark before I get home from work and walking in the woods in calgary (especially after dark is not the safest thing to do). I miss that about Nfld!!!!! I really enjoy the trails and parks around here on the weekends though

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Almost home for Thanksgiving - an update on my Newfoundland T'Railway virtual adventure

Sunday, October 09, 2011

Hi,

Since I started the virtual trek of the Newfoundland T'Railway on July 8th I've had a great time trying to reach the next "pit stop". This challenge is a great motivator for me and I have to thank the leaders of the Newfoundland Spark Team for coming up with this challenge. Although our numbers are few and the members completing this trek even fewer, it is a fantastic way to watch those fitness minutes turn into kilometres.

So as of today I have 438 km under my belt and am within 9 km of my house. How is that for something to be thankful on this Canadian Thanksgiving weekend?! I am hoping to get those remaining km hiked today and then I will be officially halfway through the journey! Wow!

I'm realizing that I do best when I challenge myself although at times I'm sure I hear the old me saying "who are you and what have you done with the old Susan?". This lifestyle is not killing me, it is enjoyable and quite doable. Who knew? Oh, and I lost weight again this week so something is falling into place!

For an early reward on reaching my hometown my Mom bought me a lovely Reebok gym bag. It looks like a big purse (just plain black) but when I open it the inside is lined with the hottest pink ever! It makes me smile to unzip the thing! Anyway, I have my gym things all ready so I don't have to stop and look for things before heading out the door! Three weeks until my measurements are taken at the Y and I can't wait to see if I am making progress. I think I am but it could just be wishful thinking!

Oh and I mentioned to my doctor about the link between exercise and depression and she and I basically agreed that one walk isn't going to magically make you feel better but with like everything else on this Spark journey it is the little steps that lead to big accomplishments. She even mentioned I could have one of my meds lowered in the next few months....talk about a great NSV!!!





P.S. I did it...I reached my home and now have exercised the equivalent of 450 km under my belt since July 8th!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CALGARYNEWF 10/11/2011 12:27PM

    Way to go Susan!!!!!I am so proud of you. emoticon emoticon emoticon

I can't wait to read about your new measurements!!!!

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KAMAPERRY 10/10/2011 10:11PM

    Happy Thanks giving!

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HOPEFULANGE 10/10/2011 6:45AM

    emoticon

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IMIN2GENES 10/10/2011 12:21AM

    Great job! Awesome news on the meds too. Keep up the great work!
Chris
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JOANNANOW 10/9/2011 10:11PM

    Way to go Susan, your walking is so inspirational. I'm sure you will find inches gone too. I just finished a turkey dinner and the pie is warming up... back to reality tomorrow.
Hope you've had a happy one.
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SCOOTERGIRLOZ 10/9/2011 9:48PM

    emoticon

What a welcome party waiting for you to come home!
I know you have two dogs so are these pets of someone you know?
Hilarious!

Scooterg
irl in Oz
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KAMAPERRY 10/9/2011 8:35PM

    emoticon

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YIWEN39 10/9/2011 7:15PM

    emoticon You are doing a terrific job, that's emoticon
I'm really happy for you emoticon emoticon

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KAYDE53 10/9/2011 5:23PM

    Love that pic!!! What an emoticonjob you've done with your journey!!

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CHUBRUB3 10/9/2011 3:08PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
Keep up the great work!
Hugs,
Angela


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JLITT62 10/9/2011 12:35PM

    I'm betting you'll see a difference in those measurements! Lowering meds may be an even better NSV!

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LESLIES537 10/9/2011 12:33PM

    Very emoticon

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THETURTLEBEAR 10/9/2011 12:07PM

    You are doing so awesome!!

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_LINDA 10/9/2011 11:48AM

    Well done!! That is walking out a lot of k's!!!
Have a great Thansgiving at your home :)
Love the photo :)

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BOVEY63 10/9/2011 11:26AM

    Great job on the trek so far!
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Isn't it great when something simple makes us a smile.
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Have a wonderful Thanksgiving!
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APIRLRAIN888 10/9/2011 10:44AM

    very cool! awesome on the the mileage (not sure how to say it in kilometers lol)
happy thxgvg and cute pic

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The result of my doctor's appointment yesterday

Saturday, October 08, 2011

Hi,

I have to first stop and thank each and every one of you who took the time to not only read my blog from yesterday but for offering such words of wisdom and support. If you haven't read yesterday's blog this one isn't going to make a whole lot of sense - consider yourself warned!

I ended up putting pen to paper and writing down exactly how I felt about the situation and I read this out to both my husband and my doctor during the appointment. Yes, I cried like a baby but it felt good to get it off my chest. For all of those who wondered, yes, John does have situational depression and so I mentioned that in my letter as well. Like most men he likes to be self-reliant and really resists any help at all and I think sometimes thinks that he should be able to get over this by himself.

Interestingly enough, my doctor thinks John might have adult-attention deficit disorder along with mild depression. She reassured him that it doesn't mean anything negative and we all agreed that a diagnosis is the next step. Apparently she has it too and has terrible difficulties concentrating and getting this accomplished without a plan.

True, John has never been one to come up with a plan and often gives up out of pure frustration of not getting anything done. How many times have I heard him say at night that he was anxious because another day passed without accomplishing anything.

So step one is for me to research the ADD, then we will read it together, call the psychologist he used to see (who apparently mentioned this to him several years ago but he didn't want to hear it), see if we can get some testing done and move from there. She also recommended that he should bump up the anti-depressant he is on which we will talk about when we both see our family doctor next week.

Also, we have to make a plan to get his resume in order. I think he focused too much on the overall picture but she said it is important to break it down into small steps. This is what I found interesting because it is how I have learned to cope with my anxiety and depression. I always try to be as prepared in advance as possible. Whether it is for getting my clothes ready the night before, making meal plans, etc. It really helps me and I think by now is just second nature.

There is no question of us separating - we love each other and have been there for each other through thick and thin. We enjoy each others company and we spend a fair amount of time each day just laughing. Besides we often joke that it would be too hard to start over and re-train somebody else.... emoticon

Oh, and another positive thing I lost 3 pounds this week! I was reading an article the other day and they actually said it takes about six weeks of strength training to start seeing a difference in the scale so it is important to just keep pushing yourself. When I first started I gained 4 pounds but now I'm down below where I started and I'm actually really enjoying the gym!

Happy Thanksgiving to all of fellow Canadians!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

HICKOK-HALEY 10/9/2011 2:44AM

    I have ADHD..It is hard to concentrate for a long time, so I know how John feels. I hope he gets everything squared away. Hugs for you, and congrats on the 3 pds. We are all here for you!! emoticon

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SCOOTERGIRLOZ 10/9/2011 1:45AM

    Glad to hear you got to voice your frustration in a safe manner. I think it is equally important for your husband to feel safe as well. Hope you two work it out quickly so that you can enjoy the laughter together much more frequently.

Scootergirl in Oz

emoticon on those 3 lbs and Happy Thanksgivings.
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Comment edited on: 10/9/2011 1:47:45 AM

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LESLIES537 10/9/2011 12:37AM

    Had to do a little catching up before I commented. Sounds like you got some great feedback at your appt and have a good plan of action set. I think you are one smart, strong, and brave woman. Good for you on writing your feelings down and pouring them out. That had to of been so hard! I'm extremely proud of you, Susan! Big hugs! And a big high five on your 3 lb loss!! Awesome!! Happy Thanksgiving!

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KAYDE53 10/8/2011 9:09PM

    So glad that you got some answers, I read your blog & thought it might be depression, but didn't know. More & more adults are being diagnosed with ADD; I have an adult son with it. You'll get through this together & be stronger for it!! emoticon

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HEALTHYBARB1 10/8/2011 7:54PM

    So glad you told me to read yesterdays blog before reading this one!! Love it when we are struggling in our relationships and then communication happens and a plan is revealed. Wish you the best as you and your DH learn and grow together in this new season of your life!! Wish you the best Canadian Thanksgiving and a wonderful fall!
Smiles and Hugs Barb emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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CHUBRUB3 10/8/2011 7:47PM

    Great job Susan! Losing is winning!
You and hubby will get it all sorted out. I often wonder if I or my DH has that.
Hugs,
Angela

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YIWEN39 10/8/2011 7:13PM

    Glad to hear the good news :-) Now you know which steps to take, things should get better soon :-)
Congrats on keeping up a positive attitude through all this :-) And congrats on the weight loss and strength training too :-)
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THETURTLEBEAR 10/8/2011 6:55PM

    emoticon

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WELLNESSME09 10/8/2011 6:47PM

    emoticon emoticon on your three pounds loss. emoticon
That is so wonderful that both of you are there for each other!!!
Wishing you and yours a beautiful Thanksgiving. emoticon emoticon emoticon

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LASARRE 10/8/2011 6:22PM

    Glad to hear you have a plan and are working on it. Congrats on the weight loss.

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KAMAPERRY 10/8/2011 6:00PM

    So happy for you!! Congrats on the 3 pounds!

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GOANNA2 10/8/2011 5:57PM

    Great to find out what is going on with your husband.
Congratulations on the weight loss. One day at a time
and hang in there my dear. Good luck. emoticon

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IMIN2GENES 10/8/2011 5:39PM

    What a relief to hear! It sounds like you're moving in the right direction with DH. Hopefully this will help.

Congrats on the 3 pounds! That's awesome!
Chris
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TEMPEST272002 10/8/2011 5:05PM

    I'm glad your doctor was helpful in sorting through all of this stuff. Interesting about the adult ADD. One of my long-time friends was diagnosised only 2 years ago. I've seen a real difference in how she is able to manage her life now that she's learned new coping skills & is taking medication. Hopefully it will be the same for John. Glad to hear the two of you are still rock solid. It's scary to experience these kinds of emotions, but working through them together only makes you stronger as a couple... or at least has for hubby & I.

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BOVEY63 10/8/2011 2:12PM

    I guess I should have read this blog before responding to the last one. So glad you found the problem and are working on a resolution. All the best to both of you.
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Congrats on the weight loss.
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JOANNANOW 10/8/2011 12:22PM

    Happy Thanksgiving Susan. I hope your weekend weather is better than ours. The prediction for wet snow today is sort of depressing. However I am happy because my grandson came last night home from college and reporting a good first month there. I will cook ... even pie ... but will be careful about how much.
You and John sound like survivors to me. You are so fortunate to have the professional support you have there.
Enjoy every minute and congrats on that 3 lb loss! emoticon

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_LINDA 10/8/2011 12:15PM

    So sorry you are both suffering from disorders that are interfering with your well being and happiness :(( I am so glad you got it all out into the open and are now committed to getting the help you both really need. Looking forward to hearing progress reports!
Way to stick with your program and rock it!! You are awesome!!

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Q8PRINCESS 10/8/2011 12:10PM

    Good to hear and it great that you are there for each other. Also
emoticon on the 3 lbs.
Interesting to hear about the 6 weeks delay with weight training and seeing results.

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CRAZYDOGLADYBO 10/8/2011 10:56AM

    Sounds like a great plan!

Big huge YEAH on losing 3 pounds! emoticon

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GLORYANDME 10/8/2011 10:53AM

    All good and positive! I am glad you were able to express your feelings and you and your husbabnd, with the help of your doctors, will be on the right track! . . . and the icing on the cake is the 3 pounds. Well done!

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GRAMLORI 10/8/2011 9:56AM

    That's wonderful!! It is so good that you "got it off your chest" like that....I tend to hold things inside for way too long a time. You are doing so well, Susan, and I'm sure your hubby is very proud of you. Mine commented one day that he can feel a difference in my body so I know something is happening, and it is probably the same with you. You and your John will get over this little hump, and things will get better. It's so worth it to just hang in there. (If you are on FaceBook, look me up!) My Jon and I will be cheering for you both!
God bless,
Lori

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NEWMAC2011 10/8/2011 9:48AM

    Sounds like everything is moving in the right direction! I'm sure you & your DH will get stronger as a couple from working on your issues together. Way to go on losing 3 lbs! WooHoo Teddy Bear. Hope you have a great week.

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JLITT62 10/8/2011 9:00AM

    Congrats on the weight loss! Great job sticking with it.

Always good to have a dx & plan.

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APIRLRAIN888 10/8/2011 8:50AM

    wow sounds like good news and good plan. glad you communicated now he can get the help he needs

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CODEMAULER 10/8/2011 8:32AM

    It sounds like things are working out and moving in a positive direction. Stick to the plan and keep on track.

Congratulations on your weight loss and have a wonderful holiday!

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AAARRRGGGHHH - don't read if you don't want to!

Friday, October 07, 2011

Hi,

I've got a slight problem that has been bothering me for some time and it concerns my dear husband. Now, don't get me wrong, he is my best friend and I love him to bits but he is driving me crazy.

Three years ago, the paper mill closed where John was employed for 22 years. It was a blow to the whole community but we were lucky that we always lived within our means. The workers received a nice severance package and I agreed with him when he opted to take six months off to have a little break. Key word being little!

Six months lasted to over a year and then last September he applied for and received funding to return to school to take a trade. Although he already had an english degree and an accounting diploma he had worked with neither in the papermill but was always intrigued by something called Instrumentation . I encouraged him and he loved the program and in fact came out top of his class academically.

He graduated in June and all funding stopped so he is not receiving any money. I finished my seasonal part time job in April and received unemployment insurance until when I I went back to work in September. Due to my depression my doctor has stipulated that I work part-time only.

Okay the problem with all of this is that darling hubby has not as much revised his resume let alone applied for any work. We've been living on our savings which I'm thankful we had but I am starting to get resentful, which isn't like me at all.

Today I meet with my psychiatrist and John usually goes with me for at least part of the meeting. I am going to bring up how his lack of ambition right now is eating at me and heaven forbid if I get so depressed that I can't work because then we would have no money coming in.

The thing is my husband is not lazy. He is smart and I'm sure would do well with his trade of choice. I dislike change of any kind but he HATES change and often has to nudged or even pushed to make a change. I've talked about it with him, I've cried about it but all I get are empty promises that he will get around to it.

Any advice short of leaving him which I'm not about to do! Also I don't want to injure him but I would like to "kick him in the rearend" so he could see how serious this is


Susan

P.S. On a more positive note John has been so encouraging on my Spark Journey and does do a lot of stuff around the house.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LASARRE 10/8/2011 6:19PM

    Don't really have any advice just emoticon

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BOVEY63 10/8/2011 2:10PM

    Is it possible that John is having some depression too? I know that I did when I had to close my business and some now that I have been put to a part-time status at my current job. The feeling of not being needed has been difficult for me as is wondering if anyone will find me worthwhile enough to hire. Sometimes it's easier to not try than try and fail.

Hope all goes well for both you and John.
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CRAZYDOGLADYBO 10/8/2011 10:49AM

    No advise either, but you have my support.

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APIRLRAIN888 10/8/2011 8:48AM

    i like the sit down and help him through it too. i hate change too. but will follow hubby's changes like move and stuff and set up new home. but then i set root very fast.

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_LINDA 10/8/2011 2:38AM

    Lots of good advice here Susan, not having experience with a significant other, I can't offer much, but the most important I have heard for a couple is to always keep communicating and never keep anything bottled up -that is bad mentally. Would he agree to co counseling? They make good mediators and help ease what you want to say so it doesn't offend or hurt.. Perhaps it could draw out what he is feeling. Men are so bad keeping things to themselves, my sister-in-law never gets much from my brother on how he is feeling, what he is thinking etc. and my Mom has that with Angus as well,,
Wishing you all the best in resolving this,,
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DANLIN60 10/7/2011 9:13PM

    Of course we are here for you and always will be. communication is always the key, don't give up on him just be there and try to keep the lines of communication open Good luck and lots of hugs emoticon emoticon

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TERESA159 10/7/2011 7:53PM

    I too was thinking this man is depressed. I hope you both return to being productive people and soon as that will alleviate both your financial worries and the depression. (Been there, done that. I found that the opposite is true with depression, get out there and work full time, you will feel so much better about everything when you are productive, at least that worked for me.) Best of luck.

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GOANNA2 10/7/2011 6:47PM

    It must be so frustrating for you. Depression is not a nice
thing to go through and please try and not get yourself more anxious.
When men lose a job, something happens and I don't know what,
I went through it with my husband, so I know how you are feeling.
Just be there for one another.
He may also be depressed and not telling you. Lots of hugs to you both.
emoticon

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SVELTEWARRIOR 10/7/2011 6:25PM

    You recieved some really good advice here. I think talking to your psychiatrist is a great idea. The advice about helping him update his resume is a great idea. It sounds like the two of you really love each other...so communicate with each other. emoticon

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TEMPEST272002 10/7/2011 5:21PM

    How frustrating for you. I love my hubby too - doesn't mean that they can't make us really & truly angry. Feeling resentful is totally understandable in this circumstance. Knowing how much you love & support one another, I'm sure you'll find the way through it together.

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JLITT62 10/7/2011 4:51PM

    No advice really, just my support & good vibes.

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CALGARYNEWF 10/7/2011 4:43PM

    I agree with a few of the others, set aside a time that is conveniwnt for you both to sit down and review/update his resume and look online (jobbank.gc.ca, monster.ca, etc) for potential jobs. Does it look like he will have to leave NL to get a job? That can certainly present a whole new set of challenges!!! emoticon emoticon

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KAMAPERRY 10/7/2011 3:03PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon Hope the therapy helps!

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JOANNANOW 10/7/2011 2:12PM

    Of coarse I would read this... that's what friends are for. Wow, CODEMAULER said it all! I think you two will sort it out. Where there is love there is hope. You are so lucky to have a psychiatrist where you live. There is a huge shortage of them here in BC and no access to any professional help where I live, out in the country. Depression runs in my family and many family members are and have been suffering from it (in the past) myself included.
Maybe your husband could visit and employment office where they help people update the old resume and get started on a job search. I love it that you found sweet things to say about John at the end. You are still the queen of positive thinking!
Sending encouragement and hugs. emoticon emoticon emoticon

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Q8PRINCESS 10/7/2011 1:02PM

    I like the idea of kicking! Husbands can be very irritating at times! Talking to your psychiatrist is such a great idea. Change can be hard but also very liberating. emoticon

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CHUBRUB3 10/7/2011 12:08PM

    I agree, sit down and help him to do it. May be the nudge he needs.
Hugs,
Angela


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ZIPCONTROL 10/7/2011 12:01PM

  Sit with him and help him update his resume and look for a job. I wish you all the best. emoticon

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GLORYANDME 10/7/2011 11:52AM

    I will certainly keep your situation in my prayers. Not easy.
emoticon emoticon emoticon

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IMIN2GENES 10/7/2011 10:29AM

    Maybe your hubby should sit down and talk to your phychiatrist. He may have something going on too. You've got quite a dilemma. Just keep being honest and keep the communication going. Best of luck!
Chris
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BECCAJ98 10/7/2011 10:11AM

    I can't really give any advice, so I will just give support! emoticon Hope you find an answer that will help you both! Good luck!

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ALYSSA40 10/7/2011 10:03AM

    I have been in your position before, but we didn't have a savings to live off of- it was my credit, which plummeted for the longest time because of it. That marriage later ended in a divorce but not because of the job loss or even the money. You just have to stay strong and keep encouraging him as he does you with your Spark Journey. It'll be alright and the two of you will be strong. Just be thankful that you have the savings to survive on- many have less. Prayers!

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GRAMLORI 10/7/2011 9:44AM

    Hopefully this doc appt will be the kick in the rear that he needs. It is a difficult line we walk as wives between "keeping them informed" and "naggng"!! I will keep you in my prayers....and I hope to see a blog titled HE DID IT!!
God bless ya, Susan....
Lori

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LIBBYG7 10/7/2011 9:33AM

    I've been there, done that. Not easy. At least I was earning a decent living while my ex=husband was sitting around for months and months after he was laid off from his teaching job. (many, many years ago...........)

Ask him straight out.....'what will happen to us when our savings run out?....and demand an answer!'.
He sounds like a smart man.....but even smart men can be so stupid.

Good luck, dear. I hope your psychiatrist 'prods' him a little and lets him know how much stress he's causing you.

all the best, Libby

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CODEMAULER 10/7/2011 9:21AM

    Sadly, this is something that only he can be motivated to do. His lack of initiative is something that sits between you (two), but only he can fix it. In my experience, telling him may not have the intended or even a positive outcome, so be sure this is what you want to do.

My best hope for you is:
Serenity - to accept the things YOU cannot change
Courage - to change the things YOU can
Wisdom - to know the difference

For what it's worth, my husband hasn't worked since 2006; professional student. I've learned to let him take things at his own pace and not worry. There's no use in getting sick over something like this.

Good luck!

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NEWMAC2011 10/7/2011 9:00AM

    Sounds like quite a problem. The key seems to be that your husband hates change so maybe your psychiatrist can have some helpful ways for him to move forward. Good luck!

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ANDREWMOM 10/7/2011 8:58AM

    I do not have any advise for you that would be helpful but I do wish you the best and hope all gets better for you and your hubby soon!! Just keep keeping those lines of communication open and the honesty... helps to at least voice those concerns and maybe he will finally get his rearend in gear.

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ACYCLINGMIND 10/7/2011 8:48AM

    Have you sat with him and made a financial plan? Often seeing things on paper can be a mode of motivation. How much do you have in your savings and how much are you bringing in? Compare this to how much you are spending each month and how much you hope to retire with. Good luck.

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