Thursday, August 18, 2011
LESLIES537 and CRAZYDOGLADYBO have dragged me (okay, I'm truly honoured to have been invited) to participate in a goofy exercise challenge. You can read either of their blogs to see what it is going to involve. Well, you probably won't find out much there either as with all true goofy behaviour much of it goes unplanned.
Today, I went to the Y and did my strength training, treadmill and bike workout only to log in and find out I was supposed to skip around in my driveway for 5 minutes. I only last 4 minutes but here is proof I did it..... It was much harder than I thought it was going to be...thus lasting only four minutes.
Yesterday we woke up to pouring rain so we decided to grab some coffee and load up the dogs to see what roads we have yet traveled (and to check out potential walking places) in the forest. We ended up at one spot about 50km in the woods, left the truck on the side of the road, got out in the rain for what we thought was going to be a quick pee break for the doggies. We walked about 1km when we broke out to what has to be one of the best beaches in all of Newfoundland. There is one cabin (owned by a Newfoundland millionaire who used to fly into the spot) and the rest is just wild with sandy beaches. Remember that it is still pouring and we were getting pretty wet. But of course what is a bit of rain to a dog who loves the water so we walked while Lou swam. We saw 2 mink, a Bald Eagle, an Osprey and moore caribou, moose and Canada geese tracks!
When it became too miserable to continue we walked back to the cabin but it was then the sun broke through and we ended up staying on the beach for over 5 hours! We walked over 7 km (much of it barefoot), we held hands (like two teenagers), and the dogs were so happy!!! John found a rubber duck decoy used for hunting and when the dogs weren't looking we set it out in the water. Then I squealed out "birdies" and the next thing we knew our non-swimming Pom was out chasing this thing with Lou in hot pursuit. I always knew Maddy was on the small side but seeing his little body soaken wet made him look like the proverbial drowned rat!
We returned home about 6-7 hours later exhausted from all the fun. Needless to say there was no gym for me last night! BUT there was careless dancing in my living room when guess who showed up on my television screen...... Ha!!!!
Tonight we have a family birthday party to attend for my cousin who just turned 19. It should be a nice evening out and I even have a new top to wear. This is the same cousin who joined the gym with me but who hasn't really been going. I'm proud that I go without her and have lost most of my intimidation! My mom has offered to pay for my Y membership (bless her) because she doesn't want me to have to wait until I'm in my 60's to lose weight like she did. She lost it through grief when Dad died and is now gaining it back. I really don't know where I would be without my mom in my life which is strange because until Dad died we were never close at all. Funny how things work out, isn't it?
I have to go now and make myself beautiful for our night out!
Monday, August 15, 2011
Oh dear god, what a rough couple of days I'm after having. Nothing wrong physically but mentally I'm starting to think I'm bonkers. Which, if you know me, is partly true. Really shouldn't say that now should I as it is more socially acceptable to say "I have some mental health issues". And another thing, if you know me (and I hope you have some idea of who I am after all this time) you will know that I do call a spade a spade! So when I say I'm bonkers....don't tell me I shouldn't be!!!!
It all started quite innocently; things became too much. Depression is like that. It never arrives at your door nicely gift wrapped! No, instead it arrives in my house almost like it is carried in through the air I breathe. I should know the signs (we all know the subtle signs but try to ignore them don't we, hoping that this time will be different!) but I didn't. I do what I always do and that is to keep my feelings to myself and let the hundreds of emotions duke it out inside of my pounding head.
Today and yesterday were so bad that I just clammed up and jumped in one of our vehicles and drove until I saw the ocean.....two different directions....one about 90 minutes and the other about 60 minutes. But it is not the drive that brought me solace, nope but instead the stupid bag of Doritos and the Reese's peanut butter cups that I sneak out and buy on the way. I wouldn't even go to a store where they would know me....how sick is that!
Anyway, both days I devoured all of my "loot" during the drives and felt so sick afterwards that I didn't even enjoy any part of it. Not the drive, not the alone time, not the food, and not the view!!!
Then I arrived home to a very distraught husband (I don't tell him where I am going nor do I even take my cell phone) which I know is the heights of inconsiderateness but I when I'm like it I can't help myself.
This is what it feels like: A big puncheon barrel (me) and I have all of these emotions flying around the inside (like trapped fish) and I am afraid of even speaking because all of those emotions are going to pour forth and it ain't going to be pretty. Now, I'm normally a pretty-well laid back person so this not only bothers me but it scares me. And what do I do when I get like this....I run away! Plain and simple. Might actually work if the darned emotions didn't tag along with me!
I haven't exercised either but that is no surprise. What is surprising is that I am telling you all of this. Maybe I will have to print this off and bring it to my therapist when I see her in two months time. I sure hope this passes soon as I HATE being this way.
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