PCOH051610   52,602
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An update on my Newfoundland T'Railway journey

Sunday, August 07, 2011


As many of you know I'm still taking part in a challenge founded by the leaders of the Newfoundland and Labrador team to walk the now abandoned railway. A lot of work has been put into this to clear the rails and to make sure the path and bridges are up to year round use by hikers, etc.

We have broke it down into four sections as the almost 900 km was a bit intimidating to think about. I'm currently working on section one and I "left" St. John's on July 11th and as of yesterday, I have walked 66.57 km!!!! My goal is to reach Clarenville by mid-October in time for Canadian Thanksgiving! Besides, there is a fantastic craft store in Shoal Harbour which is just outside of Clarenville.

St. John's -- 0 (check)
Donovan’s 11 (check)
Paradise 15 (check)
Topsail 21 (check)
Manuels 26 (check)
Holyrood 49 (check)
Avondale 59 (check) emoticon
Maher’s 73
Whitbourne 88
Placentia Jct. 100
Arnold’s Cove 160
Goobies 179
Clarenville 212

So you can see I've been active. I also joined the Y a week ago and have been there almost everyday. I didn't go yesterday but I did walk 7.10 km last night with the dogs. John and are both enjoying this as we pick out a road we've never walked on and armed with our GPS, off we go. We are lucky that we have hundreds of roads (once used for hauling logs for the local paper mill) just about a ten minute drive away. We call it "across" the river because there is a huge river we have to cross and then there is nobody to for hundreds of miles around. It is so peaceful. Sometimes you will meet up with a truck or see a far off cabin but everybody leaves you alone. I'm seeing parts of Newfoundland that I've only heard of....parts that no tourist will ever see.

Last night we discovered a beautiful road that twisted and turned but it was just like a park. Lots of pretty wildflowers for us to enjoy and lots of bunnies and squirrels to keep the dogs busy. We did find some discarded beer cans (drives me nuts that people take this stuff into the woods and can't seem to take it back out with them!!!) so we picked them up and brought them home to recycle.

Am eating well too! The past two nights for snacks I have had a banana and peanut butter....yum! I've been eating breakfast and lunch along with supper so it does make a big difference overall!

Oh well, I've wasted enough of your time.....get back to whatever it was you were doing!

Happy Sunday to you all

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

THETURTLEBEAR 8/7/2011 10:29PM

    Great report!!

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BOVEY63 8/7/2011 9:31PM

    Your blogs are never a waste a time - enjoy reading them.
You are doing so great on your exercise; and congrats on eating well. It is so wonderful that you have so many options, and partners, to take your walks.
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    You never waste my time emoticon

I would love to hike areas like that! You are doing a great job!

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TEMPEST272002 8/7/2011 7:51PM

    I'm so proud of you for following through with the Y! You've done really well this week. I smiled when you wrote about the long walks you get to enjoy in nature & off the beaten track. I feel exactly the same way about my own forest trails. I love PB & banana!

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KAYDE53 8/7/2011 7:45PM

    Sounds great!! I too dislike litterbugs who leave their garbage in the wild!!! Hope you take your camera sometime & take some pictures & post!! Have a good week!! emoticon emoticon

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S3XYDIVASMOM 8/7/2011 7:41PM

    Time spent with friends is rarely time wasted. Glad to hear from you.

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DRGOMTI 8/7/2011 6:03PM

    you're so blessed to have that wilderness "within walking distance"!! Please just don't ever go alone!! we must always use the buddy system for stuff like that! n you have a great buddy there!! My poor honey can hardly walk 1/2 mi without terrible pain down his leg from his back. I am so happy for you guys who are much much younger than us old folks!! : )) And Newfoundland is blessed to have people like you who are good caretakers of this beautiful earth!!
I've been doing alittle better with nutrition n my cardio too. I managed to go to walmart n didn't get anything bad like cookies or cup cakes!! altho, I have to admit, I DID get my dk choc. that's a must for survival!! : )) you're doing so good n just think! we still have our favorite time a yr coming! Fall n winter!!! emoticon

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JLITT62 8/7/2011 5:19PM

    So happy to hear you doing so well! Having so many great places to walk nearby would be heaven to me - I get bored so easily!

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    In case you hadn't noticed, emoticonYOU have been encouraging a LOT of friends on SparkPeople lately! THANK YOU for your example, your kind heart, and wonderful words of encouragement! Your blog just makes me smile with what you're doing with your hubby! emoticon

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Nonsense worth reading - pictures too

Friday, August 05, 2011


If you are wondering about my blog title, it is named that because I wanted to write about a whole bunch of stuff some people might call nonsense but which I feel is important to me. Since I use my blogs as a journal first and foremost you don't have to read any further if you don't want to. But I know you are because that is why my SparkFriends are the very bestest! (and yes, I know that isn't a word but it did seem apt)

Today, I've accomplished several things. One was I went for a 5.5 km walk in the woods with my hubby and two dogs. It was on this walk that I had several break throughs in my thought process.

1. I let Louisa be a dog and didn't care when she got this dirty within minutes of our walk

We have lots of clean water and towels at home and she is at her happiest getting dirty...and besides her "smile" is contagious!

2. We came to a fork in the road so it was decision time. One road was dry and shorter and the other was much longer and who knew what lay beyond the next turn. It was then that I had a emoticon moment! Life is too short to always know what lies ahead of us! John was amazed that I wanted to take the longer trail and I couldn't even find the words to tell him why. It was such a beautiful day and I was spending time with those I loved the most....heck, why would I pick the short, boring trail! I've realized after much thought, that this can apply to my whole life. I am at a fork in the road......I've decided to take the path that I'm not comfortable with.....joining the gym. But, if I don't I will never know what I could have been!

3. I might have 'only" lost a grand total of 10 pounds in a year but carrying 10 pounds and walking a km sure felt like work!

Yes, I carried Maddy for about 1 km as he was sedated at the vet yesterday for a quick procedure and we didn't want him to over do it!

4. When you take the different path you see interesting stuff that you might have missed! Moose prints.....some were very fresh.....as in mere minutes!

5. And the final thing I realized (which is when I stopped because my brain cells were starting to fight back against overuse!) is that we make sure our dogs are always fed good quality food, eat only healthy snacks, are exercised twice a day, and get a lot of rest and relaxation but my husband and I don't do the same for ourselves. So, on the way home I stopped into a grocery store and stocked up on some "freggies"! I had a turkey breast all prepared to pop into the oven so I decided to roast some vegetables to go with it. I also bought an acorn squash which we've never had....all in the oven roasting with onions, carrots, turnip, sweet potato, garlic, and parsnip.

Oh, and another thing......I actually went to the gym while the above was roasting and did 30 minutes of resistance training!!!! Is it okay to declare a "proud of me day"?


P.S. sorry this pictures are sideways....they weren't that way on my computer! AAARRRGGHH

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

VICKILYN4 8/9/2011 7:30PM

    emoticon Susan..So proud of you. That is totally emoticon !!!!!

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_LINDA 8/8/2011 11:57PM

    Its so great to hear you really getting into the idea of healthy living! I love your photos, even if they are sideways! Muddy dogs are happy dogs! Learning relax and live and let live is all part of the goal. Not stressing out will aid with the weight loss..
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JETTANALA 8/8/2011 6:53PM

    Realizations are key to success! Hooray for treating yourself as well as you treat your pooches!

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CALGARYNEWF 8/6/2011 8:32PM

    Well done!

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    Yay for the muddy doggie! What fun that must have been! I think your nonsense stuff was great! Thank you for a very nice to read blog, my friend! emoticon emoticon

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GRAMLORI 8/6/2011 9:49AM

    Of course its ok to have a proud me day!! You have good reason to be proud of your day, and your "new" way of thinking! And if you weren't proud of it, we wouldn't have had the opportunity to share in it.....love the pics, even the sideways ones! I do that quite often!! And how nice to have such a wonderful area to walk!! Thanks for sharing!!

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JLITT62 8/6/2011 5:25AM

    I think you should definitely be proud of yourself!

Thankfully, as you know, my dogs loathe rain & so rarely get dirty. We give them a bath maybe twice a yr whether or not they need it.

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KAMAPERRY 8/6/2011 1:08AM

    I love your blogs and I am sooooooooooooooooo proud of you!! Your dinner sounds delish!

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BOVEY63 8/5/2011 11:54PM

    Awesome blog and revelations! So great that you were with those you love the most.

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KAYDE53 8/5/2011 11:28PM

    Loved the muddy dog pic! Reminds me of my dogs; if there's any mud to be found, they can find it! Sounds like you had a great walk & your dinner sounded yummy! That moose track was awesome, glad you didn't meet him face to face. emoticon emoticon

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KAYDE53 8/5/2011 11:23PM

    Loved the muddy dog pic! Reminds me of my dogs; if there's any mud to be found, they can find it! Sounds like you had a great walk & your dinner sounded yummy! emoticon emoticon

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TEMPEST272002 8/5/2011 10:57PM

    Well, I'm certainly proud of you! Changing your thinking - that's the key to all of this. Love the muddy dog pics. I took my in-laws retriever to the swamp today to let the old guy frolic in the muck. Such a happy guy, I couldn't help but smile too. Glad you picked the longer, more interesting path.

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COLUMBINE2 8/5/2011 9:56PM

    Excellent blog --- on all your thoughts. My new experience in going to the gym this year resulted in a 15# loss in a short amount of time. (I'd been trying for 2 years to lose those pounds!) The strength training really makes a difference. I hired a personal trainer for just a few weeks (I know..it's expensive) and learned as much as I could to do by myself. It worked!!!! I'm still doing it by myself now! And the weight hasn't returned. Just a thought!

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S3XYDIVASMOM 8/5/2011 9:24PM

    It was hardly a pointless blog. I loved your fork in the road and how you applied it to the larger context. Carrying the dog was an excellent demonstration of how significant that 10 pounds is. And finally, so true about how well we feed our pets. Years and years have been added to our pets' lives because of commercially prepared pet foods. (We have a 21 year old cat; she's never eaten anything other than off-the-shelf dry cat food.) So why can't we come up with a "people chow." It would sure simplify things.

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TERESA159 8/5/2011 6:46PM

    Great blog and a good read, thanks. Love your fork in the road analogy, so true and "fork" is so appropriate, don't you think? LOL
How very cool that in helping out your little dog you got to realize what a big difference 10 pounds makes. That's a significant loss, good for you!

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DRGOMTI 8/5/2011 6:29PM

    Holy Cow!! You're really doing the exercise!! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
oh yeah, n I'm so jealous about your moose!!! Like I've told you before, I LOVE MOOSE!!

Comment edited on: 8/5/2011 6:30:33 PM

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    Yes I continued to read!

I think this is a definate "Proud of you day" emoticon

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DOLLYHOLLY 8/5/2011 5:54PM

    emoticon You're doing emoticon LOVE the pics. What sweet looking doggies you got there, and you're looking happy, healthy & pretty too!



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CODEMAULER 8/5/2011 5:50PM

    What a terrific day - loved the photos!!

Enjoy the freggies; speak up if you ever need recipe or cooking method suggestions. There are a lot of 'good eaters' out here!


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CHRISTINA791 8/5/2011 5:39PM

    Sounds like a fantastic walk!

Those are really the best for clearing your mind and reminding you of just how awesome it is to be alive. I had to laugh at the dogs, too. Dogs being dogs are the best!

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BECCAJ98 8/5/2011 5:37PM

    We are all proud of you!!!

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Happy 1st Year Spark Anniversary to me!

Thursday, August 04, 2011

Yes, it has been a whole year since I first logged into the Spark site to see what it was all about. Although I didn't officially start until the end of August (it was my first day back to work for the fall semester) my Spark anniversary was two days ago.......the day I sort of had my meltdown!

I've decided to make a list of the positive things that have happened to me during the past year:

1. Was introduced to Spark!

2. Adopted Louisa who is one of the best walking companions ever!

3. Have over 12,000 fitness minutes under my belt...yes, ME!

4. Survived a year with my husband gone back to school...he graduated with honours and I dealt with things on the homefront!

5. Went a year without having to adjust any of my medications for depression

6. My therapist "sees" big improvements in my outlook and attitude

7. Posted full length pictures of myself....in underwear (!) for a challenge!

8. Virtually climbed Gros Morne mountain and am working on the Newfoundland T'Railway

9. Have learned that I love to walk and have thus discovered new trails and roads

10. Have laughed more at my dogs who join me for my walks.....bunnies, frogs, moose, etc

11. Have gone a whole year on a "program" and have not quit!!!! Wow!

12. Have made the most wonderful friends and joined some great teams

13. Have worked hard on the all-or-nothing attitude

14. Have come to appreciate how drinking 8 glasses of water makes me feel

15. Am comfortable posting blogs that emotionally gut-wrenching!

16. Have posted photos of myself for people to see!

17. Have eaten some pretty good healthy meals (along with a few bad ones too) but the point is I know the difference

18. Have worked on my relationship with my mother and it is better than ever

19. People have noticed I seem to be more confident

20. I'm in the process of learning that this is journey and not a destination. I might step off the path to take in a few sights, I might get waylaid by some ailments, I might lose my way in the fog, but I'm still making overall progress!

Thanks to all of you who have helped me in ways you are really not even aware of!


P.S. I seem to have forgotten to mention my husband in all of this.....so here is reason 21: I am more in love with my husband than ever before and we are getting along so much better. Just shows what a little self-improvement can do to relationships you are in.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CHRISTINA791 8/5/2011 12:48PM

    Congratulations, and happy sparkversary!!

Here's to even more success in the next year! I can't wait to see where you go with it!

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BOVEY63 8/5/2011 12:11PM

    Happy one-year Sparkversary! You have come so far!
emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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KAYDE53 8/4/2011 11:21PM

    Happy emoticon!!!! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

Comment edited on: 8/4/2011 11:21:23 PM

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DRGOMTI 8/4/2011 9:38PM

    WOW!! Pump up the enthusiasm!!!! emoticon You go girl!!!! now you really inspire me!!

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CHUBRUB3 8/4/2011 8:20PM

    emoticon emoticon

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CODEMAULER 8/4/2011 3:28PM

    What a difference a year can make; just think about that when you face the next day, and the day after that...


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CHLOE453 8/4/2011 2:16PM

    emoticon I doesn't seem possible, how time flies!! emoticon

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_LINDA 8/4/2011 12:14PM

    emoticon Happy Sparkversary!! You have come a long way and are doing fantastic!! I was so happy to have met you on here!
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LESLIES537 8/4/2011 12:13PM

    That is quite the awesome list!!! I am incredibly proud of you! Happy Sparkversary! Here's to many more to come! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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JLITT62 8/4/2011 12:11PM

    Wonderful accomplishments!

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BECCAJ98 8/4/2011 11:41AM

    Woohooooooooooo!! And we notice the positive changes too!

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CALGARYNEWF 8/4/2011 11:29AM

    emoticon emoticon

emoticon for sharing your wonderful blogs with us!!!

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    emoticon emoticon emoticon

I love this!

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JESSIELOVE78 8/4/2011 10:46AM


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S3XYDIVASMOM 8/4/2011 10:40AM

    Wow. That's an amazing list. I think I've followed you from almost the beginning and have enjoyed seeing the progress. It's been a lot of fun seeing this little flower bud and blossom. I look forward to our mutual journey.

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THETURTLEBEAR 8/4/2011 10:08AM

    That P.S. is the tops!!

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TEMPEST272002 8/4/2011 9:51AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

Happy Sparkversary to YOU!!! I'm so glad you found your way to SP. It's been such a pleasure getting to know you through your blogs.

I've definitely seen changes in your over the past year, especially in your attitude. You are more optimistic, self-accepting & self-confident. Every time you do something you think you can't, you grow a little bit more.

#20 is my favourite on the list... it, in itself, shows how very far you've come. Well done!

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    Hurray! emoticonSo glad I read this blog before heading out today! You DO rock, you know! What a fantastic year you've had! Of course, we ALL go up and down, but you always keep on going FORWARD and you can certainly tell that you are making the MOST out of your life! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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Feeling better now that I've had my pity party

Wednesday, August 03, 2011


Thank you to each of you who reached out to me either through commenting on my blog, sending me a SparkMail message or bestowing me with SparkGoodies! I needed to hear that somebody out there has my back and boy, did you guys (err...gals) ever respond!

Each one of you had some wonderful advice and words of wisdom so collectively, imagine the support I feel I have! Wow, to say I'm overwhelmed is an understatement. Which Hollywood actress tearfully said "you like me, you really like me" at some awards ceremony and that is what I feel like right now! You guys like me and want me to do well! You don't know me but you care enough to reach out and drag me out of my funk!

I'm taking all of your advice! I'm going to take one day as it comes and try to make mini-goals. Anybody who has followed my journey knows that I have a real problem with goal setting despite writing about it several times. My cousin and I have committed to three sessions at the Y each week; one of which has to be in the weight room because it is what we dread the most. If we do more, that is great but three days is our current goal.

So, that being said, Monday we went to water aerobics, yesterday we were shown around and did some cardio and resistance training and today.......today I went by myself and did 25 minutes on the treadmill, 20 minutes of resistance training and 20 minute in the pool! Yeah!!!!

Can anybody answer this question - the Y has several machines (probably 7-9) that they refer to as resistance training. You can change the amount of resistance by adjusting some knobs. Anyway, I decided to start off on level one (it goes from 0-10) on most machines and up to 4 on others. My cousin (who is 18) thinks I am not using high enough of a resistance. I thought it was better to start slow (to avoid injury) and work my way up? Any ideas and/or thoughts. Also, I've tracked it as Curves circuit training under cardio....is that the right way to do it? I do each machine for 3 sets of 10 reps and it takes about 20 minutes. Also, can I do this on consecutive days?

Since you all believe in me I've got to do this! I've come this far (I read through some of my older blogs and I HAVE come a fair ways) so I'm can't give up. This is MY journey and I have to do it for my mental health as much as I have to do it for my physical health. Quitting is not an option and I certainly don't want to undo all the progress I've made in the past year with regards to non-scale victories!

Thanks again to all of you! You are all angels in my mind!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JETTANALA 8/8/2011 6:50PM


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BOVEY63 8/5/2011 12:09PM

    So happy that you are feeling better and so optimistic!
Great job on the working out!
Have a Fantastic Friday and awesome weekend!

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_LINDA 8/4/2011 12:37PM

    The rule of thumb with resistance is you go until your muscles are tired, but not sore. If it takes too many reps before you feel anything, you increase you weight until you do. Rule is 12-15 repetitions. You stay at that setting until it begins to feel too easy then go up again. They should have people there to give advice, and you should have had a complete orientation to use every machine with the correct form first before using it.
Way to go and good luck with it!!

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LESLIES537 8/4/2011 12:16PM

    LOVE your attitude! That's the Susan I know and love!!

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    You can do this! Great goal setting!

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THETURTLEBEAR 8/3/2011 10:42PM

    I am familiar with the machines you describe - they're at my gym too, and great for people beginning strength training because you don't have to do all the adjustments that you do on the more complex machines. You should use a resistance level that lets you get through your reps (10-12 at first, per set), but is feeling really challenging by the last few reps. Most people seem to start at position 3 on the upper body machines when they're new to it, and maybe more on the legs (I'm guessing there are two leg machines on the circuit, plus the squat machine). But each machine should be judged individually by you and you should write it down (they probably have little sheets and pencils nearby) so you remember for next time. Then when you can do 15 reps and 3 sets and it's not feeling hard enough, up your resistance. It is not cardio - Curves gets counted as cardio because you are doing the jogging or whatever on those boards in between. It counts as strength - and you should be able to find most of those machines in your tracker. SP gives you credit for five minutes of exercise for each machine, automatically, but not any calories since it's not cardio.

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DRGOMTI 8/3/2011 9:23PM

    YOU ROCK SUES!! You are also my angel! : )) my experience with a fitness center n personal trainer is, I bought myself a package deal for 3 months, this was 5 yrs ago, n it included a personal trainer n she pertnear kilt me! when it came to the strength training she got that I had had 2 neck surgeries n have a metal plate n screws fusing 3 verts, so I didn't use any weights, but she had me pushing it too hard with some moves n the bands, n when I felt my neck muscles cramping up I said, nope I can't do that! I think you just have to listen to your own body! It knows better than anything, how much you can handle. n I don't believe in "no pain, no gain"!! For this summer I've been using my push mowing as my cardio n it's plenty! but it's great that you joined the Y!! I would if I could afford it n had a cool cz that would join with me! : )) I can't wait for winter so I can do my snowy walks in the woods with winders again!! So I figure I got it covered, walk with the mower for half the yr, n walk in the snow the other half! : )) I'll tell ya Susan, your blogs are what keep me ingaged with my sparking right now! So I'm so glad you're not gonna quit!!! : ))

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CODEMAULER 8/3/2011 8:30PM

    If you weren't worth the effort, NONE of us would have chimed in!


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KAMAPERRY 8/3/2011 6:01PM

    Of course we like you!! That is what friends are for and to help you be your best you!! I also say ask a trainer, so you do it safely. I applaud your efforts, keep it up!

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S3XYDIVASMOM 8/3/2011 4:58PM

    Always start slowly. You can quickly add the weight if it doesn't hurt you. But if you haven't been strength training, use light weights until form is mastered and then gradually increase the weight. The usual advise is non-consecutive days for strength training. However, you could do lower body workouts one day and then do upper body on the next day.

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OLDERDANDRT 8/3/2011 3:53PM

    I would confer with the trainer at the Y. Strength training for sure is not consecutive days. The trainer could tell you best. I'm glad you're going at this !! emoticon emoticon

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I need help - hanging my head in shame - tough decision ahead!

Tuesday, August 02, 2011


Today was my "introduction" to the Y day during which they kindly used a machine called a "body composition analyzer". Not much of it was really explained and both my cousin and I were handed these slips of paper with a bunch of numbers on them.

Although the woman doing this to us did explain that machines can often be highly inaccurate, I wasn't prepared for the shock of seeing how grossly unfit I am. According to their unit (Tanita TBF-300A), I am...ahem......70 pound overweight, have a BMI of 34.4, and have a fat composition of 50% which equals 106.6 pounds of pure blubber! Yes, I'm calling myself a whale because I'm so ashamed!

I have to research what these numbers really mean but I'm sure none of it can be good! Talk about a reality check........mine not only hit me in the head but also in my heart!

So it is decision time! What do I do? Do I let the numbers rule my life and set me back into a whirlwind of depression, over-eating, and more weight-gain. To be honest, I want to say yes because it would be easier. A lot easier than stepping up to the plate and admitting that I have a bigger hurdle to conquer than I ever thought was possible.

I thought I was doing well on Spark and maybe if I had done this test a year ago the numbers would have shocked me more. But, it is apparent that I have to do more and that means making more of an effort. It can't be all about writing blogs and walking my dogs. I have to put some serious effort into this.

Am I ready? To be honest, I don't know. I really just want to shred that piece of paper with those stupid numbers on it that I can barely look at without the tears rolling down my face. How did I get to this? Do I have what it takes to move forward? Will I make an honest effort at the YMCA or will I just let one session intimidate me so much that I don't ever want to walk in through those doors again?

I know the answers to all these questions. I HATE the Y, I HATE all gyms, I HATE looking at fit people seeming to enjoy themselves, and I'm starting to think I HATE myself for even feeling this way. My past experience is to join something and quit after a few gung-ho sessions. Will I do it again this time? I truly hope not but I think deep down that is what is going to happen. So I'm asking you all....how do I stick with it? Please help me through this because I am just going by past experiences.

How can I push past this feeling of self-doubt? Even while I was on the treadmill today thoughts of doubt crowded my mind. It was like an evil-twin was whispering in my ear that "sure you are doing it now but I bet in two weeks you won't be". Do others feel this way or is this my depression speaking? To combat that evil-twin, I conjured up images of some of my bestest SparkFriends in my mind and could see them all drop kicking my so-called twin in the butt! I really did!

Anyway, I need your help...please! I just want to roll up into a ball and have a good cry but I won't....I have a healthy supper to make! But, please, I need advice!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

_LINDA 8/4/2011 12:33PM

    Oh Susan, so very sorry to hear this :(( The key to keeping on, getting the exercise in, for me is keeping it fresh. Don't do the same old thing over and over again so that you are bored to tears or it just seems like drudgery work. Make it fresh, exciting and interesting. Challenge yourself to do something you never would consider otherwise, but make it something you can do, after some practice. I think yoga would be a very good thing for you to help with mental stress and focus and to improve your range of motion. Take up bowling, whether lawn or in an alley (although outdoors would be better), you would meet new people and be focused on learning something new. No stress being the newbie, anyone promoting their sport will welcome new people with open arms to keep their sport going.
As for the eating, I am a vegetarian so I love eating my freggies by default, but again, here, do not do the same old thing, keep it fresh and interesting and try new things, I tried kohlarabi and loved it!
Hang in there Susan, this was your wake up call, not a set back, but a beginning.
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DARE2LIVE2011 8/4/2011 11:12AM

    Oh sweet lady! My heart goes out to you, but you must remember to ask yourself... do these numbers reflect the REAL you? Your heart? My guess is NO! Nothing has changed, except now you know some facts about your body, and you get to choose if you want to do something about it. Whether you do change physically or don't, your heart is still beautiful and loving, and God still LOVES YOU, no matter your weight, BMI, or blubber. emoticon

Don't let this shake your identity. SparkPeople is the place to be! We're all cheering you on your journey! emoticon

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S3XYDIVASMOM 8/3/2011 4:39PM

    Reality check is just fine, but never, ever let a number define you or your progress. You are a wonderful person; you've stuck with this for over a year; you've made great progress with mental health issues; you're on the right track as far as nutrition and exercise are concerned. I agree that you should make some mini-goals. The big picture is just too overwhelming. Give yourself some tangible rewards for achieving those goals.

For whatever it is worth, my weight is supposedly normal. The fat analyzer places my fat composition at 31.5 %, which is overfat. The problem is that it really does not measure the total fat, but the fat on my arms only. Duh! Without the gizmo I could tell that I carried a lot of fat on my arms.

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THEWINNER33 8/3/2011 2:14PM

    THESE COMMENTS ARE FULL OF GOOD ADVICE. All I can add is this question. If If I posted this blog, what would you say to me? I know the response would not be full of hate for me. So treat yourself as you would treat me. Love yourself and be kind. Hugs, Marcia

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CALGARYNEWF 8/3/2011 1:57PM

    Susan, I think you are much stronger than you give yourself credit for! The blog itself is testament to that. A weaker person wouldn't have been able to put themselves out there like that. You can do this, not because of the numbers on that little piece of paper but because you want to. I agree with setting small goals, either weight loss or fitness goals.
We didn't accumulate this weight or unhealthy lifestyle overnight and although it may take us a long time to lose the weight, it's the healthy lifestyle that's really important. You are well on your way to that! The Y, even though you may HATE it, is a huge step in the right direction. Put a big calendar on your refrigerator and check off the days that you work out. Visual reminders work for me!
I wouldn't worry about those numbers for now,just concentrate on getting the most that you can out of the Y. In 6months or so, have the tests repeated. Imagine the joy in writing the blog about the next little piece of paper from the Y!!!
That's it from my soapbox!!!!!,Now if I could only practice what I preach! emoticon emoticon

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OLDERDANDRT 8/3/2011 1:52PM

    Ok, so here's MY reality check......I found my gym records from July 2010 and guess what my start weight was??????? Two (2) pounds more than I am now!!!! So I should be in your same boat??? I felt terrible! I'd been working so hard ( for a month or two, now and then) but have done a beautiful job of maintaining!!!! UGH!!!
what am I doing about it???? You mean besides kicking my own a$$?????? I am still going to the gym and working my butt off!!! I lowered my calorie level for actual loss instead of maintanence b/c I need to lose 65 - 70 pounds!!! I've been fighting these same poundds what seems forever!!! So, eat your freggies, make sure your calories are within a good range of calories foe weight loss and workout every day!!!!! Look, you don't have to wear yourself out every day, but you DO have to workout every day!!! In some manner!!
So now, I have turned down the wine, so I've not been offered any cheese! So, do you want some emoticon to go with your whine? emoticon emoticon

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DIREXTOR 8/3/2011 12:41PM

    I tried to respond but had too much to say here. Sent you an email. Short version is eliminate the HATE...self hatred that is. You have made great progress, that reality check didn't bounce. Cash it in and used the information to motivate you instead of hating and stagnating.

Cheering in advance for your continued success.

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BOVEY63 8/3/2011 12:01PM

    Don't roll up in a ball. You have made so many positive steps forward and there are a lot of us here to help keep you going in that direction.

I could have written the "HATE" paragraph, word for word, so many times (and still have those days). It's on those days that I find my inspiration and motivation here at SP - and, you have been one of those who has given it to me. This is my favorite part of SP, the amazing friends!
emoticon emoticon
Put your chin up knowing that I, along with so many others, think you're pretty darn awesome!
emoticon emoticon

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KITKA82 8/3/2011 11:30AM

    Time for some mini-goals!!!! If you haven't been rewarding yourself for hitting mini-goals (maybe every 5% body fat lost), you should definitely consider it.

I started my journey at around 48% body fat. I've lost over 60 pounds and am now around 27% body fat. I still have some to lose, but it will come off with consistency.

Definitely don't let this news defeat you. If anything, let it motivate you to keep going. Up your protein intake and get in some strength training to build muscle and burn the fat. emoticon

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GRAMLORI 8/3/2011 10:49AM

    Susan, Just one day at a time. You will have those days of not making good choices, and the lbs won't come off as fast as you like, but just one decision, one day at a time. And every good decision you make, every day you make right choices, imagine yourself drop-kicking that evil twin! You've made good decisions to make this a priority.....don't kick yourself when you are down, just pick yourself up and shake it off and do the right thing. This isn't a diet, it's your new way of life.

One day at a time, sweet Jesus,
That's all I'm asking of you
Give me the strength to do everything
That I've got to do
Yesterday's gone, sweet Jesus,
And tomorrow may never be mine
Help me today, please show me the way
One day at a time!
emoticon Not a new song, but that's my song!


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    I agree with most of the comments, it is just a piece of paper! Use it as a guide and that is it!!

When I started my exercise program I was walking and walking and more walking. I got nothing but injured feet, I think I was wearing the wrong type of shoes. I then got the correct info from Spark, you will be able to get that kind of help from the Y, and learned how to exercise properly. Use the Y to get yourself started.


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TEMPEST272002 8/3/2011 9:28AM

    You & me, Susan, we are 2 peas in a pod. We're so much a like, we could be twins separated at birth. So... if I can do it, so can you.

I know you're tempted to skip going back to the gym... but I also know that you are NOT going to miss that next workout. I know this because you've blogged about your doubts & now you've put it out there for all of us - and that means you're ready to gather your courage and make the changes you need to.

There is absolutely no reason for you to feel ashamed. NONE. 70lbs or 200lbs overweight - doesn't matter. Society tells us to be ashamed, but it's crap. The more ashamed we are, the less likely we are to take care of ourselves (like skipping the gym). That shame is the depression voice & you know she's a liar.

You were working hard on being healthy all spring - weight is only one part of the puzzle. Don't down play the effort you put in to deal with your depression. Now that you've been able to deal with the more urgent mental health issues, you can focus again on the physical health ones.

I hope I was among the butt-kicking friends! I know you have it in you. I know you are strong and beautiful and deserving. I also know that you can make the changes you need to. Get yourself to the gym, sweetie, because that is where you're going to push through the real tough parts... and come out the other side with more confidence & self respect... and also, hopefully, a smaller waist line.

My favourite quote to encourage you:

Risk! Risk anything! Care no more for the opinions of others, for those voices. Do the hardest thing on earth for you. Act for yourself. Face the truth. - Kate Mansfield

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SKUNKY4 8/3/2011 8:31AM

    So much good advice here. all I can add is Never give up on yourself...You are definitely worth it. We are here for you and I know you are here for us. Together we will make it. We are all on this journey together, just some are at different places. I bet not every great looking body at the gym started out that way. I am proud that you took that first step and went. That's all this journey is ..step by step, pound by pound. When you start to think of giving up you just call on your sparkfriends cos I know more than one of them will help. I've had some of them kick my butt in the right direction before... emoticon emoticon emoticon

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EDWINA172 8/3/2011 6:00AM

    I used to think the same thoughts. One day, I just kept going. I don't know how it happened. I envisioned myself as a little turtle on a dirt road. I might be going slow, but at least I was making progress. There may be days when you think about stopping, but don't! Think about what happens to the turtle if he stops in the middle of the road! You may reach a speed bump (plateau~mentally or physically), just keep on going. You will reach your goal. As long as you keep going. You have to! I didn't start until I was 44 years old. If I can do it, you can do it! Keep us posted. Have a great day. Be the turtle!

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JLITT62 8/3/2011 5:10AM

    Haven't read thru others' advice, but here's mine. Can you afford a personal trainer? Even if it's just a few sessions? Then do it. One of the best gifts I ever gave myself. It gave me a reason to go & a good one will really motivate you.

Don't look at how far you have to go - pick a small goal. Forget about how much you have to lose, concentrate on the next pound - or 5. Throw that all-or-nothing attitude out the window.

And how about a little healthy competition between you & your cousin? The one who goes the most or the longest has to buy the other a manicure, or take her to the movies - something that'll motivate you both.

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BLESSED2BEME 8/3/2011 1:25AM

    I think CHUBRUB3 said it well - not much I can add to that!

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CHUBRUB3 8/2/2011 11:15PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
Consider youself Drop Kicked!

Now, pull up your big girl panties and forget about this piece of paper. If it is that depressing, you don't need it. Ask your self this instead: Have you been trying to exercise and eat right? Have you improved yourself from a year ago? YES!!! YOU HAVE!!!



Start by scheduling on your calendar when your going to the gym; with who (because a buddy holds you accountable) and more than one doubles your commitment; what will you do that day? Strength or cardio or a class?

Now make sure your gym bag is packed and ready to grab so you don't have to think about it and forget something. Don't forget your water...if you do they have fountains.

I believe in you. WE believe in you. Now BELIEVE IN YOURSELF!
You are a wonderful, beautiful woman! Show the world!

R> emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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KAYDE53 8/2/2011 10:02PM

    I don't worry about numbers, I just think about how much better I feel when I exercise. I don't have the self-discipline to do it at home, so while the place I go is not exactly a gym, it's a fitness/rehab center, I don't worry about what others look like, think or do!!!
This is something you do for yourself!!! emoticon emoticonGo for it!!! emoticon

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MOSTMOM1 8/2/2011 7:59PM

    Susan, I actually thought of you when I wrote my blog this evening. Seems like we both have pesky little voices in our heads. I'm willing to masking tape my construct paper mask back on, if you'll step aside, so I can deliver a Chuck Norris/Bruce Lee kick to the side of your evil twin's head. Hi-yah!!!

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CODEMAULER 8/2/2011 6:23PM

    Wait a minute... YOU joined the Y, and YOU had the health assessment performed.

That means YOU are in charge and YOU are already making positive, healthy choices!!


There is nothing to be ashamed about, unless you let those silly numbers on a flimsy piece of paper dictate your goals and attitude. Do nothing and you will achieve nothing. Use this information and set some priorities; put those goals out there; put a few milestones in front of you and start walking. It's OK if the first steps are small and timid; you'll get the hang of it.

As adults we often expect perfection right out of the starting gates. WE ARE WORKS IN PROGRESS!! You can only be great by getting to good, and you can only be good by getting control. It will take more than a day - week - month, but it will take much longer if you do nothing.

Hon, if this was easy, we'd ALL be swimsuit models and rock stars. Just be the best you that you can be, because all the other folks are already taken.


Reach out all you need; we're all here to close the circle and bring you into a well of support!!


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IMIN2GENES 8/2/2011 6:10PM

    It's just a piece of paper and they're just numbers. Don't let them rule you! You can do anything you set your mind to do. Think about the improvements you've seen already. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other. Try a challenge! I loved the Spring Into Summer Bootcamp here on SP. It's self paced and it's 4 weeks. If I could do it, you can! By the end of the 4 weeks, I was stronger and started the scale moving again. There are tons of workout and strength training videos here on SP that give you a great bang for your buck - so to speak. They have the advantage of being short - a lot of them are 10 minutes or less, so the aren't intimidating. Big plus... you can do them at home! No gym, no Y. If you're worried about that, then try it at home. Keep moving forward!

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GFREERUNNER 8/2/2011 5:54PM

    I am not a fan of gym's either... never have been! I would say ignore the numbers. Do what you love. Find heart pumping exercise that you enjoy... or at least enjoy when it is over :) You can get DVD's to do at home too :)

I loved this - "Do I let the numbers rule my life and set me back into a whirlwind of depression, over-eating, and more weight-gain. To be honest, I want to say yes because it would be easier. A lot easier than stepping up to the plate and admitting that I have a bigger hurdle to conquer than I ever thought was possible."

I have been here... in fact I struggle with this each day. If your reaction to things like this has always been to over eat and get depressed, it is easier. I fight this urge quite a bit.

You can do this, one day at a time ;) I have not read through your page, but just reading these comments it sounds like you have made some amazing progress over the last year :) DOn't lose sight of that progress just because of some numbers on a piece of paper... you are WORTH more than those dang numbers!!


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KAMAPERRY 8/2/2011 5:44PM

    DON'T ALLOW MR FEAR TAKE YOUR FREEDOM AWAY! Yes, you can do this, and ypu can choose that this time will be different and you won't quit! We have faith in you!

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DRGOMTI 8/2/2011 5:24PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticonLook out evil twin!! spark friends are comin thru!!!! Oh Sues! You are such an inspiration to me!! you do alot more walking the dogs than I ever thought of! you cook good healthy meals which I never do, You blog n are much more active here than I am! n yes, I think you're being a bit too hard on yourself right now! I know we all need a good kickstart once in awhile, but, don't let that piece a paper ruin all you've learned at SP!! It works for me better than anything else I've tried cz it allows me some slack n is teaching me to concentrate on the good things I do rather than beating my head against a brick wall n feeling like a failure. That's what I used to do n then I would just give up. Please DON'T!!! You're too important to us here!! Remember, we gotta get rid of the "all er nuthin" attitude! just one day at a time n one little step at a time. Seriously, I would burn that piece a paper n get out another piece n start writing all the things that are good about yourself!! Trust me, there's tons!!
emoticondon't give up! If you have to, take a few days off, n then come back n we'll talk again!! : ))
emoticonyour friendship has helped me thru losing my best lifetime friend, my mom! thank you for all the flowers n kind words!!
emoticon emoticon emoticondr

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HEART_N_GRACE 8/2/2011 5:00PM

    Wow ~ I didn't read all your comments, so some of this may be repeat. Tell yourself it's OK to hate it! Who says you have to enjoy it (at first)... this is WORK!!! It is HARD and you are WORTH IT! Don't presume you know other peoples story... that skinny may be my daughter ~ who REALLY REALLY wants a job, but being able to work out at the Y helps her with stress. Even imagine different scenerios if that helps... or consider that someday... you can be a skinny!!! GRRR you can do it! emoticon

Set realistic goals, and watch those pesky numbers go down! The only shame is if you don't do anything! How neat that you can track it!!!

Comment edited on: 8/2/2011 5:03:22 PM

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BOE4LIFE 8/2/2011 4:53PM

    Ummm guess what? There are a lot of people at the gym that would rather be a t a coffee shop. As for you, are you gonna let this get to you? Are you gonna let this stop you? There is no shame in those numbers, they are just numbers, they do however let you know where you stand. Keep going and soon you will be one of those fit people enjoying themselves. You are worth it it is that simple. One day at a time, one step at a time one decision at a time just never stop. Add me as a spark friend if you like and we can help keep each other accountable. We have your back. We are kicking that twin, don’t you dare let her tell you anything negative. You have come this far just keep coming. We are all here to push , pull, encourage and love you along. We can do this, You can do this.

When things go wrong, as they sometimes will,
When the road you're trudging seems all uphill,
When the funds are low and the debts are high,
And you want to smile, but you have to sigh,
When care is pressing you down a bit,
Rest, if you must, but don't you quit.

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BECCAJ98 8/2/2011 4:47PM

    Everyone else has great words......so here's my 2 cents.

I hate my gym, hate the skinnies, but I love going and sweating more!! I notice them WAY MORE than they notice me. And I feel better after a really good workout!!

You can do it, you have already done so much......don't quit!!!!!!

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JETTANALA 8/2/2011 4:43PM

    Reality bites! however.... just because you now know a number doesn't mean that anything has changed since yesterday. This is a good thing and you need to not think of it as a bad thing!

I would suggest going to some of the wonderful spark pages here of people who have been in MUCH worse situations than you are and have pushed past this...

Attitude is everything and it seems as though right now that is what you are most in need of! again, Reality bites! But what are your choices... you can go ahead and become depressed if you want to, and one of two things will happen. 1) you will get lazier and eat more and feel worse about yourself and perhaps never get completely out of the funk.... or 2) you can realize that you have been given the gift of knowledge, that you know what you are up against, that you have the perfect community to thrive in by utilizing all the tools here in sparkpeople's community, and you have unbelievable examples from whom to learn.

Look at this as information that you should have had before. This is a project, the "me" project. You will now look at your plan of attack as a means to an end. You will now begin registering just why you are the way you are, what causes you to put food in your mouth (i.e., depression... binge eating ... that's my issue) And you will work to find alternative methods to get past your issues.

As I see it, you don't have a choice, if indeed you want to live a long life. You don't need to be one of the people that turns you off at the Y... find what works for you and educate yourself. We all have our pity parties and our moments of discourgment... but we need to get through them... get back on the horse and ride like the wind.

Begin with the food and the nutrition... Understand how the food fuels our bodies. Would you like a great (easy) book to read? Ultrametabolism by Dr. Mark Hyman ($12 or so and I think Target even might have it) This book was a big Ah Ha for me when I read it 3 years ago... and while I don't do absolutely everything he recommends, I now understand my very sluggish metabolism...

Come honey, pull yourself up... it isn't so bad... like I said, nothing is really different than it was yesterday except you now have a number to measure your success by!

I'm going to be watching you and rooting for you!


visit this page if you'd like inspiration..


Comment edited on: 8/2/2011 5:09:35 PM

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KANSASROSE67 8/2/2011 4:42PM

    I like to play the game of taking negative, difficult things and trying to find the positive in them.

So, let's look at it this way. Just think how much worse those numbers would be if you hadn't found Spark, if you hadn't been walking, if you weren't eating healthier. Instead of focusing on how much weight you haven't lost, think about about how much you haven't gained.

There have been people on Spark who have had far, far, far worse numbers and they have lost the weight. You can too. Tell that evil twin to take a hike (literally)!

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CHRISTINA791 8/2/2011 4:41PM

    Okay... deep breath. You can do this.

Here are a couple things that helped me:

1) Information is power. I know... I spent years in denial, getting sicker and sicker and ignoring the numbers. They're scary to look at and sometimes you just want them to go away, but that doesn't make the facts any different... it just makes you blind to them. The known is much easier to handle than the unknown, and now you have some solid things to aim for. Don't let them rule you, but don't lose sight of them either. I know that this doesn't work for everyone, but I find that the more information I have available, the more in control I feel.

2) Gyms are hard, but they can be so useful. Again, it's not something that will work for everyone, but having a set time and place to exercise can be what's needed for the habit to take hold. I'll tell you the truth - I cried the first time I went to the gym. I wore one of my boyfriend's 3XL t-shirts, hid in the corner, glared at the skinny girls, and hated myself the entire time. Then I went back and did it again the next day. Slowly, I started getting hooked on what I was doing and pushing myself to do better. The more selfish I got about my gym time, the more comfortable I felt in the place. I started saying 'hi' to the regulars, trying new things, and even venturing outside to run in front of traffic (always a huge fear, after some dude threw garbage at me and called me 'fatty' years ago). Now I love my gym time, and I never would have expected to say that a year ago.

So, here's a secret: I was sure I was going to quit too. There was no reason this time should have been different than any of the last times, and I was just waiting for the other shoe to drop. What I did was ask myself if this was going to be the day I gave up every time I had the urge to quit. I'd answer 'no', commit to that one day, and ask myself again the next. Eventually, I started doing C25K, which gave me an eight week game to play with myself, and by the time I completed that, the gym habit was starting to stick.

I think it's just a matter of repeat exposure. Some people out there genuinely hate the gym and find that it doesn't motivate them at all, but I think a lot of people let self consciousness get the better of them. I'd have lost this weight a lot sooner if I hadn't run away crying every time I saw a treadmill Barbie, and I sometimes wish I could go back in time and tell myself that it really does get easier.

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    You need to turn it on its ear and LAUGH about it. Once you say "machine" you can pretty much add in "inaccurate" and "don't pay too much attention." The type of machines available at gyms that process a zillion people - not to mention the fact that the machines are being run by people with no training - means you can't get too worried about this. You know how you feel. You know the improvements you've made. Don't get hung up on that piece of paper - toss it out. If you want to look at numbers, look at how your blood pressure has likely decreased, along with your cholesterol, and how your fitness level has increased.

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LESLIES537 8/2/2011 4:29PM

    Never allow the possibility of failure to stop you from reaching your goals. When you have a strong belief in your actions and desire to succeed, nothing can stop you. Set your mind to this and DO IT! Tear up that damn piece of paper and focus on your future. This is a starting point. Set your mind to it and never, ever give up on yourself. Believe in yourself, I do! emoticon emoticon emoticon

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SKYWATCHERRS 8/2/2011 4:21PM

    Let me ask you this - do you have what it takes NOT to start making better choices and exercising regularly? Do you have what it takes to live the rest of your life feeling bad about the way you look and enduring all kinds of health problems tied to obesity? Do you have what it takes to deal with hurting joints, heart attacks, strokes, cancer, colo-rectal trouble, high blood pressure, and diabetes?

Yeah, you got some shocking numbers. Yeah, it would be easier to eat your feelings about those numbers and numb yourself with calories. What does that accomplish? You will have nothing to show for yourself but worse numbers if you continue that way.

Or, you can take control of it now. You can turn those horrible numbers and make them great. Make YOU great.

You get to decide how you're going to respond to this time in your life. Ask yourself if you're willing to accept the consequences of continuing with bad habits. Changing those habits will be hard, yeah. It will be hard. But it'll also be worth it. Not changing will be easy from an eating point of view, but it will not be worth the consequences to come.

"Nothing that’s worthwhile is ever easy." –Nicholas Sparks

"You either sacrifice today to reach tomorrow's goals, or you give up your dreams in favor of the fleeting comfort that's distracting you." Dave Griffin

"No one can make you change. Only YOU can CHOOSE to change. But first there must be something inside of you...a deep desire...a reason to change. You must identify that first before you'll be truly ready to change." –Craig Ballantyne

"The greatest obstacle to our success and progress is our own internal resistance. We must ask ourselves what we want and then identify everything that we are doing that gets in the way of our achievement. Then we need to find a way to overcome all of this self-sabotage if we are to truly succeed. A tough task, but one that you'll do if you are serious about your goals." – Craig Ballantyne

"Is the life you’re living worth what you’re giving up to have it?" - Craig Ballantyne

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