Friday, August 05, 2011
If you are wondering about my blog title, it is named that because I wanted to write about a whole bunch of stuff some people might call nonsense but which I feel is important to me. Since I use my blogs as a journal first and foremost you don't have to read any further if you don't want to. But I know you are because that is why my SparkFriends are the very bestest! (and yes, I know that isn't a word but it did seem apt)
Today, I've accomplished several things. One was I went for a 5.5 km walk in the woods with my hubby and two dogs. It was on this walk that I had several break throughs in my thought process.
1. I let Louisa be a dog and didn't care when she got this dirty within minutes of our walk
We have lots of clean water and towels at home and she is at her happiest getting dirty...and besides her "smile" is contagious!
2. We came to a fork in the road so it was decision time. One road was dry and shorter and the other was much longer and who knew what lay beyond the next turn. It was then that I had a moment! Life is too short to always know what lies ahead of us! John was amazed that I wanted to take the longer trail and I couldn't even find the words to tell him why. It was such a beautiful day and I was spending time with those I loved the most....heck, why would I pick the short, boring trail! I've realized after much thought, that this can apply to my whole life. I am at a fork in the road......I've decided to take the path that I'm not comfortable with.....joining the gym. But, if I don't I will never know what I could have been!
3. I might have 'only" lost a grand total of 10 pounds in a year but carrying 10 pounds and walking a km sure felt like work!
Yes, I carried Maddy for about 1 km as he was sedated at the vet yesterday for a quick procedure and we didn't want him to over do it!
4. When you take the different path you see interesting stuff that you might have missed! Moose prints.....some were very fresh.....as in mere minutes!
5. And the final thing I realized (which is when I stopped because my brain cells were starting to fight back against overuse!) is that we make sure our dogs are always fed good quality food, eat only healthy snacks, are exercised twice a day, and get a lot of rest and relaxation but my husband and I don't do the same for ourselves. So, on the way home I stopped into a grocery store and stocked up on some "freggies"! I had a turkey breast all prepared to pop into the oven so I decided to roast some vegetables to go with it. I also bought an acorn squash which we've never had....all in the oven roasting with onions, carrots, turnip, sweet potato, garlic, and parsnip.
Oh, and another thing......I actually went to the gym while the above was roasting and did 30 minutes of resistance training!!!! Is it okay to declare a "proud of me day"?
P.S. sorry this pictures are sideways....they weren't that way on my computer! AAARRRGGHH
Thursday, August 04, 2011
Yes, it has been a whole year since I first logged into the Spark site to see what it was all about. Although I didn't officially start until the end of August (it was my first day back to work for the fall semester) my Spark anniversary was two days ago.......the day I sort of had my meltdown!
I've decided to make a list of the positive things that have happened to me during the past year:
1. Was introduced to Spark!
2. Adopted Louisa who is one of the best walking companions ever!
3. Have over 12,000 fitness minutes under my belt...yes, ME!
4. Survived a year with my husband gone back to school...he graduated with honours and I dealt with things on the homefront!
5. Went a year without having to adjust any of my medications for depression
6. My therapist "sees" big improvements in my outlook and attitude
7. Posted full length pictures of myself....in underwear (!) for a challenge!
8. Virtually climbed Gros Morne mountain and am working on the Newfoundland T'Railway
9. Have learned that I love to walk and have thus discovered new trails and roads
10. Have laughed more at my dogs who join me for my walks.....bunnies, frogs, moose, etc
11. Have gone a whole year on a "program" and have not quit!!!! Wow!
12. Have made the most wonderful friends and joined some great teams
13. Have worked hard on the all-or-nothing attitude
14. Have come to appreciate how drinking 8 glasses of water makes me feel
15. Am comfortable posting blogs that emotionally gut-wrenching!
16. Have posted photos of myself for people to see!
17. Have eaten some pretty good healthy meals (along with a few bad ones too) but the point is I know the difference
18. Have worked on my relationship with my mother and it is better than ever
19. People have noticed I seem to be more confident
20. I'm in the process of learning that this is journey and not a destination. I might step off the path to take in a few sights, I might get waylaid by some ailments, I might lose my way in the fog, but I'm still making overall progress!
Thanks to all of you who have helped me in ways you are really not even aware of!
P.S. I seem to have forgotten to mention my husband in all of this.....so here is reason 21: I am more in love with my husband than ever before and we are getting along so much better. Just shows what a little self-improvement can do to relationships you are in.
Wednesday, August 03, 2011
Thank you to each of you who reached out to me either through commenting on my blog, sending me a SparkMail message or bestowing me with SparkGoodies! I needed to hear that somebody out there has my back and boy, did you guys (err...gals) ever respond!
Each one of you had some wonderful advice and words of wisdom so collectively, imagine the support I feel I have! Wow, to say I'm overwhelmed is an understatement. Which Hollywood actress tearfully said "you like me, you really like me" at some awards ceremony and that is what I feel like right now! You guys like me and want me to do well! You don't know me but you care enough to reach out and drag me out of my funk!
I'm taking all of your advice! I'm going to take one day as it comes and try to make mini-goals. Anybody who has followed my journey knows that I have a real problem with goal setting despite writing about it several times. My cousin and I have committed to three sessions at the Y each week; one of which has to be in the weight room because it is what we dread the most. If we do more, that is great but three days is our current goal.
So, that being said, Monday we went to water aerobics, yesterday we were shown around and did some cardio and resistance training and today.......today I went by myself and did 25 minutes on the treadmill, 20 minutes of resistance training and 20 minute in the pool! Yeah!!!!
Can anybody answer this question - the Y has several machines (probably 7-9) that they refer to as resistance training. You can change the amount of resistance by adjusting some knobs. Anyway, I decided to start off on level one (it goes from 0-10) on most machines and up to 4 on others. My cousin (who is 18) thinks I am not using high enough of a resistance. I thought it was better to start slow (to avoid injury) and work my way up? Any ideas and/or thoughts. Also, I've tracked it as Curves circuit training under cardio....is that the right way to do it? I do each machine for 3 sets of 10 reps and it takes about 20 minutes. Also, can I do this on consecutive days?
Since you all believe in me I've got to do this! I've come this far (I read through some of my older blogs and I HAVE come a fair ways) so I'm can't give up. This is MY journey and I have to do it for my mental health as much as I have to do it for my physical health. Quitting is not an option and I certainly don't want to undo all the progress I've made in the past year with regards to non-scale victories!
Thanks again to all of you! You are all angels in my mind!
Tuesday, August 02, 2011
Today was my "introduction" to the Y day during which they kindly used a machine called a "body composition analyzer". Not much of it was really explained and both my cousin and I were handed these slips of paper with a bunch of numbers on them.
Although the woman doing this to us did explain that machines can often be highly inaccurate, I wasn't prepared for the shock of seeing how grossly unfit I am. According to their unit (Tanita TBF-300A), I am...ahem......70 pound overweight, have a BMI of 34.4, and have a fat composition of 50% which equals 106.6 pounds of pure blubber! Yes, I'm calling myself a whale because I'm so ashamed!
I have to research what these numbers really mean but I'm sure none of it can be good! Talk about a reality check........mine not only hit me in the head but also in my heart!
So it is decision time! What do I do? Do I let the numbers rule my life and set me back into a whirlwind of depression, over-eating, and more weight-gain. To be honest, I want to say yes because it would be easier. A lot easier than stepping up to the plate and admitting that I have a bigger hurdle to conquer than I ever thought was possible.
I thought I was doing well on Spark and maybe if I had done this test a year ago the numbers would have shocked me more. But, it is apparent that I have to do more and that means making more of an effort. It can't be all about writing blogs and walking my dogs. I have to put some serious effort into this.
Am I ready? To be honest, I don't know. I really just want to shred that piece of paper with those stupid numbers on it that I can barely look at without the tears rolling down my face. How did I get to this? Do I have what it takes to move forward? Will I make an honest effort at the YMCA or will I just let one session intimidate me so much that I don't ever want to walk in through those doors again?
I know the answers to all these questions. I HATE the Y, I HATE all gyms, I HATE looking at fit people seeming to enjoy themselves, and I'm starting to think I HATE myself for even feeling this way. My past experience is to join something and quit after a few gung-ho sessions. Will I do it again this time? I truly hope not but I think deep down that is what is going to happen. So I'm asking you all....how do I stick with it? Please help me through this because I am just going by past experiences.
How can I push past this feeling of self-doubt? Even while I was on the treadmill today thoughts of doubt crowded my mind. It was like an evil-twin was whispering in my ear that "sure you are doing it now but I bet in two weeks you won't be". Do others feel this way or is this my depression speaking? To combat that evil-twin, I conjured up images of some of my bestest SparkFriends in my mind and could see them all drop kicking my so-called twin in the butt! I really did!
Anyway, I need your help...please! I just want to roll up into a ball and have a good cry but I won't....I have a healthy supper to make! But, please, I need advice!
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