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"The greatest battle is not physical but psychological"...pictures too!

Saturday, June 25, 2011


I owe many of you a big, geniune thank you for helping me through the past several weeks. As most of you know I was in yet another emotional slump. I don't know how why you all don't just write me off as this pattern seems to be a cycle. I do well, I try to be active and then the slump hits and I go into hibernation. Thank you for sticking by me and helping me through!

Speaking of which, the title of my blog comes from one of my favourite quotes. I just love it and wanted to share.

~The greatest battle is not physical but psychological ~

"The demons telling us to give up when we push ourselves to the limit can never be silenced for good. They must always be answered by the quiet, steady dignity that simply refuses to give in. Courage. We all suffer. Keep going. -Graeme Fife

Yesterday turned out quite well. I awoke feeling a lot better emotionally and actually went for an one hour hike in the woods with my dogs and husband. We took a path deep into the forest and it was lovely. Lots of evidence of moose (both footprints and buttons), berry bushes in full flower, new little trees sprouting up, and most of all exercise and fresh air! It only rained a wee bit which was fine. I think we've discovered our new berry picking grounds for the fall. Yeah! I love berry picking!

Late in the afternoon I picked up my mom. Although she looked gorgeous and wasn't the least bit sad, she REFUSED to let me take her picture. John took one of me so here I am.....wearing one pair of my new glasses.

Mom and I had a really lovely meal together. I took her to a restaurant in Botwood, NL, which is where she was teaching when Dad asked her to marry him. She objected to me paying for the meal so I told her again of where the money came from. Thank goodness she and I laughed and we didn't shed any tears. I brought her back to the nursing home around 9:30 p.m. and my brother then called her from Australia so I think she had a good day all around. I also had some flowers delivered to her earlier in the day. She told me she had been dreading the day ever since Dad died and that Dad would have been proud of me....that meant more to me than anything!

Anyway, enough of that....here is some humour:

Oh, and remember my comment about the premier of Newfoundland and Labrador...well, I sort of ended up on the cover of our local newspaper. My friend doctored the picture up so here it is! I have to give the premier credit for running....I'm the plump one wearing the brown coat!

Now, that I have you laughing here are a few more:

This is Maddy - graduate of "The Sleep Academy"

This is Louisa - graduate of "The Lazy Academy"

And finally this is the graduate himself.....


The first two pictures (of the dogs) were taken when we arrived home from John's graduation and the last one was taken just before our yard sale! John says it is his Justin Bieber look! Somebody actually paid us $5 for that wig.....thank goodness they don't know how much fun we all had trying it on beforehand! Ha!!!!

Must go and put a roast of beef in the oven for the dogs and John. I've been invited out for pizza with two girlfriends!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BOVEY63 6/28/2011 1:11PM

    So happy to hear that you're doing better and that you and your mom had such a nice time together.
Love the pics and the bra comment!
Nice glasses - my son and I are going to get some tomorrow on a 2-for-1 special. Hopefully we can find ones we like in those available in the special.

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CALGARYNEWF 6/27/2011 5:36PM

    I love your blogs Susan! You always make me laugh!!!!

I like the length of your hair. It looks great on you!

Loved the comment about the premier nneding a better sports bra...Too funny!!!!!


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GOANNA2 6/27/2011 1:51PM

    So glad you are feeling better now.

Loved the pictures of the 'little graduate'.
Enjoy your pizza. emoticon emoticon

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HOPEFULANGE 6/27/2011 8:16AM

    It's great to see things going well for you Susan! Sorry I haven't been around much lately...I've been "off spark" since it took over my life. I'm slowly trying to get back into it without letting it run me ragged!

Love the pics!

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DRGOMTI 6/27/2011 12:03AM

    If u had a yard sale, u have more energy than I do!! I've been trying to talk myself into having a rummage sale, but it's so much work. UGH!
Oh yeah, congrats to yer hubby!! emoticon

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DRGOMTI 6/26/2011 11:58PM

    Thank you for the awesome blog!! I loved the pictures!! Especially the one of you on the front page of your paper!! Congrats! You're famous!! : )) Love your glasses!! I need some new ones too soon. emoticon And John looks just like Justin!!!
So glad yer back!! n u even went walking!!!! now maybe I can get going on the walking my winders again.

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KAMAPERRY 6/25/2011 10:24PM

    Love the pics, and the special time with your mom. We would never write you off, we all have our ups and downs, but friends are there for each other, no matter what!

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MILLISMA 6/25/2011 9:37PM

    Looks like your family has a great sense of humor....love the photos! Glad that you had a good time with your mom. Thanks for sharing your day!

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S3XYDIVASMOM 6/25/2011 8:44PM

    Glad to see your smile and to share some laughs with you. Loved the blog and loved the pictures.

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VICKILYN4 6/25/2011 8:40PM

    Glad you and your mom had a good night. John looks good as bieber...lol. The dogs are so cute. Have a wonderful weekend sweetie.

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CODEMAULER 6/25/2011 7:18PM

    I'm so glad that your Mom had a great time with you. It looks like things are turning around, mood-wise, with all the events in your world.

Just a fun "fact" in my world... I have a kitty that we've nick-named Moose (one tall, leggy, big gal otherwise known as ShadowDancer). I smiled when I read "Lots of evidence of moose," because it my brain said, "How did she get out?"


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    You know what, Susan... you are just REAL! I don't think you are as different from others as you think you are. You just happen to vocalize a lot more than most what they're already dealing with! You are a wonderful person who cares deeply for others and I would rather have you for a friend than someone who acts like they have it all together! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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THETURTLEBEAR 6/25/2011 6:16PM

    What fun to see your beautiful smile, your funny pics, and hear about your lovely time with mom. Just GREAT!

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BTRTHANEVA 6/25/2011 5:55PM

    So glad to hear you're coming around. I'm right there with you sistah. Keep that positive energy flowing. You're so worth all the happiness you shared on your blog!!

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TEMPEST272002 6/25/2011 4:58PM

    Funny pictures! Love the beiber look. lol Your glasses look very nice on you. Glad you & your mum had a good time at dinner. So nice of her to say about your dad being proud of you. I'm sure he was!

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    I am so happy that you and your mom had a wonderful meal!

Love the photo's, you are looking great!

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MADDEELOU 6/25/2011 4:23PM

    Great pictures. I am glad you and your mom were able to celebrate the anniversary. Sounds like it was a nice evening.

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JLITT62 6/25/2011 3:53PM

    Obviously your husband has a great sense of humor! Those photos are great - thanks for sharing.

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A gift for Mom from my Dad on what would have been their 50th anniversary

Thursday, June 23, 2011


Well, I'm still not back to participating on Spark as much as I would like nor am I exercising at all. I'm trying hard to pull myself out of a very deep rut but several things have happened that are affecting me emotionally and, as we all know, that is what gets me everytime! People used to tell me I wouldn't have depression if I stopped wearing my heart on my sleeve but I can't help it and to me, it is nothing to be ashamed of. I really feel things and while I think I'm strong inside (and far stronger than most would ever guess when the crunch is on) I do tend to let my emotions wash over me as the tears flow down my face. Even my psychriatrist is on board with this one as she claims crying is a great release for pent up emotions.....and boy I must have a lot of those! Ha!

To answer most of your questions, Louisa is responding to her antibiotics. The problem is she only came off a three week supply of them 7-10 days ago so nobody knows why this particular bout of infection was so virulent. She might have to be sent out of province to have the stricture in her cervix totally removed eventually. And that costs money which we don't really have right now. I'm worried about that but I know we will always find the money somewhere when the time comes.

Then I got a call from my cousin who broke the news to me that my beloved aunts shih-tzu had to be put down on Tuesday. My aunt was living her in Newfoundland when she bought Lucky 8 years ago and she was one of my Peaches' playmates. I loved Lucky like my own and really missed them when they moved across country about 4 years ago. I saw her once since when my husband and I went on a trip and Lucky almost passed out with excitement when she saw us. She slept with us during our trip and we really hoped we were going to see her again. In fact, I was going to use some of my air miles to fly out to see her but she grew too sick too soon.

Tomorrow would have been my mom and dad's 50th wedding anniversary and for some reason that is really getting to me. As most of you know my dad died of cancer 5 years ago and mom is now in a nursing home. I think I am crying for what could have been or maybe I'm just crying because that is all I have been doing the past few days!

As you also know, money has been tight for us since my husband's funding for school finished when he graduated two weeks ago. By the way, he found out yesterday that he will be receiving what is called "The President's Medal" for being the top student in his program. He worked hard but being a "mature" student actually worked to his benefit.

Anyway, the only reason I bring up money is that I would like to take Mom out somewhere special tomorrow night and I was wondering where the money was going to be borrowed from. When it occured to me.....when my father died he had given me a roll of toonies (2 dollar coins that Canada has) which he kept in the glove box of the car for emergencies. He had them kept in an old film canister case and when I counted them earlier today (yes, I kept the roll hidden away for a moment I've been waiting for) there was $50 Canadian there. So there is the answer to paying for tomorrow's night meal. A gift for Mom from Dad on what would have been their special day! After 5 years, I finally have my answer as what to spend that money on. So tomorrow evening, Mom and I will dine out at a restaurant and hopefully it will cheer us both up!

Thanks for reading! Bless you all!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

VICKILYN4 6/25/2011 8:35PM

    Awww Susan...now you have made me cry. That is so sweet! Your dad and God intervened so you would not spend that money until just the right time. Your dad will be looking down smiling knowing you and your mom are together on such a wonderful occasion enjoying each others company. God Bless you Susan! You are a wonderful person!!!

Love ya,

emoticon Vicki

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DRGOMTI 6/24/2011 9:32PM

    Bless you too Susan!! I hope you n your mom have a wonderful time going out to eat!! What a special way to spend that $. Thanks for blogging! It's so good to keep in touch!! emoticondr

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HICKOK-HALEY 6/24/2011 8:34PM

    Wow, that is great. And your Dad will be there in spirit! Have a wonderful time!

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CODEMAULER 6/24/2011 5:27PM

    It sounds like you are carrying the world with you today. Maybe try to focus your energy on what you can do right now, like taking care of yourself, your pup and dinner arrangements?

Try to relax and know that things have a way of working themselves out, whether we worry about them or not.

Congrats to your husband s well. My husband is a "mature" learner as well and he puts a tremendous amount of effort into his schoolwork. Good habit sure pay off!

Have a lovely weekend and enjoy dinner with your Mom!


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BOVEY63 6/24/2011 5:04PM

    Have a wonderful dinner with your mom. How awesome that you found the money where your dad left it.

Congrats to your hubby on his award.
By the way, I think the fact that you wear your heart on your sleeve helps to make you the special, caring person you are.

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KAMAPERRY 6/24/2011 4:34PM

    Now you are gonna make ME cry. I think the dinner with your mom is an awesome idea. emoticon

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GOANNA2 6/24/2011 4:00PM

    I hope you enjoyed the meal.
I hope you are feeling better soon.
Anna emoticon

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MEGSMILEY 6/24/2011 12:18PM

    Awwww... I am sorry you have been having such a hard time lately. I am also an extremely emotional person, so I really relate to you. I think I feel things more deeply than a lot of other people and sometimes it's hard to be me. Anyway- sounds like you are doing the right things to pull out of this. Hang in there!
Also- congrats to your hubby- what an accomplishment!
And also great idea about the twonies being used to take your mum out. I bet your dad would love to know that.
As I said, hang in there honey.

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CHRISTINA791 6/24/2011 11:59AM

    Oh wow, that's a fantastic idea. I just totally teared up. I hope you and your mom have a wonderful dinner.


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JLITT62 6/24/2011 5:15AM

    I'm so sorry for your loss. Seems you're going thru do much right now - I know you know this, but a nice long walk would really help you feel better. Don't view it as exercise, view it as therapy, cause it really is.

And you are a very sweet daughter.

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JUNEBUGG02 6/24/2011 12:04AM

  What a sweet thought - to take your Mom out on her anniversary, and to remember the emergency "stash" that your father provided. How fitting to use it for this. It warms my heart to read your blogs. It seems you have a lot to cope with. The loss of a parent is really hard, and I still have teary times when I really miss my Mom. I hope you have a lovely dinner out!

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_LINDA 6/23/2011 11:37PM

    So very sorry you are having these painful emotional traumas hitting you all at once. I sure would be bawling like a baby :(( There is no shame at all in mourning what has been lost. It is an emotional catharsis. That is amazing you kept your father's gift and now can use it in this special way. That is wonderful Susan!! Enjoy your special dinner with Mom!!
Big Congrats to your husband!! Having that award will go a long way to getting a good job!
Take care of your needs first. When you are ready, you will be able to get back into it.
emoticon emoticon

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THETURTLEBEAR 6/23/2011 9:37PM

    That is so sweet - and wonderful! As far as the emotions...sounds like maybe it's emotions with a healthy dose of hormones thrown in perhaps? Have you considered that and discussed with your GP?

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ERIKO1908 6/23/2011 9:00PM

    What a beautiful gift to give your mother! It will be a wonderful memory for the two of you together & you will have a wonderful dinner together. (((HUGS))) to you my friend!!

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GOOZLEBEAR 6/23/2011 8:16PM

    I am so glad you thought of the coins, what a special treat for you and your Mom tomorrow night. I don't blame you for being sad during this time, it would be hard not to. My Dad has been gone for a long time, my Mom for about 8 years, but I still miss them so much and think about them often.

Have a wonderful time with your Mom celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary.


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SUNNYDAZE9 6/23/2011 8:15PM

    Enjoy your dinner to the fullest and celebrate. You will have such fond memories for yourself.

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JAKEANDNELLIE 6/23/2011 7:31PM

    Your words brought tears to my eyes. What a wonderful thing to do for your mother. Your father is giving two gifts - a dinner out for your mom, and a special gift to you - the means to provide that dinner for your mom.
I grew up always hearing "if you didn't let them know it bothered you, they wouldn't say/do it." Like you, I am very sensitive and often have difficulty dealing with falling into a "dark place" when my feelings are hurt or something upsets me. I've finally accepted that I don't need to change - that's one of the things that makes me the person I am. I've found it a lot easier to stay positive since I realized that (and it only took 61 years!)
Stay positive!

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    I think the roll of coins is a great idea!

I think the crying is allowed. emoticon

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S3XYDIVASMOM 6/23/2011 7:18PM

    How wonderful that you found the money and, more wonderful still, that it came from your dad. Have a beautiful dinner!

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    I think you found the perfect thing to spend that money on! So glad you thought of it when you did! I just now came home from the hospital seeing my friend Jackie (the one who has cancer), and I cried so hard when I left that I got lost in the hospital! It is so hard to say goodbye to friends... it's going to be SO hard for me to lose a family member! I'm so glad that you can make this anniversary that much more special with that gift!

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GEORGIAK25 6/23/2011 6:45PM

    You are sad about your parents anniversary as it is such a milestone. Take your mum out and enjoy. Soemtimes though it is just having the company that matters. That is what my mum says.

Cry as much as you want as that is good for the soul.

Know that all these friends care about you and that all things will be good.

I pray for everything to come good in your worls. Hugs and hugs.

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MADDEELOU 6/23/2011 6:36PM

    What a special gift. Enjoy your night.

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    Take care emoticon

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TEMPEST272002 6/23/2011 6:20PM

    Dinner out really is the perfect way to spend those twoonies. I think your dad was whispering in your ear about that. You're such a loving person to think of your mum & to find a way to celebrate the day with her.

Congrats to hubby on the award. Being a mature student does help - it's that focus thing... but he must have worked hard to earn it & I'm sure feels good about the public acknowledgement. Hopefully it will help when he looks for work too. Give him an extra edge - so make sure he includes it on his resume.

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GETFIT2LIVE 6/23/2011 5:44PM

    Ah, some hard things to deal with right now! It is strange how 'anniversaries' hit harder some years than others; my dad has been gone for over 30 years, yet Father's Day this year I was missing him more than ever. I do believe your dad is smiling, though, at the thought of you using those toonies for dinner. Somehow I think that might be just what he wants you to do; make some happy memories with your mom with them!


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BTRTHANEVA 6/23/2011 5:21PM

    That *new found* money was meant for this special meal with your mother. Was it conincidence that you remembered it now? hmmmm.

Congrats to your husband on achieving the President's Medal! What an honor and recognition to all his hard work! You must be so proud!

Keep your chin up, sweetie. Things will work out one way or the other. BELIEVE!

Have a wonderful dinner with Mom!

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OLDERDANDRT 6/23/2011 5:16PM

    emoticon emoticon

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LESLIES537 6/23/2011 5:16PM

    That is THE most PERFECT way to spend those coins!! Bless your big ole' heart! You ladies enjoy your dinner together. May it be filled with laughter, joy, precious memories, and smiles! Love you to death! I sure wish I was there to wipe your tears away. Please know you're always in my thoughts and yes...it's OKAY to cry! HUGS!! emoticon

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BECCAJ98 6/23/2011 5:10PM

    Awe! That is so cool! You two will have a great time!!

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TABBYARTS 6/23/2011 4:58PM

    How Sweet! Your Dad willl be ale to dine with you and his wife once again! Save a toonie for rememberance sake!

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5k, bouncing boobs, and my sick dog!

Monday, June 20, 2011


For the first time since I've started blogging, I really have drawn blanks about what to use for a blog title. Funny thing is, I know what to write about but can't seem to sum it up for an appropriate title. Oh well, maybe it will come to me.

So, where to begin? I weighed myself this morning.....drum roll.......212.8. Not as high as I expected after three weeks of binging but definitely so far off my original goals that I'm ashamed I even wrote them down here at one point. Well, what do I do? Do I simply curl up and let shame and self-doubt win again, or do I get firm with myself and say, "you slipped up, move on and above all stop letting weight have such a strong role in your personal psyche". For the record, I'm choosing the latter.

Yesterday was my first 5k race! Wow, the excitement, the adrenaline, the pride...and that was all from being a spectator! But while I cheered on my co-workers and friends who each ran their very first race yesterday there was a part of me who said, "why can't you be out there too". It really gave me something to aim towards. Now, I haven't gone up and signed up for a race or anything but now I know it is something I would like to eventually do.

Here is a funny, sad but true story! Put down anything you are drinking as I don't want to be blamed for anybody spitting coffee, water or whatever over their keyboard! After the 5k race they also had a 10k one and unbeknownst to me the premier of our wonderful province was running it along with the cabinet minister from our district. I know the latter but not the former. Anyway, the press (CBC - Canadian Broadcasting Company) was making a big deal of Kathy Dunderdale (the premier running) and were on hand to film it for the night's news. Apparently they were right behind me.....who knew that the gray fuzzy thing was a microphone...and this woman with these massive boobs (who turned out to be the premier) prompted me to turn to my friend and say "somebody needs to tighten up her sport's bra". Honest to goodness, that was what popped out of my mouth! We don't think anybody heard it but I went into hiding all day in case I showed up on the suppertime news! Oh dear...me and my mouth!!!!

Enough foolishness....today, I vowed I would eat my meals but here it is at 7:15 p.m. and all I've had today was a whole wheat bagel with peanut butter and a coffee. I'm honestly not hungry and I know this is not good for me. Part of the problem is our dear Louisa is sick again. She woke up this morning and practically attacked her water bowl and then threw it up. She was pacing the floors, retching, tail between her legs and not being her goofy self so off to the vet we went lunch time.

Talk about a miracle cure! Simply walking into the clinic worked better than any magic pill on the market. She "smiled", her tail wagged, she wanted to see the other animals, she wanted belly rubs from the vet and we felt like over-protective and slightly nutty parents. She was there for two and a half hours and showed no symptoms of being ill...but as soon as she left and we had driven 50 feet, the symptoms all returned! Back to the clinic and again, miracle cure! This time they had the results from the urine tests and sure enough she has another major infection. Poor thing. This is the worse one yet as she has lost her appetite completely and this is the dog who would eat rocks if we let her. It all goes back to the underlying stricture in her cervix which is blocking any bacteria from leaving her body. Any ideas on how to get a sick dog to eat? I cooked chicken breasts and rice for her supper but she wouldn't even take a bite. We are limiting her water to a couple of tablespoons every few hours as the thirst is from the infection but the gulping is causing the vomiting.

I know have to eat something myself but I'm just not hungry! I am going to force myself to eat something and I will track it! Yes, I will!!!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:


    I hope Louisa is ok! Any updates?

Yes your boob comment made me laugh emoticon

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TABBYARTS 6/22/2011 3:20PM

    I like the baby food and syringe idea. And if it works for you, try it for Louisa!
Nope, your comment didn't make the evening news, but it might be featured on a YouTube clip!

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LESLIES537 6/21/2011 2:40PM

    Poor Louisa! Just keep cooking her up stuff--chicken, beef, maybe canned wet food? I'm not sure! I hope she gets well really soon.

And it's a good thing you gave me a warning about putting down my drink! LOL You're such a riot! I love it! emoticon

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_LINDA 6/21/2011 2:34PM

    emoticon on your premier comment, the main thing was SHE didn't hear it. Makes me wonder if she got a lot of male votes to get to where she is ;)
The only way to commit yourself to getting into a race and training for it is to sign up for one. Otherwise the excuses will just keep piling up and you will push it farther away..It would be a wonderful goal to shoot for.
So sorry about your poor doggy :(( Hope she feels better soon. Antibiotics usually work fairly fast..
As for blog titles, simply pick the main focus of your blog summed up. Like Puking Pooch and Bouncing Boobs (was good!)
You can get back on track Susan!!
emoticon emoticon

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BOVEY63 6/21/2011 2:12PM

    Hope Louisa is feeling better real soon.
Love the race commentary!
"You slipped up, move on and above all stop letting weight have such a strong role in your personal psyche". GOOD CHOICE!!! I'll have to write this down it and use it too when I have a slip-up.

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METALLICAT1 6/21/2011 7:21AM

  Hope your pooch is doing better, I know when Tequila wasn't eating, I force-fed him baby food with a syringe. The vet gave me enough. And since baby food has all the good stuff in it like vitamins, it wasn't too bad. I ate whatever was left. Good luck and hope she feels better soon. Sending prayers her way.

And don't feel bad if you don't feel hungry. Just eat a little, don't force yourself. Maybe your body is saying that it's not hungry for anything but just a healthy snack. Love the comment about your Premier! I do a 5k walk/run every year, in fact for the last 17yrs. It's for a local animal shelter, Bark in the Park. It helps raise money for the animals. I do the walk since I really can't run. They are fun to do!

Tummy rubs to the furry one.

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    Oh, boy! What did the vet say? Did the vet give you any ideas on what to do for feeding her? I sure hope it all works out! emoticon

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MISSROCKABILLY 6/20/2011 11:21PM

    Hope your doggy is feeling better soon!

Loved the story about the race...so funny!

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TEMPEST272002 6/20/2011 11:15PM

    I'm sorry to hear Lou is still sick. Poor thing. You must be so worried about her.

About the race - you are just too funny. Way too cheeky for the news.

I'm glad you're back. You can't dwell on the choices you made yesterday, only do the best you can with the ones you make today.

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CODEMAULER 6/20/2011 10:23PM

    Oh, sick pets worry my into a tizzy, too. I have an elder kitty that sends me running at all hours of the day and night.

We have learned - with her - that water is not tolerated without food. I know that water is key, so food becomes super important. My doggie-owned friends often try the things that make humans feel good when sick; white rice, dry toast, cooked vegetables... anything for bulk. Protein is better, but illness can make that difficult to process.

I hope that everyone is feeling better soon!!

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DRGOMTI 6/20/2011 8:07PM

    Poor Louisa! : ( Hope she gets better real quick! LOL!! Loved the story about the bouncing boobs!! emoticonYou're a nut! n I woulda loved to see u on the evening news!! : )) I hear u about the binging!! n my problem isn't that I'm not hungry! I give you a star for weighing in!! I'm too chicken yet. gotta get a hold of my sweets freakiness before I can take the scale plunge! At least I was up n active today. Cleaning cleaning cleaning! Thanx for another interesting blog!!
emoticonto u n Louisa!!

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THETURTLEBEAR 6/20/2011 7:53PM

    Wow - the ups and downs of the last 24 hours...good for you for holding it all together. Hysterical about your comment btw, LOL! Hope your fur friend is better soon!!

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JLITT62 6/20/2011 6:40PM

    How I can relate to the miracle cure of vets! I'm sorry it isn't a true miracle cure. Have the vets considered treating with antibiotics prophylactically? Like a low dose one week a month or something? Definitely not ideal, but it's the only suggestion I can think of.

You must eat! You can't ake care of everyone if you don't. Do it for Louisa & maddy.

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LIBBYFITZ 6/20/2011 6:23PM

    emoticonWell you certainly found your blog titles!

It is so awful when our furry friends get ill. hope she improves soon.

I had a little chuckle about you comments on the Premier's bra!

The thing is with the 5K you don't have to run it, just joining in and walking it is fun!

Have you come across the Sparkpeople 5K Challenge, you nominate which section you want to join and there is a daily planner right there for you to use! It was what I used to train for my 5K . emoticon

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BECCAJ98 6/20/2011 6:22PM

    The race......too funny!! Something I would say too.....only my luck it would be broadcasted with a picture they got of me!

Your pup.....hope she gets better soon! Never any fun when they're sick!

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-JUDITH- 6/20/2011 6:17PM


Hope your dog gets better real soon ~ animals are such a worry when they are ill

Positive vibes being sent your way

Judith & Pickle the wonder dog

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Most Popular Blog - the flipside

Sunday, June 19, 2011


For those who have been my loyal friends and readers of my blogs and feeds, you know I had to take a short break from Spark for reasons I'm still not sure of. I think it had a lot to do with a crazy idea I sort of developed about a month ago. My "bracelet blog" became an overnight hit (okay, maybe that is a stretch!) and within days I had won a coveted "most popular blog" award.

At first I was overwhelmed and rode the high. I had complete strangers coming out of the woodwork and my long time friends were there too to congratulate me and to offer encouragement. Suddenly, I was popular and I really didn't know what to do. Like an overnight sensation I wanted to fizzle and eventually fade from memory. Or that is what I wanted to do. YOU guys had other plans.

During my much needed break I still checked in and noticed that people were missing me.....me!? Why me?! I know I have made some fantastic friendships in the 9-10 months I have been a Sparker, but was I somehow making a difference to somebody?! Were my "sometimes too honest for my own good blogs" about emotional eating, dealing with depression, accepting who I am and my struggles with being consistent ringing true for others? It feels weird to say "yes" but it sure feels good to be missed! Bless all of you who missed me and to those who took the time to reach out, thank you!

For the past weeks, I've reverted to many, many bad ways. I haven't been eating right (back to not eating throughout the day and eating twice my calorie limit before bedtime), my walks have all but ended, and I feel rotten and digusted with myself. I KNOW Spark works so why, why, why do I fight it?

I really need to find some concrete motivational goals. They need to be mine and not borrowed, they need to be attainable and yet challenging, they need to be reflections of my journey and where I want to take this. I know I've written about this before but I really believe this is going to be the key to my success with Spark.

I've decided to change things up a bit. First, I'm going to limit the time I spend Sparking and keep touch with those that keep touch with me. I want to be everybody's friend but it is draining at times, isn't it? Although I need the social connection of Spark, I also have to balance it out with other areas in my life. Just sitting on the computer and Sparking isn't going to get me to my goals, now is it?

So, I'm back....again. Attempt number 5, 698 and maybe I will do it this time. I'm working on my goals as I know I need this program more than ever.

In closing, please reach out to your dad's today. Mine is no longer on this earth but he lives on in my heart and I am, oh so, thankful that I had such a wonderful father!

xo Susan

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

RONOSOF 6/25/2011 7:24PM

    I feel you on living with depression and starting over. I was just looking at pictures from 20 years ago, missing that feeling of hope for the future... the potential of what my life would be. Except I had depression then too. Keep walking and breathing fresh air:) That helps me anyway...

and why would you make a one-sided effort? Your time is valuable!

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    Welcome back! Yes I missed you!

I couldn't agree more! I find that I do not have enough time in the day interact with people on Spark. Today, life got in the way of my am exercise and the heat is stopping my afternoon exercising (it is being moved to tonight). I love Spark and all the people that I have met here, but it is very hard some days to keep up. Today the foods are cooking and I am sparking in between times that I need to be in the kitchen! LOL


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TABBYARTS 6/22/2011 3:10PM

    I'm looking in a mirror! I have become popular with my blogs as well. I haven't been voted most popular blog, nor do I ever hope to become a motivator. I think you have commented on my blogs before, but your page looks different. And recently you commented on my blog about the death of our neighbor's doggie, caused by my own dog. I usually try to respond to each person who comments on my blog. Funny that you should mention this topic of popularity interfering with your life and exercise!
Now I gonna hafta read that bouncing boobie blog!

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_LINDA 6/22/2011 2:33AM

    Susan, this is exactly the reason I ditched my old name and went private with the people who kept in touch with me. It WAS mostly one sided and I was wearing myself out keeping up with everyone. For me, it was being made motivator that was the last straw. 180 e-mails just on that day and too many friend adds there after. I was just spending too much time on here, and never had time for anything I wanted to do. I enjoy motivating and helping others, but this site is just TOO darn big and TOO successful sometimes for its own good..
I hope things settle for you now.. Someone said stop blogging and be quiet for a while and people will lose interest, leaving you with only your true friends who are concerned about you..
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LESLIES537 6/21/2011 2:28PM

    Yes, it IS draining! I've kind of adopted the same habit of just keeping in touch with those that keep in touch with me. Sometimes it seemed like there were a lot of one sided conversations going on! It makes it not as overwhelming.

I've been thinking of you! I don't know how many times I've stopped and said to myself, 'you need to go check on Susan'...but got sidetracked and didn't. I'm so glad you're back and got a handle on things again! emoticon

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BOVEY63 6/20/2011 12:05PM

    Happy you are back - I always look forward to your blogs because they are so honest and heartfelt.

Always make sure to take the time you need - whether away from, or on SP. You need to put yourself first in this journey. But always know that your friends care and will be here for you.
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GRAMLORI 6/20/2011 10:19AM

    Welcome back! You are a special part of SP, and don't ever forget that again! Do what works for you, whether it is a little sparking or a lot.....and that may vary from day to day. It's my social circle, too. In cyber-space, we are all neighbors. Consider this your 'hanging over the back fence talking to the neighbor' time. emoticon


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BECCAJ98 6/20/2011 1:01AM

    Everyone's journey is different and ultimately we have to do what's right for us, not someone else. It is great though that there are others who do share the struggles we thought were unique to ourselves. I do love reading your blogs, and I enjoy hearing of your successes!! But you still come first for you! Do what's right for you, and the rest of us will be here when you need us! emoticon

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KAYDE53 6/20/2011 12:14AM

    The bottom line is we're all here to work out our own personal fitness journey. If we can help someone along the way, that's great; but we can't let it overwhelm us to the point where we lose sight of our own goals. You had a good idea, and it was a helpful tool, but people jumped on it liked it was the newest fad diet! It just shows you how desperate we all are for "quick" fixes! Like everyone has said, don't worry about it, don't stress over it, just pick up and start again!! No one (that really matters) will think any less of you!! emoticon emoticon

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DRGOMTI 6/19/2011 11:41PM

    Oh Yeah! I still have my bracelet on! it reminds me of you n my, only a month gone, Father. : ( I'm never taking it off!! I took a pic of it now I just have to post it. : ))

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DRGOMTI 6/19/2011 11:36PM

    Yea!!!!!! yer back!!! Now maybe I can get with it again too! I've been doing terrible! UGH!! living on sweets n scared to weigh in. I've even considered diet pills lately!! HELP!!!
Oh I DO SO LOVE YOUR BLOGS!! I can relate to you so much! So now maybe we can do this together! I know what u mean about spending too much time on this silly laptop! It's pretty funny that my honey got one for Father's Day today. : )) now we're both sitting here in the lvrm laptopping away! : ))
You're about the only friend I keep in touch with. I try to post now n then to my few teams, cz I know I have to "give it away, to keep it" but it's hard to give support when u feel like, "I'll never learn this healthy living thing!!" it's just so mind boggling, cz I did it long enough to lose 20 lbs. so why can't I get back with it!?! RRRRRRRRRR!!!!
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ERIKO1908 6/19/2011 10:40PM

    I'm right there with you on the time spent on the computer helping little toward the real body changing goals...but, oh the connections are wonderful!!! (((HUGS))) to you my friend...this really can be all about you!!!

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VICKILYN4 6/19/2011 8:41PM

    Susan..sweetie..you do what is best for you. We will be here when you need us. We will miss you when you are gone and will be happy when you return. You are an awesome person and you need to take care of you.

Love ya,


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    Glad to see you back, but don't stress if you need to step away from the computer a bit. Life is for living, so get out there and enjoy yourself!

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    Susan, I want to ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS keep in touch, even if you're no longer on SparkPeople, shudder the thought! I get worried sometimes that my good friends and I will lose touch because of MY crazy schedule, etc., and oh, man, don't let that happen!

I can totally relate to what you said about the bracelet thing. You know what? At risk of sounding kind of rude, did it even do us any good? I have begged and pleaded for new emoticons and never even get a "Boo" regarding them when I ask. Same thing for the bracelets! *huge sigh* I decided that if we have a great idea, it might be better just to keep it within friends sometimes, don't you think?

I sure do think you're the cat's meow, my friend! I need your friendship, so don't forget me, ever!
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Comment edited on: 6/19/2011 5:35:03 PM

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BLESSED2BEME 6/19/2011 4:52PM

    Hi Susan,

I think that showing your true heart here is what makes people miss you when you are gone. People can tell who is real and who isn't! I also think spark can become an addiction that can in turn keep us from working on our journey...an escape sort of speak. I've seen myself do that very thing!

I'm glad you took a break and glad you are back to journey once again. Remember...one small step at a time!



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MISS_VIV 6/19/2011 4:32PM

    What is - is.
Do what you need to do, when you need to do it.
You will be refreshed, revived and ready to take on anything you so desire.


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PONYFARMER 6/19/2011 4:32PM

    It is oh so good to see you back. WooHoo! I can clearly see the struggle you are having. You will find people who jump on the band wagon, be it the bracelet one or any other wagon rolling down the road. Then they get distracted, bored, fall off the wagon, have life pressures or whatever and they drop off the Yeah PCOH051610 wagon and go do something else. You know your true friends/blog followers etc. BUT DO NOT STRESS THIS!

Your first and foremost priority is to get your goals, plan your attack and take care of yourself. The rest of us will benefit from what you post, as we learn from it and adjust our goals and plans if necessary.

So glad to have you back!!!

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JANET552 6/19/2011 4:24PM

    Moving forward is always progress. Doing something is always moving forward. You gotta do what you gotta do. Good luck!

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THETURTLEBEAR 6/19/2011 4:20PM

    You can totally do this! My vacation was a great opportunity to reevaluate my Sparking. I skip a lot of the things I used to do daily (the points-whore mentality), after realizing that the things I value are my friends' status and blogs. So I pretty much stick to checking my Friend Feed, and tracking my own progress. "Allowing myself" to stop huddling and team posting just for points, or scanning articles of no interest, was just making me anxious. Now I read the stuff that works for me; do the activities that work for me; and skip the rest. If I'm not getting anything out of it, then there is no reason to do it. But you are right - it's important not to forget YOU and your own needs are your top priority. Glad you're back and have had a chance to get refreshed!

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NTSOHLTHNT 6/19/2011 4:19PM

    Welcome back. You should always do what you need to do for you. :-)

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LIBBYFITZ 6/19/2011 4:15PM

    emoticonYou do what you can in the time that you have available! emoticon

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JLITT62 6/19/2011 4:07PM

    It's really hard to find the right balance. I admire your tenacity! Now get out & enjoy the lovely weather while it lasts.

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When even the best intentions go awry

Friday, June 10, 2011


I don't know if any of you have realized I have been MIA for a few days but that is what ended up happening. I'm totally off course with both my food and exercise plan and I have nobody to blame but myself and my imaginary evil twin who I call the naysayer.

I'm not sure exactly what derailed me but I think it is like my migraines. It is never one thing that triggers them but the culmination of several "little" things that gang up and knock me flat.

To be honest, I think the start of all of this was the original bracelet blog that seemed to get everybody all excited. I rode that high until it started to get overwhelming! I had friend requests coming out of the woodwork and I felt like I had barely enough time to keep in touch with my existing friends. Then I seemed to get myself involved in several teams which I honestly belonged to in name only. Really, what is the point in doing that?

After several blogs about bracelets I wrote one about starting a team. It had been suggested by several of my new friends and I realized I was probably being a fraud. These people thought I was unto a wonderful idea and that it was working well for me when in fact it wasn't working that great for me. Once I became accustomed to it on my wrist, I simply forgot about it. So, no team will be formed at least not right now!

This all started to crumble a week ago. It was around the time poor Louisa hurt her upper back and we were told not to walk her for 8-10 days. The first couple of days were terrible as she was "stoned" by the painkillers and other medications. I felt so guilty about walking that I gave up for her sake...honestly! I couldn't walk back in my house and have her looking at me with those pitiful eyes. That soon became a handy excuse and the rain became another! How terrible of me but that is the bare-bones truth. I used my dog's injury as an excuse not to walk myself and after a week I am not sure who is more despondent!

Then came Tuesday when Lou was feeling herself and at bedtime I asked her if she wanted a piece of chicken jerky. Since she gulps everything, I broke it into small pieces and tried to hold on to each piece as she chewed. For the record, it was my husband's not-so-brilliant idea. It was working like a charm until I managed to get my thumb caught in between her jaws! I'm not sure who got the bigger fright. Me, when I felt her tooth or her when she realized what she chomped down on wasn't chicken! OUCH!

Off to the hospital we went and I admit I was crying like a flippin' baby. There was blood going everywhere and I was afraid of having to get stitches. John only got me to go because he said I would need a tetanus shot. Turns out she broke through the nail bed but didn't puncture my finger. The blood was just coming out because my finger was basically squashed with a pinhole through my thumbnail. Again, ouch! They bandaged it all up and told me to keep it dry and clean for the next week or so. It has been throbbing a lot and I pity anybody who has a broken limb because I never knew how limiting even this little injury could be. (For all the women out there....try to do up your bra with your thumb swollen and bandaged....I tried the first morning and somehow managed to get the bandage snagged in the bra hooks......oh, to see the look of amusement on John's face!!!)

Then yesterday was a write off because John graduated from college. He finished top in his class and now has to start looking for an apprenticeship in his trade. This was a nine month course in Instrumentation and Control (don't ask what that means...I still don't know) so we are hoping with his BA, his work experience and this trade that he will find a job somewhere.

Oh, the bracelet came off the minute after the dog bite when my hand started to swell and was replaced at the hospital by one of those ID ones they make you wear. I have to put it back on and I have to get back on the band wagon because it feels worse to be off of it! Who knew?!

Hopefully I haven't missed out on too much in your lives. I have a huge pile of blogs to read...yet again...and many thanks to those who reached out and basically asked where I was gone!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MRSDELI 6/13/2011 9:48PM

    Hope your thumb feels better soon!!!! Congrats to John!!!!! emoticon emoticon

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BOVEY63 6/13/2011 1:01PM

    Sure hope your finger and Lou's back are feeling better.
Congrats to John!

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MOSTMOM1 6/12/2011 4:17PM

    Susan, I don't think everybody expects you to keep up with everyone. I'm glad you added me, though. emoticon
And I'm pretty sure you don't have to be perfect, to start a revolution. Just enjoy watching the ripple effect. Well done, Spark Sister!
Sorry about the thumb--YOUCH!
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JUNEBUGG02 6/11/2011 11:50PM

  What an experience! I have not done well with my eating or exercising lately. Time for me to get with it! Hope you have better days ahead!

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KANSASROSE67 6/11/2011 12:48PM

    Well, I'm glad you're back! Hang in there...that sounds REALLY painful!

Everyone else has already said it but I'll say it again...DON'T feel guilty about picking and choosing what you do on Spark. I just can't find the time to respond individually to comments on my blogs, etc. and I think people understand. Spark is here to help YOU, and you need to use it in the ways that are best for you.

Take care, and feel better soon!

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GRAMLORI 6/11/2011 11:57AM

    I've missed you and wondered what was up. I had to take my bracelet off, because, silly me wore another bracelet with it that made me break out. So....off came that one. Now the rash is gone, so I can put that one back on. For me, it still was a reminder, although it didn't magically make me not eat or magically make me exercise. It just is another reminder. But I'm still game, and it will go back on, because lots of reminders can't hurt.....I would have sticky notes all over if I thought it would help. Anyway, don't feel like it's wrong to be friends with someone you don't have lots of contact with. That's what I use the friend feed for. I read through that, so I can see where people are at, and then I'll read blogs with titles that intrigue me, or if someone seems to be needing a boost, that's where I'll comment, or maybe send a goodie or whatever! The more people you have supporting you, i.e. your SP friends, the better!! You don't have to do every activity every day for a SP team, just checking in now and then is good....and posting on the discussion threads gets you your points. And that's good.

Above all, DON'T FEEL GUILTY. It is what it is, just take care of the things you need to and move on. This is a lifelong journey to health......that's why I don't call this a "diet". Those have endings. I need to be healthier always. Last night, I was feeling sorry for myself and ate a bunch of frosting. I didn't even want it, and I felt dumb after.....but, this morning, I'm back on track.

Hang in there, all your SP friends have been where you are, and are there to help you pick yourself up again. Hope your thumb feels better soon.....those punctures can really hurt!! My sewing machine bit me that way once.....


Oh yeah!! Congrats to DH for his graduation!!! And Lou will feel better soon, too. Probably forget it faster than you do!

Comment edited on: 6/11/2011 11:58:53 AM

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LESLIES537 6/11/2011 11:06AM

    I meant to come by and see where you were at! I really did think about you and wonder what you were up to. It's so good to hear from you again. Don't you worry about a thing...it's easy to get overwhelmed by a MPB post and the onslaught of responses and requests it brings. Remember, you're only human! We don't expect you to be perfect!! emoticon emoticon

I hope you and Louisa are feeling much better! OUCH! Take care and a big congrats to John for graduating!!! AWESOME! emoticon

Comment edited on: 6/11/2011 11:08:17 AM

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TEMPEST272002 6/11/2011 9:22AM

    I did miss you & have been waiting for your next blog. When I had a popular blog post, I was overwhelmed too... and certainly had thoughts of "I'm a fraud" - which you are NOT! How could you be? Did you promise us a magic pot of gold? No. You said, here's an idea that's working for me right now and I encourage others to try it. Love your generous spirit! And lots of people have tried it & from the blogs I've read, many have found it to be an effective tool for them. Just because you birthed an idea and shared it with us doesn't mean that you have to hold responsibility for how it plays out in the world. KWIM?

And as for being hard on yourself for being MIA, let's recap.... badly injured family member (Lou), injured self (you), major life change (hubby graduating) and disabilitating migraines on top of it. If it was me, instead of you, would you be so critical of the poor food & exercise choices? Be compassionate to yourself like you would be compassionate to another.

I'm really glad you're back. When all is said & done, the most important thing is not to give up. We all fall, but those who make their goals keep getting up and dusting off.

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It all gets so overwhelming sometimes, I know. Don't take on too much Susan, just concentrate on getting yourself back together and remember to keep the pinkies OUT of the dogs mouth.

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HOPEFULANGE 6/11/2011 7:33AM

    Sorry to hear you've been so overwhelmed...and so sorry to hear about Lou! I hope she's feeling better now. And hopefully your bandage doesn't have to stay on too long.

I too am feeling overwhelmed with the spark community. I love it, but I've had to scale back how much I comment on for my own sanity!

The important thing is we're still here, and still keeping this lifestyle as a goal!

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JLITT62 6/11/2011 5:30AM

    I don't friend everyone who asks for it. I'm choosy. What I really like is to read blogs, so basically, it has to be someone who blogs regularly that I feel a connection to. And yes, it's got to be a manageable number, too.

Sorry you had such a rough week! Here's to a better one this week.

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GOANNA2 6/11/2011 12:52AM

    Good to have you back Susan.
Just take it easy with that thumb. Ouch!
I get overwhelmed with friend requests too and
I am having a hard time keeping up.
I am spending too much time on the computer
so have to do some culling...

Have a great weeeknd and I am glad that Lou
is better. Thumbs can be painful and I feel for
you. Does John help you with your bra? emoticon

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    Susan, you know what? I can TOTALLY relate to what you said about the sudden onslaught of friend requests, etc.! There are cons to blogs of the week, too, and I think you have seen this. I am STILL getting comments on that bracelet blog, and since there has been NO WORD from the Spark powers that be, well, it really got me down, too. Weird, huh? And I canNOT keep up already, and well, yes. I know what you are saying, and we're both on the very same page. I sure love you, Susan. You may not believe this (I hope you do), but when I've been out doing errands (away from the computer), I HAVE thought about you, and I DID notice your absence, and told myself to contact you as soon as I got home... only I am so far behind with Sparking that I am totally overwhelmed even at this moment!!! I am so sorry I didn't say something sooner!
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S3XYDIVASMOM 6/10/2011 11:30PM

    Glad to see you back. I think all your excuses will stand, but life goes on and I'm glad to see you picking up where you left off.

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DRGOMTI 6/10/2011 11:24PM

    I can sure relate to the thumb chomp! when we had our ole St. Aachen Berg Shepherd, she was very enthusiastic to get the big flat soccer ball n my thumb was in there when she chomped down so hard so Windy couldn't get it! I felt bad because Aacky felt so bad! She was such a sweetie! As I'm looking at the scar I think about going to the er n they sent me to x-ray to make sure the bone wasn't crushed, n then they made a big deal about dog bites, the cops came n my poor Aacky was in our custody, luckily, for 10days. we had to take her to the vet twice to make sure she didn't have rabies, her shots have always been on time. my being such an honest person cost us a bundle! But "honesty is the best policy", n they said, it woulda been hard to try to say it was something else cz it was clearly an animal bite. they didn't stitch it up cz they don't stitch dog bites. It bled so much in x-ray that they had to sop it up with a white towel! That was pretty! n I know whachu mean about hooking up the harness with a bum thumb! : ))
So glad to see your blog! n right after I wrote n said I missed em.

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KAMAPERRY 6/10/2011 11:17PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon We are so glad you are back!

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IMIN2GENES 6/10/2011 10:39PM

    Well, it's good to know things are settling back down. Don't worry too much. The important part is you're getting right back on track! Way to go! I'm glad to hear that everyone is going to be okay!

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_LINDA 6/10/2011 9:43PM

    So sorry about your rotten times : I have a good friend who suffers migraine after migraine I honestly don't know how she gets the will to carry on as most of them put her in emergency :( Finger injuries are the worst when you are trying to do things -I only wear a pull over sports bra so I don't have to deal with hooks etc., You have discovered the downside of being popular. That happened to me in my old name and I couldn't take it any more as I just didn't have all that time to spend. Become motivator and you get an instant 100 friend adds as well as tons of well wishes. That is why I went to private and be more choosy. As it is my short list of friends are still hard to keep up with as they are very active on here, guess that is why they are good friends..Everyone understands when you have nightmare days and have to go off for a while because we all get them. The main thing is you will be welcomed with open arms when you are ready to come back and try again. No one on here really ever gives up on anyone. The Spark just never quite dies and is always waiting to be rekindled.
Nice to have you back Susan!
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KAYDE53 6/10/2011 9:16PM

    I'm glad your thumb didn't require stitches!! Things will settle down & you'll get back in the groove!! emoticon Glad Louisa is better too!

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THETURTLEBEAR 6/10/2011 9:16PM

    I could totally relate to your blog today. First of all, even though I was on vacation and not commenting much on blogs, I tried to read them all after the first week went by (the first week I just really vegged except for posting my Teddy Bear stuff). Anyway, I understood what you mean. I've got a couple teams that are doing nothing for me, but I joined because somebody asked me to join their team and it's harder to turn down. And like you, I got a lot of friend requests when I wrote a couple of blogs that were popular - and some of the new friends became good friends, while others just sort of kept my head spinning keeping track of it all (so overall it was a good thing, but the first few weeks or so seemed overwhelming). About the bracelet team - I didn't vote but I was reading comments and it seemed like it was more in favor of "no" and that's how I felt because I wasn't sure I could do another team (I really need to "rid" some teams already). I don't think you are a baby about the bite - something about having it go through the nail...ouchie!! Gives me the heebie jeebs!

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LIBBYFITZ 6/10/2011 8:27PM

    emoticonSounds like you have had a weeka nd a half! Don't worry I also use the dogs as an excuse for not walking as much as i did! When i was home in Perth, we found out that Sooty the Bichon/Poodle has arthritis in one of his back legs. The vet said to rest it and only to take hin for short walks , not the big 5Km walks I was doing with him!

So when I go back I will still do the short walks with the dogs and then I either get on the rowing machine or do some Wii fit! emoticon

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    Welcome back! I am so glad that Lou is feeling better. So sorry about your thumb!

I must admit it, I had to lay my head down and laugh at the bra incident! emoticon Sorry! emoticon

I am sorry that you are in pain though, hopefully it heals.


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BECCAJ98 6/10/2011 7:31PM

    emoticon Things happen....important part is picking yourself back up and going forward! emoticon

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