Sunday, January 02, 2011
Happy New Year to all of my old SparkFriends and to my newest ones!
If you've been reading my blogs lately you will notice that I haven't been my normal upbeat self. In fact, it has been over a week since I've walked my dogs, drank my 8 glasses of water, felt normal. Do you see a trend here? I do! So I'm officially declaring that 2011 is going to be all about me!
This self-centred attitude flies in the face of everything I've been brainwashed into believing. I was raised to never consider my personal needs and to always think of the other person first. Well, this made me a "nice" person, I was and have been searching to find out who I really am...deep down.
I've so lacked in the self-confidence department that I've failed to ever decorate my house in the fears that others won't like it, I wouldn't wear makeup because heaven forbid, I thought something of myself. My poor mom still believes that using hair conditioner is a sign of vanity and I won't begin to tell you how she feels about skin care, let alone makeup.
2010 brought along a lot of changes in my life, most of which were self-made. I started blowdrying my hair (another sign of vanity), experimenting with makeup, (a big no-no!), wearing clothing colours other than neutrals (don't want to draw attention to oneself), etc.
Now, don't get me wrong, I love my mother and I think she has her own issues that are making her into the woman she is today. But now, thanks to my self-journey, I'm starting to realize that they are her problems and not mine. I can help her through them, I can listen to what she says, but I don't have to believe her negative self-talk and choke myself in the process.
So, this is a big step for me! I'm officially declaring that I am going to delve deeper into my journey of self-discovery this year. I'm going against everything I was brought up to believe in and I'm putting myself on the pedestal! My decisions will be mine and not directed by my negative body image and self-loathing. I've always known I've had very poor self-esteem and I had always tried to find a quick fix for it. But, you know what, there is no quick fix......it is a process and I'm packing my bags to enjoy the ride.
The past few months have brought with them a big change in me. People are not so much noticing my weight loss but something about me that they can't quite put their finger on. I'm making some great SparkFriends who like me for who I am. I can write about anything and nobody judges me which is encouraging me to be more open.
I know a lot of you are religious and I've taken the first step in admitting that, while I don't go to church, I am very spiritual. I do not like what organized religion did for me in the past (that is another story!) and I really feel happier with my beliefs. I have my chats with my god every so often and usually they occur in nature while walking the beasts.
I am challenging myself and nobody else! I'm not going to become more like so and so, as I'm going to finally discover who I am! I'll be 45 this year and what a year it is going to be!
Thanks for reading! xo Susan
Friday, December 31, 2010
Happy New Year to all of you, my very dear SparkFriends! As I like to say, I'd rather it be called Happy New "Rear" and other body parts as that is what I always wish for each time this year. For some reason it never pans out which is why I'm glad I started my Spark journey in August/September!
First of all, Lou had her third x-ray this morning which showed that the stubborn piece of rawhide should be passed over this weekend! That will be the best New Year's present ever. She seems to be over most of her discomfort and spent her time on the x-ray table wagging her table and trying to lick the people holding on to her!
Maddy is fine too but I expect will be very anxious later on tonight when people around us ring in the new year with rifle shots and fireworks. Any suggestions for dealing with that?
I'm in a bit of a funk. I like I've undergone a derailment and I'm just waiting to get back on the right track! I`ve had a weird sore throat and cough for over a week that is keeping me up at night, I haven`t felt like walking, I`m eating whatever, and I`m worried about Louisa.
I haven`t felt this ``down`` in several months but rationally I can understand why I am feeling this way now. It is like cause and effect which tells me this isn`t true depression. Still feeling pretty blah, all the same. I just went out with my husband and bought myself a magazine to browse through tonight. You can tell we aren`t big into celebrating New Years, hey.
I heard from my brother (who is travelling on some island off the coast of Australia) as the New Year is here, down there. My husband wanted to ask him for tonight`s winning lottery numbers....ha...ha!
Okay, you are all wondering what the big family news is! Well, my beloved grandmother is celebrating her 98th birthday today. We went to visit her this morning and she was all dressed up in her blouse, skirt and dress shoes. She looked awesome. Then we walked her to the dining room (she lives in an old age home) and there were balloons tied to her chair which excited her. She is in good health and her mind is mostly great except for some short-term memory loss. (Mine is like that now!)
Well, that is my rant for today! Wishing you all a safe and happy evening ahead and a great holiday weekend!
Thursday, December 30, 2010
Yesterday we brought Lou into the vet clinic where they did a routine x-ray. This didn't show much other than that she was full of gas. She had stopped vomiting so we were told to feed her a tablespoon of canned dog food every two hours. She did her business several times and we...err...my husband...carefully checked through it as directed.
She slept most of the day but seemed fine. This morning she was out in our back garden chasing rabbits, tail wagging, and generally being the nutty dog that she is. Took her back for the follow-up x-ray which now showed the semi-hard chewie (they don't digest them but the rawhide does get softer the longer it is in the digestive system) and it is progressing nicely.
Today, we were sent home with three cans of a different food and we have to feed her about 1/4 can every two hours. She also has to be walked twice to see if she can pass this on her own. If not, tomorrow they will make a decision to open her up.
At this point, we are relieved to see her feeling herself. Our vet clinic is fantastic and even though they are not on call over the holiday weekend, they told us they would not make us drive 1 hour to see the other clinic. We are very pleased and Lou is looking and acting a lot better. Maddy, on the otherhand, is sulking slightly as he hasn't been the centre of our attention! Funny little critters, aren't they!
Keep those paws and fingers crossed!
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
Poor Louisa! Despite having heard the warnings about giving rawhide chews to dogs, John and I bought some for Lou and Maddy at Costco. I'm mean, they can't be that bad if even the more reputable pet stores sell them, right? Wrong!
We are not exactly feeling like pet owners of the year today! Monday night, Lou was chewing on a 10 inch piece of rawhide "bone" and eventually got it down to a couple of inches in length. Just as I was reaching it to throw it out (we would take them away from her when they got to the choke-able length) she managed to get the core of it out and she chewed on it and then swallowed it!
Thinking that thousands of dogs do this everyday, we decided to just watch her to see if it passed through. Well, yesterday was the day of eating grass, vomiting, eating everything she could get her mouth around, vomiting, urging, etc. She was miserable last night so we called the emergency vet number and reached one at her home.
We were told to remove all water and food from her reach (as well as anything else she felt like eating (we removed Maddy to higher ground....excuse my humour!) and tried to settle her down. We were to bring her to the clinic this morning for x-rays.
What a night! She couldn't settle for very long and kept pacing the floor. Finally my husband allowed her into our bed and wrapped his arms around her and she seemed to relax a wee bit. This morning she awoke and seemed a bit more chipper and she raced into the clinic (apparently most dogs so have a miraculous recovery once they merely walk through the clinic doors!) and was most indignant that she had to be stay there for several hours.
X-ray was inconclusive since the very nature of rawhide makes it hard to be picked up with a regular scan. She was released to us with strict orders to check her poo (such a charming job!!!) and to limit her access to water. She is allowed to have 1 tablespoon of special wet food every few hours!
Good news is that she kept down her the tablespoon of wet food but the bad news is that she hasn't taken a sip of water since last night. She also did two poops, one of which was just that and the other full of grass. She slept most of the afternoon and seems a lot better than yesterday.
Tomorrow she has to undergo a series of barium x-rays which will hopefully tell us where in her digestive tract the piece of rawhide is in. It might be in area that will require surgery to remove!
Please keep her in your thoughts and prayers. I know a lot of you are animal lovers and you know the guilt both John and I are feeling at this time. No more rawhide chews for our dogs....ever!!!!
P.S. Thought I would share my deviousness with you all.....because some of you think I'm a nice person. I work with two men, one of which is the over-educated, no common sense type. He married a woman just like him and their child is both of them spit out. They have hearts of gold, but no common sense, no manners, etc. Well, guess who showed up at my house this morning with a box of biscuits?! My husband actually hid in our basement and I was left to entertain and try to keep a conversation going. I can't begin to tell you about this man and his daughter and I know it sounds like I'm picking faults but when you have to ask a grown man to stop farting, picking his nose, etc. in front of you......are you getting the hint!? Anyway, after about 1 hour, I excused myself to run downstairs and I went to the bathroom, called my mother and begged her to call me pretending to be the vet clinic calling about Lou. My mom then called and gave a performance worthy of an Academy Award and told us the vet needed to see us. It worked like a charm and we even drove to the vet clinic....they split their sides laughing at the trick I had my mother pull, but they also know the man I work with! I hope you don't think less of me....yes, I know it wasn't very nice but you really got to meet this guy!
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