Friday, November 19, 2010
Okay, I'm letting you all know that I've officially lost my mind. My Spark times are usually early in the mornings and early evenings but last night I was out with my mom so I missed checking in.
Anyway, I logged in this morning to see if anybody replied to my blog about the outfit I was hoping to wear to the college's staff Christmas party. Guess what, I must have dreamed I posted it! It was going to be a toss up between a top I already own or a new one I bought yesterday on sale. And, yes, I'm going to wear bottoms but that decision is already made....black pants.
What I find the funniest about this is how much all of you are becoming an integral part of my life! You have all helped me through this lifestyle change by your encouragement and support. Now I'm dreaming about you guys!
So here is the deal...I have a grey longish blouse with sparklies on the shoulders that apparently I bought in a moment of pure insanity as I feel too young in it. It finally fits across the tummy area and my mom says it slims me down. Or, I found a dark purple satin tank top over which I was going to wear a little mini sweater (the ones that fit over your shoulders). It was on sale and I figure I can wear it again.
By now, I bet you are all rolling your eyes. The issue is that I still "see" myself as bigger and as the person who hid behind bagging clothes. The grey top exposes me in many ways as I feel like I'm pretending to be someone I'm not quite comfortable with. I don't mean it exposes flesh...my arms are bare and that is about it.
Has anybody else encountered this? There clothes become too big (yeah) but they don't want to get out of their comfortable rut? Both colors and styles are new to me as I usually wear earth tones. How do you learn to accept and embrace the new you instead of clinging on to the safer old you? Then I worry that people will think I'm putting on airs if I dress different than I usually do. Maybe deep down I am afraid that the old me will be victorious and that somehow I will go back to that mindset and accompanying body issues.
Once again, thanks for reading! You guys are truly a special bunch to me!
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
I thought of today's blog idea while standing in line for my morning cup of coffee at Tim Hortons.
Unfortunately (or maybe fortunately) I was standing behind an old classmate of mine who made my life a living hell when I was in elementary school. There she was, standing almost 6 feet tall, skinny as a rake, dressed like a stick of gum, and pretty as a model pretending we were best buddies.
I smiled and made conversation but all the while my husband's voice was in my ear saying "Susan, you are all that but as an added bonus you've got a wonderful personality and that is something money can't buy". Okay, so maybe I'm not 6 feet tall, nor pretty but I always thought telling somebody they had a great personality was like telling somebody that they had a great FACE for radio. You know, the backhand compliment!
I'm not saying I have a great personality but I think I'm fairly friendly and can strike up a conversation with just about anybody. I think this is why people have a hard time believing that I am clinically depressed.
Anyway, I'm slowly, albeit, very slowly learning to accept compliments and not to automatically think a compliment means that something else is wrong with me. Yesterday I was in the staff room and a male colleague said, "wow, Susan, you're after losing some weight" and I graciously said, "thank you" instead of thinking "oh my god, he noticed how fat I had let myself become"
I'm learning there are many different components to beauty. I could go and have a total body makeover but I'd still be me on the inside. I'd still have self-esteem issues and second guess myself. This program is teaching me how to embrace myself....lumps and all!
Thanks for reading!
Monday, November 15, 2010
Just wanted to let you all know about my amazing weigh-in during which I discovered I have GAINED 3.8 pounds in one week.
Yes, I am amazed that I find that amazing! The old me would have found that so discouraging that I might have crawled back into my hole and resumed my old lifestyle of unhealthy food choices.
But, I'm NOT going to do that....I'm moving on! Today is a new day, the beginning of another week and I'm getting back into the groove.
The fact that I feel so gross for eating all of that salty, fastfood last week inspires me. I used to live my life like that and felt like that all of the time and didn't know any different. But, now I've been SPARKED!!!!
Thank you one and all who have reached out and encouraged me over the past few days! The decorating is almost done, the little animals we help will get a financial boost, and I've learned a valuable lesson!
P.S. I posted a note to myself on my fridge reminding me of how my fast food/no exercise has made me feel...for future reference! This is my note:
Donít you just feel gross today? No amount of makeup can disguise how your skin looks and feels. No matter which clothes you put on you can't stop looking and feeling so bloated. And mentally, donít even go there!
Why, do you feel like this? Because for the past four or five days youíve abandoned the one plan that has been working so great for you. You ate two meals at Kentucky Fried Chicken, one Chinese food, one at Don Cherryís, plus a sundae and a smoothie from McDonalds. Oh, and donít forget the chips, doughnuts, sweets at Marie Joseeís house OR the cereal bars!!!
Also, you didnít eat your fruit or drink your 8 cups of water nor cook a meal at home! No wonder you feel so gross! The house is a mess and you are a messÖ.so what have you learnedÖ.follow the plan and plan for setbacks!
Donít let yourself fall off the bandwagon of healthy living just because you slipped up! Get out there today and walk those dogs, plan your supper and enjoy yourself.
Remember this is how you always felt and didnít know the difference!
P.S. I still love you!
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