Monday, October 10, 2011
I was having a wonderful time yesterday with a friend at a local cider mill. The day was sunny and gorgeous. My phone rang and I noticed it was my boss. I didn't answer it. I didn't want to talk to her. It immediately got me stressed and aggravated, however, as it does whenever she calls. She left a message as she was boarding a plane asking if I could come into the office today. She wanted me to call her back and leave a message. She also told me that she would be calling at 7:30 to ask me a few questions.
I'm tired of getting last minute phone calls asking me to come in for only a few hours. I'm tired of her calling me on my off days asking me work questions when any normal person would realize that I don't have my work notes and computer sitting in front of me. I'm tired of making commitments to other things and having her expect me to drop everything to come in. I'm tired of all the criticisms when she gives me no clear directions on what needs to be done and how. I'm tired of this whole situation eating away at my self-esteem.
I did call back and left a message that if she wanted me to come in today or tomorrow, I couldn't make it in until at least 2 pm. This would mean I will drive 45 minutes each way for 2.5 hours of work. Not worth the effort! She never did call me back. So, here I sit, my stomach in knots, not knowing if she really expects me to come in today or not. I am not sure what she has questions about. She knows what I did Friday. She called at least 15 times in addition to emailing me directions. She got a bcc on every email I sent out. And I know she goes into my email and reads everything anyway. She responds to every email sent to me and tells me not to even bother.
I did apologize to my friend for spoiling the mood and complaining. He mentioned that it sounded like I have my mind made up about this boss. Yeah, I do. I'm just trying to find any way to make money so I can tell this person goodbye. I really don't think I can last much longer. I already struggle with self-esteem issues. I don't think I need to keep putting myself in a situation that is going to hurt my progress. But, there's always that little "but" that I tell myself about needing the money. Darned if I do and darned if I don't.
Friday, October 07, 2011
I went to work yesterday against my better judgment. I know I should have a better attitude, but I also know that I should let go of people who make me feel bad. I have this sense of "do my best and be committed" that I'm still struggling with. But yesterday sure made a good argument for getting out of Dodge.
The boss was out of town. I was there from 10-4:45. She called - no lie- at least 15 times. She called the other worker to tell me to not answer any of my emails - she already did. She called to ask if we had received an email. She actually had to make three calls before I got it. It had two attachments on it, one of which was empty. She swore she only added one attachment. She called to ask me if I had the form to send the insurance company for the employees that would soon be covered with health, life, eye, dental insurance. She didn't believe me when I said I had it. So, she called back to say she talked to the representative at the company and he would be sending it again. And make sure I save it this time! She called to ask if we got a fax from a company and didn't understand why we didn't know why we didn't.
I barely got my little bit of work done by the time I had to leave for the day. I will probably be criticized for what I did with the insurance papers. (I talked to the insurance guy myself and know I did it the way he wanted me to do it!) I also know she had made a mistake and sent a letter out to someone with the wrong name on it - I don't think I was supposed to overhear that one! I found it very hard to concentrate with all the phone calls. I also found that it was harder to remember how to do things when I don't get a chance to do them very often. Everyone has to stop and think about stuff when they haven't done it in awhile. But she honestly doesn't see it that way. She thinks I lied when I told her all that I had done for other companies. She got a little ticked at me when I told her one day that every company doesn't do things exactly how she does them.
I realize that I'm rambling. But I do find that putting my feelings and thoughts into words on paper helps me sort things in my mind. I do know that I was so exhausted last night that I couldn't really do anything after 8 pm. I was dozing at 9, and I so very much wanted to watch the whole Tigers-Yankees game!
I'm going to spend some time on my Avon job today. And I'm going to apply for as many jobs as I can, along with practicing my job interviewing skills. I'll give myself today to recuperate and think things over. I really expect that my decision will be to tell the boss that I'm not coming back in. My mental health isn't worth the little bit of money that I make and all the stress that this job comes with.
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