PATTYKLAVER   230,906
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Journaling

Friday, September 23, 2011

As I spend time on the SP website, I'm always writing down motivational sayings that inspire me and notes on articles that catch my attention. I save them to put them in my SP journal. I got called in to fill in for a sick receptionist yesterday (Yay!) and brought the notes and my notebook with me. I had enough down time between phone calls to get caught up on writing these notes into my notebook. I realized, however, that it has been a long time since I've actually written in my journal. I started a class at church yesterday that suggested that I get into the habit of journaling every day.

Okay, I had to be hit over the head, but the light bulb finally reconnected. I'm making a commitment right now to get back into the habit of journaling every day, even if it is only a line or two. I think this will help me get my emotions back in check, my stress levels down a bit and help me with those ever elusive goals that I've been wanting to update for at least two months now. I've journaled off and on ever since junior high school and know that it does help me. So....I'm going to get with it again.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JAREJIL 9/25/2011 12:14PM

    Excellent plan! I struggling with the consistent journaling myself. I always think I I have nothing to say,that I have to "come up with something". But I am starting to write randomly just for myslef now, so I have noticed that some other people also only write just a sentence, so that gave me encouragment to keep up!

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NPA4LOSS 9/23/2011 8:55PM

    emoticon

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FIFIFRIZZLE 9/23/2011 2:30PM

    I've been keeping a sleep journal recently and it has been quite surprising what I can learn from it. Have you read any of your old journals? That would be a blast, to see what you used to be like.

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MELLYBEANS0919 9/23/2011 12:48PM

    Great commitment - I have been journaling more myself and it is really helpful.

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TENACBUTTERFLY 9/23/2011 12:10PM

    This is good...is there a sparks journal that can be written in each day? If so where do i find it? want to be friends?

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SWEETANGO 9/23/2011 11:32AM

    emoticon Journaling has always been very helpful for me to clarify what is going on in my life. I hope it is as helpful for you to journal! Have a great day.

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Messed Up Again

Thursday, September 22, 2011

I realized after my boss told me to come in today instead of yesterday that she really did me no favors and kinda messed my day up. I've got my job interviewing class from 3 - 4:30. I start a Life Cycle class that starts at church from 7:30-8:30 this evening. I've got to deliver Avon and pick up orders. I'm supposed to make it to the bank for my daughter. I've got to keep working on a baby afghan to have it ready in time for the baby shower in a couple weeks. And time for housework? What's that? I managed to misplace my water bottle from yesterday and am really hoping I left it in the car. Now I'm supposed to fit in "extra" time to go to a job that is driving me crazy. I've said before that I need to quit. I've also said that I need to get a handle on planning my days so I'm not running like crazy like today. I am now even more determined to make this happen. Now...how do I do this? I know the answer: sit down, set some goals, prioritize, set limits, say no when I have to. Can I do it? For my own sanity, YES I CAN! I HAVE TO!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

FIFIFRIZZLE 9/25/2011 2:03PM

    Remember with this job interviewing class you will need to put in quite a bit of extra time to follow up on your learning and consolidate it, so don't forget to schedule that in! When I went back to school I did a class on how to make the most of my learning. I learned that you should go over your notes from the day as soon as possible after class, that way you understood and retained what you had just covered. The best thing was to go over it within 1-4 hours after class. I found that really helpful, the stuff I reviewed straight away was really easy to remember when I had a test later. You know, looking for work is a job all by itself, you have to get your application together, a different one for each job, research the company, analyze what they are looking for and how you are a good fit, and prepare for an interview. It takes a lot of work! And once you have learned how to do the application, I think it is a numbers game. In my experience it took about 12 applications to get to be interviewed for 3 positions, things might have changed lately though.

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SLIMLILA 9/23/2011 1:57AM

    emoticonRemember you have to look after you.. you know your boss isn't! It's also hard to say No, but it can be a good thing... I probably should be saying it when my dd asks if I want to go shopping, cuz it usually means I am also doing the paying... But considering I have been living here since May, things are going very well with she and I.... gotta be thankful for that... I dropped off my letter and resume for the grocery store job today and met the manager and shook his hand and he asked me my name.. hope that is a good sign. I wrote the letter in a positive way. I started with, as you can see from my resume, I have had a wide variety of jobs in my career, and what you should derive from this is that if I set my mind to it, I can do my best and a great job. or something like that and also pointed out that as a teacher, I not only taught, but motivated, kept people focused, planned and recorded, so hopefully because he will take the time to think about it from that perspective. Wish me luck....

Lots of strength and courage to you!

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STRONGERLEANER 9/22/2011 10:23PM

    I know you'll bounce back from this trying day.

You always look at things and analyze them well. I know you'll find the balance and that better, brighter days are ahea!


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KKP4673 9/22/2011 2:08PM

    You can do this!!! emoticon

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ALASKANMOMOF2 9/22/2011 12:40PM

    You can do it. It takes time and determination. You have both, friend.

emoticon emoticon

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SWEETANGO 9/22/2011 9:42AM

    emoticon emoticon

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BAKERMOM48 9/22/2011 8:43AM

    Sounds like a plan to me. You go girl! You can do it. Good luck!

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HOAGIE22 9/22/2011 8:40AM

  GIT ER DONE!!

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Compromise

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

I knew this would happen. I was bound and determined to go to this job interviewing class that is every day this week. I had it in my head that the job I have isn't doing me any good and that my boss is undermining my self-confidence. The phone rang about 8 pm last night and I just KNEW it was my boss. She left a message: "Can you come in tomorrow? I will be there at 11. I will see you then."

My first reaction was to call her back and tell her NO. But, my "good worker" side kept wanting to kick in and tell me that I need to go in. What to do?

I was sitting here this morning and the answer came to me. I will be the "good worker" and be there at 11 am and get some work done that I know needs to get done. (Okay - it's the payroll - I want to make sure I get the hours I worked in there correctly.) But, I will tell her that I have to leave at 2 pm. This will give me time to get to my class that I really believe will help me.

I am just a little tired of trying to live my life around a job that only has me working about 6 hours a week. It's not paying my bills. It's only stressing me out. I can take those 6 hours (plus the two hours travel time) and spend it on either my Avon business or finding a job that has more of a set schedule for me and enables me to pay my bills. I know I have to tell her that this job isn't working for me. I'm feeling like Dorothy in "The Wizard of Oz" when she refers to herself as the meek and mild. Gotta get over it!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

GLASSART43 9/22/2011 2:23PM

    Good for you for taking the class. Sometimes it's hard to be assertive on our own behalf, but I've learned that there are times when you need to put yourself first, even if others give you grief (or you think they will...)
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ANGIEINTRAINING 9/22/2011 8:00AM

    You need to do what is right for you. Six hours a week for constant stress is just not worth it!

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SLIMLILA 9/21/2011 11:12PM

    YOu and me both! When you're looking so hard for work, it doesn't seem right to be quitting, but you have to make that decision, as hard as it is.. put yourself first this time!!

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MOMMA48 9/21/2011 8:32PM

    emoticonand you know that I super understand with my past position. There comes a time when you have to take a good look at the whole picture and do what is right for you -- I know you'll make the right decision and best wishes, hun.

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NORASH3 9/21/2011 6:38PM

    Trust and honesty is very important!
You have bills to pay!!

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Wishing you success in all your endeavours!
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TOPAZROSE 9/21/2011 10:52AM

    Insecurity is very stressful. I wish you success with your job search. emoticon

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NPA4LOSS 9/21/2011 9:41AM

    emoticon Best wishes on the day ahead. emoticon

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MJRVIC2000 9/21/2011 9:30AM

    You live with compromise because your life is full of conflicts.
This world demands compromise. Be honest with your boss and tell her the truth...you need a job that pays your bills. Have a blessed day, Vic.

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Job Interviewing

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Last week, I started practicing my job interviewing answers by myself. Yesterday, I practiced with my case worker at Michigan Rehabilitation Services. I realized how much farther I need to come in order to come across as being confident and enthusiastic. I've always struggled with self-esteem issues and I'm realizing now that the piddly job that I have right now is not helping any. I found myself cringing when the phone rang this morning because I thought it may be my boss wanting me to drop everything and come in for a few hours today. (I got a total of 6 hours last week - it wasn't worth going in considering the gas it took to get there.)

My other case worker at MRS called me at about 2:50 yesterday. She apologized for not thinking of it earlier, then asked me if I wanted to come to a week-long (1.5 hours a day) job interviewing class. I jumped at the chance and think it will be very good for me.

I've talked it over with the people at MRS and with my counselor last night. They all think this class is a good idea. They also think that my boss is definitely undermining my self-confidence and it would be in my best interest to let the job go.

It scares me to not have something lined up, but I have had a few interviews in the past couple weeks and have the possibilities of a few more. I do have one this morning at a major company. I am saying a little prayer that I will remember enough of what I have practiced so far and that I will have a decent job interview.

I've got to believe that somehow I will pull through by letting this job go. I will at least know I won't have to cringe when the phone rings. No boss telling me that I won't be able to learn something or that I screwed up (because she forgot to explain how to do something - oh, excuse me: she's perfect and doesn't make mistakes.) This has me feeling somewhat like I did before I came up to Michigan. I hate the feeling. I'm not getting any younger and am scared that if I don't get a job soon, I will not be able to get one at all. So, I'm going to take a leap of faith and go for it.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SLIMLILA 9/21/2011 1:28AM

    Glad you have so much support, Patty. That gives me an idea too, the interviewing class sounds wonderful... I have a mental health consult tomorrow, and I think I should ask about something similar..

How'd it go today? I know how scarey it is to actually quit a job with no backup and even having other people who believe in you telling you it's the right thing to do must be very good for your confidence...

I had a 2 hr. talk today with unemployment agent and she helped me to feel so much better. She even understood when I said I am not ready yet to put my name on the substitute teacher list. She even gave me a big HUG by phone......
Here's one for you too.. emoticon

and remember where God guides, God provides.... and also that some gifts come wrapped in black paper.....

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REVSERENA 9/21/2011 12:03AM

    Sometimes the best way for me to gain confidence is to get the focus off myself. I find that if I can make myself really curious about the company and the position, curious enough to do research ahead of time, and to come up with some good questions to ask THEM, the part of the interview where they are questioning me goes easier. Best of luck with the interviewing class and the upcoming interviews!

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MELLYBEANS0919 9/20/2011 11:45PM

    The interview class will be super helpful, I took one last year! Good for you taking care of yourself. Awesome on getting a bunch of interviews too, you will find something!!

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NPA4LOSS 9/20/2011 11:45AM

    emoticon Don't give up on yourself. You are taking all the right steps. emoticon

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MPEACH87 9/20/2011 11:12AM

    I think I'd have found a way to make my boss quit if they were that terrible.

Good luck with the interviews and the class!!!

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INGMARIE 9/20/2011 9:50AM

    You have a terrible boss it seems, and quitting will be the best for you and your self esteem
Good Luck emoticon with the new interviews.


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PASTORJO 9/20/2011 9:45AM

    I hope the job interviewing class helps! I've been there - where someone has been so negative, so viral that their voice makes you cringe You aren't paid enough to put up with that.

Stay focused on your strengths and talents Patty! You can do it!

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CHRIS3215 9/20/2011 9:24AM

    YUP go for it & show them U can do it & that your age don't mean you are too old EXPERIENCE is the word not OLD..lol
GOOD LUCK & keep us posted...

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CATREB 9/20/2011 8:34AM

    emoticon

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Nice Weekend, But..

Sunday, September 18, 2011

I had a very nice weekend this weekend. I helped someone who wasn't expecting it and got in some exercise doing it. I got to go to my first baby shower in years and visit with people I hadn't seen in awhile. Last night, I had a chance to have a good visit with someone dear. I went to church this morning after sleeping in too late the last two Sundays. After church, I got to stop and buy stuff for another baby shower. (Guess I shouldn't have made the comment about not having gone to any showers!) I love babies, though, and it cheered me up just looking through all the baby stuff that's out there. It was hard to make decisions on what to buy, though. I may go to the cider mill this afternoon, but that will depend on how tired the person is that I would go with.

But, now that I'm home from the store and sitting in front of the computer, I think of all the things I should be doing. Should I have spend so much time and money at the store today? I should be applying for jobs and practicing my job interviewing skills. Not to mention, there's always cleaning to do. I have this major side of me that thinks I have to be doing something constructive all the time instead of taking time out just to enjoy life.

At times, I think it's because I don't have a job and money and structure in my life that I feel I need to do this to have structure. At times, I just wonder if it's in my psyche just because I have ADD. At times, I just want everything to be different and perfect. I remind myself to make lists and to put things on them in order of importance. Do I really do that every day to the best of my ability?

It's a good thing that I have an appointment with my counselor tomorrow. I want to throw a few of these questions that I have out to her and see what kind of feedback she gives me. Meanwhile, I will get done what I can and just start all over tomorrow.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SLIMLILA 9/18/2011 11:36PM

    Yeah, why do we feel like we need to be doing something productive all the time? I've seen a post on the message boards that says, "what should you be doing right now?" and I always want to say (maybe even have) why should I have to be doing anything at all right now? I know it always seems like there's something to do, but even if we don't get it done, iy will still be there if we enjoy something instead. emoticon

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NPA4LOSS 9/18/2011 7:49PM

    I think it is great that you took timeout to relax today. It will make your thinking clearer when you go back to your lists.

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PRAYINGSUZIE 9/18/2011 7:02PM

    There is always something to do but you need to take care a little time for yourself.

Suzie

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DONNABRIGHT 9/18/2011 3:04PM

    It's ok to give yourself a break now and again. None of us are perfect.

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