PATTYKLAVER   235,190
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PATTYKLAVER's Recent Blog Entries

Disappointed - Yet Not Really

Wednesday, August 31, 2011

I'm kinda disappointed in myself for not being able to do better at this part-time job I'm supposed to have. I always try to do my best; although I'm honest enough with myself to know that sometimes I make mistakes. I have not gotten a phone call at all to come into work this week. And that doesn't help my self-esteem at all.

But, I am staying busy by trying to get new Avon customers and applying for as many jobs as I can. I met with my counselor at Michigan Rehabilitation Services yesterday and she gave me suggestions on where else to look for jobs. (She also agreed with me that it doesn't look good when my hours keep getting cut. ) I went for a job interview last night - one that I didn't feel went well, but I'm not sure I can clean houses with my back issues anyway. I had one company email me a lot of questions for me to answer yesterday. It wants to do a phone interview tomorrow at 12 noon. I have a typing test scheduled with the county tomorrow at 2 pm. (My luck my boss will call and want me to come in tomorrow - sorry!)

I take breaks from the computer by getting out with my Avon books. I take breaks from both of them to either clean a room well or work on an afghan I'm making as a present. The only thing I believe I need to do is to get a little more time to spend with family and friends. I know it's not good to spend my days with just my grandkitty - although we do have some pretty good conversations, they tend to be a little one-sided.

I have been talking with or emailing my daughters a little more than I had been, which is good. I miss them terribly and can't wait to see them again. I'm just not sure when this will be possible, as the only one with the most money doesn't have the time. And with us in three locations instead of just two, the logistics are a little more complicated. We will somehow manage to work it out somehow. It will just take a little more time and money.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ANGIEINTRAINING 9/1/2011 6:22AM

    Good luck with the job interviews! Keep your head up. Things are bound to turn around for you!

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SLIMLILA 9/1/2011 1:37AM

    Hi Patty,
Good luck tomorrow.... good for you keeping busy too... great way to ward off depression....
I went for my mental health assessment today and guess what she thinks I need to talk to someone one-on-one!! Why ever might she think that? haha!!! I seem to be telling my story a lot lately.
What kind of afghan are you making? crocheted or knitted? I did both too, but when I made 5 baby afghans in Jan. it really hurt my arm for a couple months... so, if you want some more wool, send me your address!!! I have a quite a stockpile... say Hoarder, Lila..... are you one? I dare say that's why watching those shows disturbs me so much, I'm probably closer than I want to admit....
I see people across the way here moved the other day and they just threw so much of their stuff by the wayside, and I wished I had done that up north, instead of still having it in storage and paying rental fees to keep it there...

Keep us posted, your turn's gotta come soon...

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KAMAPERRY 8/31/2011 11:40PM

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STRONGERLEANER 8/31/2011 10:26AM

    I'm hunting for part-time employment as well. It's tough out there right now. The place where I used to work just laid-off the rest of the staff but I know that there is something out there for YOU and for ME.

I know it's hard to stay positive when times are tough but just as the people at the temp job appreciate your work, many people appreciate you and a future employer will value you and your work!
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A Nice Change of Plans

Tuesday, August 30, 2011

I was headed out to do my errands yesterday when I got a phone call. It was one of the employment agencies that I am registered with. A company that I have filled in at needed me to come in for a half day to replace the sick receptionist. It was a nice change of pace to work again for a company that not only pays more an hour but appreciates what you do. So, I just had to shift my plans a little. I got some things done after work and will finish the rest today.

People were asking me the date all day yesterday. I am having a difficult time dealing with summer ending. I really can't say I did a lot of what I wanted to this summer. And I really don't like the fact that the daylight hours are getting shorter. What happened to summer that I missed it again?

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SLIMLILA 8/30/2011 11:48PM

    I missed it too! And don't at all look forward to Seasonal Adjustment Disorder (SAD)... Glad it was a good day for you. I shared your story with the personnel agency I went to and she agreed no one should have to work in an environment like that....Check out my blog to see how that appt went....

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KAMAPERRY 8/30/2011 11:40PM

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MNABOY 8/30/2011 9:49PM

    Time seems to fly as we get older, for me Christmas comes bi-weekly

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NPA4LOSS 8/30/2011 8:28PM

    emoticon emoticon You deserve to have a good day and a happy paycheck! Hopefully as you find a new position the other job will just fizzle out and so you don't have to put down that you just quit without another job in the ready. Look for the silver linings! emoticon

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MISSLISA1973 8/30/2011 6:05PM

    Good to hear an opportunity came your way. I hope more come for you soon!

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FITMARY 8/30/2011 7:38AM

    I was in mourning for summer all last week. Time to move on, I guess. Glad you got a little change of pace. That helps!
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A Feeling of Resignation

Monday, August 29, 2011

I woke up this morning with a feeling of resignation about my job. I just don't want to go back. I'm tired of being "on call". I'm tired of being criticized and being told that I'm not going to be shown how to do things because "they have to be done correctly". All of this and the commute have just beaten me down.

I don't like the feeling of being beaten down. I somehow have managed to get myself in this position a few times in my life, despite all my efforts. I know that I want to be optimistic and believe the best of people will always come out. At least I'm learning to be aware of my instincts - I just need to listen to them more.

My lack of self-confidence is kicking in again. I have to fight back with every part of my being. I have to figure out what it is in myself that I have to improve and just do it. You'd think that I'd have this figured out at my age!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SLIMLILA 8/30/2011 2:13AM

    I just had a letter written to you and it got lost in cyberspace, so maybe I wasn't meant to whine anymore, you've heard me and encouraged me a lot. I truly feel for you and you know I've gone through very similar circumstance... I know that not going with your gut feeling is one of the signs of poor self esteem, and I don't usually listen to my gut either... Today, I got a letter from the Primary Care Network and they had tried to call me. Thankfully they followed through with the letter. So, I have an appt. Wed. to talk with them about mental health... finally, seeing as the "stress breakdown" happened back in May... well, obviously, I still need to talk to someone, so better late than never...

What did you decide? Did you go to work, I know you need the money, but you can't let them continue to make you feel so bad, it's not right!!!

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KAMAPERRY 8/30/2011 12:02AM

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KKP4673 8/29/2011 8:18PM

    Patty-- I wish you much success in finding your passion/job that works for you! It is a hard road so often.

Many Hugs to you!!

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FITMARY 8/29/2011 7:11PM

    Oddly enough, we just have to keep learning. I don't know why.
But every day there's a new challenge, a new hurdle, a new demand for inner strength. Hang on! You can do it! I'm sure you're sick of having to keep fighting, but don't give up. You WILL get to a better place!
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FIFIFRIZZLE 8/29/2011 3:54PM

    Oh Patty that is hard. I noticed you blogged not long ago about being overdrawn. Here's hoping you can find another job closer to home, and quickly. In the meantime, maybe having made the decision to look for soemthing closer to home will make your time until you resign go better? Because you can just give up on the rest and just do what you are paid to do and chillax, as they say round here. Good luck with the job search.
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MPEACH87 8/29/2011 12:07PM

    It gets very difficult when people on a new job don't train you properly and then criticize you for not doing your job, when you were never told what to do in the first place. Try bringing this to your boss's attention. If it doesn't work, then maybe things aren't working out for a reason.

Terrible to say in this economy, but that just means looking around at different options and trying to stay optimistic until something right comes around.

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STRONGERLEANER 8/29/2011 9:47AM

    Hi, Patty!

I think we all go through this and I think it happens at various times in our lives. The world is always changing, expectations change, procedures change, operating systems change, fashions change, and we have to keep reminding ourselves where we fit.

The thing is, we do fit, and no matter what, we have to love ourselves. We all have value. Sometimes, because we're so busy looking at others, it's harder to see our talents and strengths. Sometimes, because we value others so much, we might see our strengths but not place any value on them.

From my exposure to you, you seem to be a WONDERFUL person. Please don't doubt that you are. Don't let other people define you. Even if someone points out a flaw, and we all have them, remember that our flaws don't define us. Our flaws are just one part of us.

Keep striving to be the best you. You are a kind and compassionate person. Don't let anyone take that away from you.

You'll find your niche. In the meantime, just keep loving you and taking care of the wonderful person that you are.

Ask yourself what it is that you want and give those things to yourself. If you get something and realize that you really don't want it, just move on to something else. We constantly learning, constantly growing.

Just continue to be the beautiful you that gives love, not only to others, but to yourself!
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Beautiful Day

Sunday, August 28, 2011

It's a beautiful day outside today, although a little breezy. Although I have a list of must-do's today, I'm going to put them off until tonight and go outside to enjoy the weather. I hope everyone has a wonderful week.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SLIMLILA 8/29/2011 1:33AM

    Glad you got to relax and spend the day enjoying the outside.. I gotta get back to walking, I fall off track so easy.... not good for me..

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PRAYINGSUZIE 8/29/2011 12:35AM

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KAMAPERRY 8/28/2011 11:16PM

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NPA4LOSS 8/28/2011 5:27PM

    emoticon Enjoy the time to unwind and just be. emoticon

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PASTORJO 8/28/2011 1:11PM

    Good for you to enjoy the day! Yesterday was pretty much the same here in Ohio. My husband's allergies are kicking in, but I will still walk this evening.

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Good Start to the Day

Saturday, August 27, 2011

I slept in a little later than I normally do, but woke up motivated. I made dinner for a friend whose oven is on the fritz. While that was cooking, I cleaned out a couple kitchen drawers and a couple in my bedroom. The vacuuming is done. I'm now getting ready to run some errands, then back to the house to clean a few more things. I hope this motivation gets me through the afternoon. When I feel like I accomplish things at home, at least I feel than I can do things right.
At least something helps my confidence a little.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

NPA4LOSS 8/27/2011 10:56PM

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KAMAPERRY 8/27/2011 2:25PM

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MISSLISA1973 8/27/2011 11:00AM

    What a great beginning! Good job! emoticon

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