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Ugh!

Monday, August 08, 2011

I had trouble falling asleep last night. I kept dreaming about screwing up and work and kept waking up. I finally gave up about 2:30 and got out of bed. Now that it's 7:15, I'm ready to go lay back down instead of getting ready for work.

I really don't want to go into work today. My boss won't be in this week, but I'm confident that she will call and email constantly to check up on me. I also know that the guy that works sometimes in the office has been told to keep and eye on me and reports to the boss on what and how I'm doing. The whole situation has me stressed and is affecting my non-working hours. Not a good feeling...but I'm working on changing that.

Just hoping I don't have a terrible urge to fall asleep while working or driving. I know one person who's going to bed early tonight!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SLIMLILA 8/9/2011 12:37AM

    Oh Patty, I so feel for you. No one needs that kind of stuff in their life. Hope you can find something where you can feel trusted and respected and where you feel comfortable and effective. Been there, done that, no one needs it..

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KAMAPERRY 8/8/2011 1:23PM

    emoticon

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NPA4LOSS 8/8/2011 1:06PM

    Think positive. Breathe deep. Relax tonight and do something good for yourself.

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MPEACH87 8/8/2011 11:28AM

    Deep breaths! I understand completely though, the storms kept waking me up last night! We'll make it through the day then catch up on sleep tonight.

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MNABOY 8/8/2011 10:18AM

    Stress is a killer and worry is a product of or creator of stress. Work is like our second home and just like,"when Momma ain't happy, no one is happy", when work isn't fun we are not happy. My job is a stressor on good days and with the political situation in our county coupled with the economics and crime wave, I feel at times like an alien. A wise mentor said to start the day doing the job you least enjoy and then the day only gets better. Hopefully, your employer knows the problems with using employees to spy on superiors.

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FITMARY 8/8/2011 8:09AM

    Keep in mind that they want you to succeed. Training someone is hard! They don't want to do it again so they will stick with you if they can. And supposedly people who help you become even more invested in your success so they must really want you to succeed! Hang in there! And Good Luck!!!

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SWEETANGO 8/8/2011 8:06AM

    emoticon Keep going, you never know what wonderful surprises today will bring! Judy

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ANGIEINTRAINING 8/8/2011 7:52AM

    I'm so sorry that your job is stressing you out so badly! That really sucks. Just take a deep breath and remember that you do know what you are doing! Just because someone may be keeping tabs on you does not mean you can't just do your job and ignore them. When you leave, try to process the day on your way home and then just let it go. I know...easier said than done. However, if you really process and find the positives of your day, you will eventually be able to let it go. In the meantime, keep job searching. There is one our there that is meant just for you! Keep your chin up! I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers! emoticon

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A Needed Weekend

Sunday, August 07, 2011

I relaxed a little this weekend. I even slept in way too long this morning. I really needed to de-stress after the long week at work.

I'm trying to come to terms with my job. I know that I'm not compatable with my boss. Her way of "training" me and criticizing me for everything has got me so stressed that I know I'm not able to concentrate like I normally would. The criticisms bring back the same feelings that I had when living with DH.

It took me a long time to start to overcome the anxiety and depression that I had while living with DH. I didn't expect to have those feeling start to come back just because I took a job. I'm going to try to hang onto the job as long as I can. But, I also know that I have to watch out for my own mental health. I'm applying at other companies and trying to get creative on ways to bring in extra money. That way, if I can't take it anymore, I will have something else lined up.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SLIMLILA 8/8/2011 12:29AM

    OOh Patty, I know what you're going through.... I commend you for recognizing that you don't mesh and are being proactive in seeking another job. I know how hard you've looked and I'm sure I don't know anyone as persistent as you. But I am so proud of you for thinking of you and your mental health and equating it to re/ship with ex dh. I wish I had the strength to do some of the things you have done.... I have been thinking about when I get a job I will have to have the same mindset as you... if it's not good for my mental health, I need to get out of it....before it depresses and stresses me...

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MISSLISA1973 8/7/2011 11:27PM

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NPA4LOSS 8/7/2011 7:48PM

    I'm glad that you were able to destress today. Those of us with anxiety have more things to overcome in high trauma situations. I hope that you can find some relief soon. emoticon on trying to find new areas of income.

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MOMMA48 8/7/2011 4:55PM

    emoticonPatty, and I hear ya on bosses! But, don't let her attitude get the best of you or bring on too much stress. I know it's easier said than done -- but knowing that you are looking at other companies -- you're in control, hun -- and shoo that stress away!!!

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MASHARIVER 8/7/2011 1:05PM

    I hope everything goes well!

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JKWETZSTEIN 8/7/2011 12:56PM

    I'm sorry you're going through tough stuff, Hang in there though, You have the power inside yourself to either change your situation for the better, or stick it out. Good luck.

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A Long Stressful Day Yesterday

Friday, August 05, 2011

I had an appointment yesterday afternoon with a state psychiatrist to evaluate my ADD and anxiety problems as I am applying for state disability (for that and my back problems). It was a distance away from my condo and they insisted I be there on time. Of course, I waited to be called in for over a half hour. The doctor was foreign and hard to understand. The whole afternoon was shot and definitely made my anxiety rise.

I got a call from my Avon District Manager before my doctor appointment. We've been trying very hard to make me a Unit Leader where I would actually make more money by having representatives underneath me. But, if I don't come up with a $250 order this campaign, I will lose the current representatives that are under me and have to start all over again. I've been trying to keep up with passing out books and getting orders. But the other part-time job has been so stressful and the hours have been so erratic that I don't always have the time I want to put into the Avon business.

If anyone out there uses Avon, doesn't have a representative, and would like to help me out so I can go more full time into Avon and quit the stressful job, I do have a website that you can order from. The web address is www.youravon.com/pklaver. It would mean so much to me to be able to do this. I've been so stressed this past three weeks that I've had a couple anxiety attacks and have lost another seven pounds that I really didn't need to lose. I just haven't had the appetite or desire to eat anything.

I keep trying to keep my attitude up and my options open. Any ideas and/or suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

FIFIFRIZZLE 8/9/2011 4:54AM

    I agree about the meditation. And I find hypnosis works well to setle me down to sleep. You can learn these techniques very cheapy or for free, get a DVD from the local library. It won't hurt to give it a try, and maybe it will help.

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KAMAPERRY 8/6/2011 1:21AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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MISSLISA1973 8/5/2011 9:58PM

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THREADS3 8/5/2011 8:27AM

    Meditation could really help you to handle the stress a lot better. But that is up to you!

Good Luck...I really hope you succeed!

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Going Back and Forth

Wednesday, August 03, 2011

My feelings about my job are going back and forth. On one hand, I know I need the job and that I am slowly learning the ropes (and a few other things along the way).

On the other hand, there are a few things I don't like about the job. The commute always gets me stressed - I hate traffic. I don't get paid enough. I never know what my hours will be. I was originally told 3 8-hour days and was quickly promised more hours. Every week has been different - none of them being 5 days.

The boss is not a good or patient trainer. She has explained very few things well. Sometimes she thinks she has told me something when she hasn't or she has actually given me incorrect information (like passwords). She has given me a job to do and then gotten mad when I've done it without letting her check my work before I finished it. There's been a couple hurtful comments. Sometimes I try to let it slide off me but most times it's a little hard. I realize that I don't know everything, but I must know something from all my schooling and experience.

At times I try to just put it in God's hands and sometimes it helps me feel resigned and hoping another journey will come my way. At other times, I just get stressed and depressed. There's a happy medium out there. So, I am continuing to look for other jobs and saying a little prayer every day that I make it through another day.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MOSPARKS 8/4/2011 2:30PM

    It is very hard to be at a job you don't like. Have patience and keep praying. Look at it as experience that you can put on your resume. Keep looking and keep smiling. Something else will come up. No job is perfect so be grateful that you are working and money is coming in. Relax when you come home from work and try to forget about the stress of the day. It will get better.

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KAMAPERRY 8/3/2011 1:22PM

    emoticon

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SPACEYKP 8/3/2011 10:37AM

    It can be so tough when you're unhappy at a job but know you need to work. It's even worse to have a long commute to a job you're not looking forward to going to. Try to weigh the pros and cons of having that job versus not having any job. If you decide that you will be truly happier and less stressed without a job, then it might be best for you to quit. If you decide that you really are better off having this job, even if it's not the best job, then try to focus only on the positive aspects and do as much as possible to forget about the negative. It can be hard sometimes, but just tell yourself that you're learning new things, that you have a lot of good skills because you're able to teach yourself things that you're boss can't. Or try to accept some things, like the random hours and commute -- they are what they are and you can't change them right now. But if your boss keeps up with the hurtful comments though, I would talk to her about it. Just keep your head up, try to stay relaxed, and use this job as just something to fill your time and give you some income until you find something better for yourself.

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PASTORJO 8/3/2011 10:02AM

    When you aren't where you are meant to be, work can be very difficult. I know that from years of experience. I was also an admin temp for about 2 years at the beginning of seminary. I remember the frustration of not being given the correct or enough information, then being treated as if I didn't have a brain.

This isn't the place you are going to end up working, and using all of your talents and skills, it is a stop along the way. Realizing it isn't permanent may help.

In the meantime, keep looking. The ugly truth is a person working is more likely to be hired than someone not working. Learn what you can about yourself as well as the job and you will be ready when the next opportunity comes along.

Thanks for being so honest with your blogs!

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C11ELF16 8/3/2011 8:59AM

    Having a job is both good/bad and pretty much EVERY job comes with it some headaches. Hopefully as you learn each day will get easier and bring less stress your way. When I am at work trying to get through a rough day - I stop & remind myself that I WORK so that I can ENJOY my time away from work with LESS stress. Sending lots of ((HUGS)) and patience your way. Hoping that this works out for you - or that something even better falls in your lap. Hang in there !

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Monday's Fight with Weekly Goals

Tuesday, August 02, 2011

I started off really well yesterday morning. Got my exercises and walking in before I went to work. After work, as I was fighting the usual stressful traffic, I listened to my phone messages. My brother-in-law called to invite the family to dinner to celebrate my sister's birthday. I had just enough time to go home, grab the present and get the mail. My daughter's proof of insurance cards came, so it was a quick throw into an envelope, off to the post office and then to my sister's. I didn't make it home until my 10 pm bedtime. So, I got to sleep about 45 minutes late. Somehow, I shut the sounds off on my phone and woke up about an hour late. Got my exercises done, but the walking will just have to be done when I get home. The weatherman is predicting evening storms, so the DVD it will be. I promise myself I will journal and get to bed by 10 again tonight.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SLIMLILA 8/3/2011 12:55AM

    Today is my sister's birthday too!!

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STRONGERLEANER 8/3/2011 12:38AM

    You're working with whatever comes your way! Way to stick to the goals!

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Sorry things were so hectic.

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KAMAPERRY 8/2/2011 1:19PM

    Good plan!

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FITMARY 8/2/2011 8:58AM

    Woo hoo! Happy birthday to her! Sounds hectic but fun! Good luck with tonight!

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