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PATTYKLAVER's Recent Blog Entries

Subtle Changes

Saturday, July 17, 2010

Just this week, I realized that there have been subtle changes in me since I've been up in Michigan. It was four weeks yesterday. I feel calmer - not as stressed. I'm actually socializing more and making plans with different people.

I'm not tiptoing around waiting for someone to criticize me - that person is not here or calling me to do that. This is a BIG enjoyment for me. It had happened so gradually in Alabama that I really didn't realize how bad it was and how unfair it was to me. The sad part about it is that my husband will never realize or admit that he does this. He always told me that I misinterpreted things.

I'm still looking for a job. I am trying to stay positive about this and am determined to look every day for a certain amount of time. Something will hopefully turn up soon.

I feel that I am taking more charge of my own health and well being. I am confident that I will feel and be more healthy in body and spirit. That's a good feeling for me right now.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SONGOFJOY27 7/17/2010 5:50PM

    Good for you! I'm so glad you're seeing changes in who you are. You have made some pretty big decisions and taken some major actions recently. Now it's time to settle in and discover who you really are - a special woman, loved by God and her family.
You CAN do this!
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Carol

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Filled Days

Thursday, July 15, 2010

I've been working so hard at getting my body and mind together and looking for a job that there hardly seems time for anything else. The days go by so fast. Sometimes I feel I have nothing tangible to show for them. Other times, I go back through and read my blogs and realize how far I have come.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DONNABRIGHT 7/15/2010 3:08PM

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PLAYBLUES22 7/15/2010 3:01PM

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SONGOFJOY27 7/15/2010 2:05PM

    Isn't it great that we've got this blog tool available to us? And that prior blogs are saved for us to re-read?
You are making positive changes in your life. You are progressing on your journey. You CAN do this!
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Carol

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Trying to Get Back into Routine

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

I am still trying to get back into my eating/exercise routine from taking a long weekend. I walked my whole distance today. It took me about five minutes longer because my upper leg is still bothering me. It's hard for me to sit comfortably at the computer.

Being so paranoid about my back, I'm wondering if it is something more than muscle spasms. I know that x-rays are only at best 45% effective. But, I do have a doctor appointment on Monday. I will find out if my thyroid activity has improved and will ask again about my leg. By now, she should have all the records from the Alabama doctors.

I don't want to come across as a whiner, but I know it sounds like I am. After four years, I am just tired of the back pain. I just want my regular life back. I realize there are things I will never be able to do again, like lifting heavy objects or bending too much. But I want to feel somewhat normal.

  


Vacation

Sunday, July 11, 2010

I went up to my sister's cottage Wednesday and got back about 1:00 today. I had such a relaxing time! It's definitely something I needed. I did have a couple glitches, however.

I got up Thursday morning, did my exercises and went for my walk. I came back and sat down for a few minutes. I got up with a pain in my upper leg/lower back. I was limping. I layed down to thinking that it would go away. It didn't and by then it was inflamed. So, I got to visit another ER. The docs took xrays (I was afraid I had done something to my rods in my back). They came back, gave me a shot and two prescriptions, and told me it was muscle spasms. It was so small an area of my back that I think it pinced my sciatic nerve. Needless to say, I couldn't walk or do my exercises until today.

There was no internet connections there. I missed being able to monitor eating and exercising. I'm not sure I ate as well as I could have, but I did the best I could. No internet made me realize that I am very dependent on the internet.

So here I am starting to get back on track slowly but surely. My back still is tender at times, but I'm working through it.

  


Down Again

Tuesday, July 06, 2010

Yesterday, I was so excited to spend the day with both of my girls. We went to the beach and out to dinner and had a great time.

My oldest daughter and son-in-law left this morning at 2:15 am. I couldn't fall back asleep so I spent the time cleaning up, exercising and going for my walk.

When I got back, I sat at the computer to input my foods and exercise times into SP. I got so sad about my daughter leaving and about not being able to find a job that I sat and cried for a half hour. I still can't shake the sad feeling despite my youngest daughter's and my tries.

I struggle with depression and I just almost feel that another bad time is sinking in despite my best tries and my medications. I sometimes wonder if I will ever be okay.

  


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