Thursday, March 10, 2011
Yes, I did it again, and it won't be the last time so I just need to get over it ASAP and move on. Again. Not stop and start over, just turn the page and continue the story.
I did, however, start a new paper tracker for this week, so that's my one concession, and that's a good thing. I get weighed in at Weight Watchers on Wednesdays, so Thursday is the logical start of a new week for me, and I've been wanting to start my tracking on Thursdays for sometime now. So now I am truly on track for the week to come.
I gained .4 pounds at my weigh in and it set off a whole series of feelings that I hadn't worked through, so off I went into a can of chocolate icing until my emo level had settled down. Last night I couldn't throw the unfinished can away, but I tossed it in the gar-bage' first thing this morning. So long, sucker.
This morning I had a face-to-face talk with myself and settled some issues. I've decided not to make an important cross-roads type decision for today, and that alone has given me some peace. For today my breakfast was healthy and minimal, even the rain hasn't started yet, and now I can go on with my day. Been here, done this, and now, again.
Thursday, March 03, 2011
I am emerging from this past winter's hibernation with renewed vigor, and a commitment to losing weight because that is the best thing for me. I've been working so hard but it seems I was spinning my wheels. And, "as all things work together for good", and "for everything there is a season", I have learned so much once again during this slow time. I'm coming back stronger, smarter, and leaner than before. I'm learning how to take care of me, how to plan for nap time and say no to others and yes to myself.
I guess I'm a late bloomer. It's taken so many years to outgrow the old clothes that I was forced to wear for so long, all the expectations that were placed on me, all the road maps I was forced to follow that never included the path I wanted to walk, and all the times I had to say, "Yes" to not just the requests, but the demands of others. Say Yes and smile, get along, bow down, crawl, be fat, be ridiculed, but always please others. As I said on my intro page
" I am becoming the Me I was meant to be." Today I am becoming her, and I know I have a ways to go, but am looking forward to the journey. God willing, He will give me enough years to become that person that has been buried alive for so many years.
Tuesday, March 01, 2011
Today I feel so much better than I did a week ago going into my bronchial illness. I feel like I've been on vacation from the trials and tribulations of everyday life while I dealt with my illness and that alone. I didn't eat too much, slept when I was tired, hung around the house in my nightgown, didn't mind being bored, and only watched some mindless TV most days. I think that's called a relaxing life and I wish I could carry it over into real life now that I'm coming back.
I think the secret is in knowing how and when to say "No" and mean it. I don't know how to do that, and I'm hoping that if someone who reads this blog knows the secret that they will share it with me. I was taught since I was young to take care of everyone and always pitch in to help out, so it will be a learning process for me. thanks for your help if you care to offer it.
Sunday, February 27, 2011
I awoke later than usual this morning and when I got out of bed, I knew I was feeling better than I had all week. I had a really good night's sleep and felt that the germs and problems of the recent past had all left my body and mind. My recent bout with Bronchitis-pneumonia was pretty much over, as well as the muscle spasms and nerve-knots in my back, shoulders and neck, that were a constant presence in the days before I got sick. I really believe that the stress that I was under contributed to a lowered immune system and illness. Now I know a little of the "why's" of getting sick, because I can feel the difference. Now to get well and move on from here, sans the stress that got me here.
For today, I am thanking God for another chance to go back and learn to live my life in a more relaxing, satisfying way, that is pleasing to Him, and less stressful for me. For today I may have to put aside the "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" scripture and adopt a" He can do all things without me" outlook. It takes a great toll on a person who is always trying to please God and man, and sometimes it's just too much and it can make you sick!! So, Lesson learned??
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