Monday, January 10, 2011
I'm planning on making this a very happy and healthy new year. Happy is a state of mind, but my health is sometimes not so controllable due to a large abdominal hernia. I do my best every day to eat healthy, and follow an eating plan for weight loss, but now I am beginning to understand the "taking care of me" aspects of my health.
I will not put my self at risk for anyone, anymore, even if I have to cancel plans due to inclement weather, like snow, for instance. What I can do, however, is to not make questionable plans in the first place, or if I do have to cancel, I can at least give the other person(s) a warning ahead of time. Taking care of me doesn't mean treating others less well than myself. That's just not in my nature, so I had to find a way to come to terms with putting me first without putting down the other person. That having been resolved, I can eliminate two excuses for overeating: guilt and the fear of what someone else would think of me if I (God forbid) disappointed them!
Today I'm sitting home knowing I have had to cancel an ongoing Monday morning appointment with a dear councelor/friend, but I couldn't take the chance of falling on the ice while walking, or in my wheelchair. I'm sure the other person will understand, but it wasn't always this easy to make such a decision. That came about after long and painful years of indecision and struggle. What makes it easier for me now is my trust in God to take care of me and all my issues and needs. I am just learning the full measure of trust after many years of doubt and fear. I guess that speaks to how deep my issues were and perhaps why I ate so much for so many years. Food was the only thing I could trust to go down and relieve whatever was bothering me. It was my all-in-all. Now it's becoming less of that "allness," but
for me, food addiction is a lifetime condition. I may conquer it on a temporary basis, but it's roots go very deep. Learning to eat healthy , take care of myself , and trust in God above all things, is taking me a long way to recovery. It's taken a lifetime to get a grip on this food monster, but it was also the greatest learning tool a person could be given. As they say, "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger." Thank God I didn't die of obesity before I began to "get it!" So now I'm getting it at long last, and I can feel progress, happiness and a good weight loss coming on in this new year!
Thursday, December 23, 2010
I was so busy these past few months that I hardly had time to take care of me. Most of what I was doing had to do with a handicapped group that I lead, and I got very involved in fund raising for our scholarship fund. I created this fund and usually like the activities involved in this endeavor, but this year even the holiday gift wrapping that we do at a local book store became overwhelming. I know now that I just became overtired and didn't have my required down time.
There is a saying using the initials H.A.L.T.: " Never allow yourself to become too Hungry, Angry, Lonely, or Tired." I became all of those things and more this holiday season.
So, knowing all of these things to be true for me, I need to cut back in the new year and move at a more acceptable pace and take on less obligations. In the midst of all that was overwhelming me I realized that I had done a lot of this to myself. I am the kind of person that will pick up the ball and run with it, especially if all the people around me are doing nothing!
Then I will attempt to do it ALL. I think that's the type A personality.
And guess what else happens when I don't HALT? I start to eat too much to "keep up my strength!" Can anyone relate? That is a disaster waiting to happen, and has happened before. So now that Christmas is just about here, and the new year just a week away, I'm going to have to put on my thinking cap and think about ways to underachieve next year, because over-achieving is just about to do me in! I think it's about time that I begin to lean a lot more on the Lord, and a lot less on myself. I know now that I can do whatever I set out to do, but I can also do myself in along the way. And that's not healthy!!
Monday, November 29, 2010
When everything is in the dumps around me, my Spark friends pull me through. You don't know me personally, and there's nothing we can do for one another in person, so not owing anyone anything but to support them unconditionally, is a very good and comforting thing. It's also scriptural, as the Bible says, "Owe no man anything, but to love them."
I found that entering into the spark community on my lesser days has helped me to relate and be uplifted by so many wonderful people going through the same day-to-day problems, stresses, needs, as well as joys and accomplishments, that I am. Sometimes I just want to hug each one of you who are part of my life. As I am in a wheelchair much of the time, I'm not much of a hugger in real life, so it's great to be able to send hugs to those of you that are my Spark friends. It's kind of a goal that I have, to give more hugs online and in life. So thanks for the opportunity, and hugs to all who read this.
Monday, November 08, 2010
There are no do-overs, but fresh starts can happen in many areas of life at any time. Like when we have to do an about-face, or rethink a scenerio, or assimilate new information that seems to change everything, like the course of our lives, for instance. I was given a diagnosis last week that confirmed what I already knew to be an inoperable large abdominal hernia. The expert in his field confirmed what the first surgeon told me 10 years ago: the risks far outweighed the benefits for surgery on this massive hernia. But I kept chasing down doctors all these years because "everyone" kept telling me to "do something." Well, the expert in the field has said ,"No." Still, people may question and wonder if that is the final word on the subject, and "Why?," you may ask? BECAUSE I am overweight and that means I am an easy target for those who wish to judge, disdain, and urge me to "just lose weight." My 60 pound loss will never be enough for some folks, but the open door policy to my body must now become a MYOB [Mind Your Own Body] policy. I am through with explanations, and excuses and excuse- me- for- living apologetics, and I have to get that through my head and make it a part of me. I am the best i can be for today, and the people that love/like me don't care about the hernia, and the rest don't matter, as they say.
So yesterday I went out and had my hair done: colored, washed, cut and styled , got back in my wheelchair and went on with my life, which, by the way, I am quite happy with, w/c, hernia, and all. I am hoping to put my new photo on my Spark page as soon as I can figure out how to do it.
As for everything else, I will just continue to make lemonade and thank God for all the lemons he sends me, even the two-legged kind!! LOL
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