Saturday, January 28, 2012
Today I was blessed with a Rollator. For those who don't know, it's a walker with 4 wheels, a seat, handles with brakes, and a sometimes a basket. When we opened the closet to get out the television set to show a video at our meeting of handicapped people, sitting right in front of everything else was this shiny red Rollator. I've been wanting and needing one for so long now, ever since my Hoveround (tank !) plowed into the one I had and severely damaged the base. There was no way the steel legs of the rollator could be straightened again for use, and I couldn't afford a new one just then, so it was tossed on the rubble pile of broken wheelchairs in my garage. As a result, I have spent most of the past few years sitting down. That's also about the time I stopped losing weight on a regular basis, and just maintained my original loss.
As soon as I bring my new Rollator in from the car and dust it off, I hope to start taking additional steps each day, using my new walker for balance. It's been quite a while since I've had inspiration to build my walking stamina, so this will be a new beginning for me.
God has a funny way of teaching me patience: Waiting on Him for a new means of walking with assistance, holding my tongue while He works out family problems and situations, and letting me stay on a weight plateau for a good three years while I focused on my health and well-being, are just three things I've been kind of forced to endure, but all with happy outcomes. So I'm learning to wait on Him, and as the title of this blog says, good things come to those who wait.
Thursday, January 26, 2012
I got up this morning and while my coffee was brewing I went to the "cubby" where I had conveniently left a container of mini snack crackers, picked up the container, opened it and..............DUMPED the WHOLE CONTENTS in the GARBAGE. Just emptied the jar, didn't hold any back. So there's to you Ms. Passive-aggressive, and you Mr. Self-important! Two people in my life that play important enough roles to cause me distress. One friendship, the other organizational. Both only as powerful as the power I ALLOW THEM TO HAVE OVER MY LIFE. Both people were phone conversations at day's end yesterday that left me upset.
The conversations didn't go well, coming at the end of a day which featured a one pound weight gain for the week, and so I wanted to self-destruct. It's so strange; One week you couldn't get me to do anything self-destructive if you stood on your head, and the next, well, one container of snacks could have turned into a carton of chips. As spiritual as I feel sometimes, it's still all about the flesh and food. It's so complex; yet I try to figure it out each time, and never can. But working AT it and THROUGH it is my way of dealing WITH it, I guess. I DID throw out the offending food. That much I learned to do over the years, and WHEN I can do it, it serves me well. So the garbage bag will go outside in a little while, and I will have thrown away the poison. I am on track for today, and fortunately, had enough room in my food plan yesterday to accommodate the portion of snack I ate last night, so I was safe, and still am.
When things like this happen, it makes me so glad that I keep my home free of dangerous foods and snacks. Now I am in a danger- free zone again, will avoid talking with these negative people until I absolutely have to, and get on with my life. For today, I'm so grateful to still be learning and growing, and having the God-given strength to deal with issues that years ago caused me perpetuate an endless cycle of eat and gain, eat and gain.
Monday, January 23, 2012
Just "lost" an hour's worth of blogging in one false move! Oh well, nothing new about that.
WHAT I NEEDED TO WRITE ABOUT, and still do, WAS THE EMPTY FEELING that I get when I cut back on my food, or even when I just stop eating for the night. But that's another subject!! Right now I'm actually very comfortable, in that I'm not hungry, and not full or stuffed.
I only had half an avocado on my sandwich for lunch instead of my usual whole avocado. So I feel like something is missing; it really isn't because whenever I ate a whole avocado, it was as a meal without the bread. Usually, I cut the avocado in half, remove the pit, and eat the meat from both halves with a spoon. Today, I decided to do it differently.
You would have thought I was making a MAJOR LIFESTYLE CHANGE the way it initially affected me! LOL
But now that I have spent more than an hour on Spark pages, blown a blog, and come back to write what I needed to say, I'm satisfied. I don't feel empty anymore. Is it that my food has finally had time to digest, or that I've been distracted, or have rationalized what my emptiness really was, or a combination of all of the above? It no longer matters, because now I have something else more important to do to fill the time I would have spent (over)eating, and life is good again.
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
Since the beginning of 2012 I have lost a total of 12.6 pounds. I am thrilled and overjoyed and bewildered beyond my wildest imagination. I was stuck on a plateau for the past three years, going up and down the same ten pound staircase over and over.
I've now dropped a total of 66.2 pounds of fat from 2001, and am totally in awe of this sudden turn of events. I worked in frustration for so long and now that my hard work is paying off, it seems unreal. I didn't even announce it at my Weight Watchers meeting today, or last week. I think a part of me is afraid that something will happen and I'll turn into a balloon overnight. OMG, that's so negative. To change that attitude I will do the following: Believe in myself , appreciate this great blessing for what it is, and give thanks to God.
Then, I'm going to continue to work my program and when (not if) I have another weight loss next week I promise myself and everyone who reads this that I will announce my total at the meeting. Besides, Weight Watchers owes me a few little weight loss charms for my totals.
Okay, so something else just occurred to me. There is a part of me that doesn't want to share this wonderful news with people who may take it lightly and not understand that this is my life's work, and it's who I am at the very core of my being. Undoing my fatness, which has been the very bane of my existence, is so close, and so deeply personal, that I can't risk sharing this in person just yet. I've done this before and it's always come back. Part of me is afraid, very afraid, that speaking my weight loss out loud will cause something self-destructive to happen. I need time to get used to it.
I know all of you understand exactly what I'm talking about. You've walked this walk and YOU KNOW. None of this will sound strange to any of you, and for that I am sooooooooo grateful.
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