PATRICIAANN46   253,117
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The Palm Of My Hand.......

Friday, October 22, 2010

I had a new experience today.........Now, for those of you who live in or near large cities and do most of your doctoring there, this may be nothing new. I live in a woods and do most of my doctoring in a small city about 18 miles away and to me, this was a brand new experience. When I arrived at the clinic at noon, I stopped at a large registration desk first. The man behind the desk asked me the usual registration questions........name, birth date, address, insurance company, etc. When he was finished, he asked me to put my hand over a plastic object so that a picture of my palm could be recorded. He could see my questioning look and said that this was being done for two reasons......1. So that when I visited the clinic in the future, my palm print would assure that I was who I said I was. 2. If I was involved in an accident, and there was no one to identify me, my palm print would tell the system who I was and open my medical records to them. This probably isn't a new procedure, but I do think it is one that should be implemented in every clinic and hospital for the above two, very good reasons.
After 2 hours of doctoring and venous imaging tests, I was ready for lunch and offered to treat my chauffeur to a tasty meal. We love to try new restaurants and purposely look for little, out-of-the way diner-types. Today we found one that we had never been to before and will definitely go back to. I had the lunch special which was a Quiche made with Spinach, Carmelized Onions, and Feta Cheese accompanied by a Salad of mixed greens, cucumbers, tomatoes, red onions and topped with Balsamic Vinegar. The entire meal was a total of 491 calories. I am going to put this on my list of "Things I ate at Restaurants and want to make at home". It was delicious and not terribly high in calories and I ate it at 2 and it is now 6 and I am not the slightest bit hungry. A winner!!!
Have a Great Weekend!!! emoticon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SUNNY332 10/23/2010 8:37AM

    Wow - we are moving into a new dimension of health care.

The Quiche sounds great. I would love that...

Take care and have a GREAT day.

Sunny

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BENDER7 10/23/2010 7:51AM

    Interesting with the palm scan--I never seen it either.
Lunch sounded yummy!

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MS.ELENI 10/22/2010 11:15PM

    A lot of hospitals are using the scanner.
We also like to find out of the way places to eat. Sounds like you found a great place

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FLAME42 10/22/2010 9:16PM

    That sounds like a great place to eat,maybe some others friends will be able try it sometime!!!
That idea at the clinic IS very smart.

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Halloween Is Coming!!!

Thursday, October 21, 2010

BOO

A man is walking home alone late one foggy night...........
when behind him he hears:
Bump...
Bump...
Bump...

Walking faster, he looks back and through the fog he makes out the image of an upright casket banging its way down the middle of the street toward him.

Bump...
Bump...
Bump...

Terrified, the man begins to run toward his home, the casket bouncing quickly behind him

Faster...
Faster...
Faster...

Bump...
Bump...
Bump...

He runs up to his door, fumbles with his keys, opens the door, rushes in, slams and locks the door behind him.
However, the casket crashes through the door, with the lid of the casket clapping

Clappity Bump...
Clappity Bump...
Clappity Bump...
Clappity Bump...
Clappity Bump...

on his heels. The terrified man runs. Rushing upstairs to the bathroom, the man locks himself in. His heart is pounding; his head is reeling; his breath is coming in sobbing gasps.

With a loud crash the casket breaks down the door.
Bumping and clapping toward him......
The man screams and reaches for something, anything, but all he can find is a bottle of cough syrup!
Desperate, he throws the cough syrup at the casket........
and,
(Hopefully you're ready for this!!!)

The coffin stops!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BENDER7 10/23/2010 7:58AM

    Loved it!!!! emoticon

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EPIPHANYANGEL 10/22/2010 5:48AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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SHERYLDS 10/22/2010 5:38AM

    As a kid we lived in the projects in NYC.
One night my mom was coming home very very late...not a soul around. She noticed a man was walking behind her about 100 feet away.
She walked faster ... so did he.
She sped up a little...so did he.
She started to run...so did he.
Now she was in a real panic, running for her life, into the building, ran for the elevator....and just as the door was about to close. He pulled the door open. It was our neighbor who had recognized her, and was playing a joke on her.
I learned how to curse in Spanish that night emoticon

Comment edited on: 10/22/2010 5:41:05 AM

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SHOAPIE 10/21/2010 10:18PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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FLAME42 10/21/2010 9:41PM

    Yours and Sunny's are both cute.Sometimes we just need a good chuckle.

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MS.ELENI 10/21/2010 3:20PM

    I am not sure which is better.Yours or Sunny's.Both hilarious emoticon

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SUNNY332 10/21/2010 1:52PM

    emoticon That is a good one.

Hugs, Sunny

Satan

The local minister of a large congregation was having church
services early one Sunday morning. As he was doing so, in
walked Satan dressed to the hilt. Fire was shooting out of
his eyes, smoke was coming out of his nostrils, and he left
burning footprints wherever he walked. The members of the
congregation were so alarmed that they all ran out of the
church in hopes of saving their souls.

But in the corner sat a slim little old man in his eighties.
Satan walked up to him with fire all around him. "Are you
not afraid of me?" Satan said in a deep voice.

"No, I am not," said the old man calmly.

"And why not?" asked Satan.

The old man looked at him and said, "I have been married to
your sister for 60 years!"



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Paraprosdokian Sentences

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

A paraprosdokian is a figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected in a way that causes the reader or listener to reframe or reinterpret the first part. It is frequently used for humorous or dramatic effect, sometimes producing an anticlimax. Examples:

Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.

If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.

We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.

War does not determine who is right---only who is left.

Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

Evening news is where they begin with "Good evening", and then proceed to tell you why it isn't. (No kidding!)

A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.

How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

Dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish.

I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted pay checks.

Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says; If an emergency, notify: "I put DOCTOR."

I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

Did any of them make you smile? Actually, my husband structures many of his phrases in just this way. Now I know what to call them! emoticon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SUNNY332 10/21/2010 9:04AM

    Great one, Patricia.

Have a emoticon day.

Sunny

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BENDER7 10/21/2010 6:47AM

    I learned something new today--Does that mean I can go back to bed now?!

I really enjoyed these--never knew there was a name for this type of sentence. Probably would have enjoyed English class more if we studied these.

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GRAMMIE1959 10/20/2010 7:37PM

    emoticon

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SHERYLDS 10/20/2010 3:41PM

    "We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public"
sooooo true

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MS.ELENI 10/20/2010 3:38PM

    emoticon emoticon

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ASOPA21 10/20/2010 2:51PM

    Thanks! I learned something today. I have heard of some of these and I still laugh when I see them!

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FLAME42 10/20/2010 2:45PM

    That was my learning a new thing for the day!Some of them really struk a cord....

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MYSTERY4EVER 10/20/2010 2:25PM

    I've learned something today! I have always enjoyed these kinds of statements, but didn't know they had a name. Thanks.

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You Have To Love Marriage!!!

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

The older you are and the longer you have been married, the funnier this is.

The wife and I were sitting around the breakfast table one lazy Sunday morning.
I said to her, "If I were to die suddenly, I want you to immediately sell all my stuff."
"Now why would you want me to do something like that?" she asked.
"I figure that you would eventually remarry and I don't want some a_ _ _ _ _ _ using my stuff."
She looked at me and said,
"What makes you think I'd marry another a_ _ _ _ _ _?"

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ROBINSNEWNEST 10/21/2010 5:10PM

    ahahahahahahaha!

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BENDER7 10/20/2010 7:38AM

    Enjoyed it!

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HEALTHYBY20 10/19/2010 9:45PM

    This was hilarious!

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SUNNY332 10/19/2010 7:35PM

    emoticon

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FLAME42 10/19/2010 5:39PM

    Shouldn't that be one of those jokes that ends with And then the fight started...?
Did enjoy this joke.

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TEACHLDY4 10/19/2010 4:44PM

  Love it!

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MCSNYDER1 10/19/2010 4:40PM

    I'm speechless---and that is a miracle! That is abolutely hilarious!!!!!

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NJOHNSTON64 10/19/2010 2:24PM

    emoticon

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POSEY440 10/19/2010 2:00PM

  emoticon emoticon

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MS.ELENI 10/19/2010 1:54PM

    emoticon emoticon

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GRAMMIE1959 10/19/2010 1:06PM

    emoticon

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SHERYLDS 10/19/2010 12:18PM

    emoticon you are funny

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PJSTIME 10/19/2010 11:52AM

    Good one.

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ROZELL99 10/19/2010 11:14AM

  I don't know if funny is the right word. Painful perhaps.

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THECRAZYMANGO 10/19/2010 11:06AM

    emoticon

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Are You A GrownUp?????

Monday, October 18, 2010

A little lightness for a Monday.......

25 Ways To Tell If You"re Grown Up

1. Your houseplants are alive, and you can't smoke any of them.
2. Having sex in a twin bed is out of the question.
3. You keep more food than beer in the fridge.
4. 6:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to bed.
5. You hear your favorite song in an elevator.
6. You watch the weather channel.
7. Your friends marry and divorce instead of "Hook Up" and "Break Up."
8. You go from 130 days of vacation time to 14.
9. Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as "Dressed Up."
10. You're the one calling the police because those %&@# kids next door won't turn down the stereo.
11. Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you.
12. You don't know what time Taco Bell closes anymore.
13. Your car insurance goes down and your car payments go up.
14. You feed your dog Science Diet instead of McDonald's leftovers.
15. Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt.
16. You take naps.
17. Dinner and a movie is the whole date instead of the beginning of one.
18. Eating a basket of chicken wings at 3 AM would severely upset, rather than settle, your stomach.
19. You go to the drug store for Ibuprofen and Antacid, not condoms and pregnancy tests.
20. A $4.00 bottle of wine is no longer "Pretty good Stuff."
21. You actually eat breakfast food at breakfast time.
22. "I just can't drink the way I used to" replaces "I'm never going to drink that much again."
23. 90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work.
24. You drink at home to save money before going to a bar.
25. When you find out your friend is pregnant you congratulate them instead of asking "Oh s_ _ _, what happened?"

BONUS-----

26. You read this entire list looking desperately for one sign that doesn't apply to you and can't find one!!! Sorry.......

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

FLAME42 10/19/2010 9:08AM

    Loved this blog-you know how many of those apply to me!
Even have to admit to the one MCSNYDER added sort of, we have bought and put in place our tombstone. (How old does that make me)?

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BENDER7 10/19/2010 7:03AM

    Thanks for the smile--most apply so I guess I would fall into the grown-up category.

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LINDABENEDICT 10/18/2010 10:43PM

    hahahahahahaha

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NINJACHIC121988 10/18/2010 9:59PM

    This is funny as heck its kind of like those things a teenager would send from friend to friend and each one of them would say at the send of each message.I don't get it let me know text me back ok.And then the friend would text back explaining it.And the friend would send back.Oh ok (lol).



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MS.ELENI 10/18/2010 4:47PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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CJJANISS 10/18/2010 1:24PM

    emoticon for a great blog...unfortunately, I too, am a grownup. I don't wanna be though.... emoticon Carol

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MCSNYDER1 10/18/2010 1:12PM

    I can relate to every one of those except #9!!!! I still LOVE my jeans! In fact, IF I have a traditional "burial", I will be buried in my favorite jeans---no joke--it is in my will!!!

And there's something else to add to the list---pre-planning funerals!!! (boo....)!!! LOL!!!

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WALKIN_GIRL77 10/18/2010 1:05PM

    Yup. They're all true! When did I grow up??? emoticon

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JABCLUB 10/18/2010 12:55PM

    AAAAAGH!! emoticon

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LUPE9231 10/18/2010 12:54PM

    this was good! There were a few that did not apply to me but many did and it made me feel good to feel like an adult :) I am a 3rd grade teacher, and being with kids all day sometimes makes me feel like a kdi myself. :)

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SJSLIM2B 10/18/2010 12:50PM

  Oh no!!!!

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