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Paraprosdokian Sentences

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

A paraprosdokian is a figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected in a way that causes the reader or listener to reframe or reinterpret the first part. It is frequently used for humorous or dramatic effect, sometimes producing an anticlimax. Examples:

Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.

If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.

We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.

War does not determine who is right---only who is left.

Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

Evening news is where they begin with "Good evening", and then proceed to tell you why it isn't. (No kidding!)

A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.

How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

Dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish.

I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted pay checks.

Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says; If an emergency, notify: "I put DOCTOR."

I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

Did any of them make you smile? Actually, my husband structures many of his phrases in just this way. Now I know what to call them! emoticon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SUNNY332 10/21/2010 9:04AM

    Great one, Patricia.

Have a emoticon day.

Sunny

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BENDER7 10/21/2010 6:47AM

    I learned something new today--Does that mean I can go back to bed now?!

I really enjoyed these--never knew there was a name for this type of sentence. Probably would have enjoyed English class more if we studied these.

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GRAMMIE1959 10/20/2010 7:37PM

    emoticon

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SHERYLDS 10/20/2010 3:41PM

    "We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public"
sooooo true

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MS.ELENI 10/20/2010 3:38PM

    emoticon emoticon

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ASOPA21 10/20/2010 2:51PM

    Thanks! I learned something today. I have heard of some of these and I still laugh when I see them!

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FLAME42 10/20/2010 2:45PM

    That was my learning a new thing for the day!Some of them really struk a cord....

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MYSTERY4EVER 10/20/2010 2:25PM

    I've learned something today! I have always enjoyed these kinds of statements, but didn't know they had a name. Thanks.

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You Have To Love Marriage!!!

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

The older you are and the longer you have been married, the funnier this is.

The wife and I were sitting around the breakfast table one lazy Sunday morning.
I said to her, "If I were to die suddenly, I want you to immediately sell all my stuff."
"Now why would you want me to do something like that?" she asked.
"I figure that you would eventually remarry and I don't want some a_ _ _ _ _ _ using my stuff."
She looked at me and said,
"What makes you think I'd marry another a_ _ _ _ _ _?"

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ROBINSNEWNEST 10/21/2010 5:10PM

    ahahahahahahaha!

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BENDER7 10/20/2010 7:38AM

    Enjoyed it!

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HEALTHYBY20 10/19/2010 9:45PM

    This was hilarious!

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SUNNY332 10/19/2010 7:35PM

    emoticon

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FLAME42 10/19/2010 5:39PM

    Shouldn't that be one of those jokes that ends with And then the fight started...?
Did enjoy this joke.

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TEACHLDY4 10/19/2010 4:44PM

  Love it!

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MCSNYDER1 10/19/2010 4:40PM

    I'm speechless---and that is a miracle! That is abolutely hilarious!!!!!

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NJOHNSTON64 10/19/2010 2:24PM

    emoticon

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POSEY440 10/19/2010 2:00PM

  emoticon emoticon

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MS.ELENI 10/19/2010 1:54PM

    emoticon emoticon

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GRAMMIE1959 10/19/2010 1:06PM

    emoticon

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SHERYLDS 10/19/2010 12:18PM

    emoticon you are funny

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PJSTIME 10/19/2010 11:52AM

    Good one.

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ROZELL99 10/19/2010 11:14AM

  I don't know if funny is the right word. Painful perhaps.

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THECRAZYMANGO 10/19/2010 11:06AM

    emoticon

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Are You A GrownUp?????

Monday, October 18, 2010

A little lightness for a Monday.......

25 Ways To Tell If You"re Grown Up

1. Your houseplants are alive, and you can't smoke any of them.
2. Having sex in a twin bed is out of the question.
3. You keep more food than beer in the fridge.
4. 6:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to bed.
5. You hear your favorite song in an elevator.
6. You watch the weather channel.
7. Your friends marry and divorce instead of "Hook Up" and "Break Up."
8. You go from 130 days of vacation time to 14.
9. Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as "Dressed Up."
10. You're the one calling the police because those %&@# kids next door won't turn down the stereo.
11. Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you.
12. You don't know what time Taco Bell closes anymore.
13. Your car insurance goes down and your car payments go up.
14. You feed your dog Science Diet instead of McDonald's leftovers.
15. Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt.
16. You take naps.
17. Dinner and a movie is the whole date instead of the beginning of one.
18. Eating a basket of chicken wings at 3 AM would severely upset, rather than settle, your stomach.
19. You go to the drug store for Ibuprofen and Antacid, not condoms and pregnancy tests.
20. A $4.00 bottle of wine is no longer "Pretty good Stuff."
21. You actually eat breakfast food at breakfast time.
22. "I just can't drink the way I used to" replaces "I'm never going to drink that much again."
23. 90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work.
24. You drink at home to save money before going to a bar.
25. When you find out your friend is pregnant you congratulate them instead of asking "Oh s_ _ _, what happened?"

BONUS-----

26. You read this entire list looking desperately for one sign that doesn't apply to you and can't find one!!! Sorry.......

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

FLAME42 10/19/2010 9:08AM

    Loved this blog-you know how many of those apply to me!
Even have to admit to the one MCSNYDER added sort of, we have bought and put in place our tombstone. (How old does that make me)?

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BENDER7 10/19/2010 7:03AM

    Thanks for the smile--most apply so I guess I would fall into the grown-up category.

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LINDABENEDICT 10/18/2010 10:43PM

    hahahahahahaha

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NINJACHIC121988 10/18/2010 9:59PM

    This is funny as heck its kind of like those things a teenager would send from friend to friend and each one of them would say at the send of each message.I don't get it let me know text me back ok.And then the friend would text back explaining it.And the friend would send back.Oh ok (lol).



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MS.ELENI 10/18/2010 4:47PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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CJJANISS 10/18/2010 1:24PM

    emoticon for a great blog...unfortunately, I too, am a grownup. I don't wanna be though.... emoticon Carol

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MCSNYDER1 10/18/2010 1:12PM

    I can relate to every one of those except #9!!!! I still LOVE my jeans! In fact, IF I have a traditional "burial", I will be buried in my favorite jeans---no joke--it is in my will!!!

And there's something else to add to the list---pre-planning funerals!!! (boo....)!!! LOL!!!

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WALKIN_GIRL77 10/18/2010 1:05PM

    Yup. They're all true! When did I grow up??? emoticon

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JABCLUB 10/18/2010 12:55PM

    AAAAAGH!! emoticon

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LUPE9231 10/18/2010 12:54PM

    this was good! There were a few that did not apply to me but many did and it made me feel good to feel like an adult :) I am a 3rd grade teacher, and being with kids all day sometimes makes me feel like a kdi myself. :)

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SJSLIM2B 10/18/2010 12:50PM

  Oh no!!!!

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I Ate Too Much!!!!!

Sunday, October 17, 2010

Last night, my family went to a Thanksgiving Dinner at my Mom's church. They have it every year and it is a huge fund-raiser. It is very well attended because ALL of the food served is out-of-this-world delicious!!!!! It is served family-style and you can eat as much as you want. Knowing that the food is good, I decided at the get-go, that I was going to take a small amount of everything. Even the small amounts filled my entire plate. There was Turkey, Mashed Potatoes and Gravy, Squash, Coleslaw (which I didn't eat), Cranberries, Stuffing, Dinner Rolls, Milk, Coffee, and either Apple or Pumpkin Pie. I also prepared for it by eating a small brunch around 11 AM and then drinking lots of water before I left. I was still miserable after the meal!!! Today, I decided that my husband and I HAD to do something about all that we had consumed last night. We drove to a nature trail about 45 miles from our home and walked and climbed until I thought we would have to call 911!!! The only meal I have had so far today was a brunch around noon. Our supper is going to be very light. A wonderful thing has happened to me in the year I have been on SP. I CAN'T eat LARGE anymore without being uncomfortable and almost sick afterward. This is a GOOD THING!!!!! Now if I could only be grossed out by chocolate.......... emoticon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SUNNY332 10/18/2010 7:33AM

    Sorry you were left feeling so miserable. I do understand. Been there - done that - too many times to count.

Good job on the walk.

Have a GREAT week.

Sunny

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BENDER7 10/18/2010 6:58AM

    Great weekend--enjoying a special & delious meal then enjoying exercise in the beautiful WI fall weather & scenery

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FLAME42 10/17/2010 11:01PM

    Great way to spend a beautiful WI day, walking and hiking. Bet you will sleep well tonight after all that outdoor activity.
Don't think I can ever be grossed out by chocolate, let me know if you find that secret!

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PJSTIME 10/17/2010 9:18PM

    Great way to work off those yesterdays calories. I feel the same way when I overeat and it doesnt take near as much to fill me up anymore.

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MS.ELENI 10/17/2010 8:33PM

    Good for you on doing the walking emoticon

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TEACHLDY4 10/17/2010 8:00PM

  I know how you feel! Too full happens much more easily. Sounds like your exercise was fun!

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46SHADOW 10/17/2010 7:29PM

    Like your solution to the problem...maybe i should go for a walk...100 cals over today!

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2BFREE2LIVE 10/17/2010 7:17PM

    Now that you know how to eat healthy. It is a no brainer that you would feel terrible after eating to much.
Good for you on the hiking, I just got back from a 45 minute hike myself.
Have a wonderful week. Sandy

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SHERYLDS 10/17/2010 7:11PM

    Sounds like you had an excellent day. Good for you

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Why Has Halloween Become Such An Important Event?????

Saturday, October 16, 2010

I received an email this morning from a childhood friend who asked me this question and I couldn't answer it. I remember as a child (as did she) going Trick or Treating for UNICEF through our church. When finished, we would give all of the money to our Pastor and then we would have a Halloween party at the church. We also went Trick or Treating on our own after this event, but it was usually just in our neighborhoods.
Now there are actual weekend events centered around Halloween, houses are decorated with even more items than you see at Christmas, and it isn't limited to just October 31st. I have visited a town North of us that has decorating contests and events that last for 4 days!!! When and Why did this happen? Why do you think that Halloween has gotten to be such a big deal? I am not against it............I just wonder why?????

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BENDER7 10/17/2010 7:17AM

    I think it keeps growing mostly because it is fun, although in our culture there is the mindset to out-do last year or the neighbors too.

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SUNNY332 10/17/2010 7:00AM

    Given the situation with the economy, I could certainly understand why people may just want to become "someone else" if only for one night.

I worked in a Costume Shop back in the early 80's and it was big business then too. My boss made enough that month to carry the business through the hard times he did have during the year.



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FLAME42 10/16/2010 11:39PM

    I do think people do like to have fun dressing up, young and not so young. However, I do think it is going overboard when parents cart their children to 2-3 towns to gather candy. So much of the "loot" is then thrown away, what a waste.

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CHARMED3337 10/16/2010 8:02PM

    It's a creative release for a lot of people! We decorate our house every year. I will say that I have 5 Halloween totes full of decorations, but I have 13 Christmas totes. I just like the idea of a day were we can be someone else for the day. And the kids like it, because they get candy. And it is fun to see what your friends and family come up with to wear as costumes!!! It's just a weekend to have lots of fun with!!!!

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POSEY440 10/16/2010 7:28PM

  It should never get bigger than Christmas I feel one day is enough for this holiday. Just my opinion. emoticon

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MS.ELENI 10/16/2010 5:02PM

    I also think it is because it is fun. I always enjoy seeing the kids in their costumes.Even the little ones that you know the parents are going to eat the candy.

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MCSNYDER1 10/16/2010 3:11PM

    Commercialism! That's why! It's funny---I've seen houses decked out more for Halloween than for Christmas!!!

When I was a kid, we did the Unicef thing--then walked ONLY in our own neighborhood for treats! I did the same when my son was young!!

Until 2 years ago, I lived in a nice subdivision where carloads, truckloads, and even tractors pulling wagonloads of kids were left to trick or treat! I will say this----there was never any real "mischief". Even the great big kids ( I mean high school age and possible even some college kids) were always fun, respectful, and just out having a good time!

I was known as the "Popcorn Ball lady" because that's what I gave out every year---long before you could buy them at Wal-Mart! WHen I moved, the kids at school fussed because my house was empty and they wouldn't get their popcorn ball----so, I gave them out at school!!!!

GREAT place to get them----
www.popcornfactory.com

emoticon emoticon

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LINDABEAR3 10/16/2010 2:32PM

    I've always liked Halloween but can't decorate or buy candy because I live in the woods and we don't get trickor treaters. I think it seems like it is getting to be a bigger and bigger deal now. I saw they put out the items in the store in July and now they have one section of the store devoted to the stuff. I don't mind as I think its mostly in good fun.

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SHERYLDS 10/16/2010 2:26PM

    People need to have fun. With all the stress in our lives, it just something to play with and have a good time.

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TEJAS1291 10/16/2010 1:51PM

  I think it has more to do with promotions from sellers of these particular decorations and costumes than anything else.The churches are involved to try and keep as many kids as possible in a safe environment.Even in this case manufacturers and stores still make large profits. emoticon

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PJSTIME 10/16/2010 1:49PM

    Another way to have fun and not have to go anywhere. And for some just another reason to have a party

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MARLINDA5 10/16/2010 1:19PM

    I think people just want to have "fun" - With more technology than several years ago - we are going to see more types of decorations just like Christmas. emoticon

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REILLYGIRRRL 10/16/2010 1:18PM

  I think people just like Halloween. Things aren't as simple as they were when I was a kid. We went Trick or Treating on Halloween night in home made costumes using a pillow case.

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