In Fairness To Our Dear Pets

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

In fairness to our dear pets, I have posted the following message on the front door:

TO ALL NON-PET OWNERS WHO VISIT AND LIKE TO COMPLAIN ABOUT OUR PETS:

1. They live here. You don't.

2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. That's why they call it "fur"niture.

3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.

4. To you, they are animals. To me, they are adopted sons/daughters who are short, hairy, walk on all fours and don't speak clearly.

Remember, dogs and cats are better than kids because they:
1. eat less
2. don't ask for money all the time
3. are easier to train
4. normally come when called
5. never ask to drive the car
6. don't hang out with drug-using people
7. don't smoke or drink
8. don't want to wear your clothes
9. don't have to buy the latest fashions
10. don't need a gazillion dollars for college, and
11. if they get pregnant, you can sell their children.

  

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BENDER7 2/23/2010 6:49PM

Very cute! I liked the reasons why list. Report Inappropriate Comment

FLAME42 2/23/2010 5:40PM

The reasons the "pets" are better than children are sooo cute and sadly true in many cases. Hopefully you read these reasons to your dogs so they understand all the love you send their way!!!! Report Inappropriate Comment

SHERYLDS 2/23/2010 1:12PM

very cute ... good one I was going to add (12.) don't talk back but then I remembered my husky barking back at me when I scolded him for digging up the garden. Report Inappropriate Comment

QUEENLATIFA 2/23/2010 11:16AM

My children have told me I worry more about my dog than I ever did them when they were young! Libby is my baby for sure. Glad to see there are others that feel the same as me. I my and so does the ! *S* Report Inappropriate Comment

PJSTIME 2/23/2010 10:47AM

Love it. Report Inappropriate Comment

SAMSON826 2/23/2010 9:56AM

i love this blog!!! i definitely love my dog a lot more than a lot of people i know Report Inappropriate Comment

4ANEWME2DAY 2/23/2010 9:35AM

I can totally relate. Makes me every time I read this!! Report Inappropriate Comment

ILOVELIFE2012 2/23/2010 9:33AM

so witty and wonderful - thank you so much. This means a lot to me. My female black lab turned 13 years old yesterday so this blog hit home for me. Thank you for posting. Report Inappropriate Comment

JILLTBNAGART 2/23/2010 9:33AM

Very funny and oh so true! Report Inappropriate Comment

PETS

Monday, February 22, 2010

The following was found posted very low on a refrigerator door.

Dear Dogs and Cats: The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Racing me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort, however. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other, stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out on the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.

For the last time, there is no secret exit from the bathroom!!! If, by some miracle, I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge in an attempt to open the door. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years---canine/feline attendance is not required.

The proper order for kissing is: Kiss me first, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt (or your own). I cannot stress this enough!!!

One more thing, staring at me while I eat to try to direct my mind to give you my food will NOT work (usually). I am too old and too tired. Go stare at the kids. They are younger and more susceptible to mind control. If you don't believe me, notice how they all dress alike so they can be individuals.

  

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KAHALAPO 2/23/2010 9:14PM

Love this! Report Inappropriate Comment

MOMS100 2/23/2010 11:36AM

Oh, how I can relate! Report Inappropriate Comment

BENDER7 2/22/2010 8:13PM

I enjoyed this very much! Report Inappropriate Comment

PJSTIME 2/22/2010 11:17AM

Have a great day. PJ Report Inappropriate Comment

ROX525 2/22/2010 11:03AM

This is hilarious. My two girls (180 lbs. total) are always trying to beat me down the stairs and while I am walking through the house, they are walking ahead of me and looking back as if I am going to take them for a walk every time I walk through the house. They think my bed is theirs also. But, we have to love them.... Thank you for sharing. Report Inappropriate Comment

FLAME42 2/22/2010 10:48AM

This was so funny I was happy I had just made a trip to the restroom minutes before. Really appreciated the "kissing" suggestions. Best was the statement about the children all dressing alike so they could be individuals. With the teaching background we know how this is. Have a great day & try not to succumb to those eyes staring at you from underneath the table!!! Report Inappropriate Comment

SHERYLDS 2/22/2010 10:41AM

LOL This one will have me grinning all day. Thanks Report Inappropriate Comment

PONYFARMER 2/22/2010 10:38AM

As the person who is owned by two dogs, I have seen this before and it makes me laugh everytime. Thanks for reminding me. Report Inappropriate Comment

To Be 6 Again......

Sunday, February 21, 2010

A man was sitting on the edge of the bed, watching his wife, who was looking at herself in the mirror. Since her birthday was not far off, he asked what she'd like to have for her birthday. "I'd like to be six again." she replied, still looking in the mirror.

On the morning of her birthday, he arose early, made her a nice big bowl of Lucky Charms, and then took her to Six Flags theme park. What a day!!! He put her on every ride in the park; the Death Slide, the Wall of Fear, the Screaming Roller Coaster; everything there was.

Five hours later they staggered out of the theme park. Her head was reeling and her stomach felt upside down. He then took her to a McDonald's where he ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a chocolate shake.

Then it was off to a movie; popcorn, a soda pop, and her favorite candy, M&M's. What a fabulous adventure!!!

Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed, exhausted!!!

He leaned over his wife with a big smile and lovingly asked, "Well Dear, what was it like being six again?"

Her eyes slowly opened and her expression suddenly changed.

"I meant my dress size, you moron!!!"

The moral of the story: Even when a man is listening, he is gonna get it wrong.

  

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BENDER7 2/21/2010 7:59PM

Loved it! Report Inappropriate Comment

FLAME42 2/21/2010 6:36PM

This was FANTASTIC! Such a cute story with such a true punch line. Most men don't listen and even if they do they don't really HEAR what you mean. This gave me a good laugh, but a stomach just to think what she would have had to eat on such a day!!! Report Inappropriate Comment

PJSTIME 2/21/2010 12:57PM

You made my day. Onward and Downward in 2010. PJ Report Inappropriate Comment

SHERYLDS 2/21/2010 12:39PM

LOL -------- You've got that right !!!! You might enjoy 'Mark Gungor - Men's Brain Women's Brain - EXTENDED' www.youtube.com/watch?v=GuMZ73mT5zM Report Inappropriate Comment

2BFREE2LIVE 2/21/2010 12:37PM

The trick is to get him to listen in the first place:) Cute and I enjoyed the day it brought back memories!!! Sandy Report Inappropriate Comment

Now That I'm Older..........

Saturday, February 20, 2010

Forget health food. I'm at an age where I need all the preservatives I can get.

If there's no chocolate in heaven, I'm not going.

As you get older, your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.

I would be unstoppable..........if I could just get started.

Out of estrogen. Next mood swing: 2 minutes.

The quickest way for a parent to get a child's attention......is to sit down and look comfortable.

My WILD OATS have turned into prunes and All-Bran.

You can't stay young forever. But you can be immature for the rest of your life.

Gone crazy. Back soon.

I live in my own little world. But it's okay......they know me here.

(My favorite) If you leave me.........can I come too?

Have a fantastic day!!!!!
There's always a lot to be thankful for if you take time to look. For example, I am sitting here thinking how nice it is that wrinkles don't hurt......

Being happy doesn't mean everything is perfect. It means you've decided to see beyond the imperfections.

  

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

FLAME42 2/20/2010 4:30PM

Loved this blog. All the statements are so true. Really liked your two personal additions at the end. Hope you are having a great day, even if you are lonesome for E. I would share my 2 yr. old playmate with you if you are really lonely. I am trying to sit down & look comfortable-so that means he will wake up at any second. Report Inappropriate Comment

PJSTIME 2/20/2010 1:46PM

Love this blog. I would rather be getting older then the alternative. And besides the older we get the more we can get by with:) because we can blame it on old age. Have a great day. Onward and Downward in 2010. PJ Report Inappropriate Comment

CELEST 2/20/2010 12:24PM

Did you hear the one about the elderly couple sitting on the edge of their bed. The old lady was trying desperately to smooth out the wrinkles in her sheets. Her husband asked what on earth she was doing? She responded with "I don't want to sleep on wrinkles." He shook his head and said "at our age, that's almost an impossibility." Report Inappropriate Comment

SPRINGBELLE 2/20/2010 12:16PM

Ha ha ha, I am right there with you on the wrinkled prune trail! I will just have to enjoy the aging journey because I don't much care for the alternative. You know what they say, "Growing old is not for sissies!" Boy, is that the truth! Men and women lose hair where they want it and grow hair where they don't. The upper arm jiggle and under chin turkey wattle, new creaks and pops as you get up or bend over, etc. This is one journey for the fearless! Thank goodness we have lots of company along for the ride! Report Inappropriate Comment

Winter In Wisconsin

Friday, February 19, 2010

It's winter here in Wisconsin and the gentle breezes blow, 70 miles per hour and it's 25 below!

Oh, how I love ol' Wisconsin
When the snow's up to your butt;
You take a breath of winter air
And your nose gets frozen shut.

Yes, the weather here is wonderful,
I guess I'll hang around.
I could never leave my Wisconsin
'Cause I'm frozen to the ground.

I really do love Wisconsin, and don't know how I could live anywhere where there aren't four seasons. There is something I enjoy and love about each of them.

  

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BENDER7 2/20/2010 8:59AM

Good Old Wisconsin Love the 4 seasons but prefer SUMMER Report Inappropriate Comment

JUDI_B 2/20/2010 6:28AM

Winter in Wisconsin is OK. . . But, there's nothing like "up North" in the summer! Comment edited on: 2/20/2010 6:29:05 AM Report Inappropriate Comment

FLAME42 2/19/2010 6:34PM

I have to agree that I love the change of seasons, just wish that some of them lasted longer. Winter could definitely be the shortest. Each season provides new scenery and activities to enjoy. Report Inappropriate Comment

PJSTIME 2/19/2010 1:30PM

Nice Blog I do enjoy the seasons. Onward and Downward in 2010. PJ Report Inappropriate Comment

BLUEANGELLK 2/19/2010 12:15PM

Love it! Wisconsinite through and thruogh!! Report Inappropriate Comment

25ANNETTE 2/19/2010 12:08PM

I couldn't have said it better, but I'd just change one small thing.....Minnesota! Thanks for making me smile! Report Inappropriate Comment