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PASSIONATETIGER's Recent Blog Entries

Fear of Failure is False!

Thursday, July 10, 2014

I just read over my last blog and it felt bleak and heavy until I discovered the source which is feeling guilty.
When dealing with family, guilt is often what we summon up when anyone appears to be letting themselves or us down.
I was and continue to internalize that self condemnation without even recognizing that I'm doing it.

Walking the dog just now and thinking about my son I am struck by how much this very thing is keeping his life all shut down and toxic. It's what I've been doing since I smugly (or was it) enjoyed my maintenance weight stretch of time. Everything felt great and I was serenely pleased with myself, then something slipped. And I started the mental tape that I had to let myself down.

As a recovering nicotine addict, I know how much of our thoughts are not US really but some addictive tape running in our brain. And so it is with feeling guilty, about not doing enough or being enough or whatever can trigger the background (maybe underground) clatter 0f taped messages we carry without knowing it's not real and it's not me; but instead, something I concluded or accepted as true along the way because I think whatever is in my head belongs to me! NOT.

Today I have the will and the clarity to monitor my calories, be stingy with what I choose to intake. May that guilt tape be thoroughly seen for "the false self I harm myself by listening to!" I reclaim being ME, which is centered and clear headed.

These tapes are hard to detach from but honestly, they are nothing more than
"False Evidence Appearing Real ~ FEAR."

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CLAYMACT 9/3/2014 10:45AM

    This realization is so important! the mental health is as important as - and necessary for - the physical health.

So many people don't realize "the tape" (Are we dating ourselves? LOL!) is running. they also don't realize we can turn it off - or even record over it! You realize that. Rewrite you legacy!

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LENORE048 8/8/2014 10:11PM

  Thanks for your insight. So helpful for me. I have to separate myself
from all the negative chitter chatter and remember who I truly am.

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LENORE048 8/8/2014 9:58PM

  Thanks for sharing your insight. It helped me get through a trying
time I'm having with my weight and nicotine withdraw. I get caught
into negative thinking and realize the voices are not me just passing

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    The tapes in our head are hard to erase completely. Takes a lot of concerted effort. You are doing well to work on them.

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FITMARY 7/11/2014 10:56AM

    I love the indictment of Fear Evidence Appearing Real! We will banish it from the kingdom!!!

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SWEETCLEANER 7/10/2014 1:12PM

    Very True! If only life was linear! emoticon

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SJMONROE2 7/10/2014 12:40PM

  You are right!
Those condemning tapes can run in our head whenever we 'stumble" at whatever it is we are doing to better ourselves. And they turn on so quickly & automatically we sometimes don't notice they are whispering to us. But you hit the nail on the head...those tapes are not giving us a REAL message; they are False Evidence Appearing Real. emoticon

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meandering morning mind

Saturday, June 21, 2014

Fuzzy head, fuzzy stroked arm, under slept a few hours, pushed to wake up early enough for a really good walk (to make up for this week's step count), wanting to hide again in oblivion and sleep. But I dreamed. And that pulled me up into this day. Is this really appropriate spark blog or more just semi conscious rumination like I peddled for myself long, long ago? Will it rain or clear up; will my troubled rumblings of self awareness undertones flush to the surface to see?

Journaling before being fully awake was fun once. What do I care about being brutally honest now, other than to get out of my head and into better functioning. Darn it, I need more than I'm providing for me.

Just two pounds over goal and you think that's not a danger? I know my eating habits and the s.o.s. rings clear. Don't go back to sleep this day but drink that iced coffee and type and wake up more. The walk will do me so much good. Stay present to every awareness I can muster in this day.

honor the passionate tiger in you,

Ah, the post script!

Floating head, under slept brain and body, I'm up very early in order to make up for the lower step count of this week. KARON, you complimented me and this urged me to be here now:
I want to deserve the consistency impression I make!

Last night my tenant changed up his routine weekend and instead of leaving (for where ever) like all other weekends, he brought a girl back here. Oops; he forgot to mention to me that this is what he planned on doing, and I want the notice for my own peace and freedom around here. I told him it would be okay but he forgot to just let me know the when. Youth. I'm in need of 3 hours' more sleep.

Here's what I want to say before I go walking and waking from now. I feel GUILTY. I'm cheating myself. That's the feeling that's stirring my pot; I'm not taking care of my business. I'm avoiding all kinds of things that are my responsibilities.

Exhale. The point of the blog a moment ago is this. Here. I can edit the addition to tag on.

It should and will be a very good day. From fuzzy heads, feelings froth upward.
I love you all,

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

PHOENIXNICKI 6/22/2014 6:14PM

    Please never feel guilty about not doing your responsibilities. You are doing the best you can and that is all that is necessary. Be kind and loving to yourself, you deserve that and you are one of a kind. You are perfect the way you are.

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FITMARY 6/21/2014 2:31PM

    Dale, please remember that the fuzzy head has to be respected too. Finding just the right balance between doing enough and doing way too much gets trickier when you are sick so don't feel bad if you are having trouble and if that perfect balance seems to change daily or even hourly! Knowing you---as we do!---I bet you are much more likely to try to push yourself than you are to sit around and twiddle your thumbs. With that in mind, then, if your body is telling you to go a little slower, it's undoubtedly okay to let yourself do that. Nerves repair themselves very, very slowly, part of an inch at a time, so you cannot hurry things. You will get better! It just takes T---I---M---E!

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    I admire your commitment to get back to a 'normal' way of life, as you have known it, before your medical problems. I know it takes determination that you are known to have. I hope that good weather will encourage you to return to your regular walking routine. Good luck with that.
I will respond to your 'outreach', soon, but have to find the time. My apologies.
Take care of yourself.

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NOILEDNWAD 6/21/2014 10:20AM

    It's like you say on your page ... " I can exclusively afford to shape my days with the things that work for my higher good - " emoticon

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6/8/14 post maintenance

Sunday, June 08, 2014

Someone's post I came across prompted this note from me this morning:

I'm not on your 100 day challenge nor do I know which team is holding this event but I do like the time period commitment -- it makes sense to me.

I got to goal after several years of efforts and was very pleased maintaining it when I stroked this spring, and maintained even then, but found a few pounds climb on after living back home after rehab for a few weeks (through some old food relationships) so I've lost my fabulous enthusiasm and feeling of being centered. Or -- did I lose my core centeredness first...?

Walking is the most I make myself do, twice a day many days for an hour each. I look great now on the outside but my insides are badly shaken. Limits have to be challenged yet limits have to be honored as well and that is a tough thing to balance these days.

I don't know exactly why I am writing all this here. Instinct said just do it; I might be ready too blog again.

Three pounds up has definitely changed my set point as well as feeling/looking trim. That's what veering off my maintenance goal range has done. I want to ground from my core on out because it is an indescribably wonderful feeling! I swear.

I love you all,
the p tiger

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

FITMARY 6/8/2014 9:36AM

    That balance between challenging yourself and knowing your healthy new limits can be so tricky. But you will find it. Every day you WILL find it!

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12/13/13 Goal Weight

Friday, December 13, 2013

This greeting will be brief I hope because I haven't taken a walk yet and today's weather makes it possible to do. I just want to say that since April of this year I've gotten down to this day. My 6 1/2 years on Spark involved a lot of learning, adapting, applying and analyzing what will work for me.

Maintenance is a forever goal, so there is no ending to this story. I just want to let some folk know that I've gotten this far and you can, too. Never give up on yourself. It all does click in place when you're ready to snap it together.

Happy Holidays and love,

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JAZZYBO 1/5/2014 2:07AM

  A journey well expressed! I'm having trouble staying on track through the holidays but so glad I started now anyway as it has definitely helped me be better than otherwise and despite not having the food down well yet, my exercise is definitely back on track which makes me infinitely happier. I'm somewhat taking the approach of one successful component at a time while watching the others. Thanks for your post!

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FAITH2BWELL 12/17/2013 6:27PM

    Hey: Thanks for sharing your blog, as I'm encouraged just by reading it. What you have said is why I'm back with spark people. I know there is no one size fits all when it come to us getting our health in order. I look forward to finding myself as I move alone. But feel free to visit my page and throw a little encouragement my way (smile) I'll take what I can get right about now. Here's to nothing but great thing ahead for you. Take care.

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THROOPER62 12/14/2013 4:55AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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ISPARKLE77 12/13/2013 4:02PM

    emoticon emoticon I am proud of you and I am sure you are proud of yourself. I continually go up and down but someday I want to say "I did it."

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SHALOMFROMWOO 12/13/2013 2:33PM

  You are awesome!! I was wondering how long SparkPeople has been in existence and you have confirmed that it is at least 6 1/2 years. I can't imagine life without Sparking. It's such a wonderful thing. Hope your walk was good. Merry Christmas!!

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SWEETCLEANER 12/13/2013 2:22PM

    emoticon emoticon

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ANNICEATS 12/13/2013 2:19PM


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PRINCESS_SOFI 12/13/2013 2:18PM


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It just took April and May

Saturday, June 29, 2013

I've been around the diet websites for years. I've learned more about portion control and calorie counting. I've increased my walking and kept in contact with other team members. I've worked on raising my awareness about the kinds of things I dialogue in my head and discovered there were many negative judgements running loose up there. So why has this spring been different from all the other seasons and years?

Sometimes something just clicks! It's hard to say where that button is that gets pushed, but suddenly everything falls into place. All the separate steps I've taken in all kinds of order and to all different degrees just slipped into the background.

Suddenly, my 'appetite' went away! It stopped controlling me. I want to eat way less often and way smaller amounts. I want light foods and feel the drag from making an exception. My new lightness of being is very reinforcing.

It felt like I was an observer of someone else's experience. The scale just smoothly kept dropping a pound here and a pound there, nice and steady. I was transfixed by the phenomenon.

After so much struggle to get a pound or two back off when I'd so easily gain, the scale was just stepping down. Gracefully sliding down. Maybe I've hypnotized myself, but I doubt it. The pleasure of finding some semblance of a waste line return, pants now so baggy, bra no longer overstuffed, and people able to see that I've lost weight. Well! It's all so pleasantly reinforcing.

So my point is to you, if some addictive eating is still dictating your behavior, that the internal control can suddenly get switched on. Just keep being conscious of all the things you do choose and keep believing that it all comes together in time.

As a tool, my numbers were my reality check so I kept them to the forefront of each day. My numbers aren't important in the long run, but they have certainly helped me to return to a healthy state of mind!

I've come to a maintenance point for June that is still 5 lbs above my goal. I find it important not to fight the body's pausing place. Stabilizing before reaching goal is a big help to our physiological adjustment. If I lose more, fine. But most important is how much better off I am where I am now than what could be in the future. Good job GF.

The Passionate Tiger

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LINDAKAN51 7/9/2013 5:40PM

    Dale, I totally understand the notion of "clicking." I heard my click a few years back and lost over 40 pounds. Something happened, and the clicking stopped. Since then, I've regained 30 of those pounds, and I just don't think that I believe that I could maintain the weight I lost. I'd never felt so good or looked as good or felt as good - all alien feelings in my life. I KNOW how to deal with failures and disappointments, but I don't seem to know how to cope with success. My exterior presentation of myself is FAR different then the insecure person that I have lived with all my life.

I admire all the success(es) you've achieved in recent months! I imagine you clicking your fingers, and a little genie appearing as a cloud above your head - with all the wisdom and encouragement you've needed to do what you have set out to do!!!

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ANNEROUSSEAU 6/30/2013 5:54AM

    Well said!

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CHRISTASP 6/29/2013 3:45PM

    Thank you. That gives a person hope.

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LJOYCE55 6/29/2013 1:31PM

  Congratulations on getting so close to your goal. I am sure you will reach it very soon considering your great attitude.

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