Saturday, June 29, 2013
I've been around the diet websites for years. I've learned more about portion control and calorie counting. I've increased my walking and kept in contact with other team members. I've worked on raising my awareness about the kinds of things I dialogue in my head and discovered there were many negative judgements running loose up there. So why has this spring been different from all the other seasons and years?
Sometimes something just clicks! It's hard to say where that button is that gets pushed, but suddenly everything falls into place. All the separate steps I've taken in all kinds of order and to all different degrees just slipped into the background.
Suddenly, my 'appetite' went away! It stopped controlling me. I want to eat way less often and way smaller amounts. I want light foods and feel the drag from making an exception. My new lightness of being is very reinforcing.
It felt like I was an observer of someone else's experience. The scale just smoothly kept dropping a pound here and a pound there, nice and steady. I was transfixed by the phenomenon.
After so much struggle to get a pound or two back off when I'd so easily gain, the scale was just stepping down. Gracefully sliding down. Maybe I've hypnotized myself, but I doubt it. The pleasure of finding some semblance of a waste line return, pants now so baggy, bra no longer overstuffed, and people able to see that I've lost weight. Well! It's all so pleasantly reinforcing.
So my point is to you, if some addictive eating is still dictating your behavior, that the internal control can suddenly get switched on. Just keep being conscious of all the things you do choose and keep believing that it all comes together in time.
As a tool, my numbers were my reality check so I kept them to the forefront of each day. My numbers aren't important in the long run, but they have certainly helped me to return to a healthy state of mind!
I've come to a maintenance point for June that is still 5 lbs above my goal. I find it important not to fight the body's pausing place. Stabilizing before reaching goal is a big help to our physiological adjustment. If I lose more, fine. But most important is how much better off I am where I am now than what could be in the future. Good job GF.
The Passionate Tiger
Monday, May 14, 2012
I don't write blog entries often these days, having used up my creative mind walking when I was younger. But every now and then I wake up to a topic and so here I am.
I have something to say about stability. The weight game seems to be a fight or flight power game of increasing my size versus holding back that tide. And inasmuch as the goal is to get thinner, trimmer, more healthy, there's definitely something to say about finding a plateau to rest upon.
With medifast I dropped the real fat part of me and got to a chunky 162. Even though it's months down the line, I have managed to rest at 160 lbs and want to give myself credit for holding at the helm.
Sometimes I think I withhold credit because I deem that what I'm doing isn't quite good enough. This is fat talk in my head that normally I wouldn't even register as going on. But when I am pleased with the stability, I have the biggest chances to slip the scale a half pound at a time, and lower myself onto the deck of my desire.
I hope to rest at 157 rather than 160 but I relish the fact that I'm sailing around with a lower appetite and lack of compulsion to stoke my engine. Too much mixed up metaphor?
I can look the best I can be at 160 lbs while I wait for divine inspiration to allow me to drop more lard off this boat. Being pleased with myself is the seasoning that allows the lowered anxiety that keeps me from stirring the spoon of ingredients.
I talk all floury (how's that for a pun) in the long run, which is my personal way to have fun with self expression. Easy does it works well with my appetite, and self critical acclaim. Easy does it is high personal self regard. Easy does it is soothing without being fatty or rich.
the p tiger
Friday, February 24, 2012
I never thought I'd stoop so low as to go on a 'diet', and certainly not something like medifast. But I have. This is week 2 (day 10); an obsessive way to control my over all intake.
The first few days I felt ill on it and was truly miserable. Then my body stopped freaking out and the powder packet foods I detested have become manageable at best.
Why do something I know better NOT to do? Desperation, I guess. And the real challenge, as if this diet itself isn't enough of a challenge(!), will be to keep losing when I get off the plan. Cause I don't want to stay on it.
Did the first week deliver as promised? It's hard to tell. I dropped to 168 lbs for 3 days in a row and then had a 170 day prior to officially starting this thing. So now I'm 167. Is that really more than one pound lower?
Is this really going to jump start me through the 160s so I can take it from the 150s down? Time will tell, but regardless of my method, in order to be trim I must eat very little. Always has been that way. And my love of a variety of foods interferes greatly with that reality.
But then, isn't that the story of everyone around here? We all have control issues don't you think?
One day at a time, I'm doing the best I can. That's a fact no matter what it is I do. The self approval ratings just vary. And doesn't that dictate the quality of life experienced? If I get off my own back on that 'Good Enough?' rating, I'll feel a whole lot more present.
Saturday, December 24, 2011
I'm walking. At least I brought that back! It feels important right now, like the basis for clearing up my breathing in of so much inertia.
So what helps most? A call from a friend who wants to get out of her funk reaching out. The most constructive of all aids: paying it forward. At the end of the call we both felt more self love than we had been a couple hours earlier. I'd say win-wins are wonderful.
I took the walk; I helped a friend; I'm going out tonight to dinner and a movie. Not a bad quiet-ish day after all.
The power of Now is translucent. I flit like a hummingbird and hover over my goals of nectar. Repetition is my nourishment in and of itself.
Thursday, July 07, 2011
Practically nothing is absolute. So slide along or clench the rails of right and wrong. I swore on the last blog that I hit my high. Then I saw the scale go up another 4 1/2 lbs to that teetering 169.5, and that is where I've pulled back to a mere 165-166 range, see-sawing some more.
Talk for the fun of words is fine I suppose, but isn't there supposed to be a point to much of it? Or is that an illusion, too? Questions come easily. Seeing the paradoxes in life are everywhere. Yet, so what? What is a stupid body image issue all about, anyway...
It blocks life just like cigarette smoking did. Self obsession about imperfection. What a topic! What a smoke screen, a blubber field, a Berlin Wall.
If writing for the fun of it needs a problem to promote a spotlight topic, I can remain in this quandry in order to eat up the rest of my time here on earth. Practically nothing is absolute. But there really exists a place called Stuck. It isn't a place called Lost because I really do know exactly where I am. That I repeat my recordings as much as anyone else I observe in their pattern of complaint, I am absolutely wasting my time here and any talents.
Choices; a hell of a responsibility, handled well only by those who mature.
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