 
 
Still looking for answersTuesday, July 31, 2012
Here is an update from my last blog. Unfortunately, it is not good news. The results of my echocardiogram were negative, just as i suspected. This was followed by an actual visit to my Dr. instead of just a phone call. He informed me that we would find out what was going on but "it could get ugly." Not exactly the words you want to hear from your Dr. So the nest step was chest x-rays and a pulmonary function test. Let me just say that this short, 15 minute test kicked my butt. And the worse news is that it was absolutely normal. 
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GOLDDUSTMOMMY
7/31/2012 11:56AM
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from reading your blog before this, I would suggest finding another job (if you havent already). If nothing else, I would say the the job is seriously depressing you. and I know well how much depression can make you feel dead. and to be around an allergen that long can actually kill you. I hope everything works out for you and you feel better soon.
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I haven't written a blog for a very long time. The truth is, I haven't done anything I should for a very long time. I am way beyond frustrated and wish i had all the answers. But the truth is, I have none.
Here is what has been going on. It is a lot of excuses, but I can't seem to get past what I know are just excuses and move forward.
I have been at my current job in retail for over 19 years. I would like to say that my job is secure because of my longevity. In actuality, that longevity puts a big target on my back. So, after being unfairly demoted last June, I was eventually moved to the automotive department of my store. Not a decision I was happy about AT ALL!!! About 3 weeks after I started there, i began feeling sick. I thought I just had a cold, but it didn't go away. After a few weeks of this, it occurred to me that I felt better (not good but better) outside of work. This led me to believe that what was actually happening was some pretty wicked allergies, not a cold. I then realized, purely by accident, that is was apparently the tires in my department that were causing my symptoms. What a wonderful discovery since I am around them all day everyday. 
And now back to the target on my back, I don't dare say anything to my management. I need my job.
Here is where my stubbornness kicks in. I don't do doctor's!!!! However, by April, I was so tired of being sooooo tired that I gave in and went to my doctor. He agreed with me that it was most likely the tires causing my symptoms. He also understood why I couldn't demand to be transferred to another department. The next step, try to get the symptoms under control so that I could at least breathe. Sounds easy, right?? Not so much.
Inhaler #1 didn't really do a whole lot. Gave it fair try for 5 weeks. On to inhaler #2. Well, on a day to day basis at work, I am feeling quite a bit better. But here is the extreme frustration. Although I mostly feel better I am unable to exert myself in any form. And I am talking walking up a flight of stairs takes my breath away. I worked so hard to reach my goal and just over a year ago, I ran a half marathon non-stop. And now I can do NOTHING!
At this point my doctor has started investigating further. This AM I had to have an echocardiogram done to look for valve issues with my heart. I know that it won't show anything but my mind keeps playing the what if game with me. UGH! I just want to scream. I just want to be able to go back to a year ago!!!
Now here is where the excuses seriously come into play. I can't seem to get my mind out of "I can't exercise so I might as well eat whatever I want" mode. I know without a doubt that it is soooooo wrong to think like this, but I can't seem to manage to make it go away. I keep logging on to spark people daily hoping that my mind will kick back in gear. As of yet, I haven't been able to make it happen. But I will say, that I will continue to log in and try to figure something out. But for now, like my title says, I just desperately wish I had some answers. I am tired of feeling the way I do.
Member Comments About This Blog Post:
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JENJESS48
7/10/2012 12:38PM
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Aw, honey, I'm sorry. What an awful situation. Have you tried tracking your food? Sometimes that helps with accountability. Right now I can't exercise either; I had surgery to remove two ingrown toenails a little over a week ago and I'm 12 weeks pregnant, with acid stomach and almost unbearable fatigue. I tell myself that I owe it to myself (not to mention that babies - yup, plural, they're twins) to eat as well as I can not only to nourish the twins as best I can but also to minimize the damage I do to my own body. Damage control mode works really well for me; maybe it will for you, too. Report Inappropriate Comment |
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DEE1221
7/7/2012 8:18AM
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I can relate. After 19 years with a Medical Supply Manufacturing Company, they decided to close our plant and move the products to 3 other plants, one being in Mexico. About 200 people were out of a job. After getting over the disbelief, anger, and sadness, I knew I couldn't eat my way to keeping my job. I've since found another job with LESS Stress.....less money too, but I am feeling better about doing something about my weight. Possibly due to not visiting the vending machine or the fridge when I felt the pressure. YOU will work through this and you will make the right choices in regards to your job and your eating patterns. GREAT things will come your way!
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HOPE2011
7/6/2012 3:49PM
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I am so sorry that you are dealing with all of this! I wish I had an answer for you. I hope you get the answers you need, and that you start feeling better soon! Hang in there and know that we are with you. 
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AJWALKLEY
7/6/2012 3:43PM
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I'm sorry about your work issues and frustrations. I totally understand your mindset about exercising and eating. I had a similar POV before. I've come to realize, though, that eating better makes me feel better overall, so if you can get past the mental hurdle and start eating a bit healthier, day-by-day, you might feel healthier, both physically and mentally, down the road! I'm cheering for ya!
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LEB0401
7/6/2012 3:35PM
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I'm so sorry to hear about your frustrating situation. My mother worked in retail her entire career. She made it to being GM of her store. Then, out of nowhere she was fired for not meeting quota.. in actuality her store was in the top of the region for goals. They just manipulated her store's particular goals to some unobtainable number so she was bound to fail. She was replaced by someone right out of community college who was paid not even half her salary. I definately know where you're coming from. Have you researched Sick Building Syndrome? I'm pretty sure there's a whistleblower program through a govt agency (OSHA perhaps?) and once alerted, they'll come out and test your facility. I used to work at an Air Filtration Corp and we were all the time capitalizing on Sick Building Syndrome bc that meant they'd have to buy more filters!! Report Inappropriate Comment |
