Wednesday, August 22, 2012
Well, I have now officially been diagnosed with asthma. And I have learned that my best source of support and helpful information is my spark friends. So here I am asking for just that. Let me start by saying that I have been a paramedic for almost 20 yrs. So I am by no means unfamiliar with asthma. However, with that being said, I must say that as a medic my dealings with the condition are usually when someone is at their worst. Learning to live with it on a day to day basis is a different story. That is where my spark friends come into the picture. I feel like my doctor did a really poor job of "education." Does anyone have any ideas for any good websites that I can go to for good, informative, helpful information. I am just wanting to learn about all the ins and outs and the things I would never expect. Any personal advice would be greatly appreciated also. Thanks everyone.
Tuesday, July 31, 2012
Here is an update from my last blog. Unfortunately, it is not good news. The results of my echocardiogram were negative, just as i suspected. This was followed by an actual visit to my Dr. instead of just a phone call. He informed me that we would find out what was going on but "it could get ugly." Not exactly the words you want to hear from your Dr. So the nest step was chest x-rays and a pulmonary function test. Let me just say that this short, 15 minute test kicked my butt. And the worse news is that it was absolutely normal.
So now we are on to the next step. I am so not happy about this step. Let me back up a bit. I have a VERY difficult time seeing Dr's. The only thing that gets me through going to my Dr. is the fact that I have known him my whole life. I grew up with him being my Grandparents' neighbor. I consider him a friend. Therefore, I can be comfortable with him and my overall severe shyness is somewhat kept in check. Now the next step of this process is that he is sending me to a specialist. I know this may sound ridiculous, but I am having serious apprehension to this. I am really struggling to make myself go. And to top that, because all of my tests are coming back negative, I am now questioning whether there really is something wrong or if it is all in my head. I am really close to just throwing my hands up and saying that I am just crazy so I guess I will have to live with it. I just wish that I could have a simple little answer in a nice neat package. Deep down, I really am not dealing with any of this well.
Ok friends, I am done whining for now. Thanks for always being there and thanks for listening.
Friday, July 06, 2012
I haven't written a blog for a very long time. The truth is, I haven't done anything I should for a very long time. I am way beyond frustrated and wish i had all the answers. But the truth is, I have none.
Here is what has been going on. It is a lot of excuses, but I can't seem to get past what I know are just excuses and move forward.
I have been at my current job in retail for over 19 years. I would like to say that my job is secure because of my longevity. In actuality, that longevity puts a big target on my back. So, after being unfairly demoted last June, I was eventually moved to the automotive department of my store. Not a decision I was happy about AT ALL!!! About 3 weeks after I started there, i began feeling sick. I thought I just had a cold, but it didn't go away. After a few weeks of this, it occurred to me that I felt better (not good but better) outside of work. This led me to believe that what was actually happening was some pretty wicked allergies, not a cold. I then realized, purely by accident, that is was apparently the tires in my department that were causing my symptoms. What a wonderful discovery since I am around them all day everyday. And now back to the target on my back, I don't dare say anything to my management. I need my job.
Here is where my stubbornness kicks in. I don't do doctor's!!!! However, by April, I was so tired of being sooooo tired that I gave in and went to my doctor. He agreed with me that it was most likely the tires causing my symptoms. He also understood why I couldn't demand to be transferred to another department. The next step, try to get the symptoms under control so that I could at least breathe. Sounds easy, right?? Not so much.
Inhaler #1 didn't really do a whole lot. Gave it fair try for 5 weeks. On to inhaler #2. Well, on a day to day basis at work, I am feeling quite a bit better. But here is the extreme frustration. Although I mostly feel better I am unable to exert myself in any form. And I am talking walking up a flight of stairs takes my breath away. I worked so hard to reach my goal and just over a year ago, I ran a half marathon non-stop. And now I can do NOTHING!
At this point my doctor has started investigating further. This AM I had to have an echocardiogram done to look for valve issues with my heart. I know that it won't show anything but my mind keeps playing the what if game with me. UGH! I just want to scream. I just want to be able to go back to a year ago!!!
Now here is where the excuses seriously come into play. I can't seem to get my mind out of "I can't exercise so I might as well eat whatever I want" mode. I know without a doubt that it is soooooo wrong to think like this, but I can't seem to manage to make it go away. I keep logging on to spark people daily hoping that my mind will kick back in gear. As of yet, I haven't been able to make it happen. But I will say, that I will continue to log in and try to figure something out. But for now, like my title says, I just desperately wish I had some answers. I am tired of feeling the way I do.
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