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Plateaus... in more ways than one. :-(

Monday, January 16, 2012

This past couple of weeks has kind of just been exhausting. I had to give up my role as a BLC leader because I just couldn't put forth enough effort and support that the teams need due to a bunch of reasons. I really hate that I let the other leaders down and I hope to be able to get back into it at some point, but right now... I just can't.

A good friend of mine and my boyfriends got into a car accident a couple of weeks ago. At first they thought it was just a broken nose and collar bone, but a few days later he started having mini strokes due to blood clots in his throat. He's paralyzed on his right side and can hardly talk. His wife isn't giving us much information so a lot of what we are hearing is hearsay. She won't let us go visit him, won't let us call her... we don't know anything. Its so aggravating, depressing and frustrating not knowing whats going on.

To top it off, my car decided to break on me and shred a brand new tire. The spring/strut broke on it and its leaking fluids. The technician just called and said it would be 1460. AWESOME, something else I can't afford!

I don't know if its stress or what but I haven't lost any weight since the beginning of the year and its getting to be really frustrating. I haven't changed anything, still working out just the same, eating the same amount of calories, the scale just isn't moving at all. I have plateaued. I am stuck. I really think I am destined to be fat for the rest of my life. 266 is not skinny, nor will it ever be. I don't want to be here forever. GET ME OUT OF HERE.

So, to try to break through this plateau I've started the C25k. I'm on week one, today will be day three. Day two kind of sucked... I got through it but it was hard. Probably cause I was still sore from day one. Not as sore today so day three should be a little easier. I don't know though that I'm going to be able to move on to the next step by Wednesday... I may do two weeks for each step. I'm not sure how I like it yet either. I have never been much of a runner, so we'll see how it goes. I just want to do ANYTHING to get me off of 266.

I've also upped my calories. I think I might have been starving my body, though, I always felt full. Instead of 1300-1400 calories, I'm going to shoot for 1700 to 1800. Hopefully this will jump start me again. If not... I don't know what I'm going to do. I don't know if I can last more than a couple weeks without wanting to completely give up.

The final piece of big stress is the fact that nobody ever stops asking my boyfriend and I when we are getting married. I want to get married, I love him and want to be with him. He feels the same way. Right now though, we have one problem to work through that is just not letting us move forward. Its something that could make or break a relationship in the future and I'm not going to move forward to just get divorced a couple years down the road. I just know its not smart to move ahead when we already know there is this issue. It has nothing to do with another person, or money or if we love each other, its just something we need to get over together. So I lie and tell people its because we don't have enough money for a wedding (ok, this isn't too far off... we don't have the money for it, but that's not the real reason!)... I don't know what to do any more. How fast do I have to get over this to move on? How do I know if its not going to ever get better?

Need a therapist much?! YES!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BABBINA 1/19/2012 2:06AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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WRITEWAY73 1/18/2012 2:48PM

    YOU CAN DO IT! Keep your head up!

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AIMEESINGS 1/18/2012 1:42PM

    Hope things turn around soon for you! I think the stress I'm dealing with is hindering my weight loss. I seem to be doing everything perfect but controlling the stress in my life. And who can easily control that!? Not me! Girl just keep your head up and remember things never stay the same. And I applaud you for not rushing to marriage. My husband and I were dating for 5 years and engaged for almost 2 when we got married. No need to rush anything until you are happy and ready. The best marriages start with good foundations!

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EVELYN208 1/17/2012 12:15PM

    Don't give up! Believe me it is a lot worse if you do and just to trek through the bad times. Good idea to mix up your workouts, usually that is the way to get through it.

Maybe try something completely new, like cycling or boxing or something you haven't done at all. Nothing like a new experience to pump you up and exercise muscles and joints that haven't felt the burn in a long time!

Good luck!

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ASHERAH123 1/16/2012 11:18PM

    Sometimes its best to tackle one issue at a time. Stress in itself can prevent weight loss so stick with what you have been doing and try to deal with the other issues that you can control. Eventually it will get better and your body will be able to shed the pounds. I am very sorry to hear about your friend and I hope that his wife will eventually be able to let you in on the situation. I wish you the best.

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THOMS1 1/16/2012 2:47PM

    I hope things get better for you. I wish you success on your journey. emoticon

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SWALL84 1/16/2012 1:40PM

    Wow, you sure have a lot on your plate right now. I'm so sorry to hear about your friend. It must be really frustrating to not know what's going on although I can't imagine how it would feel to be in his wife's place right now and she just might be reacting to all the pain and stress right now.
I am doing SparkPeople Rookie Your Way running program and I had to do two weeks of Week 1 as well. It's hard right now, but no matter how slow the weight loss happens, the thing that will make you successful is perseverance. Continue doing the right things by working out and sticking to your plan and eventually the number will start moving again. Easy to say and harder to do, I know.
I really hope things start looking better for you soon.


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CARLYOLEO41 1/16/2012 12:49PM

    Hang in there! You are going to come out of this so strong and know that there's nothing you can't handle. I know you can do it!

As far as C25K it took me over 2 weeks to get past the first week and then it seemed a lot easier. I think I repeated week 4 a couple times, too.

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FORKYLIEANDME77 1/16/2012 12:44PM

  Thank you for sharing your challenges with us. Sometimes it's good just to let it all out. I hope you felt better getting it all out. Have you tried looking on Craigslist to see if you can get a lower estimate? Also you can call around and get used tires for a cheaper price.

I am very sorry to hear about your friend. That is a shame that you aren't able to get the information you need from his wife.

Instead of maintaining the same routine maybe try switching it up. Do a different form of cardio to use different muscles and maybe look up a new strength training exercise.

I just read a message board post from Jamie saying how sparkpeople will automatically adjust the ammount of calories you need according to how many you log that you are burning. Don't quote me on that I would ask her about it specifically.

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CAM2438 1/16/2012 11:41AM

    It certainly sounds as though you have given such gret thought to your life and future. It seems as though things will never get better, bt, they will. It may not turn out the way you wsnt it to, but, it will turn out for the best. It seems as though you are very mature and will make the correct decisions.

I wouldn't worry about my weight right now since you are inder so much stress. The last thing you want to do is make yourself sick. Good Luck and keep us posted. emoticon

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RIEUADMIRER 1/16/2012 11:36AM

  My goodness me! What a lot you have had to put up with. You have great strength of character. I have had a lot of problems recently and it took me 5 weeks to today to lose one pound after doing so well before. The main thing is to
keep going. I wish you well. Hugs Sylvia

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New year! New me?

Sunday, January 01, 2012

With everybody writing their new years blogs, I figured I would as well. I have a couple things that I haven't been able to stop thinking about and am hoping you guys can help me out.

First of all... Happy 2012 to everyone! I can't believe 2011 is over and we're on to a new year yet again.

Here goes...
A friend and I were IMing on Friday about the Ren Faire we want to go to this summer. She said she wanted to rent a costume for it and I immediately got nervous. She's the same friend that I hang with often, and is a size 6. The costumes at the Ren Faire are for people her size... not for people like me! Then I thought... who are "people like me?" Do other people look at me and only see that fat girl that I see? I still look in the mirror and feel like a size 28. Very rarely do I see a size 24. This sounds a lot like a self confidence and loving myself issue, but I'm not sure that's the case. I have been this size for so long that I don't know that I'll ever see a smaller size. So I told her that I'd probably just wear something I have, a corset top from Torrid that I've never worn. I bought it 4 or 5 years ago with the intention of losing weight to fit into it... of course that never happened. So after my talk with her I could not stop thinking about that top. I went to dig it out of the back of my closet and much to my surprise.... it was too big! I love and hate that at the same time... I love that I'm getting smaller, I hate that I wasted the money. Stupid double edge sword!

So after the top, I decided today to clean out my closet and my dresser. I probably got rid of 4 pairs of jeans (all of my 28's and a 32) and a lot of my larger shirts. They're sitting in a bag in front of my dresser because now I am terrified to let them go. I am so afraid that I am going to balloon again and that I'll need them right back. I know that's no way to think, but clothes are so expensive and I know that those fit... If I give them away, I'll have to start over. Why am I even thinking like that though? I am in a smaller size... it makes me feel FANTASTIC... why would I ever even think about going back? It still gonna be REALLY hard to let those go... UGH!

So then I was thinking about offering all of my larger clothes to a friend that I know is about my size... my old size, i guess. Is that rude to do? She's more of an acquaintance, not someone I talk to all that often. I don't want her to take it the wrong way... I don't think she will, but I know I'd feel really awkward if someone did that to me.

Next...
Since I started my journey in August, August 15th to be exact, it felt like this was going to be the longest journey of my life. The days were going by so slowly and I was expecting to just give up at any time. I am still shocked and amazed that I'm still going at this. This isn't like me... I've never stuck at ANYTHING this long. I love it. I love the newish me. I love that feeling when I put on something that I would have never fit into before. December 31st marked four and a half months on this journey and 71 pounds lost overall! WHAT!?!?! Four months ago it felt like 337 was gonna be my label forever. Now not even my drivers license has the correct number on it... it's even 10 pounds OVER at the moment!!

Four and a half months... wow. I'm hoping to hit the 100 pound mark by my birthday, June 21st. 237 would be an amazing number to be at!

Future....
Every year for the past 11 years or so my Mom and I and a bunch of our friends have been doing the annual Multiple Sclerosis 5k. Every year I dread it, knowing that it is gonna kick my butt. One year I was so out of shape I didn't even walk. This year... I want to run it! However... I get on the treadmill and immediately get bored out of my mind. Walking in place for 60 minutes just does not do it for me. Then, to top it off, RUNNING? Even thinking about running scares the bajeeezus outta me. I've already blogged about this, and I know a bunch of people are doing it at a higher weight than me, but I still can't get myself to do it. I don't even know how to start running!! I'm gonna fall off the treadmill and look like a fool or something! I need to start now to be able to do it by the first week in May.... but how?! Ugh... I dread it! I just wanna stay on my trusty elliptical!

So I don't know... I have a lot running through my mind that I can't seem to sort out or let go of. Help?!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

VSG1982 1/6/2012 1:25PM

    Congratulations on the weight loss! I know what you mean about being afraid to get ride of the bigger clothes. I just went through and got rid of everything that was awful to begin with - the things that were actually nice looking and not dreaded tents and sacks, I hid in my attic. If I find myself needing to dig them back out, I will have to go through the humiliating process of going into the attic to get them. Hopefully that will be a slap in the face if it ever comes to it. emoticon

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KT-NICHOLS-13 1/3/2012 12:49PM

    "They're sitting in a bag in front of my dresser because now I am terrified to let them go." When you let go it allows room for new to come into your world. This not only applies to clothing but to all aspects of life. *It's still HARD*

Treadmill running - BORING! In 2010/2011 when I started to jog again I started out on the treadmill at the gym for multiple reasons. Yup, I got bored real quick. I learned that music helped and also different speeds - slow, medium, fast. Some people use ebooks to pass the time or podcasts. If you can't get outside to train try changing up your treadmill routine - it *might* help.

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CARLYOLEO41 1/2/2012 11:25AM

    I cannot run on the treadmill either! I get bored out of my mind and only last about 2 minutes. I run much better outside... so maybe try that when it's not too cold (my lungs can't handle anything under 40 degrees). Or you could always try an indoor track (although I find that just as boring as a treadmill). I would offer the clothes to your friend. It might offend her, but she might also be very grateful. I am holding on to my biggest pair for comparison pics when I reach my goal weight. I say get rid of the rest to further motivate you to not gain anything back! :) You're doing soooo awesome and such an inspiration!

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MAIZEY 1/2/2012 10:18AM

    Great blog! Congratulations on your success and reaching your goals. Go for it at the Ren Faire! It's so fun in costume and many of the styles will make the most of your curvy figure! Happy New Year!

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JET150 1/2/2012 8:07AM

    First of all, CONGRATULATIONS on your success so far. Great job! I know how hard it is to get rid of the "fat" clothes. I have tried to keep just one or two for a fall back, but I think that I am at the point where once these smaller clothes start felling too tight I will do what I need to do make them feel comfortable again, just because, as you say, it feels good to be in smaller sizes.
As for the running, I too am bored out of my mind running on a treadmill. But when I run outside there are so many distractions that I find running a lot more interesting. I just go up and down the nearby bike path, or sometimes in Vilas Park. Yeah, I do have to be out in public, but I have gradually gotten over that. I even bought myself some running clothes and they feel good!!! Just because I'm older and pudgy doesn't mean I don't deserve fun clothes. right? There's a team here on Spark called Slow, Fat Runners. Join us; you might find some helpful hints, ideas, etc.

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Ch-ch-cha-changes

Tuesday, December 27, 2011

Well Christmas has come and gone (very quickly I might add) without too much stress or over-eating. This year, being healthier, has made me think of all the years past that I ate, ate, ate without even giving it a second thought. This year was way different. Christmas eve day was mostly traveling. The boyfriend and I stopped at Subway where I had a salad for brunch. Dinner at the grandparents consisted of ham sandwiches, cheesy potatoes, pasta salad and beans. I ate two (small) ham sandwiches and about 1/4 cup each of the cheesy potatoes and the pasta salad. Time for pie after that which I completely avoided. :-)
Christmas day was dinner at our house with the boyfriends parents. We made turkey tacos so I knew exactly what I was eating and how many calories I was consuming. Didn't even go near my top range of calories for the day :-)

I even steered clear of the Christmas candy/cookies. Over this whole holiday weekend I've had 3 peanut butter balls and two rolo treats. For me... that's excellent. I used to be able to finish ALL of the peanut butter balls no problem... those are the my favorite!

When I first started doing this weight loss it was for me, but it was also for my grandparents. Every year we sit at the table at Christmas and I listen to them ridicule me for being overweight and for not doing anything about it. This year was exactly what I was hoping for. Pretty much the second I got out of the car my grandparents and aunt were all over me telling me I looked so good and they could tell right away and asking how much I've lost. My grandma even emailed me after I left telling me how proud she is of me and how she is excited for me to keep going. THAT is what I wanted. That is what I was looking for. Now the rest of this weight loss is for ME.

Debating on what I want to do for a new years resolution. I don't think its gonna be weight related since I'm already working on that. I think it might be more in the way of organization. I feel very unorganized lately and need to get that on track. I'll post another blog when I figure out what I want to do.

Hope every one had a very Merry Christmas... now back to the normal routine of daily life!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MELLYBEANS0919 12/30/2011 7:15PM

    Congrats!! That is so great your grandparents were so proud! As you should be!

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KT-NICHOLS-13 12/28/2011 1:10PM

    Simply amazing!
I'm looking forward to hearing about your continued journey.

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BABYFIREFLY17 12/27/2011 2:09PM

    awww this gave me goosebumps! So proud of you girl you are doing SUCH an amazing job this next year is gonna be awesome for you!

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CARLYOLEO41 12/27/2011 1:00PM

    Congrats on your accomplishments this weekend! It feels amazing when people who haven't seen you for awhile take notice, doesn't it!

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BECOMING_HOLLY 12/27/2011 12:05PM

    You are doing so awesome! SO proud of you!!

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Weekend Recap

Monday, December 19, 2011

I was really worried about this past weekend for a few reasons...
First, my boyfriends family Christmas party. I know from years past that the host (his aunt) always makes pasta for Christmas dinner. Before this year, this was great... I loved pasta! Now... not so great! Pasta is something I've tried to cut out completely cause its just empty calories that only taste amazing. I didn't do too bad. I did have a a few stuffed shells and an Italian sausage link. The deserts were tempting and I had a small piece of turtle pie and a cookie. I probably ended at about 2000 or so calories for that party (with appetizers from earlier in the day... mostly veggies though!)

Then, the 2nd reason I was worried about this weekend is because my best friend was coming over. She comes down about once a month or so and I know on those weekends, I'll be drinking. And eating. Annnnnd... not sleeping. So it makes for a lot of stress when I'm trying to be soooo good.
She came over after the party and we went out to the bar... of course. We tend to go to only one bar cause the bartender is cute and gives us a lot of free drinks! So we drank and then of course wanted Taco Bell. Damn you Taco Bell for being so tasty!! I gave in... I only ordered one thing, but with the tortilla and the meat and the sour cream, it was easily 600 or so calories. UGH!!!!

Sunday was horrible. I got up and was so sick. Runny nose that just would NOT stop. I went to the gym, got my hour work out in on the elliptical and wanted to go home and sleep. Of course not though cause my friend was over and we had to go shopping. Shopping wasn't bad... the best part of the whole trip was that I tried on a pair of size 24's at Lane Bryant and they FIT! They are maybe a smidgen too tight, but should fit GREAT soon! If I could make the font bigger here I would. Size TWENTY FOUR!!!!! That is amazing and feels so excellent. I came out of the dressing room smiling and my friend asked what I was smiling about... I said "I'm just happy!". She is tiny... a size 6 at least, so she has no idea how this makes me feel... but she was happy for me too!

So all in all the weekend wasn't too bad, but not great by any means. I know that there are at least two more dinners coming up that I am worried about this weekend. I just need to eat small portions and fill up on water. I like the way the 24's feel so I'll have to keep thinking about that when I shove anything into my mouth.

Still going good with my gym goal. I haven't missed a day yet in December and don't plan to until Christmas eve (i'll be out of town, but I'm still gonna try to get a walk in if it doesn't snow). The new gym opens today so they should be open 24 hours and on Christmas Day when I get back from my families houses.

Met, beat and surpassed my goal that I set back in November to lose 20 pounds by December 31st. Yay! New goal, once I see the new gym and get my feel for it, is not gonna be a weight goal, its gonna be a 5k goal!

I probably won't blog again before Christmas, so I hope everyone has a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

emoticon

  
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HIKETOHEIGHTS 12/19/2011 11:36AM

    Merry Christmas to you and have fun with your friend, Victoria

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BABYFIREFLY17 12/19/2011 10:43AM

    You are doing SOOOOOO amazing! and WOOHOO! on the size 24's I know that feels soooooo great and it's nice to see all your hard work paying off! Keep it up girl this time of year is hard with all the parties and visits and such but you are doing great by staying focused and not over indugling and you are still exercising which is so awesome because I have been sort of slacking on that end...I am proud of you! Keep rockin girl!

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CARLYOLEO41 12/19/2011 10:42AM

    Good job on making healthy choices this weekend--especially going to the gym after a night of drinking! :) Congrats on the size 24's and Merry Christmas!!

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BECOMING_HOLLY 12/19/2011 10:26AM

    I love this! Yeah, this time of year there are going to be parties - but you kept your goals in front of you and didn't totally gorge! I think that is a success in and of itself!

You are still hitting the gym which is also awesome!!

I know you will see a lower number on the scale and hurrahhhhhh for smaller pants!

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Weights/Sizes

Tuesday, December 13, 2011

How do you lose sizes and inches? I am losing weight just fine, but my inches are pretty much sticking. I started at a TIGHT 28 at 337 and have lost 59 pounds (now 278) and am only at a tight 26... Is it supposed to be going down more than that? I have started to step it up a bit and get back into strength training and have started using the stairmaster for about 10 minutes a day so far. I want these inches to go down, down, down!!! Am I just still too big for them to go down any?

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

REEBADABEEBOOS 12/30/2011 4:29PM

    So true what everyone has says! Strength training and circuit training. For circuit training, I like Jillian Micheal's 30 Day Shred. It's hard the first SEVERAL times, but if you stick with it, it's worth it. Strength training will also firm and tone you and you will find yourself losing inches, although the weight might come off a LITTLE slower because you're adding muscle.

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VALKYRIA- 12/17/2011 4:49AM

    .

Comment edited on: 12/17/2011 4:51:06 AM

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VALKYRIA- 12/17/2011 4:49AM

    OMG I hate my browser...sorry for duplicate comments

Comment edited on: 12/17/2011 4:50:58 AM

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VALKYRIA- 12/17/2011 4:43AM

    You are not too big to be losing inches.

First, take your bodytype into consideration. There is nothing you can really do about where your body decides to lose your fat from first--be it from your arms, your neck, your belly, your legs, your hips, etc. Are you checking all of these inches, or just your waist?

One thing that will help you lose inches is strength training, guaranteed.

I started at a 32 and am now in a loose 28 after only 25 lbs down. (but 3 months of RIGOROUS strength training)

Keep it up, you will get there.

Comment edited on: 12/17/2011 4:51:23 AM

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SEMPERADMELIORA 12/14/2011 11:34PM

    I think there's also some geometry/calculus involved here. Subtracting an inch from a 40 inch waist is more area (i.e. fat) than subtracting an inch from a 30, or even 39, inch waist. At least theoretically that's how it should work.

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1DERLAND14 12/13/2011 9:25PM

    When i first started losing weight the inches didn't come off as fast until I started strength training... I believe that is the key. :) My biggest size was a 26/28 and I can wear an 18/20 now...some 22's ... keep at it and you'll get there! :)

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JANEYINMADTOWN 12/13/2011 8:06PM

    Many good suggestions but I found that exercise is the key....Cardio and Strength training combined...you will get there!

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SAESAND 12/13/2011 7:19PM

    I agree with all the other posters that adding strength training to my cardio made me feel a whole lot firmer, which I think helped me go down sizes.

Another thing to note is the measurements of your clothing. Different brands are cut differently. (Many clothing manufacturers will publish size charts on their websites.) I'd also check this out even if you are wearing the same brands you used to because I discovered that a lot of brands have variable differences between size with lower changes between sizes at the lower end of the spectrum. For example the waist of a size 12 jean may be 2" smaller than a size 14 jean but a size 6 jean may only be 1" smaller than a size 8 jean. The point is that at first it may take more inches to go down a size.

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WINNIE1978 12/13/2011 5:03PM

    I started dropping sizes when I started incorporating strength training with my cardio. So far I've gone from a 20W to a 12... and I've lost just shy of 50 pounds.

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MICHELLESMILES_ 12/13/2011 4:53PM

    I started my journey at 357. 28-30 stretch. I didn't think I was ever going to get out of 26's.

It will happen, before you know it you'll be running out of clothes because they'll all be to big!

You're doing great!

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CARLYOLEO41 12/13/2011 2:09PM

    I've been incorporating a lot of circuit and strength training and I think it is helping me lose inches. However, I lost a lot of inches so fast that I wouldn't be surprised if I hit a plataeu there soon. Everyone loses differently, but I do highly recommend circuit and strength training. I feel like I get more of a workout from circuit training than I do from a 3 mile run.

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MRS_ROSS 12/13/2011 1:59PM

    I found at the beginning of my weight loss journey it took FOREVER to drop a size. Once you get smaller they start to drop a lot faster! Hang in there :)

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KT-NICHOLS-13 12/13/2011 1:57PM

    Strength training will help you tone up which will help the inches shrink.



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BECOMING_HOLLY 12/13/2011 1:53PM

    I agree with BeingGuided's statement about unstretched clothes. That wil definitely do it! My other thought is strength training. Exchanging fat for muscle will make your appearance (and inches) smaller and you will feel more confident. I did that a LOT this year and exchanged fat for muscle - but didn't see much success on the scale.

I highly recommend doing circuit training which is strength AND cardio because you go from one ST exercise to the next without breaks and you go as fast as you are able. Let me know if you want to know more :)

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BEINGGUIDED 12/13/2011 1:48PM

    Oh it will change. It took me 50lbs just to go down a size, then after that it only took me like 15 to go another size and like 10-15 to go another. Took me 50 to go from 28 to a 26, then down to 24, then now I am between a 22-24 and I squeezed into a an 18/20 jeggings for my birthday ensemble.

Just give a little more time and the sizes will start to go down and down and down and fast! Don't know whats the dang deal going down from 28. Maybe it is the type of clothing. I remember at 28 I wore a lot of stretchy pants, so I was actually probably a solid 30, but had stretched out my stretchy jeans by then. Now you are trying NEW UNSTRETCHED UN WORN clothing and the sizes don't quite seem to move. Maybe that is the coalition between tons of pounds being lost just to lose one size, but then not much being needed to drop to other sizes. Maybe because after the first big loss, we are basing our sizes on "fresh new" clothing sizes. Just a thought.


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