Friday, September 09, 2011
I was cleaning my room the other day and came across an old journal from middle/high school. After reading it for a while I came to a section that I talked about how I was so fat and how I had to lose weight and this and that. I kept reading and on 1/4/01 (freshman in HS) I stated that I weighed 214 pounds. At that time, in HS, that was big, it still is. Right now, I would LOVE to get down to that again. That's over 100 pounds away. It feels so very,very far away.
Tuesday, September 06, 2011
So I've had a Hershey bar in my fridge for over two months now. I haven't forgotten about it, I know it's there. I even take a few blocks off of it every now and again. But I count the calories, savor what I took and put the rest away. A few months ago that puppy would've been gone in one sitting, even before I left the grocery store parking lot most likely. Now, I still have half left and only eat it when I need to. This is a HUGE step for me. When I lived with my ex he was very much an enabler. I worked at a place that I could easily get lots of chocolate and I did. I wanted it, he asked for it, we ate it. It was disgusting now that I think about it. But because that's what he wanted and I wanted to make him happy, that's what I bought. Every birthday and holiday (he was a chef, an amazing one at that) he would make us the most ginormous, calorie filled meal you've ever seen... and we ate it all. I'm glad I got out of that relationship, not only for that reason but because it made me stronger. It made me who I am today.
Sunday I had my first day, since counting calories, that I went over my limit. It was a birthday party and I knew it was coming so I ate healthy and worked out all week and even worked out that morning before the party. I watched my food intake, had a small piece of cake even, and was at about 1300 calories by the end of the day, with food. With alcohol.... I had a bit more. Its hard to tell when someone else is making your drink how much you're drinking. I'm sure after drinking all afternoon and night (it was a sleep over party!) that I consumed well over 2000 calories. I'm ok with that though, I was good all week and knew that'd I'd be going over that day. Every once in a while is ok. I have to remember that.
However, Monday came and I didn't work out. I had worked out for the past 7 days and decided it was time for a day off. I FELT SO GUILTY!!!! I kind of like that I felt guilty though, made me aware that it was working and that I was enjoying it! I went today, and even though it was a really weird, off day, I still went for my 45 minutes and did some weights as well. I'm looking forward to what the scale has in store for me this weekend.
Saturday, September 03, 2011
The last few days have been great. Eating healthy, within my ranges or even a bit under, working out every day for 45-60 minutes a day and feeling better than ever. I have even bypassed the scale at the gym for the past three days! Monday is supposed to be weigh in day but because my gym is closed for the holiday I have to do it tomorrow. I'm both looking forward to it and not at the same time. A lot of females blogs I've read on here have talked about how they don't lose weight during their period and well (tmi...) I have mine this week. So we'll see if I lost anything, even 1 pound would be nice.
I've had a wii fit since last year November (I won it from work, woo hoo!) and haven't been able to use it, or at least use the scale portion of it, since I got it because I was over its capacity. I used it for the first time last week and even though I was just under its weight limit I could still use it!! That felt fantastic!! So today I hula hooped and good god did it hurt! I definitely do not use those muscles all the time that you need for that! Gives me something to work on and strive for though, so that's good.
I picked up my pictures from Vegas today at Walgreens and remembered how much I hate Cameras. I hate them so much that the one picture you see on this site is the only picture I allowed of myself to be taken while there. There was, of course, the group picture that I stood in the back behind people so you couldn't see me, but none of just me or me and someone else. I even... *embarrasing and pathetic moment here* cried while at NY NY when one my friends tried to take a picture of me after I had told them I didn't want them to. I HATE seeing what I look like on camera. I hardly even look too long in the mirror. This weight has made me have such bad self esteem that I can't even have a good time without constantly thinking about how I look and feel. Its definitely something I need to get over and hopefully will get over as I lose weight.
Always and forever though, CAMERAS ARE THE DEVIL!!
Get An Email Alert Each Time PANDASUE2 Posts