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Forgetting the fat girl

Wednesday, November 19, 2014

I was looking through some old pictures from 2010 the other day and couldn't believe that that girl was ME. 345 pounds, unhappy in who I was and where I was headed. I try to think back to that girl and its really hard. Its painful. I know how unhappy I was and that is motivation enough to keep working at maintaining. I know how to do it, I've done it. I just need to keep it up.
I understand how its easy to gain the weight back. Its not easy to maintain. I think its more difficult to maintain than it is to lose. Losing is easy. Exercise out, lower amount of calories in. Maintaining is exercise out, good calories in and just enough to even you out, not lose and not gain. Its hard work and if you lose your way for a second, you start to see those pounds creepin' right back on. Sneaky little punks!
I read somewhere that they say you gain about 9 pounds after your wedding. You're happy its over, you might go on a honeymoon and splurge a bit. You relax. HA! Relax?! What is THAT?! I gained about 4 and that was from going out a whole lot more than usual. Gotta reign myself back in! Gotta remember that girl I used to be and never forget how unhappy I was. Because THIS is the life thats worth living!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BUSYBEE37 11/19/2014 3:40PM

    Never forget the fat girl so that you can remember how unhappy you were and don't ever go back there. That being said, Congratulations on the wedding and you look gorgeous! Enjoy it.

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ALICEART2010 11/19/2014 1:30PM

    WOW! Congratulations, you've come along way!

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Wedding Pics and an update

Monday, November 17, 2014

Well, I haven't updated since.... ooooh..... August. I think its time! I really thought that life after my wedding would slow down, but really, it feels like its only gotten faster! Its been a whirlwind, and even though I wouldn't have it any other way, it would be nice to have a SLIGHT break!
My wedding day was absolutely amazing. It went off without a hitch and I would do it all over again if I could. But, it will be an awesome memory that I look back on fondly! Here are a few pics:

Right after the ceremony. Finally my husband!


Glammin' it up :-D Felt amazing in my dress! Didn't want to take it off, ever!

I'd add more but every one I try to add says its too big. So maybe some other time.

Since the wedding, I've had some crazy times... The first week after, I was pretty blah and sad that it was over. I didn't do much, didn't look at any wedding pictures, didn't look at my dress. I was just so sad it was over, even though it was such a blast. I knew it was the whole looking forward to it for so long and then its over in the blink of an eye thing, but I needed to get it out of my system.
The second week after, our house got robbed. We always have our windows open and even though it was October, our bedroom window was still open cause it was a beautiful day. We went to go new car shopping between 3 and 6 and in that time, two punka$$ kids broke in and stole my laptop, two ps3's, games, an ipod, my tablet, 200+ in change and a few other random things. We're lucky thats all it was, it could have been a lot worse. We didn't know who did it for about two weeks until the cops called and said they caught two kids from another break in a week after ours. They got my laptop back but they couldn't track down anything else. I was just so happy to have my computer back that I didn't really care about the rest. My computer was wiped clean (GRR!!!), but at least i'm not out $1,000 to buy a new one (Its a macbook).
The weeks that followed were spent with nonstop running! We went out to look for and buy a new car for my husband to replace his old 2001 that was needing some TLC that we didn't want to put into it. I also spent two weekends with my grandparents at their house a few hours away since my Grandpa isn't doing too well with his cancer. Then Halloween weekend I had a few friends in town and we went out partied it up! I don't remember coming home, so it must have been fun!
Thanksgiving is around the corner, Christmas not too far after that and I'm not sure when I'm gonna have time to put my decorations up!
So looking forward to January. My family is going to Las Vegas for Christmas instead of doing gifts. My Grandpa wants to see the Grand Canyon and the Hoover Dam while he can still kind of make his way around, so we're gonna do that with him. Then, two weeks later, we're going to sunny Punta Cana for our honeymoon! CAN.NOT.WAIT!!!!
Other than being busy, which hasn't been good for my weight loss/maintenance, things are going well. I'm slightly lacking in the working out/eating healthy and I need to get back into it. So, here I am. It's starting today, right before the holidays. I've done it three years prior, I can do it again this year. I lost over the holidays two years in a row. No reason I can't maintain/lose again this year. I'm up to about 191 and need to get back to my comfort zone of 185 or less. I know why I'm up in weight. I know what to do to get it back down. Just have to apply myself and do it! And, need to get back on tracking my food!
Well, better get back to it, the work won't do itself!

Later peeps!

  
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JANDLP 11/17/2014 5:27PM

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Six Weeks till my wedding. AAAHHH!!!!!

Wednesday, August 06, 2014

I can't believe the big day, that I've been planning for for two years now is almost here! The final touches are being added, the favors and ceremony cards have been printed and just need to be cut and I have one final dress fitting and I'm pretty much done. From here on out its my bridal shower and bachelorette party! My MOH has been amazing and so much help through this whole process. I really don't think I could have done it without her! I'm so excited to walk down the aisle and marry my love! I get goosebumps just thinking about it!

Weight loss/Maintaining wise, I'm doing OK. I've been holding steady at about 188. Earlier this summer (can't believe its almost over already... NOT ready for another Wisconsin winter. Ugh!) I had a few indulgences and went on vacation and didn't work out quite as much as I normally do and gained about three pounds. Now those pesky pounds won't leave me! But, as long as I'm holding steady for the time being, I have more important things to worry about for the next few weeks! I'm getting my daily exercise in, still eating well and feeling fantastic!

Not too much is going on with me otherwise. We booked our honeymoon to Punta Cana for January, so we'll get out of this nasty cold weather in the middle of winter - can't wait for that! My fiance is down 35 pounds, and you can really start to tell now. He's a big guy, 357 now, but he's also 6'4", so he doesn't look quite as big as his weight reflects. I'm glad he's finally going to the gym and getting off the couch. I was worried about him for a while!

Hope everyone is doing well! I miss being on here every day, but lately I've just been way too busy with work and planning! I've got lists for my lists of things to do!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

REMEMBER2BME 9/14/2014 6:03AM

    This is a fantastic update. I am so glad you are doing great!

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TANYA602 8/6/2014 6:34PM

    How exciting that your wedding is just around the corner! Wahooo!
Have you been doing any strength training? We came back from vacation and I was up in lbs and I put in my Jillian Michaels dvds and the workouts kicked those lbs to the curb.
Enjoy the coming weeks, be sure to take care of yourself, and keep us posted - pics would be fun, too (hint hint!)

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AQUAGIRL08 8/6/2014 9:34AM

    Congratulations on your upcoming wedding! It sounds like you are very organized so things should go pretty smoothly. Wishing you and your hubby to be much happiness!

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Owning up to my mistakes

Monday, May 05, 2014

Scale the past two Mondays after heavy food/alcohol weekends... 195 and 193. By the end of last week I had it down to 188 and then started over with the heavy eating and drinking. Man... that sounds horrible. I need to own up to my mistakes, since I know what i'm doing wrong and change it! I know how to do it, its not like I haven't done it before. I just need to ignore that piece of cheesecake and not have as many drinks.
My exercise is still on par tho - working out every day (except for the four days I was in NYC, but we did walk EVERYWHERE). But, I'm sure those days off didn't help me either. Wedding in five months, I know I have to be at 182 or lower. Don't want to move up or down too much, since I don't want to have to alter my dress at all.

This week, back to tracking every day and staying within a 1250-1450 range. Back to drinking TONS of water and far less diet soda. (can you say addicted...) Eating out and drinking less, or none at all. I know we have to eat out Sunday for Mother's day, but hopefully no other days. Otherwise, just eating healthier and staying on track. I know I can do it, just a matter of sticking to my plan. Can't let this get out of control. Gotta reign it back in and drop those few pounds.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CHIROMOM214 6/24/2014 10:30PM

    You can do it!! Soda is nasty stuff for your body so you are better without it! (im a soda junkie myself) You are an inspiration and are going to look gorgeous in your wedding dress! Have a wonderful day!

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TANYA602 5/8/2014 9:12AM

    How exciting that the wedding is on the horizon! You can get to your goal weight, just make the few changes you've spelled out. And water! Drink it lots after drinking anything else. It helps flush everything and you'll feel better.
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MISTY_MOUNTAINS 5/5/2014 7:13PM

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DOILIEQUEEN 5/5/2014 4:14PM

    I know about being addicted to soda. I'm addicted to Pepsi. (I can't stand the taste of diet). But the past week I've done really well of having only one a day (instead of 2). And I'm drinking more water. I should say I'm making myself drink water. I usually skip it entirely.

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Pessimism: Can you change the way you think? Losing some mental weight.

Monday, March 31, 2014

I've been a pessimist for as long as I can remember. Optimism has never come easy for me.

I grew up as a chubby little girl, over 200 lbs by the time I was a freshman in HS. I lived in the country, didn't really have a lot of friends and only had my mom and brother around for companionship. My mom lived a pretty sheltered life, only ever dated and married my father, never lived on her own and didn't teach me about life, since she hadn't had too many life experiences of her own. My dad is an alcoholic, has been as long as I can remember. He's a prison guard so he comes home grumpy and finishes off a 12 pack of beer a night. We never really got along when I was growing up, and was major part of the reason I left home at 18.

I grew up without too many of those rites of passage that you're supposed to have as a young adult. Not to sound jaded, but nothing super fantastic ever happened that I had to look forward to. I didn't go to a four year college, never got drunk with my friends in high school. Didn't even kiss a boy till I was 17. I was lonely and bored a lot of the time.

What does that have to do with the way i think? Well, I feel like your life experiences make you who you are. I've finally come into my own within the past few years, i finally know who I am and have lived a little bit, so I would like to change the way I think.

I can't change the past, and I don't look back on my childhood and say that it was awful, I have two parents who love me, it was just tough. I know, however, that I can change my future, so now, maybe with losing 150+ pounds of real weight, I can lose some mental weight that's bogging me down as well.

A few examples that come to mind recently are my wedding and my neighbors. My wedding is less than six months away and I have a bridesmaid that isn't really pulling her weight. We went bridesmaid dress shopping back in January and she told me at that time that she wasn't going to order it yet because she wanted to lose some weight first. I told her that was fine, as long as she ordered it by March, to ensure that it would be in on time. She told me a few weeks ago that she already ordered it and it should be here in a month and a half. I was skeptical, as she's lied to me in the past (why I asked her to be my bridesmaid... I don't know!), but I let it slide. So this last weekend I went veil shopping with my mom and we checked to make sure all the girls had their dresses ordered. Hers, of course, had not been ordered. I confronted her about it, in a really nonchalant sort of manner, and she said they must be mistaken, as she has ordered it already. I just let it go, but inside, I was super mad. However... I've decided, that what happens, happens. If she doesn't have it ordered and in by the wedding, not really worried about it. One less bridesmaid to worry about getting ready. I need to let the small things go.

The other example is my neighbors... she hates me. Why? I don't know... a week after I got my new car, she accused me of trying to hit her... REALLY, with my brand new car?! But since then, she causes lots of drama and accuses me of a lot of inaccuracies. Just this morning I could hear her yelling at her husband outside because I parked my car in my driveway some place that she didn't like. Its a whole, big long story, but in short, I was FUMING! Yes, she didn't say it to me, but I could her her yelling into my house, with my windows closed AND with my radio on. I couldn't stop thinking of the ways that I would respond to her if she said something, since she only seems to have an issue with me, and not my fiance.

However, I need to let things go. Why should I let her unhappiness with WHATEVER, affect me? Why should I fret over how things might go wrong in my upcoming marriage, when I have no reason to believe they will. Why do I constantly think bad thoughts about how I'm going to gain all of my weight back, when I have been doing so well with maintaining? Why get anxious EVERY time I see my neighbor outside, even if I'm in my house? She can't do anything to me when I haven't done anything wrong.

I really need to start being HAPPY and thinking more positively. I need to not let other peoples choices and decisions affect the way I think and act. I know its going to be easier said than done, but right now, that's what I need to do for me. I lost weight and it took time, I can lose some of my pessimism over time as well. It won't happen over night, but I'm going to keep at it! I must be positive!

I found an article about how thinking positively may contribute to a longer life. I already added years on by losing weight, I don't want to take them away again by being a Negative Nelly all of the time!

Any tips from the peanut gallery on how to keep this positive way of thinking and living up? Cause I could use all the help I can get!

  
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HIKETOHEIGHTS 4/15/2014 6:16PM

    ★.
☆.
.✶`*.
*.*★
. ✶ ☆,*★
✶..*✶
☆.★ .`✶* ☆★
☻/.... Just stopping by to cheer you onward
/▌......
.|\......
Victoria
sparking with M.S.



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MUSICALLYMINDED 4/3/2014 10:28PM

    We have an eerily similar past. I was also over 200 pounds by high school. My father is an alcoholic, my mother never wanted to do anything - never travels, never speaks to people, she's VERY introverted and sheltered. Hmm. weird.

And I think you should just let your "friend"'s lies just roll off. If she doesn't want to be a participant, that's fine, right? It'll all be fine without her. I hope you aren't letting wedding details bug you too much, because things WILL go wrong so go ahead and prepare for it, lol... I just hope you enjoy it, unlike some of my friends who on their wedding day just wanted it all to be over so they could relax! And that seemed very sad to me that they weren't even enjoying the day when they worked so hard to make everything run smoothly and be beautiful.

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EMMY_DUCKIE149 4/1/2014 2:59PM

    I am an odd balance of positive and negative thinking. I am absurdly optimistic about certain things, and others, I strip down and get dirty with realistic-to-pessimistic expectations. I also carry a lot of anger over things that don't need to anger me (like how your neighbor angers you).

I don't have any great advice or any cure-all. I'm a work-in-progress myself. But one of my Lenten sacrifices this year is my anger. When I find myself fuming or-- oh, jeez, my road rage-- I stop myself in mid-mental tirade and tell myself to let go. I stop whatever pessimistic thoughts I have rolling around and find something else to think about. Or turn the music on and drown out the negative thoughts.

Now, such an approach does not change the WAY I think about things. That man is still a dou-- er, jerk for yelling and honking at me to scoot up when there wasn't any room to move my car forward even though I tried to scoot up for him (actually, I believe I yelled, "You're effing (I didn't say effing) welcome, D-bag (I didn't shorten it)." I caught myself, reeled it back in, and found something else to think about. I don't think BETTER of that man. I am not less MAD about him being a poophead of a driver. But I've found that switching my thoughts lessens my anger and anxiety over it. I cut off the negativity and keep going.

The hope is to keep cutting off the negativity until it is no longer my automatic response. This will take awhile, I believe. But it's a start.

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LUVTOBOWL 3/31/2014 11:08PM

    Awe Amanda, the only thing I can say is every time a negative thought comes in your mind, replace it right away with something positive: a favorite scripture, song, event, line from a movie......

I just told my daughter, I have to change my stinkin thinkin.......

I know emoticon my friend, emoticon

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TANYA602 3/31/2014 6:14PM

    Ahhh....I think the life changer for me came along when I had a serious health scare and my dr flat out laid it on the line that I had to learn to pick my battles (including the things I fret about). While I am good about it 98% of the time, that other 2% is hard. But not worth the racing heart and headaches that come along with it. You have to find a way to focus on something else - like a meditation or mantra. So now I say to myself, if it's not life or death, let it go.
Congratulations on the weight loss and maintenance! You must feel fabulous, and I couldn't be happier for you! Enjoy your health and happiness and upcoming nuptials. You have so much to celebrate!

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ELIZEBETH87 3/31/2014 12:40PM

    I think learning to let things go is like exercising a muscle; the more you do it, the easier it gets! Sometimes I'll use the stresses of life to help fuel my workouts. Just try a few things to find what works for you :)
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VORTEX33 3/31/2014 12:10PM

    I'm a pretty positive person. For me, if it is something that is making me unhappy and I can change it then I do. If I can't fix it then I do not get upset about it. It's simple but it works for me. I can't change how anyone else acts and reacts so I try to not let it bother me. It isn't always easy but it's how I try to live. :)

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