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Six Weeks till my wedding. AAAHHH!!!!!

Wednesday, August 06, 2014

I can't believe the big day, that I've been planning for for two years now is almost here! The final touches are being added, the favors and ceremony cards have been printed and just need to be cut and I have one final dress fitting and I'm pretty much done. From here on out its my bridal shower and bachelorette party! My MOH has been amazing and so much help through this whole process. I really don't think I could have done it without her! I'm so excited to walk down the aisle and marry my love! I get goosebumps just thinking about it!

Weight loss/Maintaining wise, I'm doing OK. I've been holding steady at about 188. Earlier this summer (can't believe its almost over already... NOT ready for another Wisconsin winter. Ugh!) I had a few indulgences and went on vacation and didn't work out quite as much as I normally do and gained about three pounds. Now those pesky pounds won't leave me! But, as long as I'm holding steady for the time being, I have more important things to worry about for the next few weeks! I'm getting my daily exercise in, still eating well and feeling fantastic!

Not too much is going on with me otherwise. We booked our honeymoon to Punta Cana for January, so we'll get out of this nasty cold weather in the middle of winter - can't wait for that! My fiance is down 35 pounds, and you can really start to tell now. He's a big guy, 357 now, but he's also 6'4", so he doesn't look quite as big as his weight reflects. I'm glad he's finally going to the gym and getting off the couch. I was worried about him for a while!

Hope everyone is doing well! I miss being on here every day, but lately I've just been way too busy with work and planning! I've got lists for my lists of things to do!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TANYA602 8/6/2014 6:34PM

    How exciting that your wedding is just around the corner! Wahooo!
Have you been doing any strength training? We came back from vacation and I was up in lbs and I put in my Jillian Michaels dvds and the workouts kicked those lbs to the curb.
Enjoy the coming weeks, be sure to take care of yourself, and keep us posted - pics would be fun, too (hint hint!)

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AQUAGIRL08 8/6/2014 9:34AM

    Congratulations on your upcoming wedding! It sounds like you are very organized so things should go pretty smoothly. Wishing you and your hubby to be much happiness!

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Owning up to my mistakes

Monday, May 05, 2014

Scale the past two Mondays after heavy food/alcohol weekends... 195 and 193. By the end of last week I had it down to 188 and then started over with the heavy eating and drinking. Man... that sounds horrible. I need to own up to my mistakes, since I know what i'm doing wrong and change it! I know how to do it, its not like I haven't done it before. I just need to ignore that piece of cheesecake and not have as many drinks.
My exercise is still on par tho - working out every day (except for the four days I was in NYC, but we did walk EVERYWHERE). But, I'm sure those days off didn't help me either. Wedding in five months, I know I have to be at 182 or lower. Don't want to move up or down too much, since I don't want to have to alter my dress at all.

This week, back to tracking every day and staying within a 1250-1450 range. Back to drinking TONS of water and far less diet soda. (can you say addicted...) Eating out and drinking less, or none at all. I know we have to eat out Sunday for Mother's day, but hopefully no other days. Otherwise, just eating healthier and staying on track. I know I can do it, just a matter of sticking to my plan. Can't let this get out of control. Gotta reign it back in and drop those few pounds.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CHIROMOM214 6/24/2014 10:30PM

    You can do it!! Soda is nasty stuff for your body so you are better without it! (im a soda junkie myself) You are an inspiration and are going to look gorgeous in your wedding dress! Have a wonderful day!

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TANYA602 5/8/2014 9:12AM

    How exciting that the wedding is on the horizon! You can get to your goal weight, just make the few changes you've spelled out. And water! Drink it lots after drinking anything else. It helps flush everything and you'll feel better.

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DOILIEQUEEN 5/5/2014 4:14PM

    I know about being addicted to soda. I'm addicted to Pepsi. (I can't stand the taste of diet). But the past week I've done really well of having only one a day (instead of 2). And I'm drinking more water. I should say I'm making myself drink water. I usually skip it entirely.

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Pessimism: Can you change the way you think? Losing some mental weight.

Monday, March 31, 2014

I've been a pessimist for as long as I can remember. Optimism has never come easy for me.

I grew up as a chubby little girl, over 200 lbs by the time I was a freshman in HS. I lived in the country, didn't really have a lot of friends and only had my mom and brother around for companionship. My mom lived a pretty sheltered life, only ever dated and married my father, never lived on her own and didn't teach me about life, since she hadn't had too many life experiences of her own. My dad is an alcoholic, has been as long as I can remember. He's a prison guard so he comes home grumpy and finishes off a 12 pack of beer a night. We never really got along when I was growing up, and was major part of the reason I left home at 18.

I grew up without too many of those rites of passage that you're supposed to have as a young adult. Not to sound jaded, but nothing super fantastic ever happened that I had to look forward to. I didn't go to a four year college, never got drunk with my friends in high school. Didn't even kiss a boy till I was 17. I was lonely and bored a lot of the time.

What does that have to do with the way i think? Well, I feel like your life experiences make you who you are. I've finally come into my own within the past few years, i finally know who I am and have lived a little bit, so I would like to change the way I think.

I can't change the past, and I don't look back on my childhood and say that it was awful, I have two parents who love me, it was just tough. I know, however, that I can change my future, so now, maybe with losing 150+ pounds of real weight, I can lose some mental weight that's bogging me down as well.

A few examples that come to mind recently are my wedding and my neighbors. My wedding is less than six months away and I have a bridesmaid that isn't really pulling her weight. We went bridesmaid dress shopping back in January and she told me at that time that she wasn't going to order it yet because she wanted to lose some weight first. I told her that was fine, as long as she ordered it by March, to ensure that it would be in on time. She told me a few weeks ago that she already ordered it and it should be here in a month and a half. I was skeptical, as she's lied to me in the past (why I asked her to be my bridesmaid... I don't know!), but I let it slide. So this last weekend I went veil shopping with my mom and we checked to make sure all the girls had their dresses ordered. Hers, of course, had not been ordered. I confronted her about it, in a really nonchalant sort of manner, and she said they must be mistaken, as she has ordered it already. I just let it go, but inside, I was super mad. However... I've decided, that what happens, happens. If she doesn't have it ordered and in by the wedding, not really worried about it. One less bridesmaid to worry about getting ready. I need to let the small things go.

The other example is my neighbors... she hates me. Why? I don't know... a week after I got my new car, she accused me of trying to hit her... REALLY, with my brand new car?! But since then, she causes lots of drama and accuses me of a lot of inaccuracies. Just this morning I could hear her yelling at her husband outside because I parked my car in my driveway some place that she didn't like. Its a whole, big long story, but in short, I was FUMING! Yes, she didn't say it to me, but I could her her yelling into my house, with my windows closed AND with my radio on. I couldn't stop thinking of the ways that I would respond to her if she said something, since she only seems to have an issue with me, and not my fiance.

However, I need to let things go. Why should I let her unhappiness with WHATEVER, affect me? Why should I fret over how things might go wrong in my upcoming marriage, when I have no reason to believe they will. Why do I constantly think bad thoughts about how I'm going to gain all of my weight back, when I have been doing so well with maintaining? Why get anxious EVERY time I see my neighbor outside, even if I'm in my house? She can't do anything to me when I haven't done anything wrong.

I really need to start being HAPPY and thinking more positively. I need to not let other peoples choices and decisions affect the way I think and act. I know its going to be easier said than done, but right now, that's what I need to do for me. I lost weight and it took time, I can lose some of my pessimism over time as well. It won't happen over night, but I'm going to keep at it! I must be positive!

I found an article about how thinking positively may contribute to a longer life. I already added years on by losing weight, I don't want to take them away again by being a Negative Nelly all of the time!

Any tips from the peanut gallery on how to keep this positive way of thinking and living up? Cause I could use all the help I can get!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

HIKETOHEIGHTS 4/15/2014 6:16PM

. ✶ ☆,*★
☆.★ .`✶* ☆★
☻/.... Just stopping by to cheer you onward
sparking with M.S.

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    We have an eerily similar past. I was also over 200 pounds by high school. My father is an alcoholic, my mother never wanted to do anything - never travels, never speaks to people, she's VERY introverted and sheltered. Hmm. weird.

And I think you should just let your "friend"'s lies just roll off. If she doesn't want to be a participant, that's fine, right? It'll all be fine without her. I hope you aren't letting wedding details bug you too much, because things WILL go wrong so go ahead and prepare for it, lol... I just hope you enjoy it, unlike some of my friends who on their wedding day just wanted it all to be over so they could relax! And that seemed very sad to me that they weren't even enjoying the day when they worked so hard to make everything run smoothly and be beautiful.

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EMMY_DUCKIE149 4/1/2014 2:59PM

    I am an odd balance of positive and negative thinking. I am absurdly optimistic about certain things, and others, I strip down and get dirty with realistic-to-pessimistic expectations. I also carry a lot of anger over things that don't need to anger me (like how your neighbor angers you).

I don't have any great advice or any cure-all. I'm a work-in-progress myself. But one of my Lenten sacrifices this year is my anger. When I find myself fuming or-- oh, jeez, my road rage-- I stop myself in mid-mental tirade and tell myself to let go. I stop whatever pessimistic thoughts I have rolling around and find something else to think about. Or turn the music on and drown out the negative thoughts.

Now, such an approach does not change the WAY I think about things. That man is still a dou-- er, jerk for yelling and honking at me to scoot up when there wasn't any room to move my car forward even though I tried to scoot up for him (actually, I believe I yelled, "You're effing (I didn't say effing) welcome, D-bag (I didn't shorten it)." I caught myself, reeled it back in, and found something else to think about. I don't think BETTER of that man. I am not less MAD about him being a poophead of a driver. But I've found that switching my thoughts lessens my anger and anxiety over it. I cut off the negativity and keep going.

The hope is to keep cutting off the negativity until it is no longer my automatic response. This will take awhile, I believe. But it's a start.

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LUVTOBOWL 3/31/2014 11:08PM

    Awe Amanda, the only thing I can say is every time a negative thought comes in your mind, replace it right away with something positive: a favorite scripture, song, event, line from a movie......

I just told my daughter, I have to change my stinkin thinkin.......

I know emoticon my friend, emoticon

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TANYA602 3/31/2014 6:14PM

    Ahhh....I think the life changer for me came along when I had a serious health scare and my dr flat out laid it on the line that I had to learn to pick my battles (including the things I fret about). While I am good about it 98% of the time, that other 2% is hard. But not worth the racing heart and headaches that come along with it. You have to find a way to focus on something else - like a meditation or mantra. So now I say to myself, if it's not life or death, let it go.
Congratulations on the weight loss and maintenance! You must feel fabulous, and I couldn't be happier for you! Enjoy your health and happiness and upcoming nuptials. You have so much to celebrate!

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ELIZEBETH87 3/31/2014 12:40PM

    I think learning to let things go is like exercising a muscle; the more you do it, the easier it gets! Sometimes I'll use the stresses of life to help fuel my workouts. Just try a few things to find what works for you :)

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VORTEX33 3/31/2014 12:10PM

    I'm a pretty positive person. For me, if it is something that is making me unhappy and I can change it then I do. If I can't fix it then I do not get upset about it. It's simple but it works for me. I can't change how anyone else acts and reacts so I try to not let it bother me. It isn't always easy but it's how I try to live. :)

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Catching up

Wednesday, January 08, 2014

I'm so glad the holidays are over!!! Mainly because of all the food that's around that I, for some reason, was not able to refrain from this year! However, I am sad that my two weeks of vacation went by so quickly... I spent the majority of it at my parents house in central Wisconsin. I used the local gym 6 of the 9 days I was there. The other days I got my exercise by shoveling my parents large driveway after each snowfall, which there was a ton of! It was a very white Christmas.
I have a few sweet treats left in the freezer, but while they are in there, I don't really think about them. I'm sure I should get them out soon though to get them finished off. I send a few a day to work with my fiance and he'll get them gone in no time.

The Saturday before Christmas my fiances parents call and tell us that they accidentally let my cat outside and now they can't find him. He does like to run outside if you have the door open too long and they just weren't aware of it. They couldn't find him the whole four days after that that we were gone. We came back on Christmas Day, jumped out of the car and within 10 minutes of being home, we found him, hiding under our deck. It took a while to coax him out because he was scared and unsure, but in the end, he was fine. No frost bite or fleas or anything... Lucky little punk. Pretty much just a great Christmas present. The fiances parents were relieved too... they said they were gonna get me a kitten for Christmas if we couldn't find him, haha.

Now that the holidays are over, I can finally get back into my wedding planning. Next weekend my girls and I are going to look for bridesmaids dresses at David's Bridal. We have one picked out that I think will look good on all of the girls. However, if they like different dresses, I may just let them get what they are comfortable in. I'm not too picky. After that I just have to get my cake figured out, as well as invitations... which are giving me a headache. I just need to decide on one and go with it!

On the weight front, things are pretty much the same. With the holidays and having so much time off, I'm lucky I didn't gain a ton of weight. Last night when I weighed in I was at 187, but I also didn't work out Monday (worked all day - 6:30am to 8pm, lots of overtime!) and its my tom, so I'm sure that isn't helping either. I'm a creature of habit, so with my schedule all thrown off, I am glad I didn't go too far off the deep end. Need to get back down to the low 180's and I'll feel OK again.

I hope everyone had a great holiday season!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:


    Glad you found your cat!! Wedding planning always sounds like fun, but I'm sure that's only because I don't have to actually do it! I'm just looking at pretty pictures on pinterest and moving on. :p Good luck with the dress shopping and the invitations!

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    Everything sounds great over there. Glad your kitty was safe and sound!!

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NEWLEAF16 1/8/2014 11:27AM

    SO glad you found your cat! And I am in the same boat with the holiday food, for me it's not just the holiday itself that can create a problem since well meaning relatives send us home with a ton of leftovers! At least you maintained pretty well - that is impressive! You can always pick back up with the weight loss efforts

emoticon emoticon

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MINEA999 1/8/2014 11:23AM

    Glad you found your kitty and yay for the holiday food being over!!

Happy new Year!

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TANYA602 1/8/2014 10:55AM

    I'm so glad you found your cat, and that you had a nice visit at the parents. Happy New Year! Good luck with the wedding planning - don't let it stress you out too much.

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WENDYSPARKS 1/8/2014 10:00AM


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TRIANGLE-WOMAN 1/8/2014 9:37AM

    So glad you found your fur baby. Most people don't realize that cats usually stay very close to home and are usually very afraid if they don't normally go outside. It takes patience and persistence to bring them home.

Kind like losing weight!

Patience and persistence!

You've got this!

Have a great day and keep ...

)) -::-
. .))
((. .. Spreading the Spark!-::-
-::- ((.*

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WALLINMW 1/8/2014 9:23AM

  Stay motivated!

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Too much baking is making me fat!

Thursday, November 21, 2013

Well, I've decided that I need to come back to spark again. Spark helped me so much my first two years of weight loss that I realized its a great tool to utilize to keep you accountable. Honestly, I got a little discouraged with it because as much as I tried reached out to people, and blog while receiving feedback, I just wasn't getting very much from it. But I suppose, I'm here to lose weight, and that is whats important to me. I hadn't gone away from Spark completely, but I really wasn't commenting on blogs or getting into the articles as much anymore.

Man, November is almost over and I swear it just started. My weekends are normally packed with hanging out with friends or seeing family and this month was no exception. The weekend of November 9th I had a baking weekend with my mom and Aunt. Bad idea. A lot of my favorite goodies were made and I'm still eating them way more than I should. I froze over half of them, but I'm still seeing a 4+ gain on the scale from having one or two treats a day. When I saw 188 on the scale yesterday, I knew I had to stop. Hopefully by Saturday my weight will be at 185 or less. I need to get back on track. I have my wedding in less than 10 months and I can't be any more than 185 for it! I've maintained this weight for over a year now... what's 10 more months?

So goals for the rest of the holiday season? EAT IN MODERATION. I did it well for the past two years, I just need to do it again. Limit the sweets. One or two a day is not limiting. That starts me in a downward spiral that I may not be able to come back from. At least I know it and I'm stopping it before it starts.

I have a few treats I have to make this weekend and next weekend for Thanksgiving and for a friend who just had a baby on Monday, but otherwise, I think my baking days are over for this year. Its just too hard to sneak a bite here or there. Those bites add up.

I'm DYING to see the 170's. I don't know if I'm just not eating and working out well enough to see them, or if my body is happy in the 180's. Heck... I am happy that I've been able to maintain here for this long, but its just a little discouraging when I saw a loss almost every week for over a year and now for a year I'm just STUCK. Up and down.... 180.2 is the lowest I ever saw. I don't know why I can do well for weeks at a time (when I was losing I did well for over a year!) but now, its a few days of being good and then two days of being bad. This weekend will be my real test. I normally splurge a bit more on weekends and that needs to stop, too. I know I can do it, since I have done it... I just need to DO IT!!!

Otherwise, not too much going on. Stressing about work since our company is being sold and I'm not sure if I'll have a job come the first of the year. Also, stressing about the wedding... our ceremony site fell through so this weekend we have to go hunting for a church to get married in. Neither my fiance or I are religious, but there is nothing else left in the small down we're getting married in, unfortunately. We could have it outside, but in September... its so iffy.

Back on track. That's the plan. Just have to stick to it.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CARLYOLEO41 11/26/2013 11:46AM

    Glad you're back! So am I!!

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JEWELS231981 11/23/2013 10:10AM

    The holidays are the worst! It is just so hard temptations etc... You can do it!!

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    My sole plan over Christmas is to stay within a maintenance range for a specific period of time, and not go a day over. I LOVE to bake and eat as well! And I also know that spark is a wonderful support. You've got this!

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MOTHEPRO 11/21/2013 5:55PM

    emoticon emoticon

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AWESOMECHELZ 11/21/2013 10:54AM

    Your goals are very realistic and doable. They may be hard sometimes but very doable. The holidays are hard with the extra food but, like you said, we have the tools here to help us out. Good luck! emoticon emoticon

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SHEWWIMONSTER 11/21/2013 9:29AM

    Man, baking can be my downfall! I've mostly switched over to savory cooking so that I'm still feeding my cooking bug, but making things with a little more nutrition! Could you try to transition from taking sweets to taking sides to gatherings?

Oh! When I take desserts to places, I also found I'm less likely to snack on the dessert if I take something whole, like a cake, rather than something like cookies where it's not noticeable if I don't bring them all with me. And then you can just leave the leftovers where you are!

Good luck! I've just wandered back, too, because I'm sick of being stuck in the 240s.

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KT-NICHOLS-13 11/21/2013 9:17AM

    Thank you for sharing this current struggle ... I've decided to bake a little this holiday season & appreciate this honest view if I eat what I make. Sounds like you have a solid plan to get back on track. I'm looking forward to hearing how things go.

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EELS4PEELS 11/21/2013 9:17AM

    I SWEAR we are the same person! I LOVE to bake. It's in my blood. AND I love to eat just as much as I love to bake and that includes liking spoons and bowls while I'm doing it! No worries I give all the people who eat my treats fair warning I probably double dipped spoons in the batter. :) It's so hard this time of year because sweats and good tasting food is everywhere. My goal is to make sure I stay in Maintenance and moderation mode as well. Fingers crossed that I can succeed at those two tasks.

I think that you got this though! I mean we both know what we have to do, we just have to do it! Why in my mind I think Weekends don't count is beyond me. But they do and they're very apparent every Monday when my stomach is poking out from all the wine and sweats that were consumed the last 48 hours.

I'm trying to keep a float on Spark, but I haven't been tracking so it's hard to keep it up. I know I'm going to Blog a tin in January when I do Whole30 so I'm sure I'll be back then.

Keep your head up and don't let stress get you down! You are strong and you got this. Punch life stresses right in the face!

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TANYA602 11/21/2013 9:13AM

    Hey there!
I have to admit that I was so happy to see your smiling face this morning! I also kind of fell off the SP planet for a bit, checking in only once a month or so. But I am on a 6 day streak - oh yippeee- hahahaha. More than anything I am also here for the accountability. Yes, we both rocked it the last 2 years, and you CAN get back to the 170s. It sounds like holiday baking will be your test, though. I think that's why I've come back - in anticipation of those holiday treats that I may splurge on. At least for me, what it means is I have to work out harder and longer. Decide on a plan that works for YOU and put it into place. In the end, it feels pretty good to reach your goals.

I'm so sorry to hear about both the question of having a job in the new year, and having a place to hold your wedding ceremony. It sounds like it's time to get creative. hmmmmm. My husband and I aren't religious, but we found a small church that would marry us and we had a pretty intimate wedding and then our reception down the street at a quaint Mexican restaurant.

Are you doing any challenges? What good things are working for you?
I'm definitely here to support you - let me know what I can do!

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