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Interestingly enough...

Thursday, January 05, 2012

So far this winter, I have not had the issues that I typically have with Seasonal Affective Disorder symptoms. Not sure why, and I don't think that weight or diet have much to do with it.
For the past several years, usually beginning in December and lasting through April, I have issues with mood, irritability, depression, and extreme difficulty staying awake in the evening or waking up before the sun is in full force.
I referred to myself as being Solar Powered... haha... probably not so far from the truth.
But this winter, I have not had the problems that I usually do. I have been able to stay awake until bedtime (10pm) - only have fallen asleep in my chair after exceptionally stressful, tiring workdays, and only a few times at that; but not because I just couldn't physically stay awake. I have been able to wake up both with and without my alarm before the sun has risen.
The only issues I've had with mood/irritability/emotions has been just after Christmas, with a seemingly bad case of was so bad that my husband refused to believe I was hormonal, but that is all it proved to be.
I hope this continues. I don't know what changed. My sleep cycle, bedtimes, waketimes, etc have not changed and do keep a very consistent sleep routine. I can't say that I've gotten more sunlight than normal; and certainly I have gained weight through November and December.
I know this week, I have gotten lots of exercise, so I know that has contributed to my mood being better; but I've only been back at it for a week so it doesn't explain the past month.
I guess I shouldn't look a gift horse in the mouth and just hope that it continues. I never feel this good in the winter; February is usually the worst month for me, so we'll see what happens.
Oh how I hope the SAD symptoms are gone forever....

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

-POOKIE- 1/6/2012 9:41AM

    I have fairy lights that come on 10 mins before my alarm as a more gentle light to wake with.

You can buy super expensive "dawn lights" but frankly the fairy lights are gentle enough to not immediately wake me, but to slowly wake up

I really used to struggle in the winter, and the harsh full lights hurt my eyes for ages, this is such a great thing for me.

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The New Year

Monday, January 02, 2012

As cliched as it is, I do want to use my time this year to get myself right: physically, mentally, emotionally, and financially.
I gained 7lbs through the holidays; so it is what it is and we move on from there.

Walked 2.94 miles today; burned 600 calories. Have planned out my meals and everything looks great.
Tomorrow, I'll be on the road for work, so I will have to better about watching calories and try to just get up and get moving (difficult to do when you spend 4 hours driving).
One day at a time... things do get better.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

-POOKIE- 1/3/2012 5:37AM

    It is a cliche, but hey, if it spurs you on then its a good thing!

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SAHARASUE 1/2/2012 1:40PM

    That's the way to do it! Just pick yourself up and keep going. You're right, things do get better. Having a plan is a great start. Hope you have a safe road trip tomorrow!

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What a Crazy Fall!

Sunday, October 23, 2011

So, it's been almost a few months since I have been able to use SparkPeople consistently: first we moved into our new house (closing at the last minute too, so it was chaos), then I didn't have internet for a few weeks, and then my computer was on the fritz. In the meantime, I've done some good things and bad things for myself and it is time to pick up the pieces and move on.

Of Course, if you've read my previous blogs, I was VERY anxious and apprehensive about my 30th birthday. There were many reasons for this, mainly that I had wasted the past 10 years of my life and most of that was spent married to a verbally/emotionally abusive ex-husband and gaining 130llbs+ over 8 years of "wedded bliss." And since I hadn't found a way to stop time and aging, my birthday came to pass - and it was a nightmare! That day could be one of the few days in my life that I'd say I hit rock bottom: We were in the middle of moving and had a short time frame (closed on 8/26 and lease ended 8/31) to get it all done. My birthday, on 8/28, started with breakfast at Village Inn (similar to IHOP); had a plan for the day it was going to go well. We got to our house and we were locked out - I had to call a locksmith on a Sunday morning. We only had one key to our house and it didn't go to the deadbolt. Yay. Then it was a comedy of errs from there, from packing, to moving, it was just a long, hard day. We were closing up the apartment at 9pm so we could get some groceries and go home, when our apartment door wouldn't lock... great. We had our computer and personal files, plus dining chairs, lamps, seasonal items, and misc. items that we hadn't moved. We packed up both vehicles and as we were heading back to our house at Midnight, the door locked without issue. Needless to say, I didn't get much sleep that night.

How does it feel to be 30? I wish I had my youth and my health. I know people will tell me I'm not old, and I know I'm not old, but at this weight, my body sure FEELS old. I wish I had the time back to fix it. I notice my skin more - the fine lines, the sagginess, etc. I also feel rushed to make things as right as possible and not waste more time. I hear my clock ticking.

In the meantime, I have gone off my birth control pills. My experiment was confirmed: since going of birth control, my blood pressure is stable and I am now on half the dose of metoprolol as before (was 50mg twice/day, now at 50mg ONCE daily). So that is a relief. Also, I found myself with completely normal periods and a regular cycle - I've been on birth control for so long, I didn't know if I'd be normal or not. I am much more mellow and my mood is more stable overall. I was just relieved that everything is working properly. Although I know there is a time for birth control in most women's lives, I think alot of the side effects are overlooked. If I'd have known these things and that birth control could cause hypertension or exacerbate it, I'd have gone off of it long ago. We have both agreed that given the favorable outcome, I will NOT be going back on birth control, probably ever. I am so grateful to have a supportive and understanding husband. We have worked together to utilize natural family planning, at this time to avoid pregnancy, and at this point, it works great.
One thing though, is that I can tell when I water weight on and having that occur monthly is something that I need to get used to, too.

Since moving, we love our new neighborhood so much, that we have started walking outside together. It doesn't feel like exercise, but it feels so good to be moving! I just hate that the weather will make it more and more difficult to get a good walk in; but I'll take what I can get.
I really need to get back to gym regularly - I haven't been there since we moved. Some of that is because I don't do well when I'm completely thrown out of my routine. But this is getting better; and I really want to get to the gym so I don't waste any more money on something I'm not using.

We have been going out to football games - local high school games on Friday nights; and we've been to all but one K-State home game thus far and will be going out next weekend when they play OU. At least at those games, I get a good walk in - we park about a mile away from the stadium, and while we are there, we DON'T eat stadium food.

The other night I told Mark that I would give up all the other goodies and bad eating habits if I can just have my ice cream on the regular. The more I think of it, the more I think that might be possible - it would take some adjustments, but I really want to be able to have my favorite food as a regular part of my life. I really think it is doable and if I feel like I don't have to give it up, maybe it will help with my mental effort.

Anyways, that's all I got for today. Time to wake up my husband, get laundry done, and go for a walk. :D

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BRYTSMILES 10/27/2011 9:47PM

    Sounds like it has been real busy for you.
That can be a good and bad thing, huh??? Congrats on the new home..Weight has a way of making us feel worse doesnt it..So many times I have wanted to tell my husband we weigh almost the same weight, but it embarrasses me so...I am gaining ground and sounds like you are really ready to get back in the mindset you expect from this journey. Gym is a great habit.....Keep it up......

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REENIE131 10/23/2011 10:21AM

    I think having your favorite food on a regular basis is definitely doable, especially if you plan for it. If you couldn't have your favorites, it'd be a restrictive diet, and what we're all trying to accomplish is a lifestyle change, right?

Good luck, and it definitely sounds like you're on the right path! If you get a chance, and want to, read the blog I just posted about being over 40. Your comments about feeling old at 30 kind of made me laugh, since I just wrote mine a little while

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Countdown: 30 days to 30 years.... day 21

Friday, August 19, 2011

Oh what a week.
We are NOT closing on our house today. The crappy thing about is that it has NOTHING to do with our ability to get a loan/own a home... it comes down to good old fashioned govt. bureaucracy......
Basically, there was a storm that rolled through last week and dumped some hail (not unusual for western Kansas storms), the hail was small penny to dime sized, but it dumped alot of it. The house we are buying has BRAND NEW vinyl siding (has only been up about 3-4 weeks). The west side of the house has hail damage, the whole west side will have to be replaced. Of course, per contract, the sellers have to fix the damage and submit claim to homeowners insurance. The ball is rolling on that, BUT it would be such a darned hassle to close on the house before repairs are completed (and cost US an extra $450) that we now have to wait. That is one of many issues that have come up from regulations designed to "protect" homebuyers. What a frickin joke.
We have to be out of the apartment by the end of August. Come next weekend, we are moving, but I don't know where... for all I know, I'll have to put everything in our storage shed and live out of my car.
To say that I'm upset/pissed off... is an understatement.

Mark had a "crisis" on Tuesday. He ran out of the bedroom screaming that "the b*tch bit him" He was referring to my cat, Tilly; to which I immediately figured he did something to deserve it. He was convinced he was going to do die (seriously) because of cat bacteria. I'm a nurse, I understand that cat bites can be serious; however this was sooooooooooo not the case. Tilly doesn't even have her top 2 fangs. Basically, she tried to bite him, and he tried to swat her and caught his finger on her bottom tooth. And he had a tantrum because he was upset at himself for being dumb. At his request, I worked from home part of the day just to make sure he wouldn't die LOL. Then he apologized the rest of the day for being a baby.
The site is healing well.

I finally got my hospital bill from my 2 day stay with pneumonia at Christmas... took em 8 months to bill me. I called to request payment arrangements (which has NEVER been a problem in the past) and now, if you want to make payments that will take longer than 2 years to pay off, you have to sell your soul. Seriously, they want all the information that our lender required for our home loan. Quite frankly, I think that is an invasion of privacy and they can either take what I will pay or not get paid. I like to pay my bills, I am not a deadbeat and strive to live as debt free as possible (I currently only have student loans and no other debt). I would get this paid off in less than 2 years, but sometimes sh&t happens and you can't make a payment; I like that cushion.
I don't know what I'm going to do with this.

In spite of all this, I managed to wear makeup this week and stay mostly on track.... although I haven't made it to the gym because it has been a crazy week (been traveling for work too).
My blood pressure is staying stable too. Hopefully if I lose some more weight, I can reduce my dose of metoprolol.

Thank God Its Friday.


Countdown: 30 days to 30 years.... day 16

Sunday, August 14, 2011

Mark and I had a long conversation today about birth control.
I've had a hellacious period... as usual; has never mattered what kind of birth control or if I'm on it or off it, my periods are awful.

But there were some real issues that we needed to talk about. I'm currently on Seasonale (extended cycle pill, ie no period for 3 months) and have been on it for probably 6 years; prior to that on Depo for 4 years.
The fact of the matter is that because of my size, being on the pill places me at very high risk for blood clots. It was a wake up call last December when I was hospitalized with pneuomia - my lung was so dense on the x-ray, they had to do a cat scan to rule out a clot.... and by all means, I probably should have had one ( 5 days of laying listlessly around, obesity, birth control, dehydration).
I also have (controlled) hypertension. It is possible for birth control to increase blood pressure.
We also want to look toward planning for a family, although we are by no means ready to start trying. I'm not dumb enough to get pregnant at this size - it would kill me.
So, we agreed that now is as good a time as any for me to go off the pill. We can start with condoms; but we do want to take the Natural Family Planning class as well (but it is pricey) when we are able to. I think that I will feel better over all about decreasing my risk factors and that this is something that both Mark and I need to be responsible for.
I'm going to start tracking my blood pressure more frequently to see if being off the pill makes any difference as well.
Interestingly enough, my blood pressure is doing better....
Hope this week goes well.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CHRISTEL-LYNN 8/15/2011 1:21AM

    Good luck!

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