Sunday, January 26, 2014
The unthinkable has happened. For many years, I have been down on gyms. It's not that I really hate them, but I've felt that they're not really necessary. Working out in the outdoors is so much more rewarding for me personally. I've been known to laugh at all the sad gym monkeys inside the condensation-covered windows staring at their screens while they "push" themselves. Meanwhile, I'm doing deadlifts with my 45 lb. bar and plates out in my driveway, then going for a trail run by the Yellow River. Is there really any other way to do this? Well, not for me!
So what made me join a gym today? This ding-dang-arang foot injury that has squashed my outdoor workout groove. It seems to be a really severe case of plantar fascitiis (which I've had before 15 years ago) with a probable heel spur back by my achilles. I had an acute injury incident while running in August and it hasn't been good since. I haven't even tried running in 5 months, biking works okay (it feels sore afterward), and now walking and hiking are also not options. The pain following formerly fun cardio activities is nasty and I end up limping around the house.
So this injury has driven me to the pool, swimming works, doesn't hurt, and burns calories. That means it is something I have to do, even in January! And I had this thought a couple weeks ago that maybe rowing would work. It isn't weight-bearing and it burns calories too. So I went to a gym near me to try it out for a few days. They would only let me have a one-day pass to try the one rowing machine. It didn't hurt my foot, but I really didn't like being back at the gym very much. It's a small gym, and the single rowing machine was positioned between treadmills and upright stationary bikes. This made me feel strange and inferior because everything around me towered over me.
I decided to go try out a few more rowing days on a 3-day pass to LA Fitness that opened up near me. I walked into this new gym and was instantly frustrated because I really liked it. Really, really. But I knew that I couldn't afford to join, or justify the cost, and I was sure that the whole membership thing would be a big hassle. But I couldn't help be jealous of the stream of people coming in scanning their member card and going to workout whenever they wanted. I rowed, and the machines were much nicer and had better placement. I discovered the spinning studio and busted out a fast and furious 15 minutes. I tried the elliptical, and then hit the machines. Gah! It was so nice to have all that nice shiny weight equipment at my disposal. Oh and the sauna, and jacuzzi, and pool to swim in. Holy calorie burnin' batman, this place rocks!
So I show up today for my last day and find out they're waiving the sign up fee, it's $29/mos. No fees for cancelling or freezing your acct. I couldn't believe I was considering it after all my gym trash talk. I am really flipping excited to report that I am a gym member. I hope this gets me some quality calorie burnin' and allows me to lose weight so I can make my foot feel better.
Monday, January 13, 2014
I am working on a new beginning, even though it is not the stereotypical 1st day of the year. Iím reminded of when I started my weight loss journey back on January 8, 2008. Six years! I had been working by myself for a few months after Wyattís 1st birthday. I had no luck at all going it alone. So this same week 6 years ago, I decided to buckle down and start reading Bob Greeneís Best Life book and join the online forum. The sense of community I had there was just what I needed. The motivation to meet my goals EVERY day so that I could have a ďgreenĒ week that showed off all the hard work Iíd done was powerful. So now that Iíve had this backslide, although the weight graph looks more like a hill climb) how to regain that sense of goal-meeting to keep me on track for days, weeks, and months on end?
I havenít erased all the progress I made, although Iím much closer to my starting weight than I am to my lowest weight during the 6-year journey. While some parts of my weight gain have been out of my control, most of it was all very conscious and calculated. Cookie dough here, chocolate bars there, and a sprinkling of powdered sugar over the whole damn mess. But my exercise, workouts, and athletic events would normally help balance all that overeating. This would result in a nice long plateau with no net gain over months. This year was the most injurious year of my life though. Quadriceps strain in January, left hamstring pull in May, right hamstring pull in June, groin strain in July, and the straw that broke the big ladyís athletic lifeÖ. a running injury that resembled plantar fasciitis that has yet to be resolved. The last 5 months of my life look so much like all 37 years before I started this journey. Little fits and starts of exercise followed by long periods of inactivity. And this foot injury is killing me slowly, but more on that in another blog. Here is what Iíve been asking myselfÖ
What if I had managed to start eating really clean when I got hurt? If Iíd put all the focus on eating right since I couldnít build training schedules and sign up for races, wouldnít that have been amazing?
What if I had continued to train hard to build strength in all my other body parts? Perhaps I would have started an upper body ST plan to die for, imagine the arms and shoulders Iíd be sporting! And those extra muscles would have burned more calories.
What if I had decided that swimming would be the way to go since even walking left me hurting? Perhaps I would have burned thousands of calories and had that cool thing happen where you eat better because youíve had such a hard workout early that morning.
So yeah, I can look back, be critical, and find all sorts of room for improvement over the past 6 months. I do not have that time machine though, so I have to turn all that into a present day analysis. How about if today I focus on one of those three items listed above? What a cool idea. Letís do it.
So here are the things I have done in preparation for a new life. I have found two local friends and weíve all weighed in and set weight loss and fitness goals. I have set a goal of swimming at least 2 times each week. I have set a goal of strength training 4 times each week. I also am logging my food every day. This often gets tiring fast. But honestly, I just canít be trusted in a house full of food and no accountability. My addicted brain has found the most ridiculous ways to justify my dumb food choices. Without fail, everyday, I must log my food and stick with it. I have tried stickers and calendars and all sorts of stuff. But I think I just need to make myself reflect each day with this journal or a video blog. I also must log my food for the next day before I go to bed. The mornings are so full of stuff, if I wait, it might not happen.
I am always looking ahead to some vacation or social gathering to hold in my mind as a ďdateĒ when I shall achieve awesomeness. But seriously, it never works. Never ever ever. And oddly enough, all those dates come and go no matter how I look. I have never cancelled a vacay or social gathering based on my appearance. So why do this to myself? I would like to string together a number of goal-oriented days that makes my mind spin. I want to look back on all the weeks/months and feel stunned, did I do that? I want to look at my weight loss progress graph and say, ďYeah boy! That steady trend downward is looking GOOD!Ē These are the things that I remember so well from past successful missions. These are the things that I will experience again. But I canít live like Iíve been living and feel those things. I must live anew.
Sunday, September 15, 2013
Are you looking for a positive blog? Well, this ain't it.
Are you looking for me to come back up in here all sad and glum, but feeling hopeful about the future? Sorry, not gonna do that right now.
You want to hear me get up in the pulpit and say hallelujah and amen sisters, I have the answer and I'm comin' clean? Maybe, come back next Sunday.
Truth, I haven't been here in months. I haven't lurked. I haven't quietly read along with what you're doing. Instead I'd put my sports bra on in the morning, plan a workout, then spend the day dipping the spoon into Nutella. I have not come here, even once, to check in on a team. I have been too busy playing candy crush saga while laying on my bed, injured foot propped up "resting" after my "hard" physical therapy. I had no idea what my spark page looked like anymore, it was like Christmas morning a couple minutes ago. What color will it be? What picture is in the background? When was my last blog? My last status? Squeeeee!
Okay, it was a little more dread than uber-excitement. I was pleased to see that the background pic was Wheeler peak in New Mexico. Mainly because it's the only goshdanged thing I've accomplished this year of an athletic nature. I climbed that beeyotch. But reading my last blog was disappointing, 8 weeks pre-hike when I thought I was getting skinnier for the hike (newsflash: I hiked all 200 lbs. of me up that 13,000 footer). My most recent status from 157 days ago read something about how many days of clean eating would it take to erase a few bad days of binging. Hmmm, so how about a few MONTHS of binge eating?
Sweet baby Jesus in the sky, I do not want to hate myself. I do not want to loathe these last couple months because they've been full of clumsiness and bull-headedness and injuries and physical therapy and limping. I had a fabulous time icing my foot on the sofa while eating chocolate. I read some of the best books I've ever read. I have enjoyed some terrific times with my kids and my husband. The bigger belly I've been carrying around, and the shame of letting those around me down (I know I haven't really, but I can't shake that feeling) has been trying to pull me down and keep me down.
I have come to this blog with absolutely nothing productive to say. I do not have answers, I do not have much of a plan, I have not got some THING on the horizon that I am needing to lose weight for. I just have a lot of the same ol' frustration, anger, and humiliation that I've been dealing with since I was 12. It's a roller coaster ride I have never gotten off of. But I feel like I'm ready to just start chipping away at this a little at a time. No gimmicks. No challenges. No magic pills. No events to train for. Just me, my brain, my body, my heart. Maybe I can come back here tomorrow and have something positive to say, but for today my message is simple... Hello, my name is Pam, I love life, I don't always love myself, and I'm going to see what I can accomplish tomorrow.
Wednesday, April 03, 2013
I wasnít sure what to blog about, but since I havenít written in so long, I thought Iíd start with the positive.
I started a 10-week quest for health and fitness on 3/21. I picked that date because it was 10 weeks until we fly off for vacation to the Land of Enchantment (New Mexico for those not in the know). Iím planning to hike the highest peak while there with one of my high school friends, and this 16-mile hike at an altitude of 9,500-13,167 feet will be formidable. So preparation is required. I need two things for this hike:
1. Better level of fitness
2. Less weight to carry
My simple plan is to work out more and eat less. Heard of that one? Iíll get my heart ready for action, build a bunch of beautiful muscles, and eat so the fat just melts off me. And before I get all blah-blah-negative-grumpy-blah about how I never stick to my plans, let me do some positive self-talkÖ
The first week I worked out everyday. *TOOT* (I ate like crap)
The second week I worked out even harder. *TOOT*
And on April Fools I got to work full force with the help from my Anti-Blah girls and the Sand In Your Crack challenge. Itíll lead me straight up to Memorial Day weekend. Iíve outlined the things I track each day and Iíve had 3 successful days so far. Here are some more horn toots about my eating the last few daysÖ
I have found Easter chocolate around the house and rather than eat it, I put it away. *TOOT*
I went out to eat Mexican with the kids and didnít even eat a single chip while waiting on our food. *TOOT*
I had to provide a dessert for my sonís soccer team Monday, which I would normally bake myself because Iím a great baker and cheap. Instead I bought store-made cupcakes so I wouldnít have batter and frosting to deal with. *TOOT*
As part of my tracking for the SIYC challenge, I am putting a little star down for each time I turn away from a temptation. When my brain would normally rationalize something so it could make its way into my mouth, Iím saying, ďNO! That isnít allowed and I will not be fooled by you, sneaky brain.Ē I put my star on the tracking page and give myself credit for strengthening my resistance muscle. Iíve been strengthening that giving-in muscle for WAY too long. Itís time to stand up for myself and my real goals.
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