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A little somethin to make you giggle

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

This was from an email I recieved from a friend. Just a little something to make you all laugh!
If you can read this without laughing out loud, there is something wrong with you. This is dedicated to everyone who ever attempted to get into a regular workout routine.
Dear Diary,
For my birthday this year, my daughter (the dear) purchased a week of personal training at the local health club for me.
Although I am still in great shape since being a high school football cheerleader 43 years ago, I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try.
I called the club and made my reservations with a personal trainer named Belinda, who identified herself as a 26-year-old aerobics instructor and model for athletic clothing and swim wear.
My daughter seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get started! The club encouraged me to keep a diary to chart my progress.
Started my day at 6:00 a.m. Tough to get out of bed, but found it was well worth it when I arrived at the health club to find Belinda waiting for me. She is something of a Greek goddess - with blond hair, dancing eyes and a dazzling white smile. Woo Hoo!!
Belinda gave me a tour and showed me the machines. I enjoyed watching the skillful way in which she conducted her aerobics class after my workout today. Very inspiring!
Belinda was encouraging as I did my sit- ups, although my gut was already aching from holding it in the whole time she was around. This is going to be a FANTASTIC week!
I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the door.
Belinda made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air then she put weights on it! My legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I made the full mile. Belinda's rewarding smile made it all worthwhile. I feel GREAT! It's a whole new life for me.
The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying the toothbrush on the counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I believe I have a hernia in both pectorals. Driving was OK as long as I didn't try to steer or stop. I parked on top of a GEO in the club parking lot.
Belinda was impatient with me, insisting that my screams bothered other club members. Her voice is a little too perky for that early in the morning and when she scolds, she gets this nasally whine that is VERY annoying.
My chest hurt when I got on the treadmill, so Belinda put me on the stair monster. Why would anyone invent a machine to simulate an activity rendered obsolete by elevators? Belinda told me it would help me get in shape and enjoy life. She said some other crap, too.
Belinda was waiting for me with her vampire-like teeth exposed as her thin, cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl. I couldn't help being a half an hour late - it took me that long to tie my shoes.
Belinda took me to work out with dumbbells. When she was not looking, I ran and hid in the restroom. She sent another skinny brat to find me.
Then, as punishment, she put me on the rowing machine -- which I sank.
I hate Belinda more than any human being has ever hated any other human being in the history of the world. Stupid, skinny, anemic, anorexic little cheerleader. If there was a part of my body I could move without unbearable pain, I would beat her with it.
Belinda wanted me to work on my triceps. I don't have any triceps! And if you don't want dents in the floor, don't hand me the darn barbells or anything that weighs more than a sandwich.
The treadmill flung me off and I landed on a health and nutrition teacher. Why couldn't it have been someone softer, like the drama coach or the choir director?
Belinda left a message on my answering machine in her grating, shrilly voice wondering why I did not show up today. Just hearing her voice made me want to smash the machine with my planner; however, I lacked the strength to even use the TV remote and ended up catching eleven straight hours of the Weather Channel.
I'm having the Church van pick me up for services today so I can go and thank GOD that this week is over. I will also pray that next year my daughter will choose a gift for me that is fun -- like a root canal or a hysterectomy. I still say if God had wanted me to bend over, he would have sprinkled the floor with diamonds!!!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LACEEJO11 2/25/2009 9:32AM

    LOVE IT!! THANK YOU FOR STARTING MY DAY WITH A LAUGH!! LaceEjo11 emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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VFOOTE 2/25/2009 9:03AM

    Thanks for the chuckle.

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KRZYKAT3 2/25/2009 5:42AM

    thank you for giving laughter! emoticon

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FLEQUUS 2/24/2009 11:39PM

    I have seen this before, but it is always so funny to read again. :)

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ONMYWAYTOGOAL 2/24/2009 1:37PM

    Love it!! Thanks for the chuckles!! emoticon

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HEIDIS2NDCHANCE 2/24/2009 1:00PM

    That is very funny! Thanks for sharing! emoticon

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AMANDALOREN 2/24/2009 12:52PM

    emoticonThat's a good one! Super funny. emoticon

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Married to the most wonderful man

Sunday, February 15, 2009

Just wanted to share. Yesterday was valentines day, and I think I must have the greatest husband on this earth. I had to work at the hospital til 3pm yesterday. He sent me 28 roses, why 28 you might say? I was a little curuous myself. It was our 28th valentines day together. We will be married 25 years in october. They were so beautiful, then we went out for dinner at a great restuarant. It is called shakespeares restaurant, a replica of a castle where alot of things actually came from a scottish castle. The meal was very romantic, the food fantastic. I did not watch my diet yesterday but this was a special occasion so thought it was okay to do after losing 30lbs. Yes I am up a little but back to the gameplan today. emoticon

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

GOLDENPEARLE 2/19/2009 12:25AM

    So beautiful -- I loved reading your blog. What a Special Day for both of you!!!

Wendy/ Goldenpearle

When did you start your kettlebell group?

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VFOOTE 2/16/2009 2:38PM

    I could hug your husband! I appreciate it when a gentleman is kind to his wife. What a wonderful man! Please tell him I said so. LOL. It may not mean much to him, though!

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1AVERY 2/15/2009 6:39PM

    That is a wonderful story. Like you said it was one day and you have been doing great so you will continue to do great. I had a bad day yesterday but it was all me I ate a lot of sweets little squares at a funeral. I then brought some home with me like it wasn't enough what I ate I just had to bring a plate home also and I ate all of them too. I told my husband he could have the bars in the fridge today because I wasn't having sugar but he was too late. They said EAT ME and so I did. It was 2 little squares so that wasn't too bad. Have a great day and tell your husband he is a wonderful man to remember the number of Valentines Days together not just the married ones. Way to go you picked yourself a treasure. Teri1

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PAULA1210 2/15/2009 10:05AM

    You deserve it after 25 years of marriage and then able to loose 30lbs. It is ok to splurge once in awhile on ourselves it is what helps us stay on track. WOW on the roses I bet they were beautiful. Keep up the good work you are doing great.
emoticon emoticon

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Onderland is in the distance!

Friday, February 06, 2009

I finally am starting to get a good control over this weightloss I think. I'm down 30lbs now thanks to the prednisone which I believe helped the inflammation I was carrying and got rid of some excess water weight. My joints feel better and the scale is 5 lbs lighter. Woo HOO! I still have a little over 9 lbs left to go to onderland but hopefully by march I will have arrived!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

FLEQUUS 2/6/2009 11:00PM

    Congrats!! Good job.

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25 lbs thinner

Monday, February 02, 2009

I've been at a plateau for the last 2-3 weeks and finally broke the barrier of 25lbs. I've been trying to break my weight into 5lb increments so it does not seem so mindboggling to lose the 90 lbs I set for myself. Today I am sick with bronchitis and had to go on a prednisone(steroid) pack with an antibiotic. I'm hoping it does not make me gain, but plan to really stick with my plan to avoid the increased appetiet.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

HORSEMOM1 2/4/2009 12:21PM

    Hi Melody, Congrats on the milestone! Feel better.
Maggie B.

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PAINTEDBLISS 2/3/2009 11:34AM

    Thanks everyone.
My doc always prescribes a methydose pack on top of antibiotics. My lungs get so tight and the prednisone opens them up. I not ashmatic til I get a respiratory infection.

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HONEYBEE56 2/3/2009 2:09AM

    Plateau? have been losing weight gung-ho since you started! You are just amazing!

That's what I do too, 5 pound increments are much more reachable!

Keep on keeping on! emoticon emoticon

prednisone for bronchitis? That's a new one to me! Just remember, if you do's not really weight with prednisone, its fluid retention! So hang in there and get to feeling better soon! emoticon

Comment edited on: 2/3/2009 2:11:39 AM

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Feel better soon!

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FLEQUUS 2/2/2009 8:19PM

    Congrats! That is definitely a milestone marker. You are doing great. Hope you feel better soon.

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CRYSTALLEAH 2/2/2009 7:07PM

  WOOHOO! Congrats on the 25lbs loss. I hope you feel better soon and if you do have a little bit of gain because of meds it'll come right back off.

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10% gone!!!

Sunday, January 18, 2009

I finally did it! I'm down 10% of my weight and have 24lbs gone. It's been about 9 weeks since I started and eventhough it has lately been a lot slower I feel so psyched about it. I'm trying to have some obtainable goals so by valentines day I would just like 5 more lbs off. Dh talked to me today aobut going on a cruise in september so I now have plenty of things to keep me motivated to lose even more.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

HORSEMOM1 1/21/2009 11:35AM

    That's fabulous! You have beautiful horse people, too!

emoticon emoticon emoticon

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EQUUS256 1/19/2009 12:59PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

Congratulations !!! You are doing great!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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    GREAT JOB!!!! Keep up the good work, you will soon be at your goals...I am proud of you. YOU CAN AND ARE DOING THIS!!!!

~luvs and hugs

Support our Troops!!!
God Bless!!!

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HONEYBEE56 1/18/2009 11:48PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticonMelody!

You are doing just fabulous! And a cruise to look forward to besides? Wow! What great incentive!

emoticonKeep up the good work! emoticon

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KRICKY 1/18/2009 10:53PM

    That's an AWESOME accomplishment. I did have my goal to lose like 80 pounds on my weight ticker, but that seemed so daunting to me. I changed that to a 10% loss and once I reach that I'll lower my goal weight.

I can't wait for that to happen....I bet it feels WONDERFUL!

emoticon emoticon emoticon

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TABBALOOSA 1/18/2009 9:06PM

    Way to go, Melody, on your 10%!!! Woohoo!! Checked out your Sparkpage, too, and love your horses. Have a great week!

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