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PAIGE367's Recent Blog Entries

Just One

Monday, February 20, 2012

I've been 39 days "sober" from binging and I have exercised in one form or another 47 days in a row. I believe I've lost about 10 pounds recently and I'm 30 down from my all time high.

I have been really craving cheeseburgers lately. Really craving them, like can't get them out of my mind. So I decided I would have one today and get rid of the craving. My goal is to eat like an "average" person would. A person without a binging problem eats what they crave and then moves on. I stopped by Jack In The Box and ordered one cheeseburger. To me this was a triumph.

I'm writing about this here because I think some of you may understand what I'm saying and because I'm too ashamed to write about this on my regular blog.

I can't remember the last time I went through through a fast food drive through and ordered just one of something. My regular order in bingeful days was two "value meals" and sometimes an extra such as cookies or a milkshake. I've done this on and off for years.

You may not be think that any fast food at all is a triumph but I assure you this is a breakthrough for me. I tracked that cheeseburger and stayed within my calorie range. I will not make the drive thru a habit but it feels good to have handled this craving like an average person would.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CRANRANA 3/28/2012 4:12PM

  I just read this blog and it resonated with me mightily! You hit the nail on the head when you wrote that ordering 1 cheeseburger is a triumph...it certainly is!! Like you, if I was going through a drive through I'd order two meals (and of course two drinks--let them think I"m ordering for two). If we could eat like like a regular person, we'd be the SIZE of a regular person. Here at SparkPeople, we understand exactly what you mean, and trust me, we've been there too! Keep up the good work, you're doing a wonderful job.

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BLAHNIK27 2/22/2012 3:46AM

    I was just looking through my friends list the other day and thought 'Where is Paige'? and here you are! :)

I know exactly how you feel, and my biggest goal every day is to eat like an average person does.
Keep fighting the binges... Will power is like a muscle, the more you use it, the stronger it gets! :)

Kristy
x

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SUSIEMT 2/21/2012 10:55AM

    Good for you Paige! Keep up the good work! I know of what you speak!

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.DUSTY. 2/20/2012 10:57PM

    emoticon emoticon

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HEATHERNL 2/20/2012 7:54PM

    You are very brave for speaking out. Continue to blog about your triumphs and struggles. You have no idea who you may touch or help.

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NYMERIAV 2/20/2012 7:48PM

    You should be so proud of yourself! I share the binging issue- It's hard to stop when something tastes good, even when you're really not hungry. It's so great that you were able to stop with one cheeseburger, and even better that you're still able to keep within your goals for the day. Pat yourself on the back and write it up as another victory!

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BECKYB73 2/20/2012 7:25PM

    This IS HUGE!!!! I know, because I have the same monkey on my back in regards to Death Traps (or Drive Thrus for the uninitiated)

WAY TO GO!!! emoticon

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ANNEV2012 2/20/2012 7:14PM

    Small triumphs are to be celebrated...so emoticon

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Response from Body

Friday, January 08, 2010

Response From My Body

Dear Paige,

Thank you for your letter. While I am happy to carry you through life, until the end of your life, I beg you to remember that the strength, health and healing that you enjoy now will not last forever. These "good times" will come to an end quickly if you do not begin to value me as well as take care of yourself emotionally and spiritually.

You should also realize that while you have done lots of "bad" things to me, you have also done many, many good things for me. Remember the bazillions of hours of walking and riding bikes you have done, the many healthy home-cooked, well balanced meals you've prepared for me? You take vitamins, try to stay hydrated, brush my teeth, keep me clean and you always get help for me when I'm feeling poorly. And even though you have lost the battle of making me healthier more times than I can remember, you never give up. These are not the actions of a person who hates their body.

I know that even during the darkest times, you are striving and sometimes struggling to achieve a better, happier, more active life for us. You are coming closer and closer to making that connection between physical, emotional, spiritual. It will be a lifelong challenge for you, but I know you are one of the special people who can become and remain successful. Remember that I am just a shell, YOU HAVE GREAT THINGS INSIDE YOU! Never forget that.

Love,
Your Body

PS Perhaps a letter to your heart is in order...she's feeling a little left out.
Posted by

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LJRW170 1/25/2010 1:56PM

    Great letter! It's such an eye opener, to switch shoes for a bit. :)

I hope you're doing well!

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KELLYC_14FAN 1/8/2010 9:20AM

    These two letters really touched me. Thank you for sharing thenm with us. :)

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SHERRYCHERIE 1/8/2010 9:18AM

  Two exceptional blog posts, they really speak to my heart.


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NGCHILD 1/8/2010 9:08AM

    Paige -- what a great letter!!! How are things going with you??
It's a going to be a great year!! Just remember to take one day at a time ... one step at a time!!

emoticon

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Dear Body

Thursday, January 07, 2010

(Written as a result of a Wellness Workshop I'm taking)

Dear Body,
I've been asked to write a letter to you as part of a Wellness Workshop that I am taking. I've been asked to be kind... That is not easy for me, Body, since as you know, it is difficult for me to even look at you much less find nice things to say. However, there are some things I like about you. I like that you are healthy and strong yet soft. You have carried me through 38 years in health, healing me when minor health issues arise. I like that when I apply myself I can feel you become leaner and stronger. I like your cute toes and little ears, rosy cheeks and blue eyes. I like the shape of your legs and I think you are the perfect height.

You are amazing in that you tolerate all the hate and abuse I pile upon you. Physically, mental, emotionally. I've given you a rough time, Body and for that I apologize. You have stuck with me, Body, through thick and thin and for that I love you.

Paige

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

GOGIRL62 1/23/2010 12:27AM

    Very beautiful...thanks for sharing with all of us.

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BLAHNIK27 1/8/2010 12:00AM

    I love this!

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LADYSUNBEAM 1/7/2010 12:42PM

    Love it! What a great idea...

Sandra

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THERESAGARZA 1/7/2010 12:25PM

    Wow! That is a beautiful letter. I could've written that letter! well, except for the blue eyes! lol How did that letter make you feel after you wrote it? I guess our bodies do endure abuse. Thank you for sharing your feelings on SP

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LILNAT 1/7/2010 12:23PM

    I think this is a great exercise and you have inspired me to write a blog about how we look at ourselves and in order to do so, you have to be positive and realistic at the same time!

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KAT130 1/7/2010 12:23PM

    Very nice, good job in finding positive things to say!

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Sticker Chart

Monday, November 16, 2009



My sticker chart for last week is above. I sort of feel like a big dork showing it to you but as you can see I did ok on somethings and terrible on others. I did lose 3 pounds this week so I'm glad to see a slowing down of the binging cycle.

However, there were no goals this week that I think I did fantastic on. There were days I just couldn't do it. Particularly days that I do not have to go to work. It's like if I'm not forced to have some strict structure to my day, if I'm left to my own devices, I'll just eat and lie around, lie around and eat. I have to figure this out. I'm an intelligent person. I should be able to figure this out.

My best goal was not eating fast food. I was able to do that 5 out of 7 days. So I'll shoot for 6 out of 7 this week. Same for food tracker and accountablity thread. There's absolutely no reason not to. I'm going for 5 days of staying within calorie range and 3 days of exercise. I bought an old TV for the basement and some used exercise videos so I have no excuse not to exercise. I KNOW I'll feel better and what to achieve more if I exercise.

These "baby steps" seem microscopic to me. I know I'll be setting myself up for failure if I try to take too big a leap. It's what I have to do right now.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JAMIEW3700 11/18/2009 12:43AM

    Great Job! i use my dayplanner and add stickers to every day that ive exercised and than count them up for the month and try to beat this month, next month. Its great incentive to keep going. Good luck!

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QUEST4CHANGE 11/16/2009 8:55PM

  Chart is a gr8 idea! Looks like you're having some good success & Congrats on losing this week! Woohoo!!!!

I'm using multiple calendars and i think chart would be an easier lookback. i also splurged on pretty stickers. I think I could be a sticker~a~holic!!! LOL!

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DIZBIZBELINDA 11/16/2009 12:49PM

    There are a lot of stars on that page young lady! GOOD JOB! Baby steps are a great way to get to where we want to be. Keep up the great work!

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CAL1922 11/16/2009 9:52AM

  Hey Paige- I can so relate to your blogs. I LOVE the sticker sheet idea. What a great way to keep track of your accomplishments and to see what areas you need to work on. I think I might "steal" the idea from you. Can you share what kinds of things you have on yours. I know that one was exercise and one was eating out fast food. I belong to a wonderful team called Baby Steps. The women on there are very supportive and I would love it if you would join us. You have accomplished a great deal so far and we could use some of your expertise on our team!! Hope to see you on the team!!
Blessings,
Candy emoticon

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CAL1922 11/16/2009 9:52AM

  Hey Paige- I can so relate to your blogs. I LOVE the sticker sheet idea. What a great way to keep track of your accomplishments and to see what areas you need to work on. I think I might "steal" the idea from you. Can you share what kinds of things you have on yours. I know that one was exercise and one was eating out fast food. I belong to a wonderful team called Baby Steps. The women on there are very supportive and I would love it if you would join us. You have accomplished a great deal so far and we could use some of your expertise on our team!! Hope to see you on the team!!
Blessings,
Candy emoticon

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SHERRYCHERIE 11/16/2009 9:33AM

  You'll be surprised at how quickly those baby steps can add up, Paige.:)

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STOP-IT-KNOW 11/16/2009 9:14AM

    you can do this hang in there thanks again you the grestest. emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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NGCHILD 11/16/2009 9:12AM

    CONGRATS on your progress!! Just look at it like you can only get better .... at least you tried. Keep going! GREAT JOB!!

emoticon

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LAXMOM08 11/16/2009 9:12AM

  I think the sticker chart is a great idea. Taking baby steps is the best way to go.

On your sticker chart, what types of things do you have on there? Is it just exercise things or other things like getting your water in?

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Today's Cravings

Thursday, November 12, 2009

Why can't I just eat what I want? Just this morning I've craved:

pizza
fritos
donuts
thin mints
Chinese food
turkey sandwich
grilled cheese
little debbie snack cakes

If I see it or even smell it I want to eat it.
This messed up to me. I don't hear any of the normal sized teachers in my school saying things like "I smell _______ Now I want to eat it." I don't hear the bigger people saying things like this either.

I can't stop thinking about eating.
Someone turn the switch off!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BLAHNIK27 11/12/2009 5:59PM

    Hi Paige,

I completley sympathise! Even now after 10 months my thoughts are consumed with food- what i'm going to eat- what i wish i could eat etc.
Just before reading your blog i turned to a co-worker and said "I want to walk up to the patisserie and get a caramel slice". lol.
Her reply was naturally 'Okay, let's go".
But that's where it ended for me. Thinking it, even saying it out loud will not tempt me- well not today anyway :)

It gets easier- i promise.

Comment edited on: 11/12/2009 6:04:34 PM

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ANGELSANDYBABY 11/12/2009 5:53PM

    Hi Paige. I know how you are feeling. I have to change the fast food commercials while watching tv :) I had a 4 pound gain this week, but have had two pretty good days since, and when I feel the cravings start, I tell myself "what do I want most..The food or to be healthy and feel good about myself?"

You can do it! Tell those cravings to take a hike! emoticon

Comment edited on: 11/12/2009 5:55:12 PM

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SHERRYCHERIE 11/12/2009 2:56PM

  Hi, Paige--I can so identify with your post today.
I honestly suspect we heavier people are hard-wired differently.
Just another way we're 'special'!!:)

Take care.
I'm glad I found your Page.



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QUEST4CHANGE 11/12/2009 1:48PM

  I hear you! I can see an add for m&m's and I'm still thinking about those darn m&m's 3 weeks later sometimes!!!

I've read about maybe 25% of seriously overweight people have these kinds of troubles, so it's not just you.

I have it worst about 3 different times. When I'm totally hormonal with hollow leg syndrome, when I'm feeling strong negative emotions and when I've been on a romp overeating. Seems like the more I eat, the more I want to eat!!!

The answers are kind of different for the different situations. With pms, I tend to increase my cals to eat what I burn (instead of weight loss levels).

It's the opposite when I've been eating down the house. Then, I tend to have to try go back to just planned meals and snacks, and about day 3 or 4 the appetite/tummy shrinks.

Have you ever noticed that?

What's worked for you b4?

(btw, i think it wholly unfair that we can't just eat without regard to calories!!!)

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