OXIMORON   3,057
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Commitment Issues & Instant Gratification

Friday, September 13, 2013

So, for me, working out is like taking antibiotics...

The doctor always says you have to take the antibiotics for 10 days, even though you start to feel better after five.

I'm that person who stops taking them after day five. I mean, what the hell do doctors know? I feel better NOW!

I think it's part commitment issues, part instant gratification. Regardless, I got me some issues to work here people.


We've all been there. Huh? I know my waistline will hate me later, but damn that cheese looks good (I was gonna say cookie, but I'm not big on sweets).

I have the same issues with working out lately. Since I started back on the bandwagon I've been so good about working out... so much so that I feel great. I have barely lost weight, but I feel GOOD. I feel SEXY (well, sexier than usual).

So, after a few days of working out, my mind thinks... Bing! Gratification achieved! I'm feelin' fine. Job well done. Pat on the back! No more working out needed.

It's no bueno.

I know I have to push through it, and that if I don't keep up with the workouts I'll feel dumpy again. But try telling that to my brain right now. I know after a while some people CRAVE workouts, I feel the total opposite. And so we're back to follow-through, my old nemesis!


I finally overcame my relationship commitment issues this year and married an AMAZINGLY awesome man. But I am still a total commitment-phobe in so many other facets of my life.

I'm that person who has about 35 hobbies, and I'm really into them all, I mean into them like a TRAIN. But only for two weeks, give or take, then it's on to the next. Granted, I always come back to them... but who knows when I'll pick them up again, cause I sure don't!

Basically, I can make anything an obsession. For a minute. Before I move on.

I do the same thing with fitness/healthy eating.

SparkPeople gets me STOKED! I track things, I log things, I spin wheels, I get my arse off the couch, I tell people I'm gettin' healthy. I try to do it right and take the baby steps, but I'm just sooo PUMPED!

... Until I decide to start crocheting again, or that DIY project starts calling to me, or photography sweeps me off my feet again. And the weight loss, which seems like just another hobby, gets put on the back burner.

I know it's all about balance. I get it. It's just a matter of figuring out how that foreign concept of balance fits into my life. How do I get past these walls (self-imposed or not) and find the strength to have the follow-through to stick with this for the long-term.

I know it's supposed to be about a lifestyle change. But I gotta be honest, that's a hard pill for me to swallow. I don't love watching what I eat all the time, I don't enjoy exercise. I can't think of any kind of physical activity that gets me jazzed. I don't eat broccoli because I just love the taste, I eat it because it's healthy - but you can only do that for so long.

FOREVER is a really long time, especially with this kind of lifestyle.

I'm not trying to be a Negative Nancy today, I promise. I already did my workout and logged my food for the day. I'm still proudly on the bandwagon. But (vulnerability be damned) I AM STRUGGLING RIGHT NOW!

Thanks for letting me rant SparkPeople. I think I needed that.


No Pain No Gain... Pft!

Thursday, September 12, 2013

*I should clarify when I say pain I don't really mean pain - I mean SORE, you know, the GOOD kinda sore*

At any rate... I know better than to believe the old adage...


Something in my brain is hard-wired to believe that if I'm not sore the day after I work out I haven't done enough.

I pushed myself yesterday, working my arms and back, trying to improve my form... really pushing, in a positive way. When I finished I felt good and sore, my muscles were tired, I felt strong. I was sure that I would wake up this morning SORE... but I didn't.

I mean, I can feel where I worked, especially the muscles I don't often work, but I'm not SORE. That first day when I got back on the workout bandwagon and did my first straight 30 minute workout I woke up the next morning and every muscle in my body was screaming at me - To me, that feels good and it means progress.

Logically I know better. I know that every day is different, and every workout is different, and that muscle memory assures I'm not going to feel like that every time I pick up a weight, and I know that now that I'm eating the foods my body needs I'm recovering faster from my workouts - I KNOW!

And yet...

I still kind of crave that - I can barely get my shirt on in the morning feeling.

Yet another one of those habits I should probably work on before I work my body into the ground!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DETRMND2LOSE 9/12/2013 4:43PM

    I find myself doing the same thing.... if I'm not hurtin I didn't put in the right amount of work. I too know logically that's not the case, it's just hard to move past those old ingrained thoughts.
Good for you for getting out there and working your body!!

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Home Again

Tuesday, September 10, 2013

So, even after my wine weekend splurge I still managed a small loss this week. Whoop whoop. Baby steps.

I'm back home again and rockin' the vegetarian cooking. I went to the pazar this morning with husband and picked up these goodies. Color me excited to cook this week!

Traveling here often requires more walking than I do on the day to day, so I'd say I got a little extra walking in this weekend, still today I went full force on the exercise bandwagon. I'm tired, but it feels good.

I have very few distractions these next few months, which makes getting things back on track with food/exercise much easier. I'm mildly concerned with heading back to life in the states, but I still have a few months before I have to cross that bridge. For now, things are looking good :)


Weekend Getaway

Thursday, September 05, 2013

Today is my Friday. Whoop whoop.

Tomorrow husband and I head to wine country. For our wedding, my Peace Corps friends pooled funds and bought us a night at a winery in a town nearby with a jacuzzi and a five wine tasting. And YES I am going to indulge myself. I'm super stoked. Have no worries, I will reign myself in if need be, but I could certainly use a weekend away.

That's definitely one thing I regret about my PC experience, I should have taken advantage of my location and traveled more. But, just like I did in the states, I got bogged down in the muck and mire of the everyday and it just didn't seem possible.

Anyhow, I will take what I can get and a weekend in wine country certainly aint so bad!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CSKIES1 9/5/2013 7:52AM


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Blood Test Results

Tuesday, September 03, 2013

I finally had a chance to take a closer look at my blood test results today.

It looks like just my overall cholesterol is high, while my LDL and HDL are in order, which makes me feel a little better. The not knowing exactly what was going on was causing me some stress that I don't really need right now.

While my Doctor didn't mention it, I was a little alarmed by my lymphocyte level being quite low. That in conjunction with my thyroid levels (while within range they are close to the extremes), my constant fatigue, and a few other issues I'm having makes me wonder if I don't have some kind of thyroid problem. I am requesting a T3 test when I have my cholesterol rechecked, it can't hurt.

Not that I'm blaming my body for my unhealthy lifestyle - no excuses. But, while I'm not an old lady neither am I a spring chicken anymore and I think it's time to start making sure my health is a top priority.

Otherwise, everything else is still very much on track. Planning on some strength training today, I have my meals for the week pretty much planned out. I cooked three big meals (packed with veggies and legumes) and froze them for later in the week.

I will have two big tests this week though, and I'm prepping myself so I can handle them when they arise - for starters tonight I have dinner at the in-laws. They are true to their culture and are huge food pushers. On top of it the language barrier makes it hard for me to explain myself and my reasons for turning down food. Husband already explained about my cholesterol and I'm hoping that will be enough for them to back off a bit.

The other challenge is that husband and I are going away for the weekend to cash in on one of our wedding gifts a winery a few hours away. I'm going to treat our night at the winery as a cheat rather than a challenge. Since I've been back on track I haven't had a cheat day, not even a cheat minute - so it will be nice to indulge in a wine tasting and some meze.

However, Friday and Sunday might prove to be tough as I will be out of my home and comfort zone. I doubt I will be able to get in the physical activity I need and meal planning will be a challenge. I will make sure to pack healthy snacks and suggest healthy foods if we eat out - which is basically only salad over here. And, perhaps I will suggest a stroll around the city and village to get in some much needed activity. It will be a great weekend no matter what. I'm really looking forward to getting away with husband for a few days.

My weigh-in on Monday might not be a loss, but I will not focus on the negatives - back on the bandwagon Monday and no looking back.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

RUNAGAINST 9/3/2013 8:12AM

  I hope you have a great weekend- everyone deserves a treat now and again! And don't stress too much about this one weigh in, it's all about how things go over time....

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