OWELETTE   1,492
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my bipolar got the best of me.

Tuesday, May 15, 2012

i tried to kill myself on the 12, was in the icu until mother's day and will be here for a few more days.
at least i'll get the right medications now, right?
i'll write more later...i'm killing time 'til my visitor shows up.

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    emoticonHold onto that which strengthens you!



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NIFERANDERSON 5/17/2012 7:29AM

  It's so hard to go through what you're tackling right now. Stay strong!

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ASCHLICHT 5/15/2012 11:45PM

    Oh no! I am sorry to hear that! I feel on the verge too, and it sucks, but I won't do it. Please hang in there. I need support bad and I am sure everyone here does. I am so sorry about your Mothers Day. But mine sucked too. I was mad at everyone, for the wrong reasons. Stupid Bipolar.

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BUDDYSMYFRIEND 5/15/2012 10:00PM

    So sorry to hear this, and hope that you'll get the medications that will prevent this from ever happening again. I'm wishing you all the best.

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MDWSTRNR 5/15/2012 7:18PM

    Glad you failed. Hang in there.

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Colonoscopy friday.

Tuesday, April 24, 2012


time to figure out if itís crohnís or colitus.

Finally went to the doctor last Thursday for my stomach trouble and now I'm on two antibiotics, one 3x a day, and the other 2x a day. Both are 500 milligrams, and one of them is used to treat anthrax poisioning.

I've been feeling a little under the weather, if you didn't gather that much. ;p
I lost three lbs though, so considering I've been feeling WAYYYYYYYYY too crappy to workout, that's pretty good.
Hope everyone is having a better time than I am. :D

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

GAYLLYNNE 4/24/2012 6:54AM

    Wishing you all the best. The procedure is nothing but the prep kind of sucks. Once it's over, it's over! Hoping for a good diagnosis, hang in there!

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TWINNYGRAN 4/24/2012 3:19AM

    Fingers crossed that you get it sorted very soon. Neither option is good, but at least you will know what you're dealing with and you will have medical support to cope with it. emoticon

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JACKSBRAT1 4/24/2012 2:48AM

    On the positive side at least you will know what it is and can go from there, and you lost 3 pounds! emoticon
all through i have to say being sick is not a good nor fun way to lose the weight! I hope you feel better, and good luck on Friday! The prep is far worse then the test if your already having stomach issues,at least for me it was the worst!
I have been under the weather my self i had to get some shots (crotazone) in my neck, they haven't helped much but its only day two! I am having a hard time sleeping due to pain !
Well again emoticon good luck! emoticon

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IAMFRANSGIRL 4/24/2012 2:46AM

Neither Crohn's or colitus is fun (My mom has Crohn's disease)but maybe a diagnosis will lead to treatment that will have you feeling better.
Hope you're feeling better soon.

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I'm alive!

Monday, April 02, 2012

I've not totally disappeared from spark, but I'm having an issue with my bipolar disorder and have a HUGE amount of schoolwork.
Did I mention my therapist is in Mexico and I haven't seen a proper psychiatrist yet? I'm on a waiting list...

I've been feeling increasingly down since last Wednesday. It's really affected my exercising-okay, almost completely stopped it, and I just want to sleep.
I have an incredible amount of school work to do and I feel like I'm spiraling into nothingness.
I'm not sure if I'm depressed or having a mixed episode.
This week I've tried to break up with my girlfriend, wrote a 6 page paper when 3 pages were necessary, and can't even focus on math.

Yeah, this is a pretty thrilling ride I'm on right now.
So I'm trying to focus the little energy I have into improving as much as I can right now. I'm plugging away at bits of schoolwork every day, and I'm trying to get -back- into exercising. I think I'm going to do 30 minutes of yoga tonight. I'm very angry with myself for not exercising, because I know it would improve how I feel, but I just can't make myself do it. I can barely scrape myself up to work.
I'm so disappointed-it seems like I get everything working, and then I break down on myself. :(
Ah, well, things will be better in a few weeks.

Oh! I rescued two EXTREMELY beat up Eclipse catfish-they were in a 40 gallon tank with another large fish, and had no where to hide, so they were continually rolling on top of each other and trying to hide behind each other.
One of these fish is 7 inches long, and the other is about 9, so they were really damaging each other. They have scrapes and scars from rubbing each other with their pointed pectoral fins. Their fins are torn and missing in places. One fish is missing a pectoral fin almost completely...poor guys.
Good news though! I moved them into my 120 gallon and they are so happy...they swim back and forth with each other and are so active. They seem really healthy despite their physical appearance. Spending time with them makes me happy. It's nice to see that I helped something get better. emoticon

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:


    Aren't fish great? I'm glad you were able to take in the catfish. Many fish die at the store from the stress levels. (I have a 75 gallon tank and I just love it. I brought home two striped Raphael catfish yesterday and they are sooo cute.) Sometimes helping out something or someone less fortunate that we are can make us count our blessings, or reinforces that we do have something positive to offer, in your case, a safe clean home for two lovely catfish :) What a warm heart you have!


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TRULYVISIBLE 4/3/2012 12:56AM

  Hope your mood improves and you start to feel better. I like that you rescued those fishes, I never liked seeing fishes in tanks too small for them. What a wonderful thing you did! I looked at your pictures and your cat looks just like mine. Same color in fur and eyes. Mine is a Burmese.

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3/21/2011 Good news

Wednesday, March 21, 2012

Hey everyone,

I have been so super busy over my Spring Break, it's ridiculous. I've had tons of math review to do along with studying for my midterm tomorrow, and I've been plugging along with my Leadership as an Art class. I wasn't so sure about that class in the beginning of this semester, but it's turned out to be my favorite so far. It's one of those soft skill classes, but honestly, as an IT major and a shy chick, I could definitely use some help in that area. We get to do a LOT of interesting reading, and we've had to watch three movies over the semester: 12 O'Clock High, Remember the Titans, and Hotel Rwanda. So, with any luck, I should be able to conquer the world at the end of the semester with my awesome leadership skills! Or at least I won't get stuck doing all the work in my group projects any more. Either way. :)
I've been spending almost all my spare time in the park, trying to get a tan. I've managed to get a bit burnt up top, but my legs are still radioactively white. Here's some pictures of my awesome kitty Maya, Katie, and myself:

(I can't wait until my butt shrinks a little-eee! This will be one of those motivational pictures 50lbs from now :D)

(I'm on the left, Katie's on the right)
I'm a little disappointed about my first weigh in.I used the old fashioned scale at my school's gym, which read me at 327. I was a little freaked out by that, because I was 335 at my Dr's appointment the week before that. I mean, I'm more than pleased to be losing weight, but losing 8 lbs in a week sounds a little unhealthy.

I talked to the fitness instructor, and that thing is notorious for weighing light. However, thankfully, she has a digital in the storage closet. I weighed in on that this week and the last, and I'm at 332 this week, which is three lbs less than my weight last week. I guess my lesson from this is to always use the same scale.
The fitness instructor at my school is so nice! She ran me through all the machines and showed me the correct settings, so I can work out properly. She even created a cardio circuit routine for me to do 2-3 times a week, and it'll help me get a little more oomph out of my work outs. I only had time to do it once the week she made it or me, but I've done it two times this week so far, and I'm going back tomorrow.
I'm pretty excited. I can feel my body changing just from all the work I've done in the last month. I feel more muscle in my arms, and my pants are loose. I'm actually super excited to measure myself on the 3rd to see how my body has changed.
I've noticed that a lot of the yoga poses I do are getting easier-I can switch between upward and downward dog and go to plank without stopping or using modifications most of the time-the only one I have trouble with is plank-my hips just do NOT want to lift off the floor. LOL

Hope everyone is having just as nice weather as we're having here-Wisconsin is not known for it's pleasant March's. :D

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DEBPRE16 3/23/2012 12:52PM

    "Remember the Titan's" is such a good movie. Congrats on your weight loss and on the increase in your exercise. I feel a little stronger and can walk longer and it feels good.



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NANNA2ONE 3/21/2012 9:36PM

    I commend you for taking the picture. You will really appreciate having it around to compare with as you lose the weight. I have have several of the different levels of weight. I carry a copy of them in my purse so that when the opportunity comes up I can show others how far I have come. They really do encourage you to stay the course.

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CLARKA6 3/21/2012 9:35PM

    Great job! I'm so glad you're noticing some changes in your body- isn't that the best feeling? Keep up the good work (academic and weight loss!)!

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Thursday, March 15, 2012

At Lake Winnebago, not too far from home enjoying the nice spring weather. I talk about the stress I've been having in the last week, and how I've been considering lowering my daily minutes for a while. On the upside, I am doing well in math. :)

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    emoticon emoticon

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ANGELUS__QUINN 3/18/2012 2:34PM

    Hope things get less stressful for you. Hang in there.

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CLARKA6 3/15/2012 11:39PM

    Keep up the good work! Hope next week is less stressful for you:)

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