Lottery musings

Thursday, May 16, 2013

We must print our names, initial the list, hand over the $2 and wish each other well. Past lists are saved, just in case. The conversations start.
What will you wear.
Who is ordering the limo?
See you in Harrisburg on Monday.
Lunch is on me...for everyone.

I always thought I'd continue working, right to the bitter end.
After ensuring my family was taken care of, I'd be philanthropic. Donate to my previous employer, of 27 years, a hospital. Maybe have a room or wing named after me.
Donate to my current employer, Red Cross. Upgrade some of our equipment. Buy a condo so I could walk to work and go home on weekends. After all you still need something to do.

Or say screw it all buy the RV and drive

What would YOU do?

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Mother's Day fun

Monday, May 13, 2013

We simply had some good weather and lots of time together.
My younger daughter stayed over for the weekend and helped up with some projects. We happily got clean-dirty sanding and pasting the repairs in my bedroom. The older one and her family came for dinner and everyone took turns chasing the dust-devil around the house.
He reminds me of Dennis-the-menace!

We three girls sat and chatted like old-times, giggling over dumb things.

A wonderful Mother's Day!

I hope yours was wonderful too!

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6 months out, Sandy, home and mental recovery

Saturday, May 04, 2013

The trees are green and the sky is blue.

Many of us see more blue than green now. The open spaces left by hundreds of broken or downed trees are becoming familiar. There are huge stumps everywhere and in any wooded area you still see the trees tilted or lying on their sides, the matted cartwheels of roots exposed.

I think our friends cannot rebuild as a portion of their yard was reclaimed by the bay. What's left of the house needs torn down. The family around the corner is rebuilding the house since the fire that erupted in their attic that night.

I was always a rock, loved storms and wind. I would stand on a bulkhead to watch the waves and be etched by blowing sand. I probably still can.

That's not what put the panic in my head, the jumpiness I now get when it gets really windy. I get breathless when the power goes out. It is the helplessness.

It was the helplessness of being stranded, realizing how much we rely on power. How quickly the generator could have become my permanent sleep the night the CO crept in due to wind. Even though I had my supplies for 2 weeks in my emergency bins I was unprepared for how I am dependent to routine. How I cannot take the unnatural quiet in my neighborhood. I could not fix it.

PTSD comes to mind with the feeling of helplessness and I have multiple visions in my brain. I see the explosion as I watched the second plane. I can see the smoke from our rooftop at the hospital. My daughter is screaming on the phone as her roommates' father works in the Pentagon. My friend's face when she said her brother worked for Cantor Fitzgerald. I see my husband covered in the dust of 2 thousand people the night he came home. I see blue sky over my house with not a plane to be seen. I see 300 pairs of eyes filled with fear while they sat at my table to donate blood. Listened to every story as a professional should.

Yes, I'm getting help. There are many more in this neighborhood like me.

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Busy weekend and finding myself

Monday, April 29, 2013

Saturday morning the crew came and finished the roof, replacing my rotted skylights.
We wouldn't open the old ones anymore fearing they wouldn't close. Happy, happy, happy that they fit in like they were born there. A bit of touch up paint and caulk, one is good to go. The other needs me to find a 10ft ladder so I can repair the water damage.

Anticipating major mess we had moved the bed into an empty room.The carpet in my bedroom was there when we moved in 29 yrs ago. My furniture was purchased in 1977...cannon ball bed, massive dresser with hutch top. Turn sideways to walk by the bed. This was all purchased to fit a different room in a different space. Time for new.

I pushed DH out the door when the crew left and we went furniture shopping. Being the savvy internet trekker, I had already narrowed my search and needed to see "live" objects. We found what we liked. But I needed to see a bit more on Sunday.

Sunday found the old me.

I started by moving nightstands and a small chest. Plunk them on an old sheet and you can drag them over carpet for blocks. Next I sliced up half the carpet. Yuck. Emptied the walk-in closet and split between two rooms. Now we have his and hers! Guess who has 2x the clothes his wife has? Emptied more junk from corners.

Cut up carpet in closet. Vacuum everything exposed. Filled old floor vents with spray foam to prepare for cement. We replaced HVAC 4 yrs ago and went from sub-floor heating to overhead. All the vents need blocked and filled.

Went to store and got cement, carpet samples and paint samples. Ha, ha...we picked a shade almost like what we have and we both swore it was different! Sometime you gotta stick with what you like.

Drove to a store and looked at last piece to be sure we found what we like. Walked around mall and bought new undies! Sometime a little blue lace is all you need. Went to another store and got storage bins for temp drawers as all this furniture is going to donation as soon as I can arrange a pickup.

Cooked a light dinner and collapsed.

That feels like the old me!

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S-T-R-E-S-S

Thursday, April 25, 2013

Thank you, ONEKIDSMOM, for sharing the pain.

In my personal medical dictionary I have this word under "A".

Anxiety: overwhelming reaction to mountains of unfinished tasks and looming deadlines; a severe reaction to feelings of inadequacy; an expression of inability to attain self-imposed goals.

symptoms: waking at 03:03 two nights in a row and thinking " I forgot to do that" then being unable to return to slumber; heart palpitations that subside when watching something totally mindless on tv; everything hurts; finding old friends in the kitchen cupboards. Having your secretary ask if you feel ok because you don't look well.

prescription: decide what is most important. Not about the job, my health.

Since taking on the new job 2 years ago I've had a revolving door for staff. One retired. Another married and moved. Her replacement stayed a year and a half, got a good job outside the company. One left because the changes were going to be too much, the replacement lasted 5 months and the changed jobs to work a different shift to go back to school. Hired another who is still learning the ropes and trying to find one more. I canned the supervisor a year ago; don't ask why. I was not permitted to replace her which is a killer. I have one original staff who is also stressed out.

Budget cuts, consolidation, new computer systems and all this training and retraining. Did I mention we do rare things? We perform work for 2 countries. One of our tests stopped working. I'm not a researcher but I'm learning.

There has to be a time when I scream out that enough is enough! Pick a task and finish it. I'm not sure how that will happen. Mostly I dream about walking away from it all. Then I wake up and feel I CAN fix it.

OMG

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