Wednesday, July 11, 2012
The Tri is in 17 days. Another lady invited my daughter and I to go to the trails where the triathalon will take place to ride our bikes. There were five of us in all and, it being only the second time I've been on an actually bike in the past 30 years, I chose to take up the rear and follow the lead.
I'm glad to have tried the trails. LOTS of pot holes, other parts of the pavement was ruptured with root growth and part was gravel. Most was flat but there were a few hills I LOUDLY grunted through as I pushed up them.
About four miles in I watched my 19yo daughter, up ahead, flip over her bike, roll and land on her bike. Poor thing! She accidentally squeezed only the front brake which sent her flying! Her arm was bloody, dirt all over her face (thank goodness that wasn't hurt), both legs and stomach with awful road burns. She was such a good sport, said she was okay, climbed back up and kept riding. She finished out the remainig 7 miles.
I'm was more cautious after that and was thankful for the refresher lesson on brake usage. That could have easily been me since I really had no idea what I was doing. The ride itself wasn't rough but the sharp turns, very narrow passage ways and flying downhill fast were a bit nerve racking for this overly cautious, non-adventure girl. It was a huge step for me. So glad I did it.
After riding for 11 miles we packed up our bikes and then walked. The ladies wanted to practice the transition from biking to running. I'm not planning on running at all but walking. It felt good.. We were only able to get 1.5 miles in before it got dark but after riding the actual bike distance and walking half the walk/run portion I know I can do this. Of course I'll also be adding the swim in first.
One of my trouble areas will be my right knee. I've had problems with it for 30 years. The last three miles on the bike every time I pumped my right foot down the one spot, on the right edge of my knee, killed. Strangely enough, once we started walking the pain went away.
I'm sure I'll be sore in the morning. But I'll be ignoring that. I've made plans for my daughter and I to meet up with the other three ladies, plus two others, at our neighborhood pool for swim training at 5:30 in the morning. That's in seven hours so I'd better get to bed.
Wednesday, June 13, 2012
I've been MIA for a bit. Allowed a small vacation to throw me off track, allowed some family problems to completely turn my endeavors around pointing me WAY in the wrong direction!
I've been trying to get going again. I've done better on the workout department than eating. It's amazing how my food cravings have come back raging!
Although I've done some workouts it's truly not been much. Just a walk here and there.
My women's Tri-athalon is in 6.5 weeks. A goal I set for myself at the beginning of the year. I would have been on track for it if I had stay on my program. Instead my cardio is worse, muscles weaker and weight...I don't even want to know. Definitely higher than when I left off a couple of months ago. (I'll be facing that demon tomorrow...Yikes!)
I am still determined to do the Tri. I swam last night. Definitely slow but I did it. I used to be on swimteam as a kid but that was over 30 yrs ago. I've never truly swam laps since then. It's amazing how sore some of my muscles are today.
Tomorrow I'm going to attempt the scariest part of the Tri, at least scariest for me...the bike. I've biked at the gym using a recumbant and upright but it's been even longer since I've ridden an actual two-wheeler than it's been swimming laps. Tomorrow morning, hopefully veiled in the early morning darkness, I'll attempt to keep my balance while riding around the neighborhood on two wheels. It will be a comical sight, hopefully one that will not lead to any falls. Not sure what my stamina will be like or how much my leg muscles will take but I'll never know unless I attempt it.
So in 6.5 weeks I need to swim 500 meters, bike 12 miles and do a 5k (which, as of right now, I plan to WALK) Can I do it? I'm not sure. But the one thing I do know is if I don't start training FOR SURE I will not be able to accomplish it.
Wednesday, April 18, 2012
I've been M.I.A for awhile. I keep trying to make a comeback, my head has been able to bob up to the surface on occassion only to sink back under the waves of overwhelming emotions.
Here I am, on my official weigh-in day and I am 10lbs heavier than I was 3.5 weeks ago. Why? Addictions and Choices!
At first I was thinking the addiction wasn't mine but that I was only making bad choices in dealing with someone else's addictions. Well, I was wrong.
Easter Sunday I received a panicked phone call from someone letting me know that a loved one had OD'd and they didn't know what to do. I hurried over and saw a sight I hadn't seen before. My loved one stumbling around, mumbling non-sensical words, bumps and bruises all over the body from many falls and incapable of doing anything for themself. We made the decision to go to the ER.
I spent 7 hours that day sitting there, worried about this person. Going over their life and seeing a pattern of addiction and hoping, praying, that this time would be the rock bottom that would spur a change.
Since that day I have been closely involved in the daily life of my loved one. Giving support to them and their spouse in this very difficult trying time, making appointments with counselors, doctors and even attending some of those appointments.
The day after Easter I was able to somewhat stay on track. I didn't eat 100% on plan but the stress of it all did lead me to do three different workouts on my treadmill, an escape, where I cried as I walked.
I've allowed those feelings of stress, overwhelming worry and chaos to take over, derail me and pull me under. During the past 10 days of much thought I've realized that my loved one is not the only one with an addiction, I am an addict too!
Three days ago I was invited to sit with my loved one, their spouse and a spiritual advisor for a 2.5 hour counseling appointment. Were we there for them? Because I really felt most of the counsel was given for ME! Things I needed to hear to pull me off my trail of destruction!
Oh, I'm not being destructed by alchohol, and there is no addiction to nicotine or pot or perscription drugs or even to street drugs. My drug of choice is much cheaper and readily available than any of those and it's socially (and legally) acceptable. My addiction is to food!
I heard my loved one say that it wasn't the taste or the smell that set off the addiction this time around. It wasn't sought out because of any craving. It was used because of feelings, emotions and wanting to feel better and make those go away.
Do those feelings, emotions, or situations that brought them on truly go away after succumbing to the drug of choice? NO! Not only do they NOT go away but things are worse, usually drastically so!
So food, specifically sweets and peanut M&M's, were sought out on my part. Did I seek them because they taste good? NO! Well, they do taste good but I've known they taste good for the last 15 weeks but have been able to stay away. Just like my loved one, I took those foods to escape, to feel better! Did they make me feel better? NO!
As the past 10 days went on I saw my healthy habits slowly slipping away the longer I caved into my drug! The first day I justified a little bit, just to add a little enjoyment to my day BUT I did do 90 minutes of workouts. The next day my workouts were drastically decreased but the sugar increased (I specifically went to the store hunting for 50% reducsed Easter sweets). And now, looking back at my week and getting ready to log in for my BL challenge I realize I haven't exercised at all! Not one minute of cardio, not even a squat (well except the ones I do while unloading the dishwasher). The sweet taste of my drugs no longer hold enjoyment. The true sweetness is only appreciated after the first few bites after that the taste is almost non-existant and it becomes just the action of eating. My drug choice, after 10 days of increasing doses, has left me 10lbs heavier, made me feel physically sick and has facilitated a lazier even more depressed attitude than before.
Did I truly think a LARGE back of M$M's would give me the energy and strength to deal with life? NO! But a 30-60 minute workout would have!
It all comes down to choices. Addictions are there, they are reality and MANY deal with them in their various nasty and ugly forms. But I DO KNOW that I AM STRONGER than an addiction! Is an addiction easy to break? No but it can be done!
My loved one has a serious addiction but it can be broken by choices. Choices:
*to stay away from where those things are
*to continue visits with doctors and counselors
*to attend an addiction program
*to admit there is a problem
*to seek help from his spiritual advisor and loved ones
But more importantly
*to WANT there to be a change
My addiction to food can also ONLY be broken by my choices. Choices I have to make daily, even hourly or by the minute. Choices:
*to keep my drug of choice out of the house
*to keep appointments with doctors and possibly counselors
*to seek help from my family, loved ones and friends (including Sparkers)
*to take on only what I truly and healthfully can handle
*to admit there is a problem
*to WANT to change
During this challenging time I admitted to my 13yo daughter that I was having a hard time staying away from bad foods. I said, "Why do I always turn to food when things get rough?" "Doesn't everyone?" was her response. Oh my goodness, what have I created? Another generation of food addicts?!!! "No", I quickly responded, "A lot of people turn to other things, exercise, reading, a hobby, etc... I'm working on being one of those other people." I hope that sunk in with her. But more than my words making that wanted impact it all comes down to her seeing my better CHOICES.
Sorry for the long post. I hope it made sense. I needed to write/post something for me to be able to work through this.
Monday, April 02, 2012
Okay, looking back on March's goals:
1. Increase monthly exercise minutes to 2000.
2. Cook/prepare one new healthy meal a week.
3. Sign-up for and walk in my FIRST 5k
4. Lose 10lbs
5. Be consistent with my kids doing at least ONE job a day.
1. Uh, NO. My monthly total ended up being only 1208. I was in a funk for almost a week. That would account for some missing minutes but not the whole thing. Need to really focus on getting good workouts in 6x a week to get the number up
2. Not completely but did do some. One meal I bought turkey meatballs, WW pasta noodles my family still ate it.
3. WooHoo, SUCCESS!
4. YES, actually lost 10.2 Made my goal but it would have been more without my trip and funk.
5. Did this. Still needs some improvement. This month I'm going to implement a job jar. When my kids can't seem to leave each other alone they'll have to do a job. Yesterday I put my 12yo in time out. Decided no and gave her the job to unload the dishwasher. I have SO many jobs that need to be done. I don't think the timeout stair will see much occupancy this month but my home should be cleaner!
In ways March was a great month, even with my week of funk!
Fit into a size 22 jean
Left the Morbidly Obese category
Took a trip and saw my brother/his family and my college-aged daughter!
My weight went from 287.8 to 277.6
My BMI went from 40.11 to 38.71
Now, planning for April:
1. Get 2000 fitness minutes
2. Lose 15lbs. HIGH,yes, but I'm going to kickit up a notch!
3. Only ONE sugary treat a week
4. At least 10 min of ST 6days a week
5. Do my daily spiritual goals
6. Swim at least 4 times (that's the only thing I haven't worked on yet for my July Sprint Tri)
Last month, even though I wrote my goals here I never wrote them down on paper so I could see them daily. I will be changing that this month. I'll post them in my kitchen, in my bathroom and on a card to keep in my purse.
April here I come!
Saturday, March 31, 2012
Saturday, March 31, 2012Fruit, Exercise, Treadmill
This evening my 4yo brought me something. She had it hidden behind her back.
"Guess what I have" she said.
"Uh, a picture?" I replied
"Nope, guess again"
"Okay, letters?" My second guess.
"YES!" she said with excitementand pulled out this piece of paper and handed it to me:
"It says, 'fruit, exercise, treadmill! Fruit, exercise, treadmill! You need to keep exercising like walking and running so you can get smaller like Camille (my twig skinny 12yo)."
My 4yo is one of my biggest cheerleaders! She comes up to me all the time and grabs my wrists and says "You don't need to lose weight here anymore" and then grambs my upper arms and says, "But you still need to work on here."
My two older boys had a basketball tournament today. One had to be there at 8a.m. UGH, on a Saturday?!!!
Sadly I'm down to one pair of jeans that fit me in my current size (24). I do have two pairs of ugly workout pants (only to be worn at home) and one pair I wear to the gym (but NOT appropriate looking for public). Then I have a pair of nice sweats that are two sizes too big (yes, I'm still wearing them)
So last night I stripped off my jeans and threw them in the wash with items my boys needed. When the alarm went off this morning dh headed downstairs and moved the laundry over. Running a tad behind I went to the dryer 5 minutes before we had to leave to grab my jeans. I couldn't feel them. Then I started taking one thing out at a time. Nope, still NO jeans! UGH! I looked in the wash and there they were, all alone, dripping wet.
What am I going to wear?! Not my too large sweats I didn't wash them! I went to my drawer and grabbed the next size down, 22. I pulled them on, zipped them up and then the test...will my kids let me leave the house wearing them.
I headed downstairs and asked the question: "Do these look okay or are they WAAAAY too tight?" They all said the jeans were fine. WooHoo! I had tried these jeans on about 10 days ago but today I'm about 5lbs heavier. I thought there was NO WAY they were going to fit.
Size 22! Feels so great! I probably won't wear them again until I lose the 5 I gained. But it's such a great feeling knowing a true size 22 is only a week or two away! They may have zipped but they weren't as comfortable as I would have liked them to be.
***For those interested in the basketball tournament outcome:
Each boys' team won one and lost one. Both of their losses were in OT, one by one point and the other by two.
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