Friday, February 10, 2012
Well, of course you would choose the increased energy! I mean, who really wants deflated balloons? Well, unfortunately, in my case, those two things come together hand in hand.
This is what I'm trying to come to grips with during my healthy journey.
I've allowed life, and the stresses that come with it, to get in my way, to keep me from having the healthy fit body that I know I can and should have. Due to the choices that got me up to a high of 325lbs and the decision I made to have 7 kids my body is a mess (physically and visually).
I have started and stopped "diets" so many times. My most successful one was 6.5 years ago, I actually got down to 240 was looking good and feeling great. I should say that time wasn't a diet, it was truly a healthy way of living, one I could have done as a lifetime commitment. But then I stopped, turned the other way and quickly put back on all my weight plus some.
Why? Why did I let that happen? I know what it was and that's what I'm having to come to grips with this time around or else I'll have the same failure as before.
As my weight started to come off 6 years ago I was feeling great! I was exercising daily and eating healthy! I was starting to fit into smaller clothes! I was getting compliments left and right for my appearance, my hard work and dedication! So what was the problem?
I didn't like me, my body and who and what I saw when I stood naked in the mirror.
Visualize a balloon blown up to it's fullest capacity and left that way for a long time. Then visualize it with all the air out. Limp, sagging, wrinkled, misshapen, etc... Well now visualize two of those right next to each other and one Larger one right below. (I warned there was TMI here).
Having nursed those 7 babies for a total 8.5 years and having a stomach that has been stretched out to the extreme (I have BIG babies. Largest was 11lbs 3oz) 7 times. The above description is me, or will be me once more of the weight comes off.
With the weight comes the fat that fills in all those areas that have been stretched out. With weight loss bye-bye goes the fat and the deflation begins.
Yesterday I was outside playing with my kids and daycare kids. The little guy (19mon old) loves to kick the ball in the street. He knows not to go in but he thinks it's funny watching me chase it down. Yesterday I used it as a workout, playing a kind of soccer with him. I marveled that I could do it, that I was actually running! Later that night I took my 7yo to bball practice. There was a long set of stairs heading down to the gym. He and I ran down them and raced to the gym door. When he was done we did the reverse and raced to the car. He beat me but HEY, I did it and it was fun! It was fun to hear him laugh because of something I was doing with him. I made him smile!
The realization of my increased strength and energy is a wonderful feeling but it also brought back the memory of how I felt 6 years ago. I know as I start losing weight things will start deflating. I have to accept that as my reality! I need to realize that this body has provided me with 7 healthy children that I've been able to carry, feed and raise! I need to love it for what it has allowed me to do and be.
Just like I've hid my fat body under layers of clothes and baggy items I can hide my saggy one in the same way. But the reality is, I need to learn to LOVE my body or else I will NOT have the successful, healthy journey I'm planning on and NEEDING!
Thursday, February 09, 2012
That's right, Justin Bieber, the heart throb of adolescent girls, is motivating me to keep on moving, to take it HIGHER!
My youngest daughter is a Justin Bieber FANatic! She's only 4 and it's been going on since she was 2 (due to 6 older siblings and a currently 11yo sister who helped get it going). When his movie came out we did a girls date and went to it. I have to say my impression of him changed for the better after seeing it. We went and bought two of his CDs (probably the only two he has besides the recently released Christmas one).
Whenever we're in the car my little one wants me to play the Justin Bieber CDs. I do have a few of my favorites but one in particular has truly become my favorite since the beginning of this year. Here it is:
Never Say Never
I never thought that I could walk through fire
I never thought that I could take the burn
I never had the strength to take it higher
Until I reached the point of no return
And there's just no turning back
When your heart's under attack
Gonna give everything I have
It's my DESTINY!
I will never say never!
I will fight till forever!
Whenever you knock me down
I will not stay on the ground
Pick it up
Pick it up
Pick it up
Pick it up up up
And n ever say never
I never thought that I could feel this power
I never thought that I could feel this free
I'm strong enough to climb the highest tower
And I'm fast enough to run across the sea
Repeat the two stanzas of chorus
The first part I compare to me now, the beginning. I've never liked to exercise, I've hated the burn, aches and pains that came along with it but because of my "point of no return" which is Morbidely Obese I could no longer say never, I had to get myself moving. It's amazing now, 5.5 weeks from starting I CAN take the burn. I'm also taking it higher. This morning at the gym I did 30 minutes on the elliptical where I've only done 15 before. Plus continued on to do 15min on the treadmill and 15 min on the bike.
There is NO turning back...this is for LIFE! Especially since my heart HAS been under attack from the unhealthy lifestyle I've been leading. I am going to give everything I have on my journey! This IS my destiny. I've been given a wonderful body that can be used to do so much, I've limited it's usage by not treating it well. I'm looking forward to claiming MY DESTINY!
I will NEVER say NEVER! That might have been in my old vocabulary. No more:
* I'll never be skinny
* I'll never be able to shop in a "normal" store
* I'll never be able to jog
* I'll never be able to lose 100lbs
In the phrase.."whenever you knock me down" I always think of junk food, lifes stresses and the things that have always thrown me off track. I will not let them win, if the do rear their heads I will pick myself back up and keep fighting!
The last lines of the song I'm beginning to get an understanding of, a glimpse of what will be. I already feel stronger, faster and look forward to how I will feel as I keep going and improve.
This is my theme song. I play it every time I'm in my car. It's a reminder to me to NEVER give up, NEVER think I can't do something, to keep pursuing a healthier lifestyle because, It truly IS my DESTINY!!!
Monday, February 06, 2012
Still being slightly under the weather I didn't get up at 4:30 to go to the gym. Instead I got up at 5:30 and was able to squeeze in 45 minutes on my treadmill.
While I'm on the treadmill in my garage I usually watch weight loss shows on my laptop. Today I was watching a MTV episode of I Used to be Fat. On this episode the girl's dad was very supportive. At one point he said, To be successful at anything in life takes commitment. So true and something I want my kids to learn but I started thinking about me.
The dad continued by saying, you can come to the gym but are you committed? Are you giving it your all?
I can get up early and walk on my treadmill for 45 minutes. It's a healthy choice but will it give me SUCCESS? The success I want? No. I have to commit, give 100% and that means to give my best. Will my best be the same everyday? NO!
So today I wanted to give it my all, test my body, push it to see what I could truly accomplish, today, NOW.
I was able to jog 1 minute segments seven different times. I walked for four minutes then jogged for one, etc. Total workout was 46 minutes, didn't start my jog segments until the 12th minute.
Can't wait to see what I can do after I'm 100% over this cold.
Sunday, February 05, 2012
My husband thinks I'm being silly to worry but each day I get on the scale, since the beginning of the month, (only 5 days ago), I've lost at least a pound or more. In the past 5 days I've lost 6.8lbs.
I've been eating 100% healthy, due to being sick with a headcold I've had some days with no exercising.
I'm not sure if the extra weight is coming off because I have sped up my metabolism, or because since my body is sick it's using up more calories or a combo of both.
I don't know if I should just relax and let what wil be, be or do I need to make some adjustments like upping my calories? But then maybe my body might decide to quit losing the weight and give me a struggle for a week or so.
My total weight loss since January 3rd is 22.2. My goal for February was 10lbs but I've already lost 6.8. Maybe I should just be thrilled that I'm ahead of my plan but I want to do this the right way, as healthy as possible.
Okay, that's it for now. Just me sharing my thoughts for today. Still sick, hoping to feel better so I can get up at 4:30 for my ST and cardio day at the gym tomorrow.
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