Wednesday, November 28, 2007
Today is difficult...am fighting an upper respiratory tract infection...day eleven on antibiotics and steroids without significant improvement, but the intestinal tract is starting to feel the effects...reeking havoc with diet, needless to say, and with strength and exercise, and therefore with weight loss and ultimately with personal goal fulfillment.
I WILL remember that this is the first significant bout with debilitating illness since I nearly drowned in CICU in my own bronchial secretions last December. The infections used to come as spin-offs from the CFIDS like clockwork every three months for years on end, though the asthma wasn't present in the early years to complicate matters the way it is now.
I will not succumb to depression. "Survival begins in the mind." That is a quote from a Dick Francis novel, "Longshot", by the main character of that story, a writer by the name of John Kendall...so true. God has brought me through too much to give up now. Kendall's character also said that more people died from exhaustion in wilderness survival incidents because they failed to comprehend the "strength in weakness." He meant that one must learn to slow down, back up, reevaluate and restrategize...rest and renew... in order to keep going. I came to that lesson late and have wasted much strength by stubbornly clinging to the original goals and game plan rather than learning flexibility and change. In other words, if I can't get to the original goal by the originally conceived route, where can I get to, and how?
Or, as my friend, Willie, ruefully asks: what CAN I have, God?
So, today, I will do what I can do, and I will be thankful that I have this day at all. I am grateful for the greatly improved consistency and higher tessitura of strength that I have seen since eliminating gluten and beginning to use the VEMMA nutritional supplement...greatly reduced levels of inflammation throughout my entire body as a result...lungs, joints...everywhere. Life must be lived one step at a time. We are not guaranteed the destination that we desire, but we CAN learn to enjoy the journey. To quote yet another writer: "The world had to be faced as it was, not as he wished it to be." (Robert Jordan, speaking as his character, Rand al'Thor, in "The Dragon Reborn," from "The Wheel of Time" series.