In nine days I will do the hardest thing I've ever done.

Thursday, April 25, 2013

This Indianapolis 500 Festival Mini-Marathon is in 9 days, and I am signed up to run it. For the uninitiated, it's a half-marathon - 13.1 miles. I have never run 13.1 miles in my life. I have run 11.5 miles in a training run and I didn't die (so that's a good sign, right?) but I'm still anxious.

I have been training for this race for 6 months. 6 months ago I couldn't run 1.5 miles. Now I can run 11.5. I have amazed myself already. Even if I can't finish the race, even if I have to walk the whole darn thing - I am still proud. I kept running and training even though I had a bad fall and sprained my ankle. I kept running even though I got a case of shingles. (OUCH.) I kept running through head-colds, job changes, aches and injuries, sick kids, stress and really terrible weather.

So even though I'm nervous, I've done everything I can to get ready. My friends and family will be there to cheer me on, along with thousands of strangers. And if I run the whole thing, I have promised myself that I can gun another half-marathon - in Disney World! :)

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Runners are weirdos.

Thursday, January 31, 2013

I left a comment on a community page today entitled "What keeps you motivated to run?" Then, during my run today, I decided I had a lot more to say on the subject.

See, a year ago, I would have BLOWN right past that comment page. I was a NON-runner. I did not run, and I did not understand people who did run. Weirdos.

A year ago, I thought running was about the best way to torture someone. I would see the occasional psychotic out in 20 degree weather in the snow in head to tow spandex, and I would shake my head and wonder what that person's mother had done to them to make them that way.

On any occasion when I HAD to run (gym class, runaway toddler) I felt awful, and ridiculous. My face got red, my shorts bunched up, and I looked about as graceful as someone who only runs when they are being chased.

Now, I still look terrible when I run. My kids call me the deranged tomato, because my face turns BRIGHT red. My shorts still bunch up. And I have to wear these bulky shoes with extra support on the arch because I over-pronate. But now when I run, I don't care. I FEEL COOL.

And this is what I want to share with you. If I can learn to love running - ANYONE can learn to love running. I'm not saying running is for everyone. I'm saying that if you've never really given it a chance because you think you could never be one of "those" people, you should drop your preconceived notion of yourself and give it a try. Because running saved me.

I have chronic depression. It's mixed up in my weight issues, and has been a cloud over me and my family for as long as I can remember. I'm a lucky lady, because my poor husband and my little boys love me even though sometimes Mommy couldn't get out of bed. I've been on modication for years, but I never really started to feel better until I started a C25K program and re-discovered endorphins.

The first 2 weeks sucked. I hated running. (If you could call it running. Shuffling is a more appropriate label.) It was the WORST. But I did it anyway. The third week, I was almost home, and a really good song came on my ipod, so I kept on shuffling right past my house. And then another song came on, and I kept running. That was the day I changed my mind about running.

I put my runs on the family calendar so everybody in the family could see them and expected me to put on my sneakers that day. I checked them off one by one. I signed up to run a 5K. And then another. And then I signed up to run a half-marathon this summer. I started Jeff Galloway's training schedule, and I AMAZED myself when I ran 8 miles. 8 miles. 6 months before that I couldn't even run ONE mile.

I don't run fast, but I run. And because I run, I can get out of bed every day. Most days I'm actually smiling. I'm still on medication, but I FEEL better than I have in years. I look forward to running. If I don't run for 3 days, I start to feel edgy and fidgety.

So, I guess THIS is what keeps me motivated to run. ME. I keep me motivated to run. Nobody and nothing else in the world can do it for me. Every foot I put in front of the other is a choice I make.

And music helps. And cute running shoes. And the funny looks people give you when they drive past you as you run in 20 degree weather in head to toe spandex. :)

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WORST. DAY. EVER. and it's only noon......

Tuesday, January 29, 2013

I am having the WORST DAY EVER.
First, I am on a cleanse to fit into a stupid dress this Saturday, and it's making me cranky.
Second, my 2-year old has decided that the best way to spend his mornings is to stand in the middle of the kitchen and scream.
Third, I had a big fight with my husband this morning, because apparently it's MY fault the 2-year old won't stop screaming, and I'm a lazy worthless piece of crap, and he does everything.
And after my REALLY fun morning, I come in to work to discover that my workplace is imploding, they are laying off 50 people today, and nobody knows how long I will have a job.

I want to cry. I want to scream. I want to eat a chocolate cake and drink a bottle of pinot, then crawl into bed.

I probably won't do any of those things, but I want to.

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I bought the dress!

Wednesday, January 02, 2013

I'm going to a formal fancy-dress party in 30 days. On New Years' Eve, I treated myself to a little shopping, knowing that the cocktail dresses would be on sale, and I found one that ROCKS. It's strapless, tight, short and gorgeous. I love it - it shows off all my good parts (curves!) and all my flaws (too many curves!).

Even if I don't lose any weight before the party, I still feel pretty fantastic in the dress. It fits (if a little snugly) and I can wear it with confidence now. However, if I can lose 5 pounds and tone up my belly and arms, it will feel INCREDIBLE.

So my dress is hanging in the middle of my closet so I see it every day when I wake up - it is part of my motivation for the next 30 days! My plan is to work toward looking my best in that dress by doing SOMETHING every day...running 3 times a week with strength training on the in-between days and some yoga or pilates on the 7th day. I'm also going to faithfully log onto SP every day and really commit to keeping track of my food (and drink) intake.

Yesterday I did Tracy Mallet's "Booty Barre" workout, and today I'm running a 5K. That Booty Barre workout is KILLER. I couldn't get all the way through it, and I had to take a lot of breaks! Tomorrow, if I'm not too sore, I'm going to try it again and see if I can't do a little more. Maybe by the end othe month I'll be able to get all the way through! I know that it's definitely going to help me tone just where I need it - arms, booty and abs. Can't wait to start seeing my body change!

Third time's a charm, right?

Monday, November 26, 2012

So, about 8 years ago, I lost 50 pounds on WeightWatchers and got to my goal weight of 135. I got pregnant, and put back on all 50 pounds with my first little boy. Then I joined Sparkpeople and lost 50 pounds again. Then I got pregnant again with my second little boy and gained it all back. 2 years after my second baby, I was back up to almost my highest weight. I had to start over...AGAIN!

The first 2 times I lost weight, I have very distinct memories of several things...the excitement of new clothes in smaller sizes...being able to see my collar bones...having more energy...but the most vivid and lasting memory I have of taking better care of myself and dropping weight was the way I felt every morning when I woke up knowing that I had ROCKED the day before.

This morning, I woke up feeling that way! It feels SO GREAT!

Because I DID rock it yesterday! I ate really well, had fun with my kiddos, killed a 4 mile run and didn't drink any wine. And I woke up this morning feeling like I used to feel when I was focused and changing my habits for the better.

But, as excited as I am to have this feeling back, there's a little voice at the back of my head saying, "We've been through this before, and both times you gained it all back."

So this is what I'm telling that stupid little voice - "No more babies, NO MORE EXCUSES!"
My family is now complete, and I have to focus on being the best Momma I can be to my little guys! I owe it to them to wake up every morning feeling like this.

This is IT people! I'm going to string together a ton of days where I wake up feeling fantastic, and I'm NEVER GIVING UP.