Wednesday, December 02, 2009
I am listening to When food is food and love is love, By Geneen Roth.
I am taking my weight ( fat I carry around for 'protection' ) and health very seriously and at the same time?
I know that I do not want to measure, 'obsess' , over think, stress. live with the thought of 'deprivation' in my mind daily.
I want for food to be a pleasure in my Life. Not my FRIEND OR my ENEMY.
I have been on a diet since I was 11.
My body grew up before its time and I have been trying to 'void' it out so to speak? Ever since.
I have 'hoped' to have smaller thighs not so many curves, and not such a love affair with food for many , many years.
I honor and accept who I am now and so ... I am 'listening' to my body and eating what I want.
( like I mentioned in a previous blog, )
I am going to start to keep track of my calories, but so far I have lost 2 lbs by doing this. ( three more to go that I gained while very sick )
I am sure I am going to stumble. But with this kinder and gentler approach ? I see that I am not preoccupied with food as much.
I make healthier choices. I eat with mindfulness. I choose things I want instead of always eating what I am supposed to and not deriving much pleasure at all.
Mostly everything that is passing my lips is natural and whole.
Not cheese puffs or neon orange cheese.... I do eat 'forbidden' foods on occasion. But I will have one or 2 not the whole box or even half.
So I am sure I am going to get to the "NATURAL" weight that my body needs to be at.
It is going to take maybe a bit longer but I am ok with that.
HAPPY even , it means it is going to stay off my body for good.
And that is exciting ....
I have at times fluctuated to much?
I am making peace with myself and my body.
Also choosing to move ( exercise ) for 30 minutes a day in a way I enjoy. be it Yoga , Walking etc etc ... but not pushing myself to the limits trying to lose weight too fast.
I wasn't born to have a Body Like Kate Moss... and that is OK!!!!!
but my 'lusciousness" still needs to be a bit smaller and healthier.
I also want to set a good example for my two daughters... I do not want them to be dieting for the majority of their lives!!!!
I have either been ON or OFF a DIET for the past 27 years!!! I am frankly so done with it.
I am going to keep at this and I will keep you all posted.
But so far?
I feel great.
I am going to get this fat off my body ... once and for all.
I am accepting and loving my body TODAY not when I get to some magical number on the scale or on the label in my skinny jeans... NOW!!!!!
I love my body ... ( or at least I am beginning to :) )