Tuesday, March 06, 2012
(Sorry, I had an idea for a blog, but it didnt come out and this did. But there's no good pithy title because its really just a bunch of rambling thoughts. Bear with me.)
I really joined SP because I needed a calorie counter. Jillian Michaels says it 800 times: "Losing weight is a math problem. Calories out need to be greater than calories in." Sometime in the doldrums between Christmas and New Years, it resonated with me. My dear offline friend Raina413 had recommended this site, so I thought I would give it a try.
Recently I have been thinking about my food. Because I *love* food. I watch FoodNetwork for fun, think about different ways to combine and/or improve recipes, and relax by going to the grocery store. I'm also a dedicated couch potato. To the point where DH and I DONT have cable, because if it was on, I would spend all my time watching it. By using various services (Hulu, Netflix) I can get my TV watching either with no commercials, or minimal. Or the incentive to turn it OFF when the program is done.
I haven't given up my love of food, but instead my relationship with food is changing. I tried several times, but when I look at what I used to eat and what I should/am eating, I think it has made the difference. For example, for lunch, I used to eat 3 cups of pasta with tomato sauce and think I was being virtuous because there was no meatball (Saturated fat! Most Americans get too much protein). Then I would wonder why at the end of the day I would crash into an exhausted pile. Now I understand. I have found it easy to give up bread, pasta and potatoes, in favor of egg whites, beans and meat. Yes, I eat a lot more meat than I used to. (Sorry vegetarians!) But I feel so much better.
I'm exercising for a real, concrete goal with a deadline and people who are expecting me to be there. YDavis and DogLady, I'm looking at you. Your voices are the ones that keep me going. Because I dont have the will-power to do it on my own. For me: exercising without a goal gave me an easy out if I didnt "feel like it" that day. Now I know, I cant do it alone. Y'all keep me on that bike, that treadmill, in that plank pose for that extra mile, extra minute.
And the people around me are seeing the results. I'm wearing size 14 pants right now. I'm going closet shopping for clothes that haven't fit since before pregnancy. Because I'm an Optimist, I kept them. Now I'm really glad because I HATE clothes shopping.
The sad truth is I'm on a journey that should have taken place a long time ago. And it's not that I didnt try, I just didnt have the right tools. The right motivation. Now, everything is in alignment.
The even sadder fact is that I will likely never have this opportunity again. I'm unemployed with a family. I get 2 hours a day to myself to go to the gym. Working Moms know, this time is such a luxury! So I'm not getting rid of my "fat clothes" I'm putting them away. I hope that when I get to my goal weight, I can maintain. I hope that when I find a job, I can find a way to balance work, family and self - because I'm not so good at that.
But for right now, I'm out here, trying. Doing that little bit every day. Doing the big bites when I can. Not killing myself when I cant. I can feel my heart beating stronger. I like to imagine the fat around my heart and in my arteries getting scrubbed off like scouring a pan to reveal shiny metal underneath.
All this newness. I'm so happy to have met all of you. Thank you for your support.