OPTIMIST1948   27,054
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OPTIMIST1948's Recent Blog Entries

Defeating the Nibbles

Thursday, April 19, 2012

Whoo, I am tired. Last night's game really took it out of me. Let me do some computer work. (Type, type, type) Hmm. I need to think about this. Let me walk and make myself a cup of tea. (Slurp) (Tap-tap-tap) Now how am I going to phrase this? Let me make another cup of tea and consider. (tap-tap) (Slurp) Hmm. More tea? Yes please. Oh wait, now I have to go to the bathroom. And look child's Easter Basket is just sitting there. (Eats two kisses). Hmm more thought. More chocolate? OH MY GOD WHAT AM I DOING??!? Well, the eating will continue. I have to substitute something better. Edamame!

So now I'm sitting in front of the computer, nibbling edamame. Hey, if a train wreck is going to happen, at least I'm going down in a firey ball of fiber and protein.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DOGLADY13 4/22/2012 8:54PM

    Nice save! I hope I can think on my feet next time that happens to me.

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JTAYLOR2011 4/21/2012 9:10PM

    Nice catch!! Way to look out!

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YDAVIS23 4/21/2012 7:18AM

    I love edamame, and pickles, and basically anything salty... But I've also had a few run-ins with the easter bunny as well, and it wasn't pretty.

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XRSIZE18 4/20/2012 4:56PM

    You. are. hilarious. The end.

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SCIFIMOM 4/19/2012 4:29PM

  (laughing) Yeah, it really is hard to tame the chocolate beast. Either I have to go cold turkey and not even think about it, or else I stick pure Hershey's cocoa powder into something else, like Greek yogurt and fruit. Or I drink one of the wonderful Republic of Tea's "Cuppa Romance" series. I'm drinking their Cherry Chocolate Tea right now. Yum! - Claudia

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CARDAMOMMA 4/19/2012 3:59PM

    Hee!

Edamame! GREAT idea! I'm stealing this one. Thanks.

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MISSIFISH 4/19/2012 3:18PM

    And... you just made milk come out of my nose.

Well, not really, but I really did need a laugh today, and you gave me one, so thanks. Firey ball of fiber and protein indeed!

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Food for Thought

Wednesday, April 18, 2012

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DMILLE40 4/18/2012 10:30PM

  emoticon

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Workin' on it

Tuesday, April 17, 2012

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SCIFIMOM 4/19/2012 4:34PM

  That's you, the leader of the pack!

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PEWTERBUNNY 4/18/2012 9:49PM

    Just keep swimming!

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CINERICIA 4/18/2012 7:34AM

    I concur.

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YDAVIS23 4/18/2012 7:15AM

    Hahaha love it.

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DOGLADY13 4/17/2012 9:39PM

    You Rock, GIRL!

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Dark Shadows

Monday, April 16, 2012

Warning: I'm letting my evil twin "The Pessimist" out of her closet.

I am having the second day of a mild anxiety attack. Its affecting my exercise. Proof: I just came back from my slowest run EVER. I just couldnt do what I normally do.

I'm supposed to get approved for a new job tonight/tomorrow. Part Time Home Teacher for a local school district. Why the anxiety? Duh, I love teaching, but I lost the job before. Obviously, I'm worried about turning my family upside-down again and FAILING.

These failure "brain worms" are affecting my exercise routine. My slowest run ever today and then in my time on the bike, it takes me about an hour (58 to 65 minutes, depending) to do 11 miles. Friday I tried to do a Brick with both bike and running legs, and just collapsed about a mile into the run. So I'm slow and have no endurance and willpower. Will the triathlon be one more thing I fail at?

3 days last week I was under on my calorie count. When this happened before I said "Wow, this is cool, perhaps I can start working a few treat foods back into my diet." But when I ate the cookies, I almost instantly went over. So I cant even get the diet thing down. I either eat too much, or too little, and I end up staring at the fridge at 8pm. I'm not hungry and I'm wondering if I should eat just to eat, but that seems like the road to ruin.

So right now, I'm a giant, anxiety ridden failure magnet. And my house is a giant mess too, so I'm not even a successful housewife either.

I call myself the Optimist, because usually I try to keep these dark thoughts to myself. I want to support other people. My issues are ... my issues. I made my bed. I try to be a Light for myself and other people, but the problem is: the brighter the light, the sharper the shadows in the corners. Right now, they are looming over me and the more I try and stuff them down, the worse I feel. I'm hoping that by naming them, publicly, I can face them. Make them go away.

Yes I talked to my Doctor about my anxiety. Yes I do need therapy. But my insurance does not cover it. So I stuff everything inside, duct-tape the box shut and say I'll deal with it later. Because you cant outrun your demons and your shadows are stuck to the soles of your feet.

And now I'm going to take a shower.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

RAE_LEIGH22 4/17/2012 6:10PM

    I totally get it.

Can you talk to someone else about it, even the school's counselor? Even just researching online or at the library may help.

You are NOT a failure. You are an incredible SparkFriend. You are always honest with me, and many people aren't. I always appreciate your help and support.

I wish you the best. You've got this, girl.

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MISSIFISH 4/16/2012 9:10PM

    I'm so sorry you are feeling like this right now. I hope that things will get brighter soon. I hope the job pans out beautifully, and you can find that many things are going well.

I know how the doubts can sneak up - I just have a strong sense that you can beat them.

Feel well - and treat yourself to something happy - it might just start a chain reaction.

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CINERICIA 4/16/2012 1:46PM

    I could offer platitudes. The only failure is not to try. Etc. But if I were in the state of mind you seem to be in, all that would do is make me want to start swinging with heavy and/or pointed objects. What I will say, however, is that you very successfully put yourself out there as a Light to others, and you would not be able to do that if you did not, in fact, burn brightly. But no one can light the world on their own. You need assistance and support as well. Doubts are not the equivalent of failure. Doubts are only that...doubts. And at a time when you have so many changes and pending changes in your life, it is no surprise that you are experiencing quite a few. Even good changes can (are) stressful.

We are all here for you. You've propped up enough people who were flagging for us not to do the same for you. Multiple lights shine brighter than one light alone, after all.

Hugs, hugs, and more hugs.

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MELLIEH0212 4/16/2012 12:35PM

    I think we all feel like this sometimes. One of my challenges on one of my teams this week is "to be positive about me". I hope that writing it down here has helped you in some way... letting it out of the box and getting help from others to conquer the demons. I don't know why, as moms/wives, we feel we have to be everything to everybody everytime they need it. Maybe this week you should make the "positive about me" challange one for you as well. Tell yourself something positive everyday, smile at yourself in the mirror. YOU can and will do this and you have TONS of support here, let others help you as you have always helped them. emoticon

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VIXSTERLU 4/16/2012 12:05PM

    emoticon
Remember, the shadows are at your beck and call, whatever you do, they do. You ARE the optimist. You are having a moment of darkness, that's all. Allow it, feel it, then get back on the bike or the road and go again. As for the tri, you will not fail. I did not technically finish mine a few years back, only because they had to reopen the roads to the public, so we couldn't finish the 4 mile run within the allotted time, but we did anyway, running next to cars.

I hope your day gets better by the minute.

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MISSG180 4/16/2012 11:37AM

    You are not alone in this! I do the same thing, and it's hard and miserable and I don't like it!! But you will get past it and strive on.

It always seems like spring should be the time when we get cheerful, but in reality it's when a lot of depression gets worse before finally getting better. So you are probably at the nadir of your cycle and will start coming out of it soon.

Giant hugs, and I believe in you!!!

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Prepping for the Week

Sunday, April 15, 2012

I decided to make a mess of the kitchen one day so I dont have to do it multiple times during the week. I made Turkey Salad, chopped the veggies for Turkey Pot Pie, and then made a vinegar coleslaw.

I was going to make another fruit salad, but I'm tired of kitchen prep. Its BEYOOOTIFUL outside! Going out to play!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

YDAVIS23 4/16/2012 6:40AM

    mmmm the pot pie sounds good!

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DOGLADY13 4/15/2012 5:48PM

    I like to do that, too. We have tomorrow off (God, I love Massachusetts and Patriots Day!) and I plan to make a HUGE mess in the kitchen.

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