Tuesday, April 17, 2012
Monday, April 16, 2012
Warning: I'm letting my evil twin "The Pessimist" out of her closet.
I am having the second day of a mild anxiety attack. Its affecting my exercise. Proof: I just came back from my slowest run EVER. I just couldnt do what I normally do.
I'm supposed to get approved for a new job tonight/tomorrow. Part Time Home Teacher for a local school district. Why the anxiety? Duh, I love teaching, but I lost the job before. Obviously, I'm worried about turning my family upside-down again and FAILING.
These failure "brain worms" are affecting my exercise routine. My slowest run ever today and then in my time on the bike, it takes me about an hour (58 to 65 minutes, depending) to do 11 miles. Friday I tried to do a Brick with both bike and running legs, and just collapsed about a mile into the run. So I'm slow and have no endurance and willpower. Will the triathlon be one more thing I fail at?
3 days last week I was under on my calorie count. When this happened before I said "Wow, this is cool, perhaps I can start working a few treat foods back into my diet." But when I ate the cookies, I almost instantly went over. So I cant even get the diet thing down. I either eat too much, or too little, and I end up staring at the fridge at 8pm. I'm not hungry and I'm wondering if I should eat just to eat, but that seems like the road to ruin.
So right now, I'm a giant, anxiety ridden failure magnet. And my house is a giant mess too, so I'm not even a successful housewife either.
I call myself the Optimist, because usually I try to keep these dark thoughts to myself. I want to support other people. My issues are ... my issues. I made my bed. I try to be a Light for myself and other people, but the problem is: the brighter the light, the sharper the shadows in the corners. Right now, they are looming over me and the more I try and stuff them down, the worse I feel. I'm hoping that by naming them, publicly, I can face them. Make them go away.
Yes I talked to my Doctor about my anxiety. Yes I do need therapy. But my insurance does not cover it. So I stuff everything inside, duct-tape the box shut and say I'll deal with it later. Because you cant outrun your demons and your shadows are stuck to the soles of your feet.
And now I'm going to take a shower.
Sunday, April 15, 2012
I decided to make a mess of the kitchen one day so I dont have to do it multiple times during the week. I made Turkey Salad, chopped the veggies for Turkey Pot Pie, and then made a vinegar coleslaw.
I was going to make another fruit salad, but I'm tired of kitchen prep. Its BEYOOOTIFUL outside! Going out to play!
Thursday, April 12, 2012
I've pretty much conquered most of my food demons. (More accurately, I've learned to live with them.) I've got the Cardio thing down. But I really, really, really hate strength training. Sets and Reps are boring. I know I *should* do it. I know it is the missing component in my transformation to Athletic Superhero. But every time those little items come up on my fitness tracker, I suddenly have something else to do: laundry, clean the bathroom, and oh, look, DH is watching the Daily Show, quality time is important too, right?
Today, I did almost everything on the "Lower Body" list while Child was on the playground , and threw in a few more (I'll list everything below, for those looking for ideas). This is something I can see myself doing with a bit more regularity than my current practice: which involves equal doses of threats, bribery and guilt. And I still only do it about once every 2 weeks.
As the weather gets nicer and Child and I spend more time at the playground, this is the perfect opportunity for me to allocate my time to ST when I would otherwise be doing...nothing. I have the Child count for me, because this way he feels involved. For those looking for a dose of HIT, use the time between sets to chase your particular child around the playground.
Hey, the fat won't melt itself. Whatever it takes, ya know?
What I did :
Skater Jumps (kind of like a lateral lunge only with a hop from one foot to another)
Single leg squats
Wall sit (like a wall squat but you just stay down and feel the burn)
Hip Flex & extend
Leg Abduction (away from centerline)
Incline pushups - (I used a platform at bench height)
And a few more that you might want to think about:
Lunges (try the walking kind for variety)
Plank & Side Planks (Especially with a bench for wusses like me)
Take a look thru the ST library. I bet you could find 6-10 more that you could do for your own playground workout. It all counts and anything is better than nothing.
Monday, April 09, 2012
"I do not want to run today"
Said the Optimist “I want to stay
Inside, cause' its cold out there.
Windy too. No, My comfy chair
Will be alright, I'll do some exercise tonight.”
I've laundry to do, clean the bathroom
Read books about John Carter on Barsoom.”
And so I attempt to motivate myself
by writing bad poetry, from Silverstein's shelf.
I need to attone for yesterday's sins
Work the chocolate off my chin.
So I heave myself off the chair,
and promise 10 minutes in the cold spring air.
Get An Email Alert Each Time OPTIMIST1948 Posts