Thursday, September 19, 2013
I have a to do list that encompasses almost everything I want to do to my home, RV and life over the next few months. I was getting so overwhelmed and constantly in my head I would think, "I should _____________; or I should ______________." This included everything... I should take photos of the stuff I want to sell, I should get into that RV as until I'm in there I'm not gonna know what I want to sell from the house. I should mow the lawn. I should get our paperwork in order and digitized so I don't have to pay to pack/move it, etc. I would go in circles and everything I would see would have more "I should ________." attached to it. With that came a lot of anxiety feelings. Just thinking the thoughts of what I had to do, even though I had organized it and got it out of my head, I felt like a failure and was instantly deflated at making any progress.
I told my counselor I was having a hard time pulling the trigger and executing things. She instantly heard my "should list" and told me I need to change that to "I want __________." She explained the word "should" carries with it an implication of judgement. When I should myself I tell myself I'm not doing the right thing. I SHOULD be doing something else, and there's an implied judgement of why I'm not doing that, or am I just not smart enough to know I should be doing that.
Changing it to I WANT, means it's a decision that I'm making to take action against. I want this thing, so I'm going to choose to take the action to get the thing I want.
Great BRAIN work. =)
Monday, September 16, 2013
My super awesome Mom passed away on 9/4/2013 at 77 years of age.
A few days later we had a celebration of life ceremony for her. After some opening remarks from the Pastor I started the service by setting the tone for the day - just the way she would have wanted it. Everyone else followed suit and we had lots of laughs and inspiring moments remembering how my Mom touched the more than 200 people who showed up that day and the countless other strangers who never knew her name, but who she always stopped to talk to them to make them feel like they were noticed and that they mattered.
She will be missed by many, but her legacy will live on in the hearts and minds of those who were so lucky to even get a minute of her life journey crossing with theirs.
Friday, August 02, 2013
JUST A TASTE
(Posted to the BLC Indigo Team, but thought it would make a good blog post, too.) =)
Carbs, specifically sweets are my trigger food. I used to tell people I loved instant mashed potatoes more than chocolate cake, but wouldn't turn either away. =) When I crave sweets I want it in the worst way. I obsess about it, think about it, save up calories for it, do extra cardio for it, etc. I found myself constantly obsessing about the "treat" I get to have and this was only further compounding my food issues and placing a level of importance on this sweet that it just shouldn't have. I also realized when I had a full portion of dessert I felt sick to my stomach, guilty about eating the whole thing, etc. Not productive.
So then I decided I would do the following:
- At any time I have ONE sweet treat in the house that is mine. I get to pick what it is (store bought, restaurant dessert, etc.). Over time I've definitely picked items with fewer ingredients, more natural, but it is DEFINITELY in the not nutritionally beneficial category. =)
- No one else is allowed to eat my treat (they have to get their own) so I don't have to feel in a panic to eat it before someone else does (my childhood food issue).
- I also don't want anyone sharing with me because I eat right from the container, I don't even put it into a bowl b/c all I'm having is BITES. =)
- I hide my sweet from plain sight. Our brain only has to see an item to desire it and start the chemicals telling you that you MUST have that item until you obtain it (again survival = highest calories + lowest risk). I hide it so I don't see it until I THINK of it. =)
- Every day I allow myself THREE bites of the sweet per day. I try to keep it to the teaspoon and not go crazy, but some days I overfill my three spoon fulls! ha!) I can take them all at once, I can pace them throughout the day, I can even have them all at breakfast if I want. Or I can skip it (have done this for a week or more b/c I forget that I can have it - lol!)
- I also don't try to pretend like the days when I take three big bites there's isn't a reason for that. So AFTER I've enjoyed my treat, but it's flavor is all still in between my teeth and around my tongue, I happily reflect on what it is that made me do the three shovel sizes and see if it's something I can fix right now so it's not just band-aided the issue with the sugary goodness of my treat only to surface later looking a bit uglier each time until I finally deal with it. =) This helps me nip trends in the rear before they get to where my three bites have turned into three each minute for an hour.... =)
- I try to pick things I can pair with healthy/live things. My current pick is a locally made all natural coconut ice cream that I pair with tiny pieces of fresh pineapple. I assemble the taste I want directly on the spoon (directly from the container) and then....MMMMM. I will sometimes make each bite different.
- When I take my bite (or three) I make sure I'm doing nothing else for those few seconds, and I keep that food in my mouth and on my taste buds where I wanted it as LONG AS POSSIBLE. When we crave things all we really want is the TASTE in our mouth. So one taste is enough to tell my brain, "VICTORY! We got the Coconut Ice Cream!!" of it to get our brains to be satisfied.
- I remind myself that I'm not eating this so I can run a marathon, I'm eating this because it's delicious and I find that eating a small bite doesn't give me all of the negative side effects and now my brain thinks I'm having treats up to three times a day sometimes! Of course, this makes me happy. =)
- Lastly, I don't think I could have done this in the beginning. It was only after I was able to change my thinking about food through the documentaries and information that I had obtained that I was able to have this type of balanced relationship with these food. So please, know thyself, and if you can handle it. =) Even if you have to buy the snack size of something, or buy it and store half of it at a friend's house, think through how you could set up something like this to be successful if you want to try it. =)
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