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The voices in my head...and out of my mouth.

Wednesday, June 18, 2014

The last year and three months has been one of the most challenging times in my life..... and it's not quite over yet. I won't get into any of it here, but I say this because it means that I get REALLY HUNG UP in my head with my thoughts. I'm sure others know exactly what I'm talking about. =)

A few months ago I was so SICK of the "You shoulda _______" and "It would have been good if you had ________". She was relentless. So to balance her out I adopted two more voices in my head/out loud to deal with almost everything. This team of three handles all of the decisions about what choices and action I take and here's how they communicate with each other:

First voice: You should really ________________ OR You really should have _______.

This is the voice that has been here for a very very long time. She is constantly telling me things that aren't helpful unless I had a time machine. Most of the time she isn't nice about it, tactful, or supportive. If she were a real person she would have ZERO friends.

Second voice: F%$& YOU!!!

Yup. This is always her response to EVERYTHING the first voice says. Even if the first voice is kinda nice about it. She can't stand being told what she should/should not be doing by ANYONE and so she ALWAYS responds the same way. She also hates the word SHOULD - it's a BAD word...more bad than her word. She'll keep repeating this over and over again until the third voice interrupts.....

Third voice: Ok ok ok ok...how about we do ________ and then we can _______ and that will take care of that. OR You know, the reality of that is we couldn't have done that because ___________ and so you're incorrect.

She is the compromiser and is the authority eventual say on what we actually do. She just needs the buffer of the second voice to make the rational decisions she needs to for all of our best interests, best progress and mentally/physically/emotionally supportive choices.

If you have this challenge in your life your second voice doesn't have to be as harsh as mine. Mine has to be that clear about her feelings to even be heard over the first voice these days, but it's been working very very well having all three of them work all of this out on my behalf.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ONESTRONGSIREN 6/19/2014 2:35PM

    Thank you all for your comments! I really appreciate the support. =)

April - the universal energy provides us with what we need, right? =) HUGS!!!

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DETERMINEDAPRIL 6/19/2014 7:23AM

    I have been thinking about you a lot this week and was going to send you a message telling you that miss your brain.. Then you wrote this and made me giggle- yep! I miss your brain! :)

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FITNESS_ELLE 6/19/2014 2:31AM

    great blog post!

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LIVIN4LISH 6/18/2014 11:21PM

    emoticon - I love that second voice, and I think most of us "should" use it with greater frequency emoticon emoticon

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KAYGEEBEE12 6/18/2014 11:09PM

    I really like this -- I most definitely can relate --

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STEVEN_D 6/18/2014 11:05PM

    Woulda coulda shoulda, go young warrior

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Brain: I should VS I want

Thursday, September 19, 2013

I have a to do list that encompasses almost everything I want to do to my home, RV and life over the next few months. I was getting so overwhelmed and constantly in my head I would think, "I should _____________; or I should ______________." This included everything... I should take photos of the stuff I want to sell, I should get into that RV as until I'm in there I'm not gonna know what I want to sell from the house. I should mow the lawn. I should get our paperwork in order and digitized so I don't have to pay to pack/move it, etc. I would go in circles and everything I would see would have more "I should ________." attached to it. With that came a lot of anxiety feelings. Just thinking the thoughts of what I had to do, even though I had organized it and got it out of my head, I felt like a failure and was instantly deflated at making any progress.

I told my counselor I was having a hard time pulling the trigger and executing things. She instantly heard my "should list" and told me I need to change that to "I want __________." She explained the word "should" carries with it an implication of judgement. When I should myself I tell myself I'm not doing the right thing. I SHOULD be doing something else, and there's an implied judgement of why I'm not doing that, or am I just not smart enough to know I should be doing that.

Changing it to I WANT, means it's a decision that I'm making to take action against. I want this thing, so I'm going to choose to take the action to get the thing I want.

Great BRAIN work. =)

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

GREGGWEISBROD 9/20/2013 11:23AM

    That's a great idea! Smart counselor. Lists are great, I make them everyday to get focused. I find that starting with the easiest ones are the best, cause they get you moving and make it easier to want to tackle the harder ones. Good luck!!! :-D

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DETERMINEDAPRIL 9/19/2013 4:31PM

    What a fantastic exercise! The ever-so-amazing brain is at it again! Thanks for sharing, I can't wait to try it out on my shoulds!

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CLAIRESGG 9/19/2013 4:23PM

    I need to try this one. I am always saying I need to organize.

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LULUCALLY 9/19/2013 2:19PM

    I like this advice. I am going to change my "shoulds" to "wants" and I bet a get a lot more done! Thanks for sharing.
emoticon

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MATTEROFHEART 9/19/2013 1:25PM

    Excellent advice!

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Tribute to my Mom - Video

Monday, September 16, 2013

My super awesome Mom passed away on 9/4/2013 at 77 years of age.



A few days later we had a celebration of life ceremony for her. After some opening remarks from the Pastor I started the service by setting the tone for the day - just the way she would have wanted it. Everyone else followed suit and we had lots of laughs and inspiring moments remembering how my Mom touched the more than 200 people who showed up that day and the countless other strangers who never knew her name, but who she always stopped to talk to them to make them feel like they were noticed and that they mattered.

She will be missed by many, but her legacy will live on in the hearts and minds of those who were so lucky to even get a minute of her life journey crossing with theirs.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=4I_12VjxCik

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LULUCALLY 9/19/2013 2:35PM

    Beautiful tribute. I love that you put inspirational messages at everyone's seat. Your mom would have loved that.

I like "practice every day." My new promise to myself.
Ha! Now your mom has touched me and I never got to know her.

emoticon emoticon emoticon

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MRSP90X 9/18/2013 12:56PM

    What a great tribute!!

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HSMOMX2 9/17/2013 9:27PM

  Beautiful!

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STRONGDJ 9/16/2013 4:06PM

    That is a wonderful tribute to your lovely mother.

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CLAIRESGG 9/16/2013 1:51PM

    Well done Lorelei!

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TIGER_LILY_613 9/16/2013 12:25PM

    What a vivacious personality ! It looks like she enjoyed life with an open heart and open arms. A Celebration Of Life ceremony definitely matches your description of her. What a great woman and mother.

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DETERMINEDAPRIL 9/16/2013 12:02PM

    She's so beautiful! What an infectious smile!!!

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Brain: Can you self-paralyze your body?

Monday, September 16, 2013

Let's try something.....

Think about your toes. Visualize them in your mind. Each little toe. Now wiggle them. Stop them. Wiggle them again. Stop them.

Think about the communication that happens between my request for you to wiggle your toes and the actual wiggling of your toes:

Your eyes read the squiggly lines on the screen and you decide if you're going to or not. If you do, your brain fires the nerve communication to flex muscles and tendons to wiggle those toes in a nanosecond through your entire body. Think about the blood circulating through the tissue to keep it alive to wiggle your toes. Think about your heart that pumps to put the blood circulating through the tissue. Think about your digestive and metabolic systems that keep everything healthy and running. Think about the air that you're breathing right now into through your mouth and nose and skin and into your lungs that oxygenates your blood cells that keep your muscles and tendons wiggling. Think about the last meal you had that fuels these organs to do their job to pump the blood that circulates the blood in your tissue to wiggle your toes. The fluids in your foods and the water you drink keeping everything hydrated and lubricated in your system. Now think about your nose and mouth and your SKIN that brings in the oxygen to your cells, and your eyes, smell and taste which help you determine if something is going to smash into your body, or if a food tastes good or is poison….and now up to your brain.

Your brain is 3lbs of “soft butter consistency” tissue that RUNS ALL OF THIS. Without your brain or machines to take the brain’s place - you’re dead.

Now....think about your toes again. Focus on them in your MIND. Say to yourself, in your mind...calmly and slowly...I can’t move my toes. I can no longer wiggle my toes. My toes are temporarily paralyzed. In a minute I’ll be able to move them again, but for right now they CANNOT MOVE. Once you’re certain your brain has the message - try to wiggle your toes. If you have control of your brain you should not be able to move your toes as though they were paralyzed. Tell your mind that you can wiggle your toes and it should happen right away.

We can train our mind to change our brain, which changes the ability of our body...in an INSTANT.

I'd love it if you'd leave a note in the comments on your experience with this exercise and your thoughts.

=)

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ONESTRONGSIREN 9/17/2013 4:11PM

    That is the question. How can we use this in other ways? =)

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DETERMINEDAPRIL 9/17/2013 10:41AM

    I loved this! How POWERFUL the brain is!!!! With intense focus, this totally worked! How can we use this in other ways??

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Just A Taste

Friday, August 02, 2013

JUST A TASTE
(Posted to the BLC Indigo Team, but thought it would make a good blog post, too.) =)

Carbs, specifically sweets are my trigger food. I used to tell people I loved instant mashed potatoes more than chocolate cake, but wouldn't turn either away. =) When I crave sweets I want it in the worst way. I obsess about it, think about it, save up calories for it, do extra cardio for it, etc. I found myself constantly obsessing about the "treat" I get to have and this was only further compounding my food issues and placing a level of importance on this sweet that it just shouldn't have. I also realized when I had a full portion of dessert I felt sick to my stomach, guilty about eating the whole thing, etc. Not productive.

So then I decided I would do the following:

- At any time I have ONE sweet treat in the house that is mine. I get to pick what it is (store bought, restaurant dessert, etc.). Over time I've definitely picked items with fewer ingredients, more natural, but it is DEFINITELY in the not nutritionally beneficial category. =)

- No one else is allowed to eat my treat (they have to get their own) so I don't have to feel in a panic to eat it before someone else does (my childhood food issue).

- I also don't want anyone sharing with me because I eat right from the container, I don't even put it into a bowl b/c all I'm having is BITES. =)

- I hide my sweet from plain sight. Our brain only has to see an item to desire it and start the chemicals telling you that you MUST have that item until you obtain it (again survival = highest calories + lowest risk). I hide it so I don't see it until I THINK of it. =)

- Every day I allow myself THREE bites of the sweet per day. I try to keep it to the teaspoon and not go crazy, but some days I overfill my three spoon fulls! ha!) I can take them all at once, I can pace them throughout the day, I can even have them all at breakfast if I want. Or I can skip it (have done this for a week or more b/c I forget that I can have it - lol!)

- I also don't try to pretend like the days when I take three big bites there's isn't a reason for that. So AFTER I've enjoyed my treat, but it's flavor is all still in between my teeth and around my tongue, I happily reflect on what it is that made me do the three shovel sizes and see if it's something I can fix right now so it's not just band-aided the issue with the sugary goodness of my treat only to surface later looking a bit uglier each time until I finally deal with it. =) This helps me nip trends in the rear before they get to where my three bites have turned into three each minute for an hour.... =)

- I try to pick things I can pair with healthy/live things. My current pick is a locally made all natural coconut ice cream that I pair with tiny pieces of fresh pineapple. I assemble the taste I want directly on the spoon (directly from the container) and then....MMMMM. I will sometimes make each bite different.

- When I take my bite (or three) I make sure I'm doing nothing else for those few seconds, and I keep that food in my mouth and on my taste buds where I wanted it as LONG AS POSSIBLE. When we crave things all we really want is the TASTE in our mouth. So one taste is enough to tell my brain, "VICTORY! We got the Coconut Ice Cream!!" of it to get our brains to be satisfied.

- I remind myself that I'm not eating this so I can run a marathon, I'm eating this because it's delicious and I find that eating a small bite doesn't give me all of the negative side effects and now my brain thinks I'm having treats up to three times a day sometimes! Of course, this makes me happy. =)

- Lastly, I don't think I could have done this in the beginning. It was only after I was able to change my thinking about food through the documentaries and information that I had obtained that I was able to have this type of balanced relationship with these food. So please, know thyself, and if you can handle it. =) Even if you have to buy the snack size of something, or buy it and store half of it at a friend's house, think through how you could set up something like this to be successful if you want to try it. =)

Lorelei

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

GREGGWEISBROD 8/14/2013 12:06PM

    Excellent post! You're so right about only having the strength to take bites now, as opposed to in the beginning. It would have been so tough to limit myself early on, but now I'm finding that I get so much pleasure out indulging in a kid size sundae from DQ, or small sliver of pie or cake instead of a massive piece. It's truly more of a "treat" as opposed to a excessive binging kind of deal, and I feel like I enjoy it that much more as a result. Strange, eh? Anyways, proud of you! :-D

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TONYAB2000 8/3/2013 9:23AM

    Thanks for sharing! This is a great idea and one I will try to implement soon.

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CLAIRESGG 8/2/2013 8:49PM

    Good job! Something to think about for my cravings!

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DETERMINEDAPRIL 8/2/2013 2:04PM

    I love this! You are amazing!!

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MELJONES3478 8/2/2013 11:35AM

    Excellent! I am going to put this into play ASAP,

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