ONESILLYME   4,248
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Just another Manic Monday...um Sunday

Sunday, February 20, 2011

Hubby is safely in a secure hospital ward. I haven't been able to see the doctor yet, maybe tomorrow, but hubby says they are thinking about sending him home Mon. or Tues. on the condition he does intensive out-patient treatment. I would have insisted on that anyway.

They allow visits from noon-1 and 6-8 p.m. For this hour, he is still convinced my 17 year old daughter is a chronic liar and trying to "break us up." I explained that I have discussed some of her behavior (mostly basic teenage indifference to household chores with a little monopolizing my time thrown in) and the one lie we can prove, and she promised to improve. She is also going to live with her Dad for a while since she's scared to death of hubby right now. And, she doesn't have the power to break us up, that is up to him & me. That was not good enough for him, he essentially wants her to be a household chore slave whenever she is present. I had to draw a line and end the visit, will be nervous until I see how tonight goes.

I really appreciate all the supportive notes here. I'm trying to be "normal" at work and my family is not near so thank you for giving me a space to process all of this. For those who suggested, he is on meds (they just apparently weren't enough), he has a counselor, and he wants to go to a bi-polar support group when we get home.

Disability...that is another matter. He was awarded SSDI disability a few years ago for knee & back injuries, after being on appeal for 2-3 years, then tried going back to work. When he couldn't keep working he reapplied & they turned him down. So he's on appeal again. He's lost the first 2 hearings (after the judge verbally said he was approved!) & it's anyone's guess when the 3rd level will be scheduled. I don't see how on earth anyone could think this poor man could work, and the financial stress doesn't make any of this easier! I'm deeply disappointed in the Social Security system and the rest of the rapidly disappearing safety net.

That said, I am so grateful for the kindness of friends and strangers these days. A friend called right when I needed her Friday night, came over & kept me from driving out of state late at night & exhausted. Another friend tried to retrieve the car hubby sold (too late). The checker in the hospital cafeteria told me about emergency housing for patient families ($25/night!). Today I went to the store to get on-my-diet frozen meals & beverages, a notebook and underwear for hubby. I had to go down an escalator to get back to my car, and couldn't balance my purchases, my cane and me. I was trapped at the top of the escalator saying "You can do this, you HAVE to do this" when a nice young man offered to help. I cried in gratitude. I think I'll be doing that a lot for a while.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SEATTLESEAGIRL 2/22/2011 3:19AM

  I don't have advise Diane but you and T have my undying friendship and love for life. emoticon

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ONESILLYME 2/21/2011 12:24PM

    P.S. Did I mention that I love this guy with all my heart? Obviously this last week has been...Hell on Earth is not too strong...but most of the time he's the funnest person I know. He keeps me from taking myself too seriously. Where he is weak, I'm strong & visa versa. I'm keeping him!

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ONESILLYME 2/21/2011 12:21PM

    Thanks for commenting--I can use all the advise I can get. I'm too tired and worried to look at the situation clearly and I know I'm missing things. Lord knows I missed the signs that he was headed here.

Hubby and I have been married 6 years. He got along well with the kids the first few years, but as they got more into teen age rebellion that soured. Makes sense, he doesn't have memories of cute little babies to get him through the challenging days. He has a son but didn't raise him (very long story) and has experience w/younger kids but not teens. My kids haven't forgiven him for the multi-year legal battle trying to get custody of his son or his first manic episode 1 1/2 yr ago...and so it goes.

I think we have things out in the open enough now that we can actually work on them, but my daughter will probably live with her dad until she goes to college (about 1 1/2 yr). This breaks my heart. It will also do unpleasant things to my finances (instead of getting child support I'll be paying, with the same housing cost, etc.). But, it's what needs to happen and the money is a side issue. What's important is my daughter and this is what's right for her right now.

He is supposed to be released to my custody in about 45 minutes, then will see his psychiatrist at home Tues & counselor Thurs. I am going to have to take some time off work after all, which may put off my hip replacement a month or two. If I can stand it; if I can't I'll get it done anyway, take unpaid leave & figure out how to pay for things later. Maybe my friends will hold a telethon? LOL

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MAINLADY 2/20/2011 6:04PM

    Having raised four teenagers I can understand what you are going through. Not many teenagers care whether their environment is neat and tidy or not; there may be a few but I don't know many.

I don't know how long you and hubby have been married. I wonder if this was an issue beforehand - she and he not getting along, or is this something that has cropped up since the marriage. Does he have children of his own? You are her mother and YOU are the one who should be disciplining her, not your husband. I'm not saying that he is, I'm just stating how I feel about step-parent/step-children relationships, especially since he hasn't been with her since she was a small child.

If the situation is volatile or could become so in your home, maybe it would be best for her to stay with her father for a while until things calm down. I don't envy you one bit being caught in the middle like you are. I hope things work out for everyone and that a comfortable solution can be attained.

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Good vibes needed

Saturday, February 19, 2011

Well, it turns out the 3 day fight with the spouse and daughter was really the beginning of a manic episode for him (complicated by some relatively minor teenage misbehavior). He was missing for most of the week, sold our only paid for car, and was found in the next state ready to commit suicide.

I would appreciate any prayers, positive thoughts, whatever your belief system allows.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MAINLADY 2/20/2011 9:13AM

    So sorry for what you are going through. Sending prayers and positive thoughts that this will get worked out and that he will get on the proper meds to help. Keep us posted.

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OHSOCOOLLISA 2/19/2011 8:05PM

    SENDING hugs and PRAYERS! Manic Episodes are beyond harsh...please keep us posted.

Take care,


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BOOMAC1961 2/19/2011 7:19PM

    My thoughts and prayers are with you! Also sending some hugs your way. emoticon

Comment edited on: 2/19/2011 7:20:09 PM

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DOWNTOWNJEN 2/19/2011 4:58PM

    Oh man! I'm so sorry! Big hugs and positive vibes coming your way. You have more than your fair share to deal with right now.

You know, this sounds like behavior of my bi-polar uncle. He would get into similar situations right down to selling cars and suicidal behaviors. Talk therapy, meds and disability truly did help him.

Peace. Keep us posted. You are in my thoughts. Sending healing vibes your way too!

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Emotional eating

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Wow! A 3-day 3-way fight between me, husband and 17 year old daughter = 800 calories over my daily limit yesterday. It could have been worse... 1 binge, not 3. I ate home-made reduced fat biscuits and kielbasa. I wanted full fat bakery rolls and a key lime pie (yes, I wanted the whole thing!). I always thought carbs were my comfort, but it seems fat is the real deal.

Tonight we are seeing a family counselor we've seen before. My daughter is NOT going to like what I have to say. She got caught in a lie (with photographic proof). It was a small thing in absolute terms but part of a larger pattern and it's going to take her a while to earn back my trust and respect. I'm also going to remind her that she will be graduating and gone next year and I would like my husband to be able to stick around in the mean time. Which means some of her behavior needs to change. And I need to be better at setting limits. At the same time, he needs to get past the idea that I can *make* a 17-year old do *anything* if she doesn't want to. They both need to realize that life is rarely "fair."

I can withdraw services (like driving her to school on Mondays) or I can send her to her room while I cool off, but her choices are her own. She needs to separate from me so she can leave the nest, that's normal and right, but it's up to her how unpleasant she needs to make this. Don't get me wrong. She's a good kid. A+ student, early college, friends, respectful out in public. She just doesn't like the idea that I remarried and that takes some of my attention away from her. Today I'm telling her to get over it, or at least act like it while she lives in my house.

So, anyway, thanks for listening. Or not, I'm really writing this for me. I expect that the next time things get this stressed I'll probably do a little more emotional eating. But I will try to at least moderate the quantity. I'm going to have to work really hard the rest of the week to make up for last night. I don't regret doing what I had to to get through the night, but next time I hope to pick an easier (let alone healthier) way to soothe my nerves.

P.S. Thanks to my Mom, Janis, Mike & Tricia for caring & listening. That probably saved me another 800 calories and a lot of tears!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DOWNTOWNJEN 2/19/2011 5:02PM

    Wow. That's a tough situation. I'm sorry it happened. But what I truly hear is YOU - a person who is able to see ways around the situation while it lasts. YOU - a person who was strong and kept her goal in mind when undergoing an extremely stressful situation. And YOU - understanding that there are three parties involved and everyone plays a role and has responsibilities.

Wishing you Peace, my friend.

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SEATTLESEAGIRL 2/17/2011 7:05PM

  I can't tell you what to do with your child but I can say you have a good husband that loves you very much. I had a bad binge last night myself. I am going to pay for it in Gyrotonics tonight as my legs have been all day. Hope today was a better day. Love you my friend. emoticon emoticon

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DEBBIEOLMOS57 2/16/2011 10:32AM

    just keep faith things will get better

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Honeymoon over?

Sunday, February 13, 2011

I know that with all things, your enthusiasm goes up & down in a cycle. New marriage, you get maybe a year or two of "honeymoon." At some point things settle into a routine, as they must, with occasional bursts of renewed passion to keep things interesting. Unfortunately, with dieting (I mean life style change) the cycle seems to be much, much shorter.

I've been at this (this time) for nearly 2 months and my enthusiasm is flagging. Not my determination, just my Rah! Rah! attitude. Just as you have to work at a relationship, I'm going to have to work now to continue to lose weight.

Last week we took a retiring co-worker out to lunch. I did the best I could with the menu choices available but ate a TON of sodium. I woke up with swollen ankles the next 3 days until I got around to taking an extra diuretic. Swollen ankles are uncomfortable, but some days I just don't have time to be running to the loo all day!

One of the goodies that can come along with morbid obesity is lower extremity edema and I seem to be very good at it. My ankles have been swollen to one degree or another for years, to the point that I have nerve damage from the over-stretched skin. A light touch on the front of my lower calf hurts and according to my doctor probably always will.

Anyway, aside from the daily diuretic I take for blood pressure I have an extra to take when my ankles are uncomfortably swollen. I weighed in Saturday up 3 lbs, took my diuretic and this a.m. I'm down 4 lbs with normal looking ankles. They'll be swollen by the end of the day, but the idea is to have them look normal in the a.m. after I've had them up all night.

So, that gets me down 1 lb for the week. Not nearly as exciting as the first couple of weeks when I lost 4-5 lbs. Yes, I know, 1-2 lbs a week is the healthy way to go but those bigger numbers feel like winning on a slot machine--lights, music, congratulations from the guy next door! Now I'm into the work of my relationship with healthier eating. Things are settling into that routine, which is great, but more quietly so.

This week, I'm going to look more carefully at sodium and food choices. Luckily for me, no one is retiring this week. Portions seem to be OK except for dessert type foods. Meant to eat a small serving of ice cream, ended up eating a whole cup. I was still under my calorie count for the day, but definitely could have made some wiser choices. This week I'll try to do better. And be happy if a week from now I'm down a pound.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SWEETELLE99 2/14/2011 11:15PM

    Im here for you Diane. I have the same issues also and it can be a downer. Keep moving forward though. emoticon

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DOWNTOWNJEN 2/13/2011 5:48PM

    Yep - this is the less glitzy part of weight loss that will ultimately have us at goal weight and then carry us on for life! I'm in that phase as well. But a pound a week is nothing to sneeze at!

I'm sorry you have swollen ankles - I've had it - not often - but it's a pain!

Peace - Jen

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W8WHITTILER 2/13/2011 5:39PM

    Aww, the honeymoon, the love of your life bringing joy until one day routine sets in!
I hate when that happens, sometimes I have to readjust things, have a good self positive talk with my other self, and get reaquainted with this new lifestyle from a different angle..like not focusing on the scale, but celebrating each goal that I set and how well I accomplished it..like your sodium you say you need to work on, make that your goal for the rest of the month, and see how you do, if you stay within range, the celebrate and by yourself something small, like a new shirt, or maybe a new book, something, just celebrate..maybe a boquet of flowers to keep the romance alive and burning.
You can do this, the Spark is still burning, or you would not be here writing about it, so make a goal and get the flame so high it fills you with excitement again!
Good luck with your journey!
Patty

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EMMANYC 2/13/2011 5:11PM

    The honeymoon phase of your journey to health might be over, but you can keep the romance alive by changing things up (just as in your love life). Add or revise a goal, try a new food or new exercise routine. Update your Sparkpage and comment on some blogs. Spread the Spark.

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1/2 way to a new hip!

Friday, February 04, 2011

emoticonI usually weigh on Saturdays, but hopped on the scale this a.m. instead for some reason. Woo Hoo! Down 3 more pounds. So I measured my waist & neck for the heck of it--neck down 1.5 inches & waist down 3.5 inches!!! Still really big numbers in the absolute sense, but a big improvement, especially since I haven't been able to exercise.

emoticonBest of all, I am just under the weight goal my hip doctor set for mid-late MARCH! That means I'm half way there. Well, aside from little things like surgery, lost wages, rehab--nothing compared to losing the pounds! :-)

Thank you SparkPeople and all my friends in the "real world" who have been so supportive. Would it be weird if I "thanked" my hip pain too? I definitely wouldn't have been motivated to start this adventure without it... emoticon

So...on to the next 15 lbs. I'm hoping that after those come off my pain level will decrease enough to try water walking again. If not I'll figure something else out. Oh, and I suppose I should go to work now!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

GETSTRONGRRR 2/4/2011 9:10PM

    Great job! You're doing exactly the right thing.....every additional pound you shed takes lots of stress of the joints.

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JUDYGREG 2/4/2011 4:45PM

    Losing weight is awesome! Good job! Keep it up!

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SEATTLESEAGIRL 2/4/2011 1:58PM

  Wow so proud of you Diane. Ihave not lost anything but inches. DR And Mia said thats ok cause I am building muscle. Keep up the good work!!! Your a superstar! emoticon

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