ONEKIDSMOM   133,592
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ONEKIDSMOM's Recent Blog Entries

I knew Chris was a closet extrovert!

Wednesday, February 03, 2010

Of course he's out of the closet by now, but... my Spark calendar (one of the goodies I bought myself with the preorder the Spark bonus) is staring me in the face this morning with this little snippet:

"Cultivate friendships. The happiest people spend the least time alone. Attend social gatherings, host a party, and call your close friends to catch up as often as possible."

Hmmm. As a dedicated introvert (i.e. being with people I expend more energy than I gain) I find this advice daunting. I enjoy my work, have a support structure there, spend time with my sisters who qualify as friends, and have a vibrant online pseudo-social life. And if I really think about it carefully, a judicious amount of people-ing is essential to happiness.

Even an introvert needs other people. And even an extrovert needs some time alone. The trick with this, as with all other areas of life, is in finding the balance. Time alone to recharge, yes, but time with others to connect, too.

Just don't ask me to clean the house and host that party, OK?

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

RAVEN2FEATHERS 2/3/2010 9:24PM

    Love your blog and I agree balance is everything.

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NELLIEC 2/3/2010 2:50PM

    As a life-long introvert who is becoming slightly more extrovert, I am with you. Some socializing, yes, but definitely no cleaning and hosting!

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KALIGIRL 2/3/2010 12:31PM

    emoticon for being an extrovert on this site!

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SLENDERELLA61 2/3/2010 9:56AM

    Insightful blog! Glad you know yourself so well. Thanks for sharing your observations. I think I need to work on that balance of people and along time for me.

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SUNNY332 2/3/2010 8:39AM

    I am an extrovert but since we moved to the country, I find myself more of a home body but it is a good thing. I enjoy getting out and being with people but find my time at home the thing I love the most these days.

DH and I are settling in to the country life and loving it.

Hugs, Sunny

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DEBRA_T 2/3/2010 7:52AM

    Barb, Brilliant observation as always. I think the Spark advice (calendars, articles, etc.) comes from a certain perspective and makes statements true for that perspective but not universally true. I think it would be more true to say that "People who find their own comfortable level of social time are most happy." Of course, I would say that. Both Joe and I are the life of the party when we're out but prefer to stay in most of the time. When we do get together with people, we prefer to have them to our home (yes, cleaning the house and hosting). We do push on our boundaries once in a while as MsLzzy suggests which I think creates the balance we're seeking.

Cheers, Debra

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MSLZZY 2/3/2010 7:45AM

    You sound like you found the perfect balance for you! WTG! Each of us is different and have different "needs" for socializing. Stick with what works for you but stretch the boundaries once in awhile. You might surprise yourself. emoticon

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New Month... time for new goals

Tuesday, February 02, 2010

But first, how'd I do with my January short-term goal: Going the distance, 5K, twice in a week in 45 minutes. In fact, I made it to 5K under 45 minutes 4 times in January, spread over 3 weeks, which means in one of those weeks I did it twice. The last week I substituted an ice skating day, so didn't get my two 5K's in that week, but I'm counting it good for the month.

So, what about February's short term goals? My son will be coming home on leave in March, so it's important to me to be as fit as I can be. I want him to be proud of his mom!

Action steps, getting stronger: 3 - 4 strength workouts a week.
"Going the distance" month 2 goal: Consolidate. Continue building the jogging intervals and complete the 5K on the treadmill in under 45 minutes once a week if I do an alternate activity for fun on a weekend day, and twice if I don't.

Wish me luck, folks... and post a new "after" snap the end of February!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KALIGIRL 2/3/2010 12:37PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon and good luck emoticon

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SUNNY332 2/2/2010 9:37PM

    Yes, he will be so proud of his Mom. You are doing awesome. Keep up the good work.

Hugs, Sunny

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MSLZZY 2/2/2010 9:18PM

    Looking forward to a new "after" snap. You'll do your son proud!

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PATRISNA 2/2/2010 9:17PM

    I wish you luck dear friend. You amaze and inspire me! I am so proud of you!

Love you kiddo!

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If you have never done before - after snapshots...

Sunday, January 31, 2010

You might want to think about trying it. I am blown away. I have never much gone in for the before and after pictures thing.

But, there is photographic evidence that my efforts in January, loosely following the boot camp (not exactly), had an effect. Check out the front of the spark page... after is in the top left corner, taken this morning. Before is below it. I can actually see a difference in my mid-section... and I really did not expect to! It's only been one month. And I've not felt I was doing "that much".

I am going to try to do this as a maintenance step: take such a photo once a month, as I go forward, and move them onto the spark page.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DAMOTIVATION 2/6/2010 2:00PM

    I can definitely see a difference. Fantastic...that's only 1 month's work? You are doing great.

The other day I looked down at my thighs and thought "wait a minute, these are looking flabbier than I remember last month." Got me motivated to get up and off my couch and get some exercise.

Toning work is great. Your progress (as a 50-something gal) is particularly inspiring to me. Congrats!

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MSLZZY 2/1/2010 11:24PM

    I can definitely see a difference! It is hard when you look at yourself everyday so it's much easy to see when you take before-after pics. WTG!

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    Wow! You look wonderful. Keep up the good work!

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SHARON2014 1/31/2010 6:15PM

    I see a big difference too! emoticon

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KALIGIRL 1/31/2010 4:01PM

    Very cool - I might try it!

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WALKINGANNIE 1/31/2010 2:24PM

    You look fabulous! Look at those abs. Well done you.

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NELLIEC 1/31/2010 2:24PM


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SLENDERELLA61 1/31/2010 2:05PM

    Wow! Big difference. You have really made progress. You should be very, very proud!!

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DEBRA_T 1/31/2010 12:46PM

    Those pictures really tell the story, don't they? I thought about taking a picture at the beginning of each month but I was afraid. The last time I did that I only ever got the first before picture taken -- the program was abandoned in the first couple of weeks and I have that shot tucked away on my computer where it haunts me to this day.


Seeing your progress makes me so motivated. So, maybe I should reconsider....

emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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KRYSY_8 1/31/2010 11:37AM

    wow!! the pic really shows! way to go.. i just started back on this ,, i hope to see results like you!!! (i havent been working too hard at it though...)

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VSWINGLE 1/31/2010 11:25AM

    That sounds ike a great idea! I hate having my picture taken for any reason, but I can see what the benefit is in this case.

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Riding it out... it works!

Saturday, January 30, 2010

Well, at least this time it did!

I had been in a foul mood since Wednesday. You can tell from my most recent blog entries. The kind of thing I never would have shared when I was in my 20's... when I could never write anything negative because it wasn't what I wanted to project. In the family of my birth and upbringing it was unacceptable to have a negative emotion.

It's been a lot of work to learn to recognize them for what they are (they are not hunger!) and even more, allow myself to acknowledge and sit with them. Sometimes I still eat over them. Sometimes I successfully navigate back to a balanced view. Right now, this morning, I am rejoicing over that balanced view.

By the way, I want to thank everybody who left me supportive comments throughout my little 3-day episode with self-doubt, irritation, and talking back to books! A good night's sleep and supportive positive people around one is amazing in getting past the bumps in the road of life. Sometimes it takes me a while to get to here, but here is good.

Isn't SparkPeople a great place to be?

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DEBRA_T 1/31/2010 12:43PM

    I think it's great that you are able to share anything and everything you want to with yourself and others. The purpose of becoming myself is not to cover up the negative, but to reveal it so that it can be managed. Otherwise, it manages me!

I have to say though, for someone in a bad mood, you're a pretty positive person still.

Cheers, Debra

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MIMAWELIZABETH 1/31/2010 12:17AM

    Were you in a bad mood? I didn't notice... sounded like normal every day life to me! So much of what you wrote speaks volumes to me, and I'm sure to others, so you are definitely NOT alone in that. I'm glad you ARE feeling rejuvenated! Take care, XOXOXO Elizabeth~

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SLENDERELLA61 1/30/2010 6:28PM

    Wow, awesome recovery! Can you bottle that? You'd be a billionaire.

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VSWINGLE 1/30/2010 4:06PM

    I'm glad to hear things seem to have turned around for you!

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KALIGIRL 1/30/2010 3:44PM

    Sorry I missed the last 3 days - will go read them.
Glad you're centered again.

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MR.NET1 1/30/2010 3:39PM


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MOMMA_BEAR_69 1/30/2010 3:33PM

    It is so much easier to be the real you. If others don't like it, so be it. So happy to know that you are back to a more balanced you and you just rode it out. We all have our days. Don't let them discourage you.
Spark People is an AWESOME place to be. Glad you are here!!
Blessings and hugs,

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NELLIEC 1/30/2010 2:04PM

    Definitely all of us do that. You talk back to books and I talk back to TVs! And mutter!

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CONCHA77 1/30/2010 12:10PM

We all have those days.... Glad you are feeling better! Have a healthy weekend!

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SMARTIEBEE 1/30/2010 11:02AM

    I am so glad you are feeling more positive today! Yeah, SparkPeople is wonderful! We all go through a little "funk" now and then, and finding the balance can be hard. It is so great to have all the support from our Sparkie friends!

Keep the Spark!

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SUNNY332 1/30/2010 9:13AM

    Super - good to hear that you are feeling a little more balanced this morning.

I know exactly what you are saying here about not wanting to let other see you any other light except the good one. We all do that at times. Isn't it great you can offer up the real you and no body runs away? I like being real today and being real keeps me a little more balanced. I don't like it when I have those "moods" but they are a part of life and a part of me that I have come to terms with.

Posting about them gives us courage to face the ugly truth at times and we gain "strength for our journey. Have a Super Saturday and again, thanks for being real.

Hugs, Sunny
An original Velveteen Rabbit

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JIMDAB 1/30/2010 8:53AM

    emoticon emoticon

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Fear of success? Fear of maintenance?

Friday, January 29, 2010

What's going on in my psyche? No, I haven't fallen off the program. But I'm having this odd emotional crossroads. It happens about this point in the process for me. I'm only about 4 pounds away from my "new" goal, five pounds under the original. I'll probably reach that goal by the end of February, as long as I don't stop doing what I've been doing.

But there is this sense of "is that all there is?" that kicks in about now for me. I know I need to have new goals. I even wrote some of them down at the beginning of the year, and went through the motions of evaluating them against what I said my beliefs and values are... and still am having this emotion. "Is that all there is?"

For me, losing pounds and driving for a goal that's recognizable, getting applause, or virtual applause of watching a ticker tick towards the goal... is relatively easy. OK, not sit on the couch and eat ice cream easy, but root for your team, go out there and play easy. It's a project. I do well with projects.

But when the project appears to be "finished"... I lose interest. It's time to find another project. I've tried putting out things like an athletic event to train for as my next project, but I've kind of "been there done that". I have put nice rewards up for myself in 2010... and I am doing some of them.

Clearly, losing weight is not a silver bullet. It doesn't solve LIFE. I'm envious of people who have a mission in life. A clear, identified mission. I feel like I lack that. I love my work, enjoy being with the people there, but you don't work 24 x 7.

At the same time, work takes about all the energy I've got beyond just taking care of me. When people start suggesting "do more for others", it sounds like just more work to me. And when I start trying, it turns into a second career, without quitting the first. I stop taking care of me, and the whole cycle of regain / have to do it again begins. Somewhere there HAS to be a fulfilling balance.

What do I want out of LIFE? Who am I, and how can I really be the best ME, when I don't even know who that is, beyond what I do, day to day?

I have not started the 28 day program in the book because at this point, it feels like too much. Yes, those three little "fast start" goals feel like too much... time pressure to do something in the next 28 days. It smacks of things that have led me back to downward spirals in the past.

So, yeah, this is a whine and work it out post. My plan: be a little kind and gentle with myself. No program is one size fits all. Spark People is flexible in that regard... I just have to get a grip on my "I want to be a super star" thing. I am who I am, I have my limits, and THAT'S OK!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SLENDERELLA61 1/30/2010 6:26PM

    Oh, can I relate. I tried the 28 day thing, but misplaced my book and couldn't remember my 3 things. And then I found the book with my notes and decided the 3 things weren't it. So, I'm still hitting my calorie range and 8 glasses of water and cardio at least 6 days a week and strength training 6 days a week and attempt 8 hour sleep (at least go to bed on time) and earn at least 100 SparkPoints a day and take my vitamin pill and fish oil and try to reduce to 4 (9 this week) my # of artificial sweetener packets and walk 200 minutes per week and eat lots of those super foods and filling foods....

I guess I have plenty of streaks, but feel a need for new goals. And I want exciting goals. And then I think the real things that count -- like taking good care of my grandchild -- don't really lend themselves to goals, although at 2 (okay, 3 on Feb 5th) she already knows her upper case and lower case alphabet, can count to 15, knows her colors, and I'm sure if we measured her vocabulary it would be way up there, can recognize her name and can make an H and an A and can match the mommies and babies --- well, you get the picture.

Goals are wonderful and powerful. But sometimes I'm afraid I'll miss out because I'm so focused on the goals.

Wishing you inspiration and everything that goes with it! Thanks for your blog.

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WATERMELLEN 1/30/2010 5:04PM

    For me the "maintaining" is much tougher than the "losing" and I've found that the At Goal and Maintaining Team has offered some very helpful techniques to achieve this: because it isn't about weight loss alone (and the external applause for THAT feat) it's about being healthy and well across all the facets of human experience.

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WALKINGANNIE 1/30/2010 4:47PM

    I recognise just what you mean about maintenance. By the time we've got to maintaining we've got good at weight loss, seeing the numbers shift and getting the congratulations.

Several of us are trying to deal with the same issues - which is what's great about SP. We'll all come up with different new goals (or do without goals)and strategies. The main numbers I'm concentrating on now are weeks and months at maintenance. If pounds lost were evidence of being good at creating a calorie deficit then time at maintenance is about (the probably more difficult feat of) being good at getting the calorie balance just right. That's quite a challenge and worth celebrating.

I also set myself a challenge of updating my status every day for a month with a celebration of different benefits of weight loss. This was to remind me to stay on track.

I'd be really pleased to hear about other people's strategies.

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KALIGIRL 1/30/2010 3:48PM

    I can relate to the 'what's next' question. I floundered a good month after reaching goal weight because it wasn't part of a greater plan (it was to avoid having to try on swimming suits). Weight loss is not a silver bullet, but as you've said before being healthy so your family does not need to worry about you is a fabulous goal.

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BURKIEANDEMME 1/29/2010 12:42PM

    It is normal to feel the way you do. It is easy to fear the accomplishment of goals. Because once the goals are accomplished, then what? And the "then what" is very scary.

My suggestion is to look at the "then what" directly in the eye and say "I am proud of what I have done. I am proud of what I am going to do. And no matter what the future holds, I am going to continue to make myself a priority. "

Have a good weekend. Read a book, light some candles, and treat yourself to something wonderful like a pedicure. (Life is always better after a pedicure! )

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SMARTIEBEE 1/29/2010 11:14AM

    Barb, your "project" isn't finished! Your "project" is YOU! You are a work in progress! The weight part is only ONE part of your goals and while you are working on that the rest of you is evolving and growing. (Not growing size wise - but mentally and emotionally!) So, yes, be gentle with yourself, enjoy your success thus far. And don't quit. Don't give up on YOU. Take it at your own pace, but revel in your new found strength - physical, mental and emotional strength.

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SUNNY332 1/29/2010 9:53AM

    Very well said - you are who you are and you do have limits.

All in all, you are achieving your goals and that is awesome. Do not fear
maintenance - enjoy that time and bathe in the sunshine of your success.

Hugs, Sunny

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DEBRA_T 1/29/2010 8:26AM

    Good morning and thanks for visiting my blog. Of course, I have to race over here too (and catch up on yesterday's which I somehow missed). This perambulation is a good one and I'm thinking about how it gets at one of the core questions in life, which is, what is life for anyway? Are we here to do something in particular? Or, just here? Do we need to Life Our Best LIfe Ever or can we just live?

I Love the SP so far, but I'm not into a lot of the goal setting and action steps -- some I do, some I leave on the page (where they can sit there and try to accuse me all they want, but I'm not listening, no I'm not, lalalalalalalala). Sometimes, we just need to be.

Yes, by all means get a grip -- you have accomplished an incredible thing. That maintenance of that accomplishment takes forever. I think the Next Thing will occur to you naturally. Rest for now.

Cheers, Debra

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