Thursday, August 15, 2013
I'm back from vacation and I'll be resuming the 100 days of weight loss soon but today I need to vent. I had a doctor's appointment today. After the slew of tests that ran the gamut, the diagnosis is that I'm fat and lazy. There's nothing wrong with me, except I need to get off my ass and stop eating, fat fatty. She's referring me to a sleep specialist to see about possible narcolepsy (???). She was CERTAIN I had sleep apnea but that test showed nothing. Basically, I'm extremely fatigued all the time, both sleepy and no energy. At times I have a very very hard time staying awake, thus the narcolepsy I guess. I have many symptoms of low thyroid, but that test came out normal according to her; however, I have a huge problem with this. I have done my research. All she tested was TSH and actually I tested outside of the normal range as suggested by the American Association of Clinical Endocrinologists but their recommendations are still controversial at best among most doctors. I've had more several health-knowledgeable people recommend that I ask her to put me on a low dose of thyroid meds "just to see" but she refused. She said there is literature out there that says that taking thyroid meds when you don't have a thyroid issue is harmful BUT she also refuses to do the better thyroid tests such as Free T3 and T4 that might actually diagnose the problem. This doctor came highly recommended by many and is highly esteemed by my husband as she diagnosed and began his care for pancreatitis. So I guess my next course of action is searching out yet another doctor. Even the idea of this just exhausts me even more. My other option is to just accept that there's nothing wrong with me other than being fat and lazy. She actually used the word "deconditioned" several times while talking to me - apparently I'm so out of shape that even basic daily activities are completely exhausting. She was too busy and hurried to listen to me try to tell her how hard I've been trying to lose weight. Nevermind the exercise I'm doing, I guess an average of 30-45 minutes a day just isn't long enough or maybe I'm not working hard enough. Maybe I'm not doing it right. Maybe I'm eating donuts in my sleep without realizing. Maybe I'm lying and I just came from the Golden Corral. To me, "dieting" must mean not supersizing my double quarter pounder value meal. These are the things I'm imagining she is thinking about me. It must be all my fault, because I'm fat and disgusting. If I would just put down the cake and go take a walk or something, I'd be in perfect health.
If by chance anyone knows of any good doctors in the Kansas City area, please let me know.
Monday, July 29, 2013
It has been longer than I thought since I did my last "day"! It seems each day blurs into the next and pretty soon "oh my gosh, it's been a few days" turns into 9 days. It seriously feels like only about 4. Part of it was lingering fatigue and headache from being sick - today is the first day I haven't woken up with a headache. Oh well. I'm not going to try to catch up this time but will just pick up and continue where I left off. I'm also going out of town for 10 days on August 1st so I will probably not be posting consecutive days during that time.
Day 24 is about feeling satisfied by my food, which really seems to be a combination of Day 21, eating with awareness, and Day 23, Savoring. For this day, they say to pay attention to how I feel while I'm eating. A quote from the book that resonates with me: "When you give yourself permission to enjoy food instead of feeling guilty about eating it, you’ll get the satisfaction you crave and you won’t have to hunt for something more to eat."
How many times have I really really wanted x food (for example, chocolate) but decided that it is not healthy or it is not on my eating plan or it's a "no-no", and then try to satisfy my craving with other healthier foods, only to still not feel satisfied and still want the chocolate? Many. Very very many. I guess this can even extend to eating healthy foods - I have felt guilty about eating a larger portion size of a healthy food than I "should" have.
This really is all about slowing down to enjoy and appreciate the food I'm eating, whether it's a salad or a piece of chocolate cake. Many times I have given into the craving only to scarf down whatever it was I was craving without even really tasting it. It wasn't satisfying. That's one of the ways I ended up eating the entire package, or more than I "should" have. If I had slowed down and savored it, the flavor and texture would have satisfied the craving and I imagine I would have been much more likely to stop after a small portion.
The activity for the day says to first recall a food or type of meal this is highly satisfying to me. This could really be any number of foods or meals, but the things they have in common are that they are often on the high side for both fat and carbs. They are things that have rich and complex flavors. If I slow down and really appreciate these foods, I would feel quite satisfied with smaller amounts.
Next it says to write about how it feels to be satisfied by food. For me, this means eating something with great flavors and textures. For example, I'm more satisfied by a piece of good cheese than say a Kraft single or plain mild cheddar, or a piece of good chocolate rather than plain old Hershey. Apparently, my eureka moment here is that I should buy more expensive groceries, but maybe just smaller amounts of them. Will have to contemplate that one.
Lastly, I was to eat at least one thing today that will completely satisfy me. I was stressed at work and craving something sweet and carb-y like a granola bar, crackers, cookies, etc. I did not have any healthy versions of those things with me so I decided that I would be satisfied by my pre-planned snack of cherries and Greek yogurt. I ate it and savored every bite. It was satisfying!
Saturday, July 20, 2013
I've been sick with some sort of summer flu and spent most of the day Thursday and Friday sleeping. I thought I was feeling better today but then I decided to go grocery shopping and that didn't go so well. The upside is that the nausea is making me not want to eat, but I would love for the headache to go away. It's going on a straight week.
I'm going to go ahead and do the days I've missed to get caught up.
Day 20 says to divide everything I eat in half; either by eating half as much as I normally would or taking half as much as I want to take. It's an interesting concept that might be worth some merit. I will keep it in mind for when I'm faced with a food situation outside my normal plan. They want me to do this today with at least five different foods and then write about how I feel about it. Without even doing it, I know how I'd feel - deprived. They suggest in that case I should take a look at myself and maybe there is something else in my life that needs attention or needs to be "filled". Of course there is! But that is just going to open up a bottomless can of worms so I'm not even going to attempt to tackle that one in one blog.
Day 21 says to eat with awareness. They suggest setting the table with good china and light candles and playing mood music... that is just silly and why we go out to nice restaurants from time to time. The good part of this lesson is to pay attention to everything about the food - appearance, flavors, temperature, and texture. I have done this before and it definitely does make the food more enjoyable and more fulfilling.
Day 22 then says to do the opposite - multitask while eating but still be mindful of what you're eating. I have to confess that I do frequently multitask while eating - I watch TV, go online, read, have conversations. It does make it more difficult to be mindful but it is still possible. Once I start eating more than saltines and 7-up I'll pay attention to how I act while multitask-eating.
Day 23 says to eat a small amount of something to savor, like a small piece of chocolate. This is definitely a helpful technique to feel satisfied with a smaller amount of enjoyable foods. It is possible to have just a small amount of something, as long as you slow down and savor that first bite.
Tuesday, July 16, 2013
Today we are focusing on measuring serving sizes. After measuring for awhile I thought I could tell what the appropriate serving sizes looked like, and I probably did fine for awhile but then they started getting a little bigger and bigger. So I measured the measurable things today and sure enough, the appropriate serving looked smaller than what I've been eating lately. So I'll keep measuring for awhile to keep things in check and then periodically thereafter.
Monday, July 15, 2013
Today is about retraining my eating habits. They want me to start leaving small amounts of food on my plate each day to retrain myself from the "clean your plate" idea. I'm not going to do this as a rule because I am often very careful to only take the amount that I can eat. However, i will keep the idea in mind for situations when I have more than I can eat, such as at a restaurant. Just because it's there, doesn't mean I have to eat it. When I become more mindful of my body cues, I can tell when I've had enough. If I can be conscious of that all the time, then I can consistently stop at that point.
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